[title song: been through - exo]
[10k; will edit asap]

chapter 29;

Hyemi opens her eyes to Soojung and Amber both peering at her face, Soojung's strange, unblinking eye—the one beneath the eyepatch—seems to peer right into her soul. There's red staining Soojung's lips and when Hyemi looks down, at her chest, there's a gaping hole there. Hyemi knows, right then and there, that the red staining Soojung's lips is blood, Hyemi's blood.

Hyemi blinks, "Why did you do that?"

Her voice is hoarse. Her chest hurts.

Amber murmurs, "It's not real."

Hyemi frowns, "You're telling me that the gaping hole in my chest isn't real?"

Amber grins and Hyemi's vision swims. She sees two Ambers for a moment, both grinning, and it’s disorienting. "You still haven't noticed that this room is different?"

"I..." Hyemi frowns, "I have."

"It shows you your deepest desires."

"I can promise you that my deepest desire has nothing to do with Soojung eating my heart."

Amber snorts, "I figured. Seems too for you."

Hyemi scowls and Soojung glares at Amber, "Shut up." Soojung mutters, before Hyemi can say the same thing and Hyemi is slightly surprised. Soojung looks at Hyemi, gaze piercing. She doesn't relent, speaking carefully, "Don't take it so literally, Hyemi."

Hyemi tries to think, but it's hard to think when it feels like she's dying, when she knows they’re all going to die soon. Instead, she says, "Why did you want me to come here anyway?"

She changes the subject and Soojung looks disappointed. Amber grins, brightly, "It's time for you to connect with the planet."

She blinks. She's hit by the reminder of her vision in that house Baekhyun had taken her to, in the beginning so so long ago, of the tree swallowing her whole, and she pales, bristling immediately, "What? No!"

Amber's grin drops and her tone is surprisingly icy, cold, nothing like the warmth she always resonates, "What do you mean no?"

"It's been connecting with me just fine with these stupid visions. I'm living in them, now." Hyemi reddens a bit at Amber's piercing gaze, but her stomach churns at the thought of connecting with this planet, especially if what’s happening already doesn’t even count. "Isn't that good enough?"

"Hyemi, love." Amber sighs and Hyemi frowns at the term of endearment because it sounds sad, almost, "You're not controlling those visions, they're controlling you."

Hyemi blinks and her insides crawl. Her eyes sting because someone's said it, someone's said it out loud and it feels so much realer when it’s out there, floating between them in this ethereal room they’re in. It hurts much more to hear it out loud instead of thinking of it, instead of knowing everyone else is thinking it, too.

"I know it's scary." Amber murmurs, "The tree is a powerful thing. But you can use it to help you. Your visions have been more persistent, right? That's because the tree wants you to connect with it. It can feel Yeonma's...his master approaching. No one wants that, Hyemi."

"What about the humanity thing?" Hyemi looks at Soojung, "What did that mean?"

"Your heart." Soojung says. "You want it gone."

Hyemi looks down at the gaping hole in her chest, feels the twinges of pain jolting through her. Hyemi shakes her head, "No, I don't."

(She hates that she sounds uncertain, confused more than anything. Maybe, she thinks, maybe she does. It’d help.)

"A part of you does." Soojung's eyes grow distant, but her smile is the slightest bit sympathetic. She frowns, "You're not aware yet, of that part, but it does."

"You can't let that happen." Amber says. "Hyemi, you'll lose everything if you do." Amber sounds like she isn’t exactly addressing Hyemi, but rather something—someone—deeper, more removed from the situation, but still wholly and completely Hyemi when her next words slip off her tongue, “You have to endure.”

Hyemi feels anger stir deep, deep within her chest, faint but distant but still so there. It is hers, yet not hers, “Endure?” Hyemi whispers, “Endure?”

Hyemi thinks of her mother, of what she had to endure until she decided enough was enough and broke out of that castle and it’s tree. Hyemi glares at Amber, “You have got to be ing kidding me.”

Amber’s expression, always so joyful, always twinkling with mischief, drops into an expression filled with regret and sadness, age-old sadness. Amber says, softly, “It’s your job to endure.”

Hyemi’s so angry, she could scream. She can feel her powers churning at the pit of her stomach, but they’re subdued, somehow, lessened in this otherworldly realm they’re floating in. “No.” Hyemi speaks firmly, stubbornly, “No.”

Amber sighs before she waves her hand, a fluid flick of her wrist that makes the whole room spin. Everything around them is quite literally spinning and Hyemi feels nauseous at the way the colors blend together around them, air whipping at her hair, her lips growing chapped at the sudden burst of wind, as if Sehun himself is shooting them with his blistering wind gusts.

Hyemi blinks at the change in scenery.

Hyemi swivels on her heels, dull pain in her chest lost to her surroundings, to the sight of brown dust where grass should grow, withering flowers, and an ancient tree that she knows used to be so, so magnificent. Now it is shriveled up, branches curling up on themselves. It still towers over them and Hyemi remembers the last time she was here, when Suho and the Brotherhood had brought her here and she had seen all those visions, the number twelve, a river of blood, Chanyeol going up in flames, and the stricken faces of boys she hadn’t known then, boys she is responsible for, she knows. The last time she was here, she felt death all around her, creeping through her veins.

This time, it is worse. Somehow, the tree looks worse, less towering and more hunched over, curling into itself. The trees beyond it, the entire forest that her mother used to be confined to, is withering more than it had been too. Grey branches lay on the dirt, splintering off the already bare trees as if the trees are crumbling and rotting from the inside, unable to hold itself together any longer. This time, the ground is just dust and dirt, barely even brown patches of crumbling grass. This time, the feeling of death, of dead souls, is so damn strong that Hyemi feels tears prickle at her eyes, hears voices crying out in agony, and it’s overwhelming. Everything about this place is overwhelming.

Hyemi looks at Amber, at the way Amber observes Hyemi patiently as she takes everything in. Hyemi shakes her head, despite the tears in her eyes because it hurts, it hurts already and Hyemi is terrified of how much more it’ll hurt when she’s fully connected to the tree, the planet, the dead souls beneath her feet. The movement grows frantic. “I can’t.”

