How About Us ?

Everything is difficult for us

December 30,

02:00 p.m in T-ara’s practise room

T-ara was practising coreography for their perfomance on MBC Gayo which held on tomorrow. They already practised for 4 hours, and now they have a break for a while to catch their lunch.

Jiyeon was sitting on the corner as leaned her back to the wall, and playing with her phone. Soyeon and Boram also busy with their phone. While Hyomin and Eunjung were go out to buy some deserts.

Suddenly their manager approached Jiyeon and took a seat in front of her, making she gasped.

“Oh, oppa.” Jiyeon said as immediatelly sat up.

“Jiyeon-ah, can i ask something to you ?” The manager asked.

“Sure. What is that, oppa ?” Jiyeon replied and asked back.

“What actually your relationship with L ?” The manager asked.

Jiyeon tensed up, that question making she has an uneasy feeling in her mind. “Just friend.” She answered.

“Really ?”

Jiyeon furrowed her eyebrows, then just nodded her head, and asked her managar, “Oppa, why you ask me that question ?”

“Both of you seems close. I knew that you two went out together for twice if i’m not wrong, when in L.A and a few months ago, or maybe more than twice ? And I heard L gave some gifts to you. I doubt if you two just friend.”

“No, oppa. I and Myungsoo are just friend.”

“Do you have feeling for him ?”

Jiyeon gasped a bit for that question, it was the first time there is one who asked her about it, her feeling to Myungsoo.

“Uh.. Umm.. I think i don’t..” Jiyeon replied hardly.

Her manager sharpen his gaze to Jiyeon. “I will believe what you said to me.” Her manager said as sighed in relief.

Jiyeon sighed in relief too, but her head fulled with so many question and curiousity, what the reason her manager asked about her and Myungsoo.

“Jiyeon-ah, you  have to stable T-ara, it’s your priority. You knew it well, right ?” Her manager asked.

“Ne..” Jiyeon replied.

“So, don’t start to make a scandal or anything like that. I don’t think you could involve in a relationship with him if both of you have feelings for each other. It’s so dangerous for you, his fans... You could imagine what will his fans do to you if you two dating. aren’t you know how his fans reaction when his dating scandal sticked out ? I guess you know. I don’t want you get bashing, and get more haters.” Her manager said.

Jiyeon chose to kept silent.

“And for your information, Infinite is part of SM now. Their company marger with SM.” Her manager said again.

Jiyeon widened her eyes as asked, “Marger ? SM ?”

“Yes. Don’t make you hurt again. I’m pretty sure you know what i mean, SM. I don’t want what happened to you with Yesung would recur again. You understand me ?” Her manager said again.

Jiyeon bit her lips. “Ne oppa, i understand it.” She replied.

“Good. Grab your lunch now!” Her manager said as stood up and walked out of the room.

Jiyeon texted to Sungjong, “Sungjong-ah, i heard Infinite was joined with SM now. Is it true ?” She was waiting for a reply from Sungjong with fear. After some minutes, one message incoming to her phone , “Ne noona, our company was marger with SM.” That was Sungjong answered causing her to shook her head weakly, “Why SM ?” she thought.

The door of practise room opened, Hyomin and Eunjung just got back from buying the deserts for them. Jiyeon put her phone in her back and hurriedly join her members for lunch, then back to practising again.

Next Day 08:00 a.m

In T-ara’s van

T-ara will participate in MBC Gayo celebration today, Jiyeon with the other members were on the way to MBC Ilsan Dream Center which will be the venue of the concert. During the ride, Jiyeon kept silent while leaning her head in the glass window, as if she was enjoying the scenery outside that decorated with a lot more snow,  actually not, her eyes just stare blanky. But not so with her mind, since yesterday, exactly after talked with her manager, made she think even harder, trying to convince herself that she does not has any feeling for Myungsoo. But nil, the more she thought the more her heart said that she felt that feeling, LOVE. Ya, she loves Myungsoo who without she realizing had infiltrated to her heart.

Soyeon who sit beside Jiyeon stared her in confused, then Soyeon nugged Jiyeon’s arm, making Jiyeon inevitably took her eyes to Soyeon.

“Jiyeon-ah, gwenchana ?” Soyeon asked.

