Changmin scrutinized his reflection in the full-length mirror, prodding at his stomach and waistline. There was essentially was no fat on his lithe frame, but he couldn't help but wonder if he should attempt a weight-loss regime. His eyes having turned cold and full of criticism, Changmin could only see imperfections in his body, and he felt that losing weight would be the only way to resolve his lack of satisfaction with himself.

Determined, he settled in front of his computer and began browsing through various websites offering free diet and detox plans. Completely throwing any concern for his health aside, he selected and printed a plan that had him consuming even less calories than a petite middle-aged woman would need to maintain a healthy weight. The plan was meant to be followed for a week, only, but Changmin was sure that he would need to follow the plan for much longer in order to achieve the results that he wanted. He scanned the printout briefly, somewhat daunted by the fact that he would be eating practically only fruits and vegetables for a decided two months. Then, as he cast a miserable look at his reflection in the now blank computer screen, his motivation was renewed. If he lost weight, then maybe he would be more widely respected in the entertainment business and maybe (his stomach fluttered at the thought) Yunho would see him as more than just a band mate and friend. Maybe he would fall in love with a slimmer, more attractive Changmin...

Such were the young man's thoughts over the following days. Much to his relief, it was very easy to stay on track and motivated during the first week of the diet. Every morning, he would wake up an hour earlier than usual to squeeze in a 45 minute jog, then use the extra 15 minutes to prepare a breakfast of watermelon and blueberry juice. Lunch consisted of some steamed vegetables, or a salad, with no seasoning apart from a few herbs and a typical mid-afternoon snack was a bowl of the hot water that he'd used to steam the vegetables, or, if he had the salad, a half of a grapefruit. Supper was an identical copy of lunch, only he allowed himself a banana and a handful of cherries.

In retrospect, the extra exercise and detox diet might actually have been a healthy addition to Changmin's life- if he also didn't have several hours of vigorous dance practice in the afternoon and if he only followed the meal plan for a single week, as it had been designed for. Making matters worse was the fact that he was also decreasing his already few hours of sleep and, although he was feeling quite refreshed and free by the end of the first seven days, albeit a little hungry, the repercussions of depriving his body of the nutrients and rest that it needed began to catch up with him during the second week.

The initial onset of "diet syndrome" crept up on the young man in a sneaky and subtle fashion. He began to have moderate, but still uncomfortable hunger pangs throughout the day and constantly felt light-headed. But instead of responding to his body's pleas for reprieve by cutting out his early morning workout or having a serving of rice with his fruits and vegetables, Changmin ignored his physiological protesting by drinking large volumes of water and, even worse, exercising even more to distract himself from his eminent hunger. And, if even this wasn't enough to keep him motivated, a quick glance over at Yunho during practice was his ultimate cast-iron reason to persist. Yunho still didn't seem to regard him as more than a dongsaeng, and until he did, Changmin figured, he was going to have to keep dieting.

Changmin was living a rather foggy existence in his saturation with fruits and vegetables, and he didn't realize how much he craved something a little more substantial until he went out for lunch with his Super Junior hyung, Leeteuk, during the fourth week of his regime. He was surprised that he had actually made it that long.   

The minute that Changmin walked into the restaurant, he was instantly overcome with the blended aroma of various foods that he had not been exposed to for a long period of time. The smell of meats, freshly steamed rice and sauces came at the young man from all angles and, as pleasant as the odours were, they felt like a punch in the stomach, making Changmin almost keel over. He was so used to the light fragrance of plain steamed vegetables and blended fruit juices that he almost felt as though he had been pulled into a different dimension.

"Are you alright, Minnie-ah?" Leeteuk asked, slight concern in his voice as he looked at his slightly swaying dongsaeng.

"I'm fine," Changmin plastered a smile on his face. "Just a little tired."

It wasn't really a lie. He was tired. He had been very tired over the previous few weeks. His heavy exercising and meagre food consumption was really beginning to tax his energy reserves. He also was having quite a hard time falling asleep at night. For hours on end, he would be kept awake by a twisting feeling in his stomach caused by his anxiety that he wouldn't be able to keep up the diet, that Yunho would never return his feelings of romantic attraction and simply, from hunger. 

Leeteuk nodded and smiled in understanding. He was well acquainted with the demands of a busy schedule and he knew that a hardworking, determined person like Changmin would give a hundred percent in his work.

"Don't stress yourself out too much," Leeteuk advised, completely oblivious to the actual source of Changmin's fatigue.

The younger man nodded faintly, giving a weak smile in assurance.

Once they were seated, Changmin gave an inaudible sigh of relief. He wasn't sure how it was that he still managed to go to dance practice and to complete his regular morning exercise, when standing for more than five minutes seemed to drain him of all his energy.   

A red, warning flag really should have been raised in his mind about how far he had taken the diet when he mentally remarked that Leeteuk was taking an awfully long time to decide on his order. For Changmin, it was easy. He simply went straight to the salad menu, scanning briefly for a cheese-free, meat-free salad. He was even a little wary about ordering something with high fat nuts, but figured he could let it go as he settled for a garden salad with a sprinkling of pecans.

He found himself briefly eyeing Leeteuk's coconut rice with curry vegetables with envy, when their orders were brought out. His carbohydrate-starved body was practically screaming for him to consume something with a little more energy content than a plate of greens. Things seemed to move in slow motion as he watched waiters carrying elaborate trays full of rich, tasty foods to their waiting clients. He found himself zoning out as Leeteuk talked excitedly about his new cat and a date he had coming up with his long time crush, Lee Jun Ki. He was barely conscious of an animalistic urge that was bubbling in the pit of his stomach to leap up from the table, intercept the next waiter and scarf down all of the food on the tray.