Amber smiles, a sad sad smile that makes her usually twinkling, mischievous eyes grow ancient beyond her years, physically speaking. Amber murmurs, “You have to, Hyemi. It’s supposed to be fated.”

“That’s bull.” Hyemi whispers, her voice hoarse. The hole in her chest hurts worse than ever. “Destiny, fate, it’s all bull. I saw what would happen if I go through with this. I’ll be—I’ll be like my mother.”

“You’ll be linked with the tree. That’s it.” Soojung says, her strange blue eye piercing in its unwavering gaze into the confines of Hyemi’s soul.

Hyemi rolls her eyes, rubbing angrily at the tears at her eyes because she doesn’t even have a heart right now so why the hell is she crying? “Then what will happen afterwards? I won’t be able to leave, that’s what. They won’t let me leave.” Hyemi snaps out the words and her angry voice echoes in the clearing, reverberates all around her.

(She hears voices, dead souls, whispering into her ear, down her neck, we cannot leave either, we cannot leave EITHER.)

Amber raises a brow, eyeing Hyemi pointedly, “They didn’t let your mother leave either.”

Hyemi blinks, rapidly, caught off guard by Amber’s words. Hyemi opens and closes twice before she manages to respond, “My mother left and the planet literally withered away. You can’t seriously be—last time you said it was her job to deal with it. You’re not—you’re not—”

“I’m not supposed to let you leave?” Amber sighs, long and hard, before she flicks her wrist again and an image appears in the palm of her hands, hazy like water, the image rippling precariously between disappearing and remaining there forever. “You’re right, I’m not.”

Hyemi stares at the image, of a women Hyemi doesn’t recognize though Hyemi has a feeling it’s the last oracle, the one in charge of her mother. She sees her mother, too, and then Amber lifts her hand and the image pans out, become bigger, easier to see, spreading out before her, between herself, Amber, and Soojung. Hyemi blinks, both in awe and surprise, as the figures begin to move. Hyemi can almost hear the words in her head.

(She can hear it playing out, the last Oracle hands her mother a key with an ornate head, intricate in its design but so, so delicate, almost fragile-looking.

“When you want to escape.” She tells her, with twinkling eyes and a careful smile.

Hyemi’s mother stares at the Oracle with piercing eyes, a carbon copy of Hyemi’s that disconcerting to look at, even in this watery, magical rendition spread out before her. Asha responds, “Escape where?”

The Oracle shrugs, says, “Sometimes, one needs a little bit of quiet time. This should help.”

Hyemi’s mother turns the key over her in her palm, the golden key so delicate even with Hyemi’s mother’s delicate hand as a backdrop. “Where will it take me?”

“It’s supposed to take you to a deeper part of the forest.” The Oracle says, nonchalant as ever, “Of course, rumor has it, it can take you to another world. Of course, I do not know if that’s true.”

Hyemi’s mother smiles, a tiny little thing, and the Oracle smiles back, even as Hyemi’s mother says, “Oh, really?”

“Really.” The Oracle is outright grinning now, “I’ll be out of town tending to some business with the Brotherhood in a couple days.” Pause. “In case you want to have some you time.”)

Hyemi steps back as the image shatters, showers over the three of them like rain, though it doesn’t feel like rain. It feels soft, like tiny, individual feathers fluttering over her skin, down her face, but then it disintegrates completely, leaving them in the empty clearing surrounded by death and overwhelming feelings.

Hyemi stares at Amber, mouth wide open, “You never said that—the first time.”

“They take us, snatch us from our lives, and they give us destinies to fulfil, destinies none of us wanted. They give us jobs and they—whoever they are, whoever’s up there making all these decisions—don’t consider that sometimes bonds develop. Or maybe they do take that into account, I don’t know. But my past self, she loved your mother like a sister. It was bound to happen; it nearly always does. And, really, who could watch their sister suffer like that?”

Soojung stiffens beside Amber, her strange blue eye rolling back in the opposite direction, as if she’s staring into the distance, through wall after wall, no doubt. Amber turns her head, glances at Soojung, and her expression softens significantly, her tone so so sad, “Who would make a world where you have to watch your sister suffer? All for the greater good?”

Hyemi glances at Soojung, at the way her normal eye shines with unshed tears at Amber’s words, the way Amber brushes the back of her hand against Soojung’s forearm, the way Soojung’s magical, strange eye is focused elsewhere, at how sad Amber looks, and Hyemi furrows her brows, “Last time we spoke, you were all in support of destiny and fate and the greater ing good.”

“Explaining how this works wasn’t support, Hyemi.” Amber’s eyes twinkle, but there is the slightest bit of anger there, directed at Hyemi, a frown thinning her usually ever-present smile, “Don’t get it twisted.”

Hyemi stares at her and she thinks back on what Amber had said last time.

I never wanted this either, Amber had said. I’m sorry, Amber had said, and she had truly sounded so, so genuine as she said it.

Hyemi feels bad, then, because, judging from the way Amber’s eyes blaze, the way Soojung looks so distracted, and the images Amber had just shown her, Hyemi isn’t the only one in this bull destiny boat everyone keeps trying to remind her about. Hyemi feels a bit guilty then, her shoulders slumping. Hyemi looks around, at the empty clearing, up at the withering tree, her heart aching at the sight, and she whispers, “What will happen? When I touch the tree?”

Amber’s gaze is deeply enchanting, ancient almost. Amber holds out both hands and she murmurs, her tone just as quiet as Hyemi’s, “Let me show you.”

Hyemi hesitates, her fingers outstretched as she stares at Amber’s open palms. She looks at Soojung, looks at the tree, and finally settles her gaze on Amber’s expression. Amber smiles, softly, kindly almost. Hyemi wraps her fingers through Amber’s and—

She feels like she’s being into a vacuum, like how she feels whenever Jongin teleports them places, like her entire body is being squeezed into a tube that’s much too small, her breath leaving her lungs and the world around her streaking and blending together, turning into a mish-mash of colors that make it hard to distinguish what is what. Hyemi gasps for air, her eyes watering, and she feels absolutely weightless.

She’s floating through a weightless dimension and her vision seems to clear. She sees things. She sees images of familiar people. She feels Amber’s grip in her hand and that’s the only weight that seems to register in Hyemi at that moment, as if everything else is a figment of her imagination, as if nothing is quite tangible anymore.

