Hoya sighed to himself. It wasn’t the first time he had been called to the hospital last minute and he had to excuse himself from an otherwise good party. Though Donghae had welcomed him into the ER warmly enough, it wasn’t the same kind of warmth Hoya was intending to spend his night in.

 

He had been put to work as soon as he arrived, tending to the patients which Donghae directed him to. There wasn’t really any situation that he hadn’t seen before tonight, so most were cooperative. But after a couple hours of work scrubbing in on a neonatal surgery, the clock struck midnight and Hoya felt the toll of work start to slow him down a little bit.

 

“Tired?” Donghae asked as Hoya headed into the on-call room.

 

Hoya stretched his arms up into the air. “Yup,” he nodded. “I was mostly taking care of Sooyong today by myself because Dongwoo was helping out at a birthday party, and then I met up with him for the occasion a bit later. And then I had to come straight here from the party,” he laughed. “Figured it was about time I got some shut eye. I was considering just staying here and doing some rounds in the morning. What about you, you got much time left on your shift?”

 

Shaking his head, Donghae replied, “No, I’m heading out about now actually. You go get some rest though, you deserve it.”

 

“He’s not the only one who deserves some rest, you know.” Dr. Choi walked up, putting a friendly arm around Hoya’s shoulders. “Seriously, great work in the OR. You seem to know what I’m thinking without me having to say anything.”

 

“I think you’re just a great teacher,” Hoya replied, feeling a bit shy under the praise.

 

“Nonsense. I’ve had plenty of doctors shadow me before, but none of perceptive as you. With both of us working together, we shaved off about an hour of operating time from the procedure. And with newborns, every minute in there really counts. I couldn’t ask for a better team.” He nodded towards Donghae. “Do me a favor? Make sure this guy leaves the hospital with you?”

 

“But we’ve got rounds in the morning-” Hoya objected but Dr. Choi swiftly interrupted him.

 

“I know this is going to come as a shock, but I am completely capable of handling the post op rounds on my own.”

 

“But-”

 

“Hoya, I know that you’re the doctor and I’m the nurse, but I’ve been in this field a little longer than you have. So take my advice when I say that if the lead surgeon on call tells you that you can go home early, listen to him,” Donghae lectured him playfully.

 

“And people wonder why he’s my favorite nurse. Have a good night Donghae. And you-” He pointed at Hoya’s chest. “I know you are scheduled for the night shift tomorrow so I better not see you before then! See ya.” The doctor breezed away, leaving Hoya smiling.

 

“I’m gonna hit the showers then, get cleaned up before I head back home.”

 

“Sure. Have a good night, man.” Donghae waved goodbye and Hoya made his way to the locker room with a spring in his step. He could already imagine the smile on his husband’s face; he always got so happy when Hoya came home earlier than expected.

 

He washed away his stress under the water, already daydreaming about climbing into bed and snuggling up with his lover. But not before giving his baby boy a little kiss; he chuckled to himself, remembering how cute Sooyong had looked with the icing smeared across his full cheeks. He would have to remember to send the picture to his parents, they always loved getting little updates about their grandson. It seemed like their relationship was getting stronger every day, with Sooyong being the perfect fix to mend their broken bridges.

 

He shut off the water, drying off quickly to change back into his street clothes. He dumped his dirty scrubs into the laundry bin and headed towards his locker to grab his keys and phone. His thumb pressed the home screen to quickly check the time. He unlocked the device, the bright screen making him squint his bleary eyes but he was excited to see notifications from Dongwoo nonetheless.

 

9 missed calls.

 

Hoya raised an eyebrow in confusion. They were all calls from Dongwoo within a span of twenty minutes. It was weird for Dongwoo to be so persistent; usually if Hoya didn’t pick up, Dongwoo would assume he was busy and leave him a message. He had never been so adamant on calling like this before. But his husband was known for being a little over zealous, maybe Sooyong had taken his first steps and Dongwoo couldn’t contain his excitement.

 

And with the long list of missed calls came a slew of accompanying text messages. Hoya’s forehead creased as he opened up his messaging up and met with long rows of texts that started from hours ago.

 

[11:13pm] Going to take Sooyong home to put him to bed now (don’t judge me for staying out so late, you know how time flies when you’re having fun)! Jiseon fell asleep pretty quickly and I didn’t think Sungyeol would appreciate me staying with him and Myungsoo! :P

 

[11:32pm] Sooyong must have been exhausted today because he went out like a light as soon as I put him in his crib!

 

[11:45pm] I think a bubble bath and a glass of wine is just what the doctor ordered. Wish you were here to join me~

 

[11:50pm] Hoya, we’ve got to talk.

 

[11:52pm] Pick up the phone please, we really need to talk.

 

[11:53pm] Call me back when you get the chance, okay?

 

[11:54pm] I know you’re busy but please call me back as soon as you can! This is urgent!!!!

 

[12:07pm] God… baby please call me back. I don’t know what to do.

 

[12:30pm] I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. . This wasn’t supposed to happen. I can’t… I need you, more than I ever have and you’re not here.

 

Hoya’s hand trembled, his mind riddled with confusion as he tried to make sense of what he had just read. He had no idea what Dongwoo’s texts could possibly mean. He wanted to know why Dongwoo had tried to call him so many times without leaving any sort of voicemail. He immediately hit the call back button, the ringing sounding like death’s toll the longer it went unanswered. Dongwoo didn’t pick up and Hoya cursed, calling back again.

 

“Come on Dongwoo. Pick up,” he muttered to himself, practically shaking with pent up anxiety.

 

“Hoya…” The line picked up, Dongwoo’s voice breaking over the phone. Hoya’s body immediately went tense, his every suspicion turning swiftly into fear after hearing the stressed voice on the other line.

