|| Chapter Four ||

Kwon Jiyong, what did I exactly feel about him that time; a possession that would be mine forever?

I was young after all; it was freshman year when we started and junior year when we ended. But what did I feel? Was it puppy love at least? It’s quite laughable that someone like me would talk about love. I’m not saying I don’t believe in love or never fantasized about having my own Prince Charming. I’m a girl after all. I’m supposed to crave for those things. It’s just that… I’ve witnessed too much to say that love is full of bull.

I’m pretty sure at some point I loved Jiyong; I’m pretty sure even right now I can say that I still love him.

But I made him my possession when love isn’t supposed to be about possession.

And yet, Jiyong was something to me.

He was my happiness and my sadness. My smiles and my tears. He ed up all of my emotions. But hey, I still loved the bastard so much.

But it would be better for both of us if we didn’t have each other. We’re both ticking bombs. We’re not good for each other.

“Yah… Dara,” Bom nudged me, “Are you okay?”

I sighed, “I think I’m fine.”

“Is it about Jiyong again? Was he the reason why you came late?”

Bom always saw through me. But then again… maybe I didn’t wear a façade this time because I needed someone.

“Bommie, do you think Jiyong and I both loved each other?”

“Why are you asking me this? It’s your feelings, you’re supposed to know.”

I chuckled, “You’re not much of a help, you know.”

“Hey, I barely do the love talks. That’s always Chaerin’s job because you know she’s the only one that can put some sense in that thick skull of yours,” She said, “How about you talk and I’ll just listen and maybe comment a bit here and there? There are no costumers anyways.”

“Aigoo,” I hesitated.

Can I actually tell her? My thoughts are jumbled up but it’s worth a try.

“I think Jiyong and I were fine being friends. Even if we weren’t the closest friends like you and the girls, I think we were fine. I don’t understand why we had to be stupid and break that off. I was the dumbest out of the two of us. When he came, my life became a roller coaster ride. The ups and downs. The smiles and tears. Everything became beautiful and ugly at the same time. There were times I loved him and there were times I wanted to regret him as well. But what can I say? It’s not his fault, is it? I’m just a stupid little girl who learned how to love and lost herself in the process. I was told to take it slow and easy with him. But I don’t know what was wrong with me. I was such an insecure and jealous person. I still am.”

“Dara, you have to stop blaming yourself for everything,” Bom interrupted, “I hate it when you’re like this.”

“Trust me, I hate it too,” I sighed.

“It’s not your fault, you already saw that somehow… Hye Sun felt something for him.”

“She didn’t, Bom,” I replied, “I know she didn’t because Hye Sun’s not like that. I know how she is. I was just insecure of her. I was pretty much insecurity at its finest when it came to her a