She looks at Amber, watches her close her eyes, and suddenly Hyemi is into a dim familiar room. Hyemi blinks, rapidly, and she sees Taeyeon standing barefoot in that room with the floating lanterns and four pillars, two gold and two silver. Lanterns float all around her, illuminating her in a way that makes her seem both ethereal and ghostly. Taeyeon’s blonde hair is pulled up into a ponytail that curls off at the end and she’s wearing a dress that drapes over her the same way her stone statue’s dress had draped over it. She’s staring straight ahead and when Hyemi follows her gaze, she sees the door, the portal Taeyeon had told her about.

Taeyeon’s voice is quiet, raspy, “Amber?”

“Hi.” Amber’s voice echoes in Hyemi’s ears but it sounds so far away.

“Is it time?” Taeyeon asks, without ever turning to look at them. Hyemi wonders if maybe they’re not actually physically in her castle in Soshi City.

Amber shakes her head, “Not yet, Tae.”

Taeyeon nods, “When will she realize that he—”

And then Hyemi feels a tug at her hand and the dark, ghostly room morphs into something else. Someone, perhaps Amber, is pulling them away.

Hyemi turns to Amber, amid the weightless in-between world that they both seem to reside in and her next words feel strangely heavy, especially in such an airy in-between place. Hyemi says, “What was she going to say?”

Amber’s expression curls into irritation, “I wish I could tell you but I can’t. I can’t. I’m sorry.”

Hyemi opens to retort, to maybe tell Amber that that’s ridiculous and how the hell is Taeyeon able to say anything then, when the words catch in as she stares at the scene before her. They are standing in the middle of a bloody battlefield and—the castle—Kris—the good side—they’re losing.

Jessica is hurling through a crowd of those monsters, swinging her sword, hair sticking to her face due to sweat and her eyes abalaze as she parries and hurls through the dark monsters, her sword cutting them in half, screams filling the sky around them. Hyemi blinks, surprised, and glances sideways at Amber, who looks so incredibly sad, so exhausted.

Hyemi hears snippets of the shouts leaving Jessica’s lips, Jessica screaming, “Move, you ers.”

There’s something almost horrifying about the way Jessica gasps in pain, when a monster tears at her shoulder with its sharp, jagged teeth. Jessica grunts, drives her sword under and across, slicing off the monster’s head. She carves a line through, slowly but surely, and Hyemi sees that she’s heading towards the castle.

“We need to help her.” Hyemi gasps out, watching as Jessica drops to her knees when a monster reaches out and s sharp, stained claws into her abdomen, sending her down. She coughs out blood, groans, and the monster screeches, laughs in this echoing voice that’s too high pitched, the hairs at the back of Hyemi’s neck standing on end.

The monster, and the handful around her, the ones that hadn’t drawn back before of Jessica’s rampage, all cackle. The one with it’s claws lodged in her stomach whispers, in a breathy, hair-raising voice that echoes upwards and away, as if it’s meant to be heard by everyone on the battlefield. Perhaps, it is.

“You fight so hard for a sister who hasn’t bothered speaking to you for years, little one.” The monster’s teeth are bared, stained a deep, scarlet red.

Jessica glares through stray strands of hair, blood trickling down , “Shut up.”

The monster grins and though it doesn’t really have a face, it’s eyes flash red and it tilts its head and it responds, “For all you know, she could already be dead. She could have joined us.”

(“Amber.” Hyemi whispers, “Help her.”

Amber shakes her head, a brisk movement, “I can’t.”

“This is your connection, isn’t it? This is all you. You can. You can.”)

Jessica fingers tighten around her sword and she doesn’t waste any time, jabbing her sword through the monster’s throat just as it throws its head back and cackles, black blood spurting all over her, smoking against her skin, clearly burning her.

Jessica jerks back, practically yanking her own body off the claws of the monster and she stumbles as she steps back She raises her sword, weakly, and her eyes blaze ferociously.

(Amber murmurs, “This is what I wanted to show you. When you connect with the tree, you’ll know everything. You’ll be able to see everything. But—”)

Jessica’s fingers tremble from pain and exhaustion, even as the monster she stabbed screeches, advancing on her. “I’m going to take great pleasure in devouring you.” It intones and the other monsters, all of whom were just swaying and floating, waiting for an order from that one particular monster, now bare their teeth, too, inching forward.

(“You can’t do anything about it.” Hyemi finishes, just as she feels a tug in her gut and suddenly she’s swirling through more people, all connected to Amber and perhaps Soojung, too, since they’re both a package deal in all this. She sees an unfamiliar boy with long dark hair who reminds her eerily of Jongin advancing on a particular circle of monsters who are too occupied to sense his presence. He has full lips and a careful sort of look in his eyes, as he considers the scene. Then he tears into the group, a lopsided grin dripping from his pretty lips, his lithe body turning as he weaves with his double edged sword, ducking away from claws, until he’s surrounded by black blood and dark, dead bodies, and Jessica blinking at him like she’s seen a ghost.

“Long time no see, huh?” He says, a careful smile planted on his lips.

Jessica looks like she’s reeling from memories she can’t quite hold back anymore, even as she says, “What are you doing here, Taemin?”

“The King called us in.”

“Us?” Jessica asks, and then her eyes widen at the sight of another man who joins them, one Hyemi doesn’t have the time to look at, not when the scene changes again.

The scene fades, blackening, and materializes into a girl with a bright smile flitting through injured soldiers. Her steps falter as soon as the image of her becomes clear and then she swivels and Hyemi gasps, because she is looking her and Amber directly in the eyes with silvery, moon-like eyes that seem to pierce through her soul. She gives off an aura that feels dark and powerful. She just smiles, amused, and then she turns away. Then it switches to two people, one who is tiny, mischievous looking, his eyes pinned on a mirror on his desk that reflects the battle along the castle grounds back to him. He’s sipping on a glass of wine and he’s just watch, evaluating. The other person is tall, gorgeous, her dark hair pulled up into a ponytail and both her palms lying flat against the table.

She says, “Amber’s creeping around again.”

He murmurs, “I know, Vic.”

