I was trudging along the streets, on my way home. I glanced down at my wrist, it was 6:53 pm. I looked up at the red, glowing sky and saw the dark clouds rolling in. Rolling in, telling the sun, that was alreading moving out of the way, to move along. Faster. I looked down, walked a few steps, and looked back up at the sky, slowly taking in the gray and dull sky. "Gray and dull", I whispered. It was only the perfect description of my life. Boring, gray, bleak, dull, to the point where I was indifferent to life. As much as I wanted to study the sky longer, it seemed like it was going to rain pretty soon, and the air was suddenly chillier. It made me shiver slightly. With a determined look, I tore my gaze away, zipped up my jacket fully, and quickened my pace home.

It was 7 pm, sharp, when I threw the front door open and walked in, hugging myself from the cold. Silence. I was greeted by silence. Not a single sound, except for my faint breathing. As I slowly turned my head, I saw that no one was home. It was oddly comfortable, however, and I was completely used to it. After all, this is what had happened yesterday, the day before that, the day before that, and the list went on forever. At some point, I began to accept the absolute silence I was greeted with every day, and didn't care about it at all. Why should it matter anyways?

Drip, drip, drip.

The raindrops, finally starting to come down one by one from the sky, snapped me back to reality, and I hastily closed the door behind me. I the lights, and the slight whirring sounds that they made disturbed my peaceful silence. Feeling slightly annoyed, I turned them back off and stomped up to my room. I kicked the door open, and was met with a bone-chilling rush of cold air. I shivered a little, feeling somewhat spooked, and just chose to turn the lights on despite the annoying sound. Hm, I thought, it is a little chilly. After slight hesitation, I the heater as well, not minding the whirring anymore. I made sure the curtains were closed, and took off my clothes for a quick 5-minute-shower. As the warm water rushed out, surrounding me in a wall of water, I felt the coldness seep out of my body, giving me a refreshed feeling. I changed into sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt, and with a towel on my head, walked downstairs.

It was dark, because I hadn't the lights. My silence was long gone anyways, so I just turned the lights on and went into the kitchen, stomach growling with hunger. As always, there was a little post-it note from my mom on the refrigerator. I took it and read it, though I had no idea why because I already memorized what it would say. Mom simply wrote the same message. Every time. It said:

Welcome home, Baekhyun. I hope you had a great day today. I'm sorry for always coming home so late from work, but you're always there in my head, and I miss you so much even from work! There's food in the pantry, make and eat whatever you want.

I love you, mom

Sighing, I took the note off of the refrigerator and stuffed it in my pocket. My mom was always so busy from work, and I barely got to see her anymore. I was starting to get used to not seeing her so much around home now. Or at least, I'd like to think I am finally getting used to the fact that my mom is getting terribly busy. Why? If I got used to it, I wouldn't care as much. If I didn't care as much, I'd feel less lonely whenever she was not here. If I felt less lonely whenever she wasn't here, I wouldn't get hurt...as much. Who am I kidding? I sighed mentally. I loved my mom too much for me to get used to her constant absence. I didn't want to think about this anymore and so I took out a pack of ramyun from the pantry and started boiling water in the usual pot. I had to say, years of experience had trained me into a ramyun expert, not that it was a great accomplishment or anything. I ate in silence, not really thinking about anything, and washed the dishes afterwards.