“Hmm..” Jiyeon replied as nodded her head.

“You look more quiet since yesterday.” Soyeon asked.

“Ah really ?” Jiyeon asked back pretended not realize that she’s quiet.

Their van reached the venue, they hopped down from the car one by one, last is Jiyeon but her manager called her.

“Jiyeon-ah.”

“Oh ne oppa ?”

“Gwenchana ?” Her manager asked.

“ne, gwenchana.” Jiyeon replied as immediatelly hopped down.

As in previous years, MBC Gayo has three premises used for the implementation of the concert, the artists will be placed in one of  three places, and also be divided into two teams. T-ara was in the white team where there are also Infinite.

T-ara will performing in main studio, studio 6 along with the other groups, such as SNSD, 2PM, IU, Kara, SHINee, EXO, 4minute, B2ST, ZE:A, VIXX,  Sistar, and more, included Infinite.

The concert was suppossed to take half of the full time, T-ara has also been performed, singing the remix song of  “Number 9” and “What Should I Do ?” featuring with Son Hojun. T-ara performed dressed all in black combined with a plaid shirt. Jiyeon looks y and charming with the outfits which revealed her flat belly.

The time almost nearly 12 o’clock, all the artists gathered in the studio 6 to count down, said “Happy New Year”  and see the fireworks that were scattered in the night sky, make it a beautiful night sky.

T-ara standing a bit behind the other artist, while Infinite standing in front row. Myungsoo’s eyes roamed to see Jiyeon, but not finding Jiyeon there. He wanted to turn around, guess Jiyeon was there, in back row. All the artist, MC, and the audience were count down, until at last count, in 12 o’clock just as the fireworks lit up there, Myungsoo turned around as squinted his eyes to find Jiyeon. And ya his eagle’s eyes always managed to find her, Jiyeo who was staring in awe to the fireworks in the sky as smiling brightly, showing her eyes smile.

When all the artist was staring at the sky which filled with fireworks, Myungsoo staring deeply to Jiyeon. He prefers to look at Jiyeon though from a far than what be the atteontion of people now.

For Myungsoo, Jiyeon is more beautiful than fireworks like that, even Jiyeon can not be compared to anything, she’s too beautiful in his eyes. Myungsoo had thought want to see the fireworks in the new year if it together with Jiyeon as hold her tiny hand.

Sometimes Myungsoo likes the moment like this, the moment when he could stare at Jiyeon from a far in longer time.

2014 January 03, in Infinite’s van

Myungsoo was finished his photoshoot time, today he has a photoshoot schedule with CECI Magazine for Febuary edition.

In early this month, Infinite schedule is not too dense, they are still busy practising and preparing for their encore-world tour “OGS Return” which will be held in Seoul.

Time was still showing at 4:00 p.m, Myungsoo along with Infinite’s manager were on the way back to Infinite’s dorm. Myungsoo who was listening the songs from his phone, suddenly stopped his playlist and began to open the internet to see the news about Jiyeon. It was like becomes his routine to always check about Jiyeon news.

Myungsoo remembered when yesterday he saw about Jiyeon be a MV actreess for Seeya new song, and the MV would be release in this day. He found the MV “More and More” and immediately press the play button.

Myungsoo always enjoyed to see Jiyeon in acting, Jiyeon’s acting is really good. But different to this time, he does not like to see Jiyeon, not because of her acting is bad, her acting is totally good to looks real, and there Jiyeon compete acting with an actor who Myungsoo  knew he was T-ara labelmate and Jiyeon’s fanboy. Too many romantic scenes in that MV, Myungsoo widened his eyes when it appeared the scene where the actor kiss Jiyeon’s forehead. Myungsoo immediately hit the stop button on his screen phone violently.

“Myungsoo-ah, waeyo ?” His manager suddenly asked.

“Huh, Oh.. nothing, Hyung.” Myungsoo replied.

Manager just nodded his head, signaling that he understands, ya understands that Myungsoo was lying to him. He knew Myungsoo was seeing Jiyeon was in a MV. He was also able to see the “do not like” expressions or rather “jealous” in Myungsoo’s face when some romantic scenes of Jiyeon and the co-star appeared.