She smiles, all teeth, and Hyemi is surprised to see how sharp her teeth are, each tooth filed into sharp points, almost as monstrous as the monsters currently outside this castle. Her stomach curls in slight fear at the sight, though mostly she’s just intrigued by who this woman could possibly be.

Amber snorts, “Nice to see you guys, too.”

They both wave her off, dismissively, and Amber smiles widely, for the first time since these visions began.

Then the vision fades off completely, until they’re in front of a headstone in a desolate field, a field with withered flowers that reminds Hyemi of the field of flowers in Luhan’s head, when she spoke to him so so long ago. Hyemi blinks away the blurry edges of her vision and nearly falls over in surprise at the fact that there’s a girl sitting on top of the headstone, white dress flowing over her, though torn and muddied at the hem. She’s pale, but she’s beautiful beyond belief. She appears to be faded, like an old photograph or how pencil marks look when someone tries to erase them from white paper, but the marks are still there. She is not quite there.

She smiles and it’s wide and cute, beautiful. Hyemi stares at the headstone and she can’t read the letters. This girl reminds Hyemi, eerily enough, of Pretty Hyemi from Hyemi’s dreams-slash-nightmares-slash-visions.

She smiles prettily at them, “You came. It’s been a while.”

For some reason, as Hyemi looks over at Amber, at the way Amber’s eyes well up with tears, she is reminded of those memories of her mother from the castle, of the fact that this planet is full of too many ghosts. Too many.

“You’re still haunting this place, huh, Jinri?” Amber asks, her tone soft.

Jinri’s figure flickers and fades, even as she swings her legs from atop the headstone, “It’s not too bad. I hear all kinds of secrets.”

Then Jinri’s eyes snap away from Amber and land directly on Hyemi, even though Hyemi had thought she wasn’t supposed to really be able to see Hyemi. “Would you like to hear them?” She sing-songs, her soft, airy voice echoing.

Hyemi blinks, the movement rapid, and Amber glances at her, “You can see her?”

“I’m dead. Of course, I can.” Jinri laughs and the sound floats under Hyemi’s skin, prickling at her, making her shiver involuntarily. Jinri swings her legs like a little girl and gestures away from the field. Hyemi sees a familiar cliff, a familiar bridge in the distance. “I’ve seen you here before.”

“No offense, but that’s a little creepy.” Hyemi murmurs, unable to help herself.

Amber throws her a look and whispers, “It’s rude to call dead people creepy.”

Jinri pouts, “It really is.”

“Sorry.” Hyemi murmurs, though she isn’t sorry at all. The way Jinri looks at her is creeping her out.

Jinri smiles, a soft, wispy thing that seems to be the only solidly visible thing about her right then, “You’ll be here again, won’t you?”

Hyemi blinks, nods, “Y—yeah.”

“I hear whispers that you’ll be alone. I don’t—” Jinri looks sad, distant, “You shouldn’t have to die alone like I did. I’ll be there for you, so you’re not lonely. No one should be alone in the end. I’ll be waiting.”

Shock runs through Hyemi and she gasps. She hears a faint growl, at the back of her head, angry and annoyed and weirdly familiar.

Then the vision fades abruptly, before she can question anything and she feels like she’s being flung around, like one of those pirate ship rides at the amusement park. Hyemi opens her eyes gasping and she’s back in front of the tree.

Soojung has her arms crossed and her expression is—it’s haggard, dark, sad. Amber is staring at her, her eyes wide.

Hyemi whispers, “What the hell did she mean by that?”

They don’t answer her, they just look at her like she should know it already. Maybe, she does, and that’s why her heart is racing so hard against her ribs and her palms are sweating.

There expressions tell her that she knows, she knows, but she doesn’t want to dwell on it. Suddenly, she is so terribly afraid, more so than she had been in that bathroom, with that monster banging down each bathroom stall door, playing with her for minutes on end. She is more terrified than she had been in Baekhyun’s family’s house.

She looks at the tree and then she turns to Amber.

Then she whispers, changing the subject, focusing on the task at hand rather than Jinri’s cryptic, ominous words, because that’s a matter for a different time, and she says, her voice hoarse. “Are you connected to the tree, too?”

“I am, but it’ll be different for you.” Amber tells her, voice quietly, entirely too serious, “You’ll see much more than I can. You’ll see everything.”

“That’s scary.” Hyemi whispers. She thinks of the memories she’s already seen. She thinks of Baekhyun’s words, sometimes some memories are best left in the past, she thinks of the all the dead people on this planet, the ones she’s heard already, the ghosts haunting this planet the same way Jinri is. “That’s terrifying.”

Despite the gaping hole in her chest, she can feel everything.

Soojung is the one to speak, her voice quiet. Her tone is succinct, sharp, “Let that go. Let all those feelings of fear go. Just…” Soojung pauses and her gaze is meaningful, her blue eye piercing, “Don’t lose your humanity when you do so.”

Hyemi stares at her, stares between Soojung and Amber, before she whispers, “You’re both absolute at being persuasive. I want less to do with that tree than I did before.”

Amber snorts, an amused, choked sound that ripples through haziness settling between them. Soojung just rolls her eyes, arms crossed over her chest, though there’s a tiny smile playing at the corner of her lips.

The ground shakes beneath them and Hyemi remembers the fight outside the castle.

“You can be in twelve places at once.” Amber finally says. Hyemi glances up at her, eyes widening. Amber winks, smiles though she doesn’t look all that happy about it.

“You can watch over them, even when you’re all separated like this. I know you’ve been worried about that.” Amber says.

Hyemi—she isn’t quite sure when she started genuinely caring about these boys, these boys who are all Baekhyun’s friends first and foremost, some of whom probably don’t even care about her. Hyemi isn’t sure when it happened. Hyemi isn’t even all that sure why she takes a deep breath, why the ground shakes beneath them again, making Hyemi lose her balance momentarily.

She nods, then. She whispers, “Fine.”

