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Donghae-ssi… I can't think straight. My feelings are messed up right now....” Hyukjae talked again after the sobs already
gone. “So... let's split up for a while…. I just need some time alone to think about us.... To sort this thing out....” Hyukjae bit
his lower lips hard so that the trembled voice won’t be really visible to his ears.
There’s silent… really long silent came after that. The tight hugs slowly became loose as Donghae slowly retreat his hand
from Hyukjae’s waist. Same goes to Hyukjae, he slowly pulled his hands back from circled around Donghae’s neck. Hyukjae
know, what he said just now was the most right thing that they should do right now and he know that in silent, Donghae is
agreeing with him.
“It’s the best solution for us right now. This… is the best time for you… to sort your feeling.” Donghae hang his head low.
Listened to all Hyukjae’s word. “I know you love me… so much…. Just like I do. And…” Hyukjae cupped Donghae’s cheek
with his right hand and lifted them up. Their gazes meet. His hand then travelled to Donghae’s left chest, exactly on
Donghae’s beating heart. “I know… there’s some part in your heart… that does still belong… to her.” Hyukjae bits his lip
even harder. “I can see it from your eyes…. It’s the look that you… always have… while you looked at me.” There’s tears
slightly formed at the cornered of his eyes again. It’s very hard for him to say the words. Also it’s only some words but that
few words had just brutally sliced his heart.
“It’s too hard for me… to live like this… When I’ll always feels doubt about your feeling…. I felt insecure when together with
you…. It’s really hard to me to be like that.” His eyes closed for a while, letting the tears to slide down on his cheeks.
Donghae slowly wiped the tears away, making Hyukjae leaned in to his soft touch. “And… I just don’t want you to be
confused with your own feeling, so… I think being apart with each other is… the best way for our relationships…. Let’s give
some time for us to sort our feelings back.” Hyukjae stares back into Donghae’s eyes once he regains back his confident.
“And if our feeling is mutual, then we will be back together again….”
“I… understand…” Donghae quickly cut after finally got his voice back after the long silent. “If that’s… what you think the
best for us, then….” Donghae broke off. “But… just know that… I love you…
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“Are you sure you want to do this?” Sora asked her brother for the tenth time that night and Hyukjae nods. She just don’t
want Hyukjae feels regret after he took this decision. “You won’t regret it?” She asked for the last time.
“It’s for our own good.” Sora sighed deeply. Hyukjae was really stubborn sometimes when he wants. But she can’t blame her
brother, also can’t put all the blame on Donghae alone. Because they both still new with this new life - as she also knew
about their crisis before - they’re still immature. So, maybe Hyukjae took the right choice.
“Well, okay then.” Hyukjae smiled weakly. “Don’t worry, nae~. Everything will be okay.” Said his sister while ruffled his hair.
“I’m sorry, noona. For disturbing you at this late night. Hyung must be not pleased with me right now for stealing you.”
“Don’t be silly. I love you more than him.” Sora took him into her embrace. Hyukjae chuckled meekly. “What about eomma
and appa? Won’t you tell them?”
“No, don’t. I don’t want them to worry about me again. I've trouble them a lot.”
“But sooner or later they still will know. It’s better if they know right now… it’s better if they know from your own mouth.”
“I know, but if you don’t tell them, they will never know. Since it’s you that always spills my secret.”
“But Hyukjae… this is really big secret. Beside they deserved to know.”
“It’s okay, noona. This is my problem and let’s me solved this by myself.”
“Don’t you try to talk with him again? What if everything he said was true. They’re just…”
“Noona…” he did not even try hard to convince me. “I felt really tired… can I have my rest now?”
“Ah, yeah! That’s right, you should not stay up. It’s not good for your health.”
“Thanks, Sora-noona. For letting me stay here tonight. I promise I’ll leave tomorrow.” Hyukjae gave a quick hugs to his sister.
“What do you mean leaving? Since you won’t go to eomma’s, so I command you to stay.”
“No, that too much.”
“Unless you back to your own house, then you’ll stay here and it’s a command. I know what’s you have in your silly mind
right now, but don’t you dare to sneak out behind my back.”
Silent.
“Did you listen to me, Lee Hyukjae?”
“Ahh…. Good night, noona” Hyukjae pulled his luggage, slowly entered the guest room that he always used when he visited
her. While Sora just watching every each step that her brother takes until the door was closed. And a heavy sighed could be
heard in that quiet living room a second after.
“Be strong… Hyukjae-ah.” She breathed out.
Hyukjae had already stepped into the room and closed the door. He slides to the cold floor against the closed door and let
out a sob that he has been holding in. Sitting down with his hands hugging his knees and cried silently. He can’t help but
missing him so much already.
