I remember the day she told me that she found someone was the day my world fell apart.I always thought I was the one for her and that I will the one to protect her from anyone.To be honest,that day when she told me she had found someone was the day I was going to confess my love.I guess we are fated to be together but I guess things would be different from the way they are now if I was the one no?She told me who it was and I kept that secret for her.I also knew about the RULES he had made and she had to follow strictly.I was always the one she came for comfort and I was the one to catch her.I was the one who was always there for her and I never left her side.If only she could see that I was the one for her and he was not worthly of her....

"ne~ne~He was nice to me today.I'm so happy~"

Did she know that everytime she talked about him,another of my heart sting is pulled out?Why?WHY?Why can't she see that I have always here WAITING for her.............?

We met when I was in the states 5 years old in junior high.She was the only that talked me and she became my friend right away and she was the one who gave me my nickname Joe.We can never be apart from each other and you can always see us together.I remembered how she kindly helped me out when the white jocks tried picking on me.She never failed to cheer me up whenever I'm down and she was the first person that allowed me to rap freely.She was like my soulmate and I was her guardian angel that protected her from any harm,she was my first love.It was only a one sided thing since she never knew about my feelings for her.Besides she being a naive and happy-go-lucky kinda person that she is,she will never notice my feelings for her.I did drop couple of hints but never seem to get it,she needs you to tell her straight.That was what made me attracted to her in the first place,she was so charming...everything about her invites me in.I always had her back and she had mine.She was the one who MADE me audition for TEEN TOP and thanks to her I made the cut.My parents were kinda against it in the first place but she made the impossible possible......

"Oppa,are you listening to me?"my "girlfriend" asked me.

"Ah...yeh...sorry I was spacing out"I replied and smiled at her knowing that we were on camera.

Yes,I'm filming an episode of Mnet Scandal and this yound lady in front of me is my scandal girlfriend.I really did not want to stay here and pretend that I like her when someone has held onto my heart.It's not fair to her and I know that I'm her first boyfriend.What's gonna happened after the show,you ask?Well,I'm gonna use the standard line every idol uses and I will go back flying back to her.I pretended I was listening and responded but my mind was not there,it's with her.Soon,it was the end of the filming and we went out own ways.I went straight to the practice room to practice with the members for tonight's MUSIC BANK's stage.I must prove myself that I was better than HIM and that I can over take him.I must become the best and take her away from HIM.I even talked CAP into giving me half of his rap so I could get some camera time,I needed it.I don't care if I'm just a rookie that I'm even close to being famous like HIM.BUT,for her I will do my best and make sure I take her away from that jerk face.

If becoming like him is the only way to get her to notice me than I will do it.Even if I have to give up everything and anything,I WILL.She is my everything now and she was all I needed.This is how important she is to me.He can never do what I will for her and he can never go to such measures for her....

"YOU,are going down...SHIM CHANGMIN"as I crashed the water bottle I was holding and stood up practicing again.Leaving the memebers stunned.

(CHANGMIN's POV)

Taking me down he says?Ha,who is kidding?I am SHIM changmin of DBSK that hottest boy band on planet earth and he wants to take me down?I can't stop laughing when a small fry like him,wants to tell ME what to do?How stupid could he get?BUT about him know where she is bugs me.I can't afford to let him take her away not when I have sorted out my feelings for her.I can't lose her,I just can't I need to figure out something quick...AH,that's right,the SM town concert is coming up..It's my last chance of getting her back and I will do what it takes to make her mine again....but what am I going to do?She is different from all the other girls out there that I have played with...

I moved from my couch to my bed to the kitchen island to the bathroom and back to the bed.I still can't think of anything!OMFG!I'm freaking SHIM CHANGMIN of DBSK and I can't handle a simple women like her??Seriously,I need some lessons.AH!I shall read her mini home page and maybe from there get some ideas.I pulled my imac book pro out and typed in her web address that I remembering seeing on her cell phone.That silly girl,always keeps her e-mail address and stuff like these in her cell.She is always forgets stuff and she can never keep track on anything.The last time,her classmate asked for her e-mail address that silly girl even gave her PASSWORD.There was this time,she even rushed out of the store without PAYING when she found out that I was back in Seoul.But...I guess that's what attracted me in the first place after getting to know her better,i fell HARD for her...

HA!I manage to get to her mini home page BUT she locked it!I needed a password to be able to access to the web page..I tried all kinds of combinations like her birthday or sister's name and her favourite candy...EVERYTHING.AH~I never knew a silly,naive and clumsy girl could actually be smart for ONCE.Gosh,what could it be?what could it be?WHAT COULD IT BE?!Suddenly,it hit me and my fingers took control of the keyboard.And.....YES!I manage to access the site but could not help but blush at the password.

I<3SCM

That was the password to her site and I never thought about it but it just came to me.I never knew it such a simple answer and it took 0.99% of my brain cells to figure that out,nice going smart .I guess to her everything was simple but to me,everything is complicated just like how my feelings towards her are.If only,I thought about my feelings and sort them out earlier.Maybe,JUST maybe,I won't have to be worried and feel threathen by that L Joe dude.GOSH!Hate that rookie!AH!Focus Changmin,you have to know what's in that head of that funny creature,YOUR GIRLFRIEND's head.The first thing I saw when it loaded was...a picture of her and....that...L JOE!GOSH!I wanna pull that head off and chew it down me!HOW COULD SHE?!....Wait,I was that came out with the rule that we can't take pictures together and she is not allowed to use it anywhere.Great going,jerk as I mentally slapped myself.

[2010/08/16]
Am I not good enough for you?When will ever see me?Will I ever be good enough for you?Sometimes...I just wish that you would just shout out to the whole world that I'm YOUR girlfriend.Will it be too much to ask from you?I really want people or maybe just your circle of friends would be enough for me.I just want to be able to known as your girlfriend not a play thing like the others.I know I never voice out how I feel BUT... I want to know I have a place in your heart.I really enjoy the times we spend together,you're like the weather so unpredictable.Would you notice me?

Current Mood:Confuse and hurt.
Listening to:Roses by Meg and Mia


[2010/xx/xx]
Today,he was mad at me again and he ignored me cause I broke one of his rules.Cause I mixed his white shirt with his other colors shirts.Plus,it was his favourite white dress shirt and I ruined it so I don't blame him.He has the right to be mad at me.Ok,shall find a way to get the same white dress shirt but it's not going to be cheap.I guess I should start saving money.

Current mood:Depress=(
Listening to:SUMMER TIME by NEWS

After reading two of the posts that caught my eyes the most other posts that included that L JOE.I can't believe I'm such a jerk to her!!All the while,she has always been waiting for me but I was too blind to notice.I'm such a jerk!AH~She said wanted me to tell my friends about her and she wanted attention.Then...ATTENTION she will get.......



I guess...it's over between us and I must move on.With L Joe,I will make it.Keep smiling!