She presses her hands to the tree and her fingertips graze the rough bark, her fingertips tingling. She watches, swallowing down her terror, as vines curling around her fingertips, as bark trickles up her skin, seemingly eating away at her. She quells her panic as vines curl up her arm, around her neck in an almost vice-like grip, she quells her panic as the vines slither and slide along her skin, goosebumps popping up all over her as she tries her best to steady her breathing. Vines and bark and leaves burrow into the gaping hole in her chest. She gasps in pain, even as flowers seem to bloom and spill from the cavity in her chest. She tries to quell her panic.

It doesn’t work, not when vines crawl up her neck and jaw, cupping her face and trickling to the corners of , not when vines press into the corner of her lips before they delve inside her, like insistent fingertips clawing at her jaw, her face. The vines press through her ears, , and her nostrils, and she gasps for air that is nonexistent. She tries to scream, but nothing comes out. The tree is swallowing her whole, just like her visions, and she wants to cry because it hurts and she’s terrified. She thinks of Baekhyun, his warm arms, his safe embrace, and she longs for him so much.

She whimpers as leaves begin to sprout over her eyes, blocking her vision, as vines press into ears and she can’t hear anything but overbearing silence and her own frantic thoughts.

Just as her whole body shuts, as the whole world goes black and silent, including her thoughts, she hears a familiar voice, right at the back of her head, murmur in a loving voice that makes her shiver all over, You’re doing so well, sweetheart.

~.~.~.~.~

She flicks another piece of popcorn at Baekhyun’s face and it hits him square in the nose. Baekhyun’s nose wrinkles but he’s grinning, his eyes flashing with adoration and something else.

She’s too tired to notice what that something else is until it’s too late. She shrieks when Baekhyun grabs a whole handful of popcorn and practically shoves it into her face, screeching. He just giggles and giggles and says, “That’s what you get for trying to mess with me.”

She gets him back the next day with a handful of ice down his shirt, watching as he squirms like a fish out of water, shouting before he comes at her with ice that melts too fast, long before he can catch her.

He tickles her until she’s squirming underneath him and shrieking for mercy and even then he’s just laughing and laughing, tickling her nonstop until she tumbles off the bed and brings him down with her, the both of them earning bruises on the back of their heads from that day.

It becomes a game, ongoing for years to come until he had disappeared. It becomes a game, a thing, the same way it’s a thing for them to go to their neighborhood 24/7 convenience store in the middle of the night when they can.

She remembers a moment, not too long before he disappeared, when he had gone out on a date and then he had called her afterwards.

“What’s it called when you’re craving Doritos and an ice macchiato at two in the morning?” He had asked, without bothering to greet her, the minute she had picked up.

“Pregnancy.” She had responded.

“Hm, that’d explain so much.”

She had laughed, “You’re gross, though. Who wants Doritos and a macchiato at the same time?”

“At least I don’t like pineapple on my pizza.”

“Yeah, that makes you weirder.”

Baekhyun’s chuckle is soft and low, pulsing through the phone in her quiet room. There’s a pause before he had said, “I’ll meet you in front of your house in ten, okay?”

“Yeah.” Hyemi murmured, “We need to plan the baby shower, don’t we?”

She had stood at her window, waiting for his text, and when it came, she had snuck out too easily, right through the front door.

She pulled her hood over her head, curling her arms around her, and watched the way Baekhyun ran through the downpour and onto her porch. His hair had been plastered against his forehead and his eyes, she remembers, had seemingly glowed in the darkness, flickering like a lightbulb about to go out. She remembers how she had taken in his appearance, eyes honing in—involuntarily, she’d tell herself at the time—on the reddish purple mark blooming beneath his collar, right at the side of her neck.

“I’m guessing the date went well.” She’d stated, smiling at him, though even she could hear the slight venom behind her words. She remembers working to shake that away. Who is she to get jealous when she’s the one in a relationship?

He had smiled, eyes flickering across hers, and she remembers hating the clear amusement there, making her feel insecure, as if he could see the edginess within her and it’s funny to him somehow. “As well as all my dates usually go.”

Hyemi had let her shoulders relax. The sound of the heavy rain hitting the pavement at a steady rhythm helped somewhat, though she’d heard plenty of stories of how bad his dates usually go from him, mostly because he was never one for commitment and the people he’d hook up with could never really understand that. Baekhyun had complained plenty of times about how nobody knew the meaning of no strings attached, which is why he barely ever dated anyone in the first place. She doesn’t think she’s ever seen him in a serious relationship, ever. “Did you get yelled at?”

Baekhyun pouted, pink lips jutting out cutely, “Yeah.”

“Well, that .” Hyemi says, but she doesn’t necessarily say it with conviction.

Baekhyun gives her a look, raising a brow, though his tiny smile is ever-present, “Don’t sound too upset there, sweetheart.”

She snorts, grinning at him.

She thinks, maybe, for a moment, he flickers, like when her father still had one of those old analog televisions and sometimes the image would fade or grow static-y and the only way to bring the image back was to smack the television or adjust the antennas. Hyemi had secretly liked the old television. It had character even though it was ridiculous and decades—perhaps centuries—old. Her father seemed to be attached to it, too, though Hyemi never really knew why.

Baekhyun flickers. She blinks and thinks maybe she imagined it, maybe she imagined the way his eyes widen like he’s just been smacked the same way that old analog television would be. But then the porchlights had fizzled out, with a tiny, almost inaudible pop, and they were doused in darkness and pouring rain.

She had jumped, in fear, grasping at Baekhyun as her eyes adjusted to the sudden darkness. His fingers were warm and very much there.

His grip on her hand was tight.

She had been content that night, even as they made their way to their favorite 24/7 corner store, giggling and shrieking and splashing through puddles even though it was the middle of the night and someone would surely call the cops on them for causing a disturbance at any time now. She watched him tilt his head back and laugh, the sound bubbling up from his lips so pure and sweet and lovely, even as rain trickled down the soft planes of his face, his eyes twinkling brightly. She remembers thinking she could revel in the sound of his laugh all day. She remembers that night, she remembers the pure joy, the content. She had wanted to live in that night forever

Perhaps, if that were possible, if living in a single moment forever were possible, then she would never had had to wake up in the morning a couple weeks later to unanswered texts, to an unavailable phone number, to an empty, stripped house, and to a forgotten name, a forgotten existence.