------------------
“… Hyukjae….” Donghae stares at him, who’s already done packing up all his things into his case. He’s only able to mumble
that name helplessly. He doesn’t want to let him go, but he was so helpless and can’t do anything. He’s too confused with his
own feeling also right now. Hyukjae was right; he loves him so much. They were helplessly in love with each other, but…
Gaeun… seeing her again make his heart confused. It’s just that… all the memories between them suddenly returned again
in his mind. He wants to be with Hyukjae forever but… at the same time he wanna see Gaeun’s smile. He’s being really
selfish… too selfish and that’s will only hurt Hyukjae. His selfishness will only hurt Hyukjae again. It’s really terrified seeing
someone you love hurt because of you.
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“I’m… going.” Hyukjae said while looking at every inches of their house but Donghae.
“… Baby….” Donghae catches his wrist when Hyukjae passed across him pulling the luggage. “Please…” Tears slide down
on his cheeks. “Wait for me….”
“Hae…” Hyukjae whispered. He cupped Donghae’s face with the other hand and wiped the tears away. Hyukjae try his hard
to hold his own tears from falling.
“Please….” Hyukjae smiled weakly, without letting out any respond. Donghae take a step closer. “Wait for me…” and closer
until their faces just few inches apart.
“I…” Tears finally slipped out after saw the sincere and honest look that Donghae have in his eyes. Seeing your love one
crying didn’t make you stronger, it’s only will make you weaker and that’s what Hyukjae felt to prove that he’s truly love him.
“We… will always waiting for you.” Hyukjae confessed honestly. His eyes automatically closed when Donghae kissed the
tears away.
“Noona… I’m sorry…. I can’t stay here… not when I had already missed him so much like this….”
Hyukjae walked across the room to the study table, reading the small note in his hand once again before he put the piece of
paper on the table. He then quietly walked out the room and exit the house.
Noona,
Sorry that I can't stay. I need to be away from everything for a while.
I don’t know where I’m going. But once I’m sure where I am, I’ll call you.
Hyukjae.
--------------------------**------------------------
Finished showered, Donghae curved a smile as soon his eyes were greeted by Hyukjae that’s still diligently reading a novel
written by the famous William Shakespeare, which had been assigned by his literature teacher. It has been five days since
he read the same book, but still not over yet. Leaned against the bathroom door frame, he just watched over Hyukjae that
still not aware of his presences. He chuckled softly when Hyukjae frowned and flinch every time he cornered by something
that he didn’t understand.
“What’s your assignment this time?” His voice startled the younger man.
“Oh…. You finished already?” Hyukjae lifted up his sight from the book for few seconds towards Donghae that moves closer
to the bed. Hyukjae immediately moves little bit; give a space for Donghae to lie down. Lay on his right side, Hyukjae
continued reading the book. Donghae leaned down and positioned himself behind Hyukjae. Didn’t want to disturbed the
other, he slowly s his right arm underneath Hyukjae’s head while his left arm went to circle at Hyukjae’s waist. Without
any protest, Hyukjae leaned his back even closer to Donghae’s chest.
“How the story progress?”
“One chapter left, but I still know nothing.” Donghae smiled again when he can imagined, how the plump lips started to pout.
His eyes closed while his nose was showered by Hyukjae’s hair fragrance. His tiredness immediately disappeared as soon
as Hyukjae in his arm. His smiled stretch wider, reminded himself of how amazing Hyukjae is, by just laying down like that
and doing nothing already makes his heart full bloom. It’s the feeling that he never felt before.
“Donghae-ssi??” Hyukjae voice suddenly pulled him back to awake from his dreamland. “Are you asleep yet?” Hyukjae
stopped his reading and put down the book. Already give up from continued to explore the last chapter of the story.
“Hmm…” Donghae’s low and sleepy voice was heard behind him. His eyes still closed.
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“Can I ask you something?” Hyukjae turns his head little bit to glance at him.
“Yeah….” Donghae murmured again.
“Why… did you marry me?”
“Hmm….”
“You know I don’t like you… but why you still want me?”
“Magnet….” Donghae mumbled.
“Magnet??” Hyukjae repeated.
“I… don’t know why… but just like the magnet, I attracted to you for the first time I saw you. You’re my savior.” Hyukjae
intertwined theirs fingers together.
“But there’s nothing in me…. I’m just normal 19 years old teenager…. Nothing special about me.”
“If so, I must be blind then….”
Hyukjae chuckled, “I wonder how you can be idol then….?”
“Because I’m simply good looking.” Hyukjae chuckled some more while Donghae grinned wider. There’s silent for a while
before Hyukjae begins again.
“Donghae-ssi??”
“Yea, Hyukjae-ssi…”
“Have you ever regret being with me?”