“Myungsoo-ah, shall we talk ?” Manager asked him again.

“Talk about what, hyung ?” Myungsoo replied with a lazy.

“But you have to talk honestly to me!” Manager said, then answered with a nod from Myungsoo.

“Since when did you start close to Jiyeon ?” Manager asked.

Manager’s question successed make Myungsoo shocked, why manager asked about Jiyeon all of sudden ? That the question which in Myungsoos head now.

“Ji.. yeon ? Hyung, why suddenly asked about Jiyeon ? What that we talk relating to Jiyeon, hyung ?” Myungsoo asked in curiousity.

“Just answer my question.” Manager said.

“Molla, maybe since last year.” Myungsoo replied.

“A few days ago, I accidentally saw you talking with Jiyeon and give something to her. Oh ya i remember, when we were in L.A last year, i asked Woohyun where you’re going because i didn’t look you a long day altough you have to shooting in tomorrow day. And it was the first time for you in L.A. Woohyun said you go out with your friend, i wonder who. What’s Jiyeon ? Because i know T-ara also be there.” Manager said.

“Emm. Ne, hyung.” Myungsoo replied.

“I don’t know if you two so close.” Manager said in flat.

“Hyung, if you think we’re dating, it is wrong.” Myungsoo said.

“how close your relationship ?” Manager asked.

“Hyung, we’re close as a friend.” Myungsoo explained, his heart was racing on the other hand.

“I believe you two are just friend, but you have feelings for her. Myungsoo-ah, you like Jiyeon, right ?” Manager asked.

Myungsoo was silent, his manager question this time not only success surprised him, but also makes his lips silent, not able to answer, his lips is too stiff to say that he does not have feelings for Jiyeon. But if he answer the truth that he likes Jiyeon, there is a fear in his mind, how manager would react ? Support him or...

“Answer honestly, it was true you likes Jiyeon. Even you choose to remain silent, i know obviously you like her. See you searched her name in internet, watche her MV. I could see clearly your jealous expression when Jiyeon has romantic scenes with the other namja.” Manager said again.

Myungsoo gasped in shock, so his manager payed attention to him and noticed that he was jealous. If it was like this, he has no other choice, he should be honest to his manager.

Myungsoo sighed as said, “Hyung is right, i like Jiyeon, even have long time.”

“How about Jiyeon ? Is she like you too ?” Manager asked.

“Mollayo.” Myungsoo replied.

“Myungsoo-ah, i beg you not to make scandal any more, you quite know how when  your relationship uncovered and sticked out to the public. You dealing with so many problems.” Manager said.

“Hyung, what do you mean ?” Myungsoo said as furrowed his eyebrows.

His manager sighed as said, “Fans would not accept the fact that their idola have someone special. If you and Jiyeon are just friend, it would be okay. But you have to know the limits of a friend, if you can, ignore your feelings for her.”

“If i can’t ? How if we have feelings for each other, hyung ?” Myungsoo asked.

“As you said just know, you don’t know how’s her feelings. But if she did it too, i’m pretty sure Jiyeon know how to do. She’s an idol too.”

“But now, many idols who went public about their relationship. And if i and Jiyeon have the same feeling, i guess it will not be hard Hyung, because we were in the same position.” Myungsoo said.

“Please thinking about yourself, Infinite, and company. You have to understand your fans, you make them disappointed with your scandal, so don’t do carelessness or something that could cause scandal.” Manager said.

“What is as difficult as it is, hyung ?” Myungsoo asked.

“Do you love her for real ? Not just a feeling of like ?” Manager asked in curious.

Myungsoo nodded his head as said, “My feelings for Jiyeon is love, and it has very long, hyung.”

Myungsoo and his manager were silent. His manager who heard Myungsoo’s confession just now, as if know Myungsoo would not listen to him. His manager knows well how Myungsoo if he loves someone.

“At least think about Jiyeon. If you are dating and your fans know it, what would happen to her ? You know how your fans react when the rumors about you two will become a couple in WGM pop out ? I heard she got pretty much bashing, then what if you are dating ? isn’t that makes Jiyeon get more hates ?” Manager said.

Myungsoo remained silent. But his manager know that Myungsoo was listening his words this time.