~.~.~.~.~

Surprisingly, everything is quiet when she comes to. She half-expected her head to be too full of thoughts and memories that aren’t hers. Instead, it’s just silent. She’s the only one in her head and it brings about a tremendous sort of relief.

She glances around and it takes her a minute too long to realize that she is still in the clearing, surrounded by dead, browning grass, next to a drooping, wilting tree. She looks up, belatedly realizing that she’s on the floor, and Amber and Soojung are looking down at her, both their expressions wary.

She opens to say nothing happened when suddenly the breath is knocked out of her and her vision swims. Then she drops, feeling it right in her head as Amber and Soojung disappear from view, the yellow sky hurling up into her until there’s a dull, throbbing pain at the back of her head and everything blackens for just a moment.

She opens her eyes, her vision bleary, as she stares up at the pale yellow sky. Then she sits up, groaning, and sees Jongdae kneeling in the dirt a few feet ahead of her, breathing heavily, lightning jumping off him in sparks. She sees Sehun, face angled up towards the sky, his feet dangling a few feet off the ground. Sehun’s head snaps sideways, very suddenly, and it honestly feels like he’s looking right at her.

He blinks, confused, and he murmurs, “Hyemi?”

Hyemi’s taken aback, especially when Jongdae looks up, his electric gaze dancing with silver bolts, though clearly pinned on her. He just grins at her, though, like he knows exactly what’s happening, even though she doesn’t.

Hyemi smiles, a little awkwardly, rubbing at the growing bump at the back of her head. “Uh, hey?”

Sehun just blatantly stares, clearly confused, “What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be in the castle.”

“I am.” She mumbles and when she says those words, she knows them to be true.

Sehun eyes her like she’s gone crazy, which is ironic because the few times she’s actually warranted a look like that, he hadn’t looked at her in that way once. Sehun’s strange, she decides.

Sehun blinks, pouting slightly, “No, I’m not!”

Jongdae laughs and electricity jumps off his skin, skittering along the planes of his face, getting worse when Hyemi frowns, pushing herself to her feet, “Did I say that out loud?”

“What are you—” Sehun cuts himself off abruptly as he in a breath sharply, his eyes widening. “Hyemi.”

Hyemi blinks, “What?”

Sehun gestures at her torso and she looks down and there’s a claw in her stomach, jutting out. She shrieks, jumping away, and then the claw is gone, replaced by the whole monster, standing where she once stood, seemingly lethargic as it sways and sways to its own rhythm, scarlet red eyes focused on Sehun and Jongdae. Hyemi stares at it, the way it snarls at Sehun and Jongdae, but doesn’t even look at her, and she glances down at her stomach. She’s fine. She’s fine. She’s—

“You’re not really here, are you?” Sehun whispers and he’s just sounds dumbfounded, awed.

Jongdae flicks a wrist and the monster trembles, screeches in that horribly human voice, and collapses, twitching where Hyemi once stood. Jongdae looks at Sehun, before he turns his gaze on Hyemi and he says, “You’re in our heads. Again.”

He sounds playfully accusing.

Hyemi grimaces because Jongdae is right. “I guess.”

“That’s so ing weird.” Sehun mumbles.

Hyemi scowls at him, vaguely offended by the look he’s giving her, “You’re weird.”

Sehun makes a face at her, but she can see the slight twitch at the corner of his lips. Before he can say anything, though, there’s a low rumbling from behind her and Sehun’s eyes snap away from her face, the trees billowing in the gust of wind he pulls up, Jongdae’s hair whipping all over the place.

“Holy .” Jongdae whispers.

Hyemi turns and her skin prickles at the sight, at the seemingly hundreds of red dots glistening within the spaces between all the grey tree trunks. There’s a low, humming sound, intermixed with soft growling and snarling, and Hyemi’s heart pounds and pounds against her ribs. Hyemi closes her eyes, trying in vain to settle her heart.

When she opens them, she’s not in the forest anymore. She reopens them to the sight of Kris in his princely chambers, Chanyeol wrapped in bandages, his long hair pulled back into a ponytail, and his expression haggard, tired. Chanyeol’s voice is low, annoyed, as he says, “You have to go out and hel—”

“That is not my ing job, Chanyeol. Besides, where the have you been? I was so—” Kris cuts himself off, his angry expression dropping away for a moment. The entire building shakes and Chanyeol glances out the window, anxiety etched into every inch of his face. There’s screeching, the inhuman kind that makes Hyemi’s skin prickle and her stomach churn. Chanyeol doesn’t notice the way Kris’s expression changes. It takes a moment for Kris to pull himself together, to continue, “Where the have you been?”

Chanyeol turns to look at Kris, “It’s a long story. It’s—”

He cuts himself off, just as he glances past Kris’s shoulder and directly at Hyemi.

Hyemi suddenly feels the need to get out of there, away from Kris’s head, from his heated gaze. She doesn’t like that she’s somehow connected to him, even though she already knew he was one of the twelve. She closes her eyes, breathing ragged.

She stills feels like she’s weightless, even as she drifts from scene to scene. She sees Junmyeon raising both his arms, causing those dark, toothy creatures to rise into the air. She watches them convulse, watches Junmyeon’s determined, sad expression, even as he jerks his head in her direction, his surprised gaze pinned on her, his mouth opening ever slightly in confusion, and then in realization, and then with even more determination. She closes her eyes and she sees Jongin teleporting in and out, a sword in his hands, watches as Jongin laughs, seems to enjoy the fighting. She sees the other soldiers beside Jongin hold the creatures back near the tree line, watches how they’ve managed to keep the creatures from getting anywhere near the castle. You’d better be here for a reason, Jongin murmurs and the sound of his voice is strange. It sounds like it’s being whispered directly in her head. She winces and the scene changes. She watches Yixing flitting through a makeshift medic tent, eyeing her worriedly before his attention lands on an injured soldier, watches Zitao stare out a hallway window, his eyes widening into an almost fearful expression, his gaze pinned upwards, towards the sky, hears Zitao ask her, somehow, his tone desolate, Is that really Luhan? There’s Kyungsoo raising walls of stone between the tree line and the castle, creatures being thrown back into the forest as he raises a literal wall around the castle, sweat beading at his forehead. What are you doing in my head? He grunts as he stomps a foot and his whole body trembles as he seems to dig deep into the ground and claw out a wall of stone, seemingly yanking it up as high as it will go with all the strength inside of him, the ground beneath them trembling as he does it.

