Regrets and Mistakes

우규 (Woohyun - Sunggyu)

ANGST

Happy Reading Guys! <33

Woohyun’s POV

When I got home that night my dearly wife served dinner, I held his hand and said, “I’ve got something to tell you.”

He sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in his eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let him know what I was thinking about divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

He didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead He asked me softly,

“Why?”

I avoided his question. This made him angry.

He threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me,

“You are not a man!”

 That night, we didn’t talk to each other. He was weeping. I knew je wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give him a satisfactory answer; He had lost my heart to Sungjong. I didn’t love him anymore. I just pitied him!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that He could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. He glanced at it and then tore it into pieces.

The guy who had spent ten years of his life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for his wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Sungjong so dearly.

Finally He cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me he cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found him writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Sungjong.

When I woke up, He was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning He presented his divorce conditions.

“ I didn’t want anything from you, but I needed a month’s notice before the divorce”

He requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. His reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and He didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But He had something more, He asked me to recall how I had carried him into out bridal room on our wedding day. He requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry him out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought He was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted his odd request.

I told Sungjong about my Sunggyu’s divorce conditions. . He laughed loudly and thought it was absurd.

“No matter what tricks He applies, He has to face the divorce”, Sungjong said scornfully.

Sunggyu and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried him out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy.

Our son clapped behind us,

“Whoa!! Daddy is holding mommy in his arms.” He clapped.

 His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with him in my arms. He closed her eyes and said softly;

“Woohyun, Don’t tell our son about the divorce.” I nodded as a respond.

Feeling somewhat upset. I put him down outside the door. He went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. He leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of his shirt. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this guy carefully for a long time.

I realized he was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on his face, his hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on him. For a minute I wondered what I had done to Sunggyu.

On the fourth day, when I lifted him up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the guy who had given ten years of his life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Sungjong about this. It became easier to carry him as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

He was choosing what to wear one morning. He tried on quite a few clothes but could not find a suitable one.

 Then He sighed.

“ all my dresses have grown bigger.” He said by himself.

 I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry him more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… He had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched his head.

Our son came in at the moment and said,

“Daddy, it’s time to carry mom out.” He said while pulling my pants.

 To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life.

Sunggyu gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly.

“Sungwoo, come here.”

I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. Then i held him in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. His hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held his body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But his much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school.

I held him tightly and said,

“ I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. “ He just tcked.

I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Sungjong opened the door and I said to him while panting,

“Sorry, Sungjong, I do not want the divorce anymore.” I said.

He looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead.

“Do you have a fever, hyunnie?” He said.

I moved his hand off my head.

“Sorry, Sungjong, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because He and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried him into my home on our wedding day. I am supposed to hold him until death do us apart.”

Sungjong seemed to suddenly wake up. He gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears.

I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my baby sunggyu. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, “I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.”

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find Sunggyu in the bed – dead.

Sunggyu had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Sungjong to even notice. He knew that she would die soon and He wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from Sungwoo, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

I kissed Sunggyu’s forehead for the last time, put the flowers beside him and whispered, “I’m sorry”

This story was based on Stephanie Halmilton's Story.

If you share this story, you might save many marriage.