“As what i always said, its not good for you to have a relantionship at the peak of your career. Not the right time. Myungsoo-ah, i hope you would understand it.” Manager said.

Myungsoo who lowered his head, just could nod his head weakly, then looked up to the street that his van passed.

His manager could see Myungsoo expression full of disappointment from the reflection of the glass window. His manager actually quite surprised to see Myungsoo was obey his words, not like when he was with Doyeon. What because he does not want Jiyeon has more haters ? is Jiyeon really meant for Myungsoo ?

His manager never seen Myungsoo in disappointement like this, making his manager feel that Myungsoo’s feelings for Jiyeon is totally different from the others, pure love maybe. Hint of guilt in his manager. But alas, it’s all the best for Myungsoo and Infinite.

It’s true that Myungsoo feel very disappointed, How not ? His manager words successfully bothering him, dashed down his expectation, just when he wanted to confess his feelings to Jiyeon.

January 15, 21:30 p.m

In Grand Peace Palace, Kyunghee University

Infinite was finished their rehearsal for their performance on Golden Disk Awards tomorrow. They rushed back to their waiting room.other Infinite member were busy with themselves, as well as Myungsoo, who just sit on the couch in silence while busy own thoughts.The with his

After the talked sesion with his manager 2 weeks ago, Myungsoo be rarely spoke to his manager, he was also more frequent daydreaming. Sungyeol who was closest to Myungsoo already tried asking, but Myungsoo always answer the same “Just tired”.

Of course his change make s curious and worried, like this time Myungsoo just sit on the couch in silence while busy with his own toughts. Infinite members know well Myungsoo often in his own world but this time is different, Myungsoo made it apparent moodiness.

“Sungyeol-ah, what’s wrong with Myungsoo ?” Hoya asked to Sungyeol.

“If i know, i would not worried over him too. He’s annoyed. Everytime i asked him, he always said he just tired. Tsk, liar.” Sungyeol said in annoyance.

Hoya approached Myungsoo, then took a seat in front of him.

“Myungsoo-ah, why are you so quiet ?” Hoya asked.

Myungsoo who was in his daydreaming gasped when he felt a tap in his shoulder.

“Oh Hyung..” Myungsoo said as looked up to Hoya.

“I asked why are you so quiet ?” Hoya asked again.

“Huh.. ah nothing.. nothing.” Myungsoo replied.

“Jinja ?” Hoya asked again.

“Hmm.. just tired.” Myungsoo replied again.

“Liar! You lie to us, right ?” Sungyeol voice interupted.

“I’m not.” Myungsoo argued.

“Oh Myungsoo hyung come on, just be honest to us.” Sungjong said too.

Myungsoo looked around the room, no one in the room except him, Sungyeol, Hoya, and Sungjong.

“Where is Sunggyu, Woohyun, and Dongwoo hyung ?” Myungsoo asked.

“Sunggyu and Woohyun hyung still rehearsing, Dongwoo hyung was playing around.” Sungjong replied.

“Did i don’t have chance to be together with Jiyeon ?” Myungsoo asked in low tone.

“Mwo ?” Sungyeol asked.

“I love Jiyeon when she already has a boyfriend. I knew she had broke up, when i chose to move on and had dating Doyeon. And now, when i feel i have a chance and going to confess my feeling to Jiyeon, hope to be together, Manager hyung didn’t allowed it.” Myungsoo said in low tone again.

“Manager hyung knew your feeling and din’t allowed you. What is his reason, Myung ? ” Sungyeol asked.

Myungsoo told everything what manager talked to him.. Myungsoo felt that he did not has the chance to be together with Jiyeon.

“Neo paboya!” Hoya said sarcastic.

“Hyung.” Myungsoo yelled to Hoya.

“I’m right. Neo paboya!” Hoya yelled back to Myungsoo and paused for a while, “Love is take sacrifice. But what kind of sacrifice ? If like you who give up without trying, it’s not the kind of sacrifice. Love also needs to be a struggle, Myung.”

“But, How about Jiyeon if she would be hated from Inspirit ? What would happen to Jiyeon ?” Myungsoo asked worriedly.

“Tsk, didn’t you think you could protect her ? We are too, we would to help you.” Sungyeol said.

“But..”