It’s the tree, she responds, her eyes wide with admiration at the sheer amount of power radiating out of him, I guess you could call this a test run.

Kyungsoo snorts, bobbing his head, his eyes twinkling as he curls his finger and seems to yank at nothing, resulting in a another wall, this time dragging out closer to them before he punches towards it, making it fly towards the tree line, running down a whole line of monsters that have made it past the tree line, Well, move it along. We’re in the middle of a battle and they’re waiting for you to get out of the Oracle room.

She closes her eyes and opens it to Minseok, sitting crosslegged in a place she doesn’t recognize, an old decrepit room with a broken window and two tiny mattresses in each corner. Snow is falling. She can see it through the broken window, ice gathering along the cracks. The snow is a strange color, though, a soft pinkish color that seems to glitter in the light. She can feel eyes on her and she turns away from the window, her eyes meeting Minseok’s icy, glittery gaze. His jaw is set, and he isn’t smiling. Ice shards form all along his skin, tinkling as some tiny pieces of ice break off and hit the ground.

He blinks his cat-like eyes and suddenly icicles hang above his head. She opens but before she can say a word, the icicles turn into a blur as he hurls them at her. She closes her eyes, shrieking despite herself, despite knowing that she won’t get hurt, and when she opens her eyes, she’s still surprised to see the icicles lodged into the floorboards at her feet, one of them sticking through her foot, but not actually through her, since she’s just an image, an apparition, a memory in his head.

He raises a brow, tilting his head, and flakes of ice shimmer as they fall. He speaks aloud, “How are you doing that?”

“Where are you?” She asks, ignoring his question as she appraises her surroundings curiously. She glances around the empty room and something in the corner catches her eyes. It’s a little toy, a stuffed bear (Hyemi wonders if bears exist in Exo Planet, too) that looks like it’s decades old. It’s ripped at the seams, stuffing fluffing out all over in awkward places, and one of its black button eyes is hanging on by a couple threads. It’s eerie how its button eyes seem to staring right at her, too.

Her eyes drift back to meet Minseok’s and he’s staring at her, eyebrows still cocked. She thinks he won’t answer her, but she’s forgotten how blunt he is, how he seemingly lacks any kind of filter whatsoever. She’s still not why he speaks that way, why he seems so unafraid of airing out his business to anyone and everyone. She isn’t sure how, despite all that, she still knows nothing about him, mystery radiating from his icy demeanor, his easy, too-knowing grins. Perhaps, he does have a filter. Perhaps he picks and chooses what to say just to have that mysterious effect on people. So instead of not answering, Minseok murmurs, “This was my childhood home.”

She blinks, glancing around once again, and she feels like she’s seeing the tiny, rundown room in a completely different light. She glances at the two beds, the stuffed bear, and the broken window. She watches the pink, cotton candy snow flutter down from the sky. Then she looks at Minseok and she whispers, “I thought your mom was a part of the elite group though…she—you—”

Minseok snorts, the amused sound startling in the tranquil sort of ambiance this tiny, broken room seems to create. “I wanted her dead for a reason, Hyemi.”

Hyemi blinks, clearly shocked, and Minseok smiles with all his teeth, his icy eyes glinting in the dim light. Hyemi sees it for a moment, even though she doesn’t want to. She sees a tiny boy with chubby cheeks and those same strange, icy eyes. She sees an older woman, beautiful beyond belief with eyes shaped just like Minseok’s, though that’s all that similar between her and Minseok and Sohee. She sees fighting, she sees the woman yelling at him, sees him cowering in that tiny room, on his mattress in the corner, sees a tiny girl that looks so similar to Minseok pushing a stuffed bear into his hands. The woman—Minseok’s mother—has powers, too, powers that leave Minseok limping in pain for days, powers that she threatens to use against Sohee if Minseok doesn’t continue his training and obey her. She watches Minseok sneak food from his full plate to Sohee, in their shared room. There are bruises on Sohee’s face, bruises all over Minseok’s body, and a prideful, horrible woman eyeing the two of them in annoyance. Hyemi shivers as she watches years of horrid treatment go on, until one day, there is a knock at their door and Sohee hides her breakfast, scurrying out of sight, while Minseok opens the door. Hyemi doesn’t need to hear the words to know what the royal officer is saying. Minseok smiles and the royal officer’s frown deepens.

Minseok, the Minseok here and now, tilts his head, his hair longer than she remembers it. He says, “Is that your new power? Digging through other people’s business?”

“I’m…sorry.” Hyemi whispers and she isn’t even sure if she’s saying it for everything she just saw or for everything he went through.

Minseok shakes his head, “The past is the past. Besides, you did a good job offing her for me.”

Hyemi winces because, honestly, she hates remembering that she killed people, multiple people, when she was just a baby. “Uh, thanks?”

“No problem.” Minseok grins, all sharp teeth, cheeks growing full, “I owe you one so that’s why I haven’t frozen you alive yet for hanging out in my head without permission.”

“Oh, my God. Sorry. I didn’t mean to.” Hyemi stumbles, suddenly embarrassed.

Minseok just smiles, and there’s a flicker of sadness in his eyes and in his voice too when he says, “You sound like Luhan.”

Her expression drops at the name, her eyes flickering to the wall because suddenly she can’t get herself to meet his eyes. “Minseok.” Hyemi sighs, her gaze focused on the ripped-up bear, “Why did you leave?”

“I’m looking for someone that can help us.” Minseok says, his tone vague, cryptic.

(She wants to say Luhan can’t help us.)

She glances at him and his eyes are narrowed in suspicion. Before she can say a word, Minseok speaks up, his voice booming in the tiny room, in her head, “Did something happen to Luhan?”

She wonders if this vision-slash-connection thing is truly a two way street because how else would he have caught on so quickly. Hyemi’s expression, her reaction, must give it away because suddenly she can feel Minseok’s presence in her head, she can feel him asking, demanding, for her to tell him what happened. She can’t say anything, she can’t get herself to say anything, but she manages to conjure up that single moment from Chanyeol’s memories. She thinks of Luhan floating above an army of monsters, of the very real possibility that Luhan is Yeonma’s master, of Luhan with his endless black eyes and echoing, shrill voice. She doesn’t want to and maybe, a while ago, she never would have shown Minseok this, just to spare his feelings, but she knows he deserves to know, no matter what his decisions after this will be.

