(Hyukjae POV)

It was almost 2:00 am, mom saw my bedroom light open and came to see why I was still up.

"Dear, what are you doing up this late ?" Mom came from behind and peeked over my shoulder.

I was throwing random clothes and whatever I could think of into a bag. I quickly shifted around the room trying to gather whatever I could.

"Mom, I am going to Korea in a few hours." I turned to face her and told her.

"Korea ? Dear, why on earth are you going to Korea all of a sudden ? What's there ? Is everything alright ?" Mom held me by the arms and looked into my eyes. I saw how worried she was, I saw a sudden fall of fear on her face.

I tried to think of something to say but what could I possibly tell her ? What could I possibly tell anybody about what was going on . How could I tell anybody how scared I felt right now and how life was being right out of me, knowing that Donghae might not even be alive right now.

"Don't worry mom, I will be fine. I love you !" I wrapped my arms around her and gave her a tight hug. I didn't know where I was going or what was going to happen. I wanted to tell mom everything cause she always knew what to do but this was something I couldn't tell anyone. This was something I had to do on my own.

I grabbed the bag from the bed and rushed downstairs, with mom quickly following behind me .

"Hyukjae ! Hyukjae ! You can't just leave in the middle of the night like this to another country ! You have never been to Korea before, what are you going to do there ?" Mom kept following after me and asking me questions. I understood how worried she was but I really didn't have the time to explain to her. My flight was in less than two hours and I needed to catch it no matter what. It was such a struggle to book a seat on the next flight and I wasn't going to miss it now.

Dad heard our  voices and came  downstairs to see what was going on.

"What is all this commotion? Do you know what time it is ?" Dad came inside the living room and saw mom holding me by the arm , pleading me not to go.

"What's this ? Where are you going at this time?" He demanded.

I walked over to dad and looked into his eyes.

"Dad I need to go to Korea for a few days, please let me go !" I begged him.

He stared at me but didn't say anything .

"Hyukjae !" Mom yelled .

"You have never listened before to what I had to say , why are you asking for my permission now ? You are old enough to make decisions for yourself." He said in a harsh voice and left the room.

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It was a fourteen hour flight and every second became even more  unbearable than the last. All sorts of things ran wild in my head. I couldn't help but think about everything that could possibly happen.

After several long excruciating hours the plane finally landed and I was at last in Korea.

I grabbed a taxi and showed the driver the address that I had gotten from Ryeowook , for where Donghae and his family were currently living.

I was dropped off in front of a small building, it was only five stories high.                   

I found apartment # 18. I took a deep breath and knocked on the door. I felt terrified right now. My palms were sweating and I could feel my hands trembling. Donghae, please be here !

Few seconds later, an old woman opened the door and peeked out. She was tiny and weak, she could barely even stand . I realized that it must be Donghae's grandmother.

I didn't know what to say to her . I knew she wouldn't understand who I was, what I was saying or why I came here.

"Donghae ?" I bowed my head and asked her .

She looked at me and her eyes grew wide open , like she just figured out something.

"Hyukjae ? " She said and I understood that she knew who I was .

I quickly nodded my head , ensuring her that it was me. It felt like a million tons of burden had been lifted from my shoulders, I was in the right place and she knew who I was.

She took my hand and pulled me inside. She took me to a little room and pointed at it. I saw tears starting to roll down her pale wrinkled skin.

My heart started beating faster. What was she showing me ? Was Donghae in there?

I swallowed hard and slowly turned the door knob.

The door opened with a squeak and the room was pitch dark.

I was able to make out the figure of a body  sitting on the floor, curled up.

I searched for the light switch and  turned it on.

I discovered Donghae sitting there , with his face buried in between his knees.

"Donghae !" I called out  and rushed over to him. I finally felt relived, now that I saw him with my own two eyes.

He slowly raised his head and stared at me with disbelief. His face was emotionless and puffy, his eyes were blood shot red.

"Donghae, I am here !" I told him  and without saying anything, his head crushed into my chest and he started crying.

I held him tightly to my chest, I could feel his heart racing against mine.

"Hyukjae, Donghwa left me! How am I going to live without him ? He's gone Hyukjae ! Donghwa is gone !" He sobbed into my collar .

Tears started escaping from my eyes and fell onto his hair . I looked around and realized that we were in Donghwa's room. The little toys and books sat on the bed, untouched.

I pulled him closer to myself and we sat there, weeping in the dark together.

Although I have never met Donghwa and have only talked to him over the phone a couple of times , it felt like a part of my life had been lost. Donghae loved him so much and I felt like he was my little brother too. All the stories Donghae had told me about him , made it seem as though I have known him my entire life.

Everything that Donghae cared about and loved , I felt like I had to protect but ............ I had failed to do so.

I left him for two whole months and didn't even check back once to see how he was doing. Could I have helped save his little brother ? I felt terrible for leaving Donghae alone in a time like this. Why was I so selfish ? Why did I only think of myself ? Why was I so focused on moving on , that I completely took him out of my life ? Somehow , I felt responsible for everything. I felt guilty for not being there for Donghae when he needed me.

I stayed with them . Donghae's grandmother gave be a room to stay in and offered me food . I felt bad that I couldn't communicate with her and properly grieve for their lose . I didn't see his mother anywhere and didn't ask for her either because I knew that she  was the last person Donghae wanted to see right now .

The next morning we went to Donghwa's grave. We placed flowers and sat there in silence for some time and prayed for him.