“I always regret…” Hyukjae immediately turns his head to Donghae again. His eyes closed but there’s smile stretch on his
face. “For not knowing you earlier.” The smile spread across his face also. “Then, Hyukjae-ssi??”
“Yeah…”
“What’s make you love me back then?”
Silent.
“Because you’re so stupid.”
“Huh!!”
Hyukjae nods. “You’re being so stupid for falling in love with me. You’re so silly, for always being nice with me even I offend
you. For never gave up on me.”
“I’ll always be stupid, if it’s for you.”
“Donghae-ssi….”
“Hmm….”
“I’m sorry… because I had disappointed you before.” Hyukjae turned fully to face Donghae. Their faces now were so
dangerously and irresistibly close. Nose are flirting with each other.
“Silly… you had never disappointed me. You had only made my heart flip and brighten my days.”
There was a short silence as Hyukjae didn’t know how to respond. There’s a lots of things that he want to tell Donghae; he
want to say how sorry he is for breaking his heart at their earlier marriage life, how he love him so much, and how he really
wanna said those three words for thousands times, but none of it managed to escape from Hyukjae’s mouth.
“Hae….” Someone patted his shoulder gently from behind. He had been standing there for quite long, but still didn’t dare to
twist the knob and enter the room. Since Hyukjae left a week ago, his old routine before was repeated again, he will stand in
front the door room for quite long time before when back into his old room, the room where he occupied before he moves into
Hyukjae’s. But the only different is now, there’s no one behind the door. Even he knocked the door, no one will answer him.
Even he twisted the knob, there’s no Hyukjae that will welcome him.
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“Hyung….” Donghae lowered his head down. “My heart shaken when I see her again… and… I almost forgot about him.... It's
just happened for one second... but now I lost Hyukjae again… Because of that one second… I lose Hyukjae again!” His grip
at the door knob tightens at the mentioned of Hyukjae name. “Hyung… I lost him again…. I let him go away from me…. And
I don’t know where he is.” Donghae slowly slide down to the floor in front the room that he shared with Hyukjae. “I should not
let him go….”
“Donghae…. The decisions you and Hyukjae make was the best for both of you.” Leeteuk said softly but firm.
“No, it’s wrong. I should not let him go!”
“Then he would only be hurt more!”
“I will not let it happened.”
“How? How can you make sure that he won’t hurt? You… you yourself said that you almost forgot about him when you with
her. So, how you wanna make sure that he will not hurt if he stayed?”
There’s long silent appeared and only Donghae low sobs could be heard. Leeteuk patted his back gently. “Hyung….”
Donghae finally broke the silent. “What… what should I do now?” He looked up at the older man with his puffy red eyes.
“Just… give some time and space to him first. He need some time to think and sort his feeling back.”
“What if… he doesn’t trust me anymore? What should I do if he can not trust me anymore?”
“Donghae-ya…. His heart is pure, his love is innocent…. Although I just knew him, but I know that he’s someone that can
easily to forgive. He doesn’t the type of person that will make a hasty decision. He said that he will wait for you, so just trust
him. Since now you already sort your feeling again and realize your mistake, so it’s not too late for you to get him back.”
“But… I don’t know where’s he now? Sora-noona doesn’t know where he is now? What should I do?”
Leeteuk sighed heavily. “If you really know him, you will know where he is…”
Silent.
“Just let him be alone for a while, okay.”
“I know!!” Donghae suddenly jolted up, didn’t even listened to what Leeteuk just said.
“Donghae-ya, just give him some time.”
“I will!! But I can not leave him alone. At time like this he will needs me.” He abruptly stands up and went into his room.
Leeteuk quickly followed him. “He and our baby need me!”
“So, what you’re doing? Where you wanna go?” Leeteuk be frantic to see Donghae who was taking his suitcase and collect
all his stuffs and his clothes.
“I wanna find Hyukjae. And brings him back to our home.”
“But where? Where you wanna find him?”
“Everywhere.... I will go to every place that he always wants to go and find him.”
“Are you crazy?”
“I’m willing to be a stupid person because of him. So, now because of him also I would become insane.”
“How you gonna find him when you don’t even know where he is?
“I will find him. I will!” He said determinedly. “Even at the end of the world, I will go and find him.”
“You are really stubborn.” Leeteuk sighed again and shook his head. “And insane!!” he watched over Donghae, who’s now
busy packing his stuff inside the suitcase. “Don’t you?”
“I know!”
“I really don’t know what to do with you!!!” He sighed again for the nth times.
“Hyung!!”
“What now?
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Donghae smile thinly. “If I find him…. Then I’m ready to comeback again.”
“What you mean?” Leeteuk asked indifferently.
“I’m just ready to comeback… together with Hyukjae this time.”
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