Minseok stares at Hyemi, chest heaving as he breathes heavily, cold white puffs of air billowing out of his lips. Shards of glistening ice hangs from his chin, his ear, the curve of his nose, all while pieces of ice trickles off his skin, tinkling softly in the silence. The emotions in his eyes—they’re so intense, so intimate, that Hyemi gets the urge to look away, to leave him with his thoughts, her heart pounding against her chest. She thinks he deserves to process this alone.

Before she does, before she makes the split decision to let Minseok process (grieve, understand, deny, whatever he needs) in peace, Minseok’s voice echoes in her head, making her still. He says, That’s not him.

She thinks, It is, it is. I’m so sorry, but it is. She can't help it.

The last thing she hears from him before the whole scene before her falls into darkness is the words, I’m going to—he needs me.

She shakes her head, frantic as she tries, in vain, to keep herself and Minseok’s image afloat. But it fades to black too fast, makes her breath catch in , her eyes caught in the in-between world, between Minseok’s head and her own, before she’s suddenly thrown into a scene materializing instantly, her eyes wide and her heart still pounding. Even though she’s managed to dull the anxiety so well, earlier, she can still feet it right in her chest and it hurts so, so much.

It’s a serene image, despite her knowing that there’s a fight raging on right outside these castle walls. Baekhyun leans back against the wall, right outside the Oracle Room, his pretty fingers tugging at the hem of his navy-blue shirt and his dark hair falling into his eyes despite the fact that his head is tilted back as he stares up, his head resting back on the wall. His neck is outstretched and his Adam’s apple bobs. She wonders if he even knows she’s here. Her heart swells a bit at the fact that he’s waiting outside for her, the anxiety lessening significantly, the dull ache in her chest dulling even more. She stares at his profile, mesmerized by the sharp and soft planes of his face, the curve of his nose, the little mole above his lip entirely too enticing, she thinks, her shoulders slumping as she smiles involuntarily at him, because she truly cannot help it. The dim hallway lights douse him in a sort of ethereal glow, softening his features and darkening the shadows of his face, making him look so much more intriguing. It makes it even harder for her to look away from him.

(One of the hall lights burns out, suddenly.)

He keeps tugging at his shirt and the color of it flickers for a moment, from the navy blue to a dark, army green. She blinks, surprised, and Baekhyun gulps, sighing as he tilts his head down, eyeing the door nervously. He kicks at the air as he turns, his gaze moving up, and then he looks straight through her. He doesn’t say anything to her. Not at first.

(Then another.)

But then he blinks, his gaze seemingly focusing, honing in on her, and he tlts his head, eyes widening, “Hyemi?”

(Then another.)

She smiles, relieved, but before she can say a word, before she can ask why the lights are burning out, there’s a flash of bright white and Hyemi yelps, covering her eyes at the intensity of the flare.

Her vision is spotty, even when she opens her eyes, and it feels like she’s been staring into the sun for too long.

That voice resounds through her head, all around her, the sound low and controlled, chilling, dispassionate, unnerving, “Finally. Finally.”

She blinks and blinks, trying and trying and failing to make her vision return to normal. She murmurs, “It’s you.” She pauses and her heart aches, “Lu—Luhan?”

The voice, that voice, laughs and laughs and it’s—she feels the sound deep in her bones, it stirs something deep inside her yet she has no idea what. It’s detached, painfully familiar.

Then she feels a cold knuckle drag down her cheek and it leaves a searing warmth in its wake. She gasps, thrashes away from the finger, but the finger follows her movements, follows her no matter how far she leans away, unable to properly see him—Yeonma’s master. She can’t properly make sure that it’s Luhan.

Her breath is ragged when she hears, “It’s almost done, sweetheart. You’re so close.”

(His voice is so soft, so gentle, and she feels a shiver form at the base of her spine, creeping up, up, up, inch by inch, spreading through her limbs as it goes.)

She squeezes her eyes shut, wills herself away, so far away.

She opens her eyes and she’s in a familiar flower field, a million flowers in a million colors billowing gently in the breeze all around her, her hair tickling her face.

Gloomy grey clouds loom overhead and she can’t help but stare at them. It’s the first time, she thinks, that she’s seen normal grey clouds since she left Earth.

When she takes a cursory glance around, she half expects Jinri and her gravestone. Instead, Luhan is standing there, in the middle of the field, flowers brushing at his knees.

His image flickers, like a terrible video game glitch.

Luhan’s voice echoes in her head and all around them simultaneously, “I know what you’re thinking. It’s—” He flickers again, glitches, his image distorting, cutting in half before reappearing, his eyes a pitch dark black, seemingly endless. “True.”

She feels the horror threatening to tear her insides up. It’s strong, strong, strong, until she wills it not to be, until it’s dull and not there at all.

Luhan’s eyes are pitch black, but they are not emotionless. She sees that his cheeks are glistening. They’re wet with tears, his mouth twisting strangely, trembling as if he wants to say something else.

He doesn’t say anything though.

Throughout her time away from Earth her heart had broken so many times, for so many people. But now—now her heart breaks but there are no pieces left to give. She feels it all, but she also doesn’t feel any of it.

Luhan says, “Those walls aren’t going to keep me out, little one.”

His image distorts. The pain in her chest dulls. She barely even feels it. She vaguely wonders if Soojung really had torn her heart out because that’s what it’s beginning to feel like.

a/n: uhhh barely any bbh and mostly plot, but I thought I'd go out of 2017 with a BANG and an announcement that there's less than 5 chapters to go my dudes!

thank you sooooooooooo much for all the support and I hope 2018 treat you all so so well, my lil cupcakes. this chapter was supposed to have a little bit of minho and jonghyun but...i changed it a little because I don't think I can write about jonghyun just yet. i've been listening to been through constantly and it reminds me of him and im kjdsnfkjsnj i love u to the mooooon jjong :(

love you guys soo much

xoxo