I went back into my room, and suddenly, I felt my eyelids drooping as if they had 20lb dumbbells attached to each one. Exhaustion took the better of me, and I dropped onto my bed, without even bothering to turn the lights off. I drifted off into a deep sleep, without a single dream. I didn't usually have dreams in my sleep, and even if I did, I would almost always forget most of it as soon as I woke up. I didn't know how many hours had passed, but a sobbing sound woke me up. I slightly opened my eyes, and a light shone throught my eyes, blinding me. I squinted and remembered that I had not turned my lights off. Forcing myself to get up from the bed to turn off the lights, I suddenly heard the muffled sob again. The sob that had been the original reason to why I was up at, I quickly glanced at the alarm clock on my table, 1:45 am. Curiously, I poked my head out of my room and looked around. There was no one. I turned off the lights and took a few cautious steps out of my room, trying to be sneaky like James Bond, or whatever. I leaned over the railing, and finally saw what had been causing the mysterious sound. It was my mom, sobbing and shuddering uncontrollably, while clutching something in her hand. What was that, a piece of...paper? Squinting, I saw that it was a picture of some sort, but I was too far away to make out what the picture was. I refocused on my mom again, and it broke my heart to see her, such a strong person, so defenseless like this. I wanted to run downstairs and comfort her, to hold her in my arms and ask her if she was okay, like she had done to me so many times before. I straightened up, ready to run downstairs, but suddenly, I froze.

*Flashback*

I was 5, and a similar scenario was happening. My dear mom, who would always laugh with me, caress me with hugs and kisses, and comfort me, was crying. She was clutching something in her hand, and she refused to show me what it was. I didn't know what was going on, besides the fact that something was terribly wrong. I wanted my mom to smile. So I tentatively sat next to her, and tapped her shoulder. She turned to glance at me while I stared at her with big, wide-opened eyes, at a loss for words when I saw her red, puffy eyes from crying. Before I could resume what I was trying to do, to comfort mom, she suddenly hugged me. So tightly I could barely breathe. "I love you so much Baekhyun. I love you so much," she whispered in my ear. I smiled and tightened my arms around her waist, and we just stayed there, holding onto each other like our lives depended on it while mom was crying on my shoulder, wetting my shoulder.

*Flashback Ends*

That was the first time I saw my mother cry, and I had not thought much about it ever since. Back then, I thought my mom was fine since she hugged me. But now, thinking back, I could tell that she was just trying to mask her sorrow in front of me. I glanced downstairs at my mom, who was now silently rocking back and forth, gripping the picture to her chest. I wanted to call out to her, but I couldn't speak. I wanted to punch myself for being such a coward. I ordered myself to turn around and race down the stairs. Over and over again. But, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. It was as if my feet were glued to the ground, and they were unmoving, firmly stuck to the floor, and my willpower wasn't enough to pull them off.

Idiot, I thought to myself, you are such and idiot. I decided to give up and headed to my room. My feet moved easily this time,  too easily. I was gliding swiftly to my room pretending I hadn't seen anything.

Before going into my room, I sneakily stole one last glance at my mom, who was finally starting to wipe off her tears. I shuffled into my room, asking myself so many questions about the scene I just saw.

I plopped on my bed, but I couldn't fall asleep like I had before. There were too many questions flooding my brain, my train of thoughts, but one question burned the brightest, and I wanted so badly to know why. Why had she been crying? It was such a simple question to ask, yet the answer could be so different, depending on so many factors. I wanted to just march downstairs and ask her, ask her why she had been crying. Ask her why she couldn't tell me, why she wouldn't tell me. I knew she wouldn't want to burden me with her problems, but I was willing. I was willing to listen, and care. Willing to help her, so couldn't she just let me? I felt as if I were a 4-year-old trying to learn calculus. I simply did not understand it. Any of it. My body and my brain started going numb from all the thinking, and it was screaming at me to sleep. I began to give in, and as I was giving in, I found my mind pushing the incident into the back of my head, because that's what I usually did to unpleasant things, because they are meant to be ignored, I thought. I pushed them to the back of my head, and carried on with my boring life. I faintly protested to myself, That is far too important to ignore! I need answers! But I knew, it wouldn't work, because during all those years, while I was adjusting to silence and loneliness, I had hardened, and my life had turned black and white. I knew, that now, it was hard for me to care even if I tried to.

Whatever, a lazy voice in me stated, she'll get better soon. All in good time. I felt the caring Baekhyun hide in an invisible corner, away from the apathetic Baekhyun as it took over my mind.

All was soon forgotten before I drifted off to sleep.

I would love to know what you all though of the first chapter! It might seem kind of slow, but I have a lot planned, yup. SO, stay with me, okay? Love you all!