Today is the 9th of December...

15 days left until Christmas...

I suffer for days

I want to be in Korea at Christmas..
I even told my mom
I told her if I can't be in Korea at Chrismas I don't want see someone at the 24th of December..
Never again...every following year include this year I will stay in my room. The whole day I won't come out of my room

I won't eat anything, nevermind.
This are the last 15 days which decide my future life.

Days ago I started to feel more bad than before. I hardly try to not show it.
I laugh..but it isn't real..
I chat with friends and people...but I don't want to..
I stand up every day...through I hope I can remain laying there
I wake up every morning and think...another day of suffer begins
I go to work five days in week...but I wanted to quit since 3 months(?)

I never do what I say 'cuz I know there is no use

I thank G-Dragon and Bigbang for bringing me in the K-Pop scene and show me what love is
I wanna thank K-Pop for making me smile..happy...laugh
I could forget my thoughts for some time...
To listen K-Pop calms me down

I can't do anything anymore...
Now it's not me anymore who decide what will happen..
let's wait and look what will happen..

I doubt I can go through another year
But I'm stupid...really stupid..
I still have this hope to be able to go to Korea..and I cling on this hope...

So I only can wait..

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yo guys~
I'm back again with an update
sry if I have english mistakes..don't kill me please >_<
so write comments please~

see ya guys
oh and thank you for reading my..ehm..feeling..yeah
it makes me happy..somehow^^

oh and just mention it again..I don't own any of this pictures