I can't cleary remember when it began. But I can clearly tell the time I started to feel else. Not to be the same as the others. That I didn't belong to them.

It was in the Kindergarten when all began. How old was I? 4 years old? 5 years old?

I didn't have any friends in the Kindergarten. Everyone avoided me. They didn't want let me play with them. The teacher never really cared about me, so I had go through this alone.
And there was this boy...
Nevermind what I did...he did it too..
I was playing outside, he played outside too.
I was drawing some picture, he was drawing some picture too.
I was scared like hell. But nobody cared.
Not the others...not my teacher...not my mom..
Because my parents are divorced, my dad didn't have a lot to tell. But that's an another story. I will tell about it later.

I have a brother, but we only can fight.
When I got home from the Kindergarten, sometimes there was other kids in my familys flat. My mom took care of some kids at that time. I think it's called a childminder (google told me this).

I didn't like it but I never told my mom. Really..I always keep my thought for me. To scared the let the world know about it.
But you have to think. If there are some kids you don't know or just get to know through you mother take care of them more than once. Don't you feel bad? suspicious? They always play with your toys and eat from your table. Your mom...your and nobody else mom take care of some children.

I hated it. I really did. But I always played nice. Kept my wall up. One of the children played once with one of my favorite toys. I still can remember cleary I told her not to. I pointed with my finger to my toy and shook my finger in front of her face.
I had to go somewhere, but can't remember.
As I went back and saw her play with my precious toy I think I was going crazy. I walked to her, took it away and my mom asked my what's wrong. Why I did this. I told my mom that I told this girl not the play with it but my mom didn't care.

'Let her play with it.' She said.
'It won't break down.' But she couldn't understand it.
I screw, I cried. I hoped my mom would get it but she didn't.

And then there was an other child which played with a new toy of me. I took so much care of it because I loved it. (It was a white barbie horse with black hair and black ankle). It was my dream of a horse. And then...one day...it lost a leg...I cried..a lot...I tried to fix it, I asked my mom for help but she just said I should take tape.
I could barely endure it.

And one day it wasn't there anymore. My mom threw it away. And that was not the only toy she threw away without asking me.

I often fought with my brother. I was weak. I couldn't hit that hard like he hit me. It hurts. At the very begin my mom told us to stop. I always got a bloody toe because I held it between the shared room of my brother and me. My mother took care of it but one day she just ingored me. She didn't take care of it. I cried...again...
When even my mom ignored me, who would see me then?

I had to take care of myself. To learn things from begin.

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hy guys
it's my first story...I never thought I would start with..yeah..this..
but here it is..my life..or the begin..
Sorry for my english it isn't perfect I know. u can tell me if there are mistakes which bother you

it's a short first chapter but I don't want do an one shot. so there will be the phase from school years and I think at the end I will add some more to make it clear.

comment if you want I would be happy about it.
share you thought about my first chapter or my thoughts/my life or just write something..

thank you...