“Ah hyung, i regret to support hyung with noona.” Sungjong said.

Myungsoo immediatelly looked at Sungjong.

“Hyung, you ever told me, noona said to you that Yesung sunbae can’t be replace. Didn’t hyung want to know the reason ?” Sungjong asked.

“What ?”

“Because Yesung sunbae really fight for his love to noona. Eventough he couldn’t protect her directly, but he know well how to makes noona feels protected. Yesung sunbae even defended their relationship altough his boss and his manager told him to break up.”

“By the way, you must be prepared heartbreak for the second time, Myung.” Hoya said.

“Mwo ?”

“High chance for Jiyeon and Yesung sunbae to get back together again. So, i think that’s the fate of a person like you who doesn’t want to fight for your love.” Hoya said in annoyance.

“Mwo ? Hyung, you are joking, right ?” Myungsoo asked as widened his eyes in shock.

“What do you think ? I say the truth, i saw them was went out together in new year eve right after mbc gayo. Well, Yesung sunbae does seem suit to Jiyeon than you.” Hoya said.

Myungsoo stood up from his seat, “Argh, this can’t be. I can’t.” Myungsoo mumbled.

Myungsoo immediately walked over to the door was about to open it but stopped by Hoya spoke.

“Where are you going ?” Hoya asked.

“I will meet Jiyeon now. As you said love needs struggle, so i will confess to her, hyung.” Myungsoo replied as opened the door and out of the room.

“Hoya-ah, is it true that Jiyeon and Yesung sunbae will back together ? Where you saw them ?” Sungyeol asked.

“Of course not, i don’t even see them on new year eve. I purposely made it up, so Myungsoo could conscious. It was work. Hahaha.” Hoya replied as laugh.

“Myungsoo hyung pabo. He’s very handsome but so stupid.” Sungjong commented. Making the 3 of them laugh hard.

Myungsoo rushed out of the building, his mind was only fulled with Jiyeon, Jiyeon, and Jiyeon. He couldn’t imagine how himself if Jiyeon and Yesung will be back together again. He ran for taxi, it was hard to find taxi in these time, the cold air really chilling his bone but he didn’t care about that. He just wears his white hoodie which not thick enough.

After almost 20 minutes of riding a taxi, Myungsoo reached at Jiyeon building apartment and hurriedly headed up the elevator to the floor where Jiyeon stay.

Jiyeon was enjoying her hot chocolate while watching her favorite drama in the living room, was startled by the sound of doorbell in her apartment which rang repeatedly quickly. She walked to the door after seeing who her guest via intercom. Jiyeon opened the door and just then someone pushed her in and hugged her. She shocked and was about to rebel if only the person pull out his voice. And Jiyeon know very well that is Myungsoo’s voice.

“Don’t! Don’t Jiyeon-ah!” Myungsoo said in low tone. “Don’t back to him! Don’t! I can’t.” Myungsoo continued again.

“What do you mean ?” Jiyeon asked confussedly.

“Don’t back to Yesung sunbae. Don’t please!” Myungsoo said again.

“Myung.. soo-ah ?”

“Saranghae. Jiyeon-ah saranghae. Saranghae.” Myungsoo blurted out.

Jiyeon remained in her position as she feel Myungsoo tightened his hug. After a few moment they were in hugging position, Myungsoo pulled his hug and cupped Jiyeon’s cheek gently as he confessed again, “I really love you. I do.”

Jiyeon hold Myungsoo’s hand when she felt his hand is cold. And therefore Jiyeon realized that Myungsoo not wearing his warm clothes, just  white hoodie. Jiyeon pulled Myungsoo’s hand, brought him to sit in her living room.

Jiyeon walked to her mini kitchen, a few minutes later, she returned with a cup of hot chocolate. “Ige, drink it.” Jiyeon said as pressed the cup to Myungsoo.

Myungsoo looked up to Jiyeon and accepted the beverage, “Gomawo..”

“Sungjong told me that Infinite has rehearsal right now. So, why you here ?” Jiyeon asked as sat beside Myungsoo.

“It was finished, and i go here, umm run away for sure.” Myungsoo replied as giggled.

“Mwo ?” Jiyeon asked again as she surprised enough.