"...and I really like his hair in The King And The Clown," Leeteuk happily rambled on about the object of his affections. "Changmin?" He questioned, waving his hand in front of his younger friend's face when he realized that he wasn't paying attention.

As if snapped awake from a trance by a bucket of ice water, Changmin's mind suddenly came into focus.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Leeteuk asked, suspiciously, glancing at his friend's untouched salad.

"I'm fine," Changmin quickly recovered. "So about Jun Ki?" He pressed, glad that he'd caught the last bit of what was Leeteuk's unintentional soliloquy.

Leeteuk didn't look entirely convinced, but, deciding not to pursue the matter further out of respect for his friend's right to privacy, he continued, picking up where he left off.

With an inward sigh, Changmin picked up his fork and poked at his salad. He coudn't help the twinge of envy that he felt at Leeteuk's situation. Leeteuk could enjoy his life, not having to count every calorie that he put into his mouth, his feelings were actually reciprocated by the person that he loved and he just seemed all around so much happier than Changmin felt at the moment. He was so absorbed in his thoughts of imperfection that he had long since lost sight of the fact that it was he who had created his own personal nightmare, in deciding that he needed to lose weight, unnecessarily, and that doing so was the only way that Yunho would ever fall in love with him.

Almost viciously, Changmin stuffed a fork full of greens into his mouth, trying to let Leeteuk's voice distract him from his dark and bitter thoughts.

-----

Changmin felt as if he was dying by the time he had reached the seven week mark of the diet. A decent night's sleep was a thing of the past for him, now, and he was close to collapse after only ten minutes of a moderately paced jog. He hardly had the strength to cut up the fruits and vegetables that he was supposed to eat for the day and it became easier for him to simply skip meals. This new practice did absolutely nothing to help his health and he felt worse than ever.

His body reflected how awful he felt, as well. Dark, anemic circles had developed underneath his eyes, and his formerly smooth and creamy ivory skin had become a ghastly translucent white. His hair was dry and his skin flaky, earning him chiding from his makeup artists.

By this time, he had realized that he had gone too far. He couldn't stop, however, as much as he wanted to. It was as though he had forgotten how to eat properly. The diet had become such an ingrained habit for him that he simply couldn't put an end to it. Changmin had become obsessed with his weight and the mental shock he was receiving, in his disgust at himself for abusing his body so much, kept him in the cage that he had trapped himself in, seven weeks ago.

"Changmin, are you okay?" A familiar, very concerned voice drifted into Changmin's consciousness.

The younger man looked up to see Yunho taking a seat beside him. They were currently taking a five minute break from their dance practice; a break that had become as essential to Changmin's weakened being as oxygen.

"I'm fine. Why do you ask?" Changmin automatically put on a smile. He knew that it was pointless, but he felt obligated to hide his problems as best as he could.

Yunho looked at him kindly.

"Changmin, you look terrible. It's obvious that you're not fine."

Yunho continued, but Changmin's mind had shut down at "You look terrible."  Even after all his efforts, he still wasn't good-looking enough for Yunho. His entire plan had backfired and he felt his twisting stomach disappear. Yunho thought he looked terrible. Yunho thought he looked terrible.

"I look terrible..."

With shaking limbs, Changmin slowly got up as their instructor resumed the practice session.

"We'll talk after," Yunho assured, clapping Changmin's back in a friendly gesture, but Changmin was almost knocked to his knees by the force of the blow.

The young, suffering man was numb and oblivious to the dance moves, the music and the cries of alarm that filled the room as he fell forward, unconscious.

-------

When Changmin opened his eyes, he found that he was lying in his bed, the setting sun casting orange beams through his curtains. He looked around, feeling dazed, only to find that Yunho was watching him anxiously.

The older man's tight, drawn features immediately relaxed upon seeing that his friend had come to.

"How are you feeling, Minnie?" He asked, immediately.

"Not so good," Changmin answered, being honest for the first time.

"We took you to the hospital when you fainted, and the doctor said you were malnutritious," Yunho began. "What...have you been doing to yourself?"

Heaving a great sigh, Changmin paused, then explained everything, leaving out the part that he had been motivated to diet in the hopes that Yunho might find him attractive.

A troubled look crossed Yunho's features as he took Changmin's hand in his own.

"Why would you think that you don't look good, Minnie?" He asked softly.

Changmin blushed, unable to answer. A jolt passed through his body as soft lips brushed over his hand. He blushed, looking at Yunho.

"You're beautiful, Changmin. You were beautiful before you started that crazy diet and you're beautiful now," Yunho said, firmly, squeezing Changmin's hand.

Changmin was at a loss for words, when he suddenly found that Yunho's lips were pressed against his. His eyes widened in shock, but he began to respond, melting into the warm embrace as Yunho crept onto the bed on his knees, getting closer to his donngsaeng.

"Changminnie, I love you," Yunho whispered when the kiss broke, relieved at finally being able to reveal the feelings that he had harbored for quite a long time.

Changmin blushed, regally, but smiled.

"I love you, too," he answered, his heart fluttering as Yunho pulled him into another kiss.

Changmin smiled contentedly as Yunho lay down beside him, pulling him to lie on his chest. The diet hadn't been worth the trouble that it had caused, but he was glad that, at least, something good had come out of it.

Note:

Sorry for the rather lame ending and for the lack of much Yunho/Changmin action ^_^" I hope that the story is still enjoyable, though!

Thank you for taking the time to read this story, and thank you very much to ManTou for being the first subscriber that I've ever had!! ^_^

I've made a few changes to the foreword, so please check it out.

x Angela