Donghae didn't say much, he cried silently and whispered Donghwa's name every now and then.

Two days passed and I still stayed with them.

His grandmother came and sat next to me on the sofa , while Donghae was in the room.

She took my hand in between hers and looked into my eyes.

She started saying something and although I didn't understand her completely , I was able to make out Donghae's and my name.

I looked into her eyes as she sat there and talked to me with tears running down  her pale face. She seemed helpless and worried.

Her eyes showed the pain and suffering that they were going through. I saw how old and weak she really was .

It was then that I understood what she was exactly asking of me.

She was telling me that she wasn't going to be able to stay in this world much longer and knew that Donghae's mother was gone , that she wasn't going to return . Something told me that his mother was never going to come back because she had given up fighting. She had finally managed to escape from this life, leaving Donghae behind to suffer on his own.

I realized that his grandmother was handing over the rest of Donghae's life to me. She knew that I was the only one that truly cared for him and would always protect him no matter what and not judge him based on his past.

I had been accepted , not my Donghae but by the person who loved him with all her heart . His grandmother had given me the responsibility for his life.

I had a new reason to live now.

                                                                    ◠◡╭╮╯╰  ❃ ❀ ✿ ❁ ✾ ◠◡╭╮╯╰

I went into the room and Donghae was sitting on the bed , holding  a picture of Donghwa.

I locked the door behind me, closed the lights and  sat beside him. There was only the streaks of moonlight that entered through the window and casted shadows over everything.

I took his hand in mine.

"Let's go back home." I whispered to him.

He looked at me , even in the dark his eyes appeared as two shimmering jewels.

"This is my home." He said .

"There's nothing left here Donghae. Come back with me , let's start over." I told him.

"It's too late now .............. there is no reason for me to start over . Everything is gone.The only reason I was still living is now gone too." He said in a soft hurting voice and the tears spilled onto his little brother's photo.

"There is still a reason to live ............. live for me . Donghae I can't go on without you , I need you to be with me forever." I kneeled down and sat on the floor in front of him.

"Donghae , I tired but I just can't move on. I can't leave you behind , suffering like this . Let's go back to Canada and start a new life. Please Donghae ?" I pleaded. I needed him to come back home with me. I wouldn't be able to live without him.

"I can't............. I can't leave Donghwa..........I am going to stay here. Please don't ask me to do something that  I will never be able to do  Hyukjae." He looked down and more tears fell onto his lap.

I sat there unable to stand seeing him like this. My heart ached , I wanted to take all his pain away and give him a peaceful life to live for once. He had lost so much and it killed me to know that he will eventually lose his grandmother as well. I didn't want him to hurt anymore. I wanted him to escape from here for once and for all. He had no reason to stay here anymore, he had no more responsibilities. He could finally be free.

I took his face in between my palms and for the first time I told him what was in my heart. For the first time, I came this close to him.

"Donghae, I love you ." I leaned forward and kissed his lips.

He froze and swallowed hard. I wrapped my arms around his waist, pulling his body closer to mine and kissed him again. He didn't move.

"Donghae I love and I can't live without you." I whispered and my lips brushed against his and I kissed him one more time.

He wrapped his arms around my neck and pulled me closer, deepening the kiss. My eyes rolled to the back of my head. I had never felt anything like this before in my life. This was my first kiss. It took my breath away. I wanted to hold him like this forever and kiss all his pain away. I wanted this moment to last till the end of time.

He laid back on the bed and I climbed on top of him, supporting my weight  with my arms.

He ran his fingers through my hair and kissed me harder. I felt his warm tears against my face . There was this kind of  sweetness to his lips. The intoxicating taste of his lips , made me painfully starve for more of him. I kissed his jaw line and then his neck .

Suddenly he stopped me and pushed me off and sat up .

"I can't Hyukjae ! I can't do this !" He buried his face in his hands.

I uncovered his face and looked deep into his eyes.

"Donghae it's not going to be easy but I promise I will stay by your side forever . I will help you get through this, please give me just one chance to show you how much I love you ! Please !" I begged him and tears escaped from my eyes.

"Hyukjae, you are making this even harder for me . What will you get out of doing this ? I have nothing to give to you then why are you keep coming after me? Please Hyukjae, just move on ........ you will be better off that way." He said.

My heart hurt so badly. Why can't he see how much I need him? Why can't he see that it's impossible for me to move on ? Why does he keep doing this to me ?

"Please Donghae ! Please !" I kept begging  him.

"Hyukjae stop it ! Pease ! Don't do this ! Why are you being so stubborn ?" He got up and walked to the door to leave.

I quickly got up and grabbed his arm.

"You are so selfish Donghae ! What about me ? Huh ? What about my heart ? Doesn't my love deserve to be justified as well ? You gave Siwon a chance then why can't you give me a chance too ? Donghae I love , I won't be able to live without you ! Donghae please just give me one chance ! Please !" I fell on my knees and begged him.

He didn't say anything for a while. I cried harder , he was crying too. Life seemed so unfair and cruel , I felt so helpless. Why did this have to be so hard? Why can't I get him to understand ? For the first time ........ I realized that he really didn't need me or want me in his life.

Donghae looked at me as I kneeled down in front of him , with my palms on the floor and pleaded for his acceptance, just one chance to show my love to him.

 He crouched  down and held my face in between his hands.

"Give me some time. I need to think about some things ........ when I am ready I will come to you ...... but promise me that you will not come back here looking for me. I need some time to be alone."