“I miss you a lot.” Myungsoo said.

Jiyeon silent, Myungsoo too. They were both silent. Myungsoo still shipping his hot chocolate to re-warm his body which was felt so cold. While Jiyeon just looking at Myungsoo.

“Saranghae. Jiyeon-ah saranghae. Saranghae.” that words which came from Myungsoo’s lips, surprised Jiyeon, as if conjured Jiyeon, her heart fluttered. Happiness arises in her when she heard Myungsoo confession, confession of love, Myungsoo loves her. But her manager’s words reminding her that she could not has a relationship with Myungsoo.

Myungsoo placed the cup on the table, and turned to Jiyeon.

“Jiyeon-ah, why so quiet ? You hear me, right ?” Myungsoo asked.

“Huh, ne.” Jiyeon replied.

“I love you for a long time.” Myungsoo confessed again as smiled.

Jiyeon silent, again. She wants to say that she loves Myungsoo too, but she know that they’re not possible to in a relationship.

Myungsoo and Jiyeon was staring deeply each other. No words was spoken from their mouth, only as if their eyes are interacting. Myungsoo leaned his face toward Jiyeon’s face, narrowing the gaps between their face. Their gaps were very close, they could feel the warm breath on their each face. Myungsoo closed his eyes felt Jiyeon’s warm breath. Their heart was racing faster. They almost kiss if only the ringtone from Jiyeon’s phone not interupted them.

Jiyeon took away her face and stood up to pick up the calling. Sungjong ? Jiyeon glanced at Myungsoo, then answered it. A moment later, the calling was ended, Jiyeon went into her room to get something.

On the other hand, Myungsoo kept his head down, embarassed by the incident they were almost kissing just know.

Jiyeon came from her room as hold a scarf on her hand, then she sat beside Myungsoo again.

“Sungjong called me, ask you to go home now.” Jiyeon said.

“Ah ne..” Myungsoo replied as stood up. Jiyeon stood up too and sent Myungsoo to the door.

Myungsoo wants to know how Jiyeon feeling for him. But, his mouth shut up, didn’t know how to asked her.

“Myungsoo-ah.” Jiyeon called.

“ Hmm ?” Myungsoo responded as turned to Jiyeon.

Jiyeon put the scarf on Myungsoo’s neck as entwined it. “Why are you so careless ? Not wearing the warm clothes. The air outside is cold enough.” She said.

Myungsoo staring blanky to Jiyeon’s hand who around his neck. “Jiyeon-ah, do you love me too ?” He asked. “Can we love ? Can we be together ?” He asked again.

Jiyeon slightly away from Myungsoo, “Isn’t you have schedule tomorrow ? So, you must go home now.” Jiyeon replied, not replied Myungsoo’s question.

“Answer me first!” Myungsoo said.

Jiyeon sighed heavily and answered, “I don’t have interest in relationship for now.”

Myungsoo looked at her, frowned his chin.

Jiyeon sighed again, “We’re an idol, you know everything is not easy for us. You know it well right ? We couldn’t having a relationship. Well, you are at the peak of your career this time. So, having a relationship is too risk for us.” She said.

 “Do you still love Yesung sunbae ?” Myungsoo asked curiously.

And again, Jiyeon sighed as replied, “Myungsoo-ah, you should go home now.”

Jiyeon closed her apartment door, “hah..” she groaned rough, already realized that not always what happened to her was the things that she wanted and she hoped.

Like this time, When Jiyeon already realized her feeling for Myungsoo, convinced that she loves him, after she’s often in denial for several reason. And knowing Myungsoo has the same feelings with her, they can not be together, just because of their status as an “Idol”.

Jiyeon too worried about Myungsoo, affraid Myungsoo would have got in trouble if he had had relationship with her. Which could cause ruined Myungsoo’s career. And she doesn’t want her relationship end up like before, when she and Yesung were together. SM is the biggest reason why she asked for break up, she doesn’t want to get hurt again if SM knows. Her manager was right, better she just focused on T-ara.

Jiyeon felt guilty too because she didn’t answered when Myungsoo asked how her feelings for him. “At least i should let him know that i love him too..” She tought

Hey, hey.. this is the chapter 12.

Looking forward for thr next chapter ?

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