 

“Baby, tell me what’s wrong. Are you okay?” Still silence. “Dongwoo, are you hurt?!”

 

Dongwoo didn’t speak, the unmistakable sound of his sobbing making Hoya’s hair stand on end. Something was very, very wrong.

 

“Baby, I know you’re upset, but you have to talk to me. Please try.”

 

“I- I can’t.”

 

Hoya felt helpless, unsure of what was happening or how he could fix it. His husband was still crying, and he lept into action. Nearly running down the halls of the hospital to reach his car. “Dongwoo, just tell me where you are. Are you somewhere safe?”

 

“I’m at home. Outside. In the driveway.”

 

“,” Hoya cursed, turning on his car and tugging on his seatbelt. “Listen to me baby. I need you to go inside the house. It’s freezing outside and it’s too late for you to be out there all alone.”

 

“I can’t-”

 

“Please Dongwoo. Go inside for me baby. I’m on my way home right now. I’ll be there in just a couple of minutes. I’m coming home to you, can you go inside and get warm?”

 

“....”

 

The silence was deafening, Hoya was really on the verge of a panic but finally Dongwoo’s soft whisper came through.

 

“Okay. But Hoya...”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Hurry.”

 

The line went dead and Hoya threw his phone into the passenger seat, pushing the gear into reverse to back out of his parking spot and speed toward his home. The drive back seemed to go by in a blur and Hoya could have sworn that God was looking after him because he only had to stop at one red light on the way back.

 

He was relieved to see Dongwoo had listened to him and left the driveway, but the garage door seemed to open at a snail’s pace. When he was finally able to shut off his car he practically ripped the keys out of the ignition, closing the garage door behind him and running into the house.

 

The doctor searched the lower level, but Dongwoo wasn’t in the kitchen, the living room, or the backyard. He raced up the stairs, heading towards their bedroom, the only logical place left to look for him. If Dongwoo was upset then he would coax him into coming downstairs with him, the last thing he wanted to do was to wake up the baby and for Sooyong to see his dad so upset.

 

“Baby?” he whispered as he opened the door slowly, the creaking startlingly loud in the quiet room. “Oh, baby,” he said sadly, looking upon the miserable mess slumped on top of the sheets. Dongwoo wasn’t crying anymore, but his face was shiny and wet with tear streaks. His arm was outstretched, his hand reaching into Sooyong’s bassinet.

 

“What’s wrong?” He immediately climbed into bed, pulling his husband into his arms. He glanced over at the bassinet, immediately registering the baby’s absence. “Where’s Sooyong?” Hoya asked, confused; Dongwoo had said he had already put the baby to bed but he was nowhere in sight.

 

At the mention of Sooyong’s name, Dongwoo descended into hysterics, his body shaking with his sobs. “Hoya, our baby...”

 

“What is it? What?!” Hoya demanded, his concern growing tenfold. If Sooyong was hurt or something had happened, he just didn’t know what he would do. His eyes darted across the room, looking for any trace of his son. “Dongwoo, where is Sooyong? Is he hurt? Did he get sick or fall or-”

 

“I don’t know-”

 

“What do you mean you don’t know? Baby, I know you’re upset but this is critical. If he’s started having symptoms then I need to know. He’s been healthy and his checkups have all gone great but he’s still so small and his immune system isn’t the best so time is of the essence. I need to examine him right now-”

 

“No, no. It’s not that. He’s fine; Sooyong is healthy. He’s just… not here anymore.”

 

“Then where is he?”

 

Dongwoo’s lips parted, his mind unable to come up with a proper solution of the best way to break such terrible news to his husband. “I don’t know how to tell you this. I don’t know how to find the right words… everything is just a mess.”

 

“Just start at the beginning.” Hoya tried to sound comforting but his anxiety was getting the best of him. “I’m right here with you. I’ve got you.” He hugged the blonde tighter, gathering him up in his arms.

 

“We came home from Jiseon’s party. Sooyong went out like a light, and I was going to get ready for bed myself. But then there was a knock on the door. Hoya… it was Sungjong. You know, our-”

 

“Social worker. Of course I remember who he is. The question is what was he doing at our apartment so late? There’s nothing that important that warrants a house call at that time of night.”

 

Dongwoo sniffed, burying his head into Hoya’s chest. “I know. I was skeptical too when I saw him at the door but… I had to let him in. He was there because… Hoya, he had a court order. Areum has… she’s decided to acknowledge Sooyong as a son.”

 

“Acknowledge him? Now? It’s been almost a year! She hasn’t done so much as made a phone call! Or even asked for a picture of him! And now… now she wants to be a part of his life? I’m sorry, but that’s not going to work for me. And before you disagree with me Dongwoo, you don’t know her like I do! That girl… she’s not ready to be the kind of parent Sooyong needs, and quite frankly, I’m not sure if she’ll ever be!”

 

“That’s not what I’m saying.”

 

“Then what are you saying? Cause it sounds like you’ve accepted her decision! And you’re such a nice person Dongwoo, you always see the best in people but there was no good in her. I know you think that since she is Sooyong’s mother that she should get a chance to spend time with him but at this point, I am not comfortable with it.”

 

Hoya shook his head, feeling angry but knowing that Dongwoo wasn’t the person that should be on the receiving end of it. He pulled out his phone and began to scroll through his contacts.

 

“What are you doing?”

 

“Calling Sungjong. He facilitated the exchange so he should have Areum’s contact information. We can call her and get this sorted out and get Sooyong back home.”

 

“Hoya-”

 

“Just hold on a minute.”

 

“No, Hoya,” Dongwoo said sharply, taking the phone out of his husband’s hand. “I don’t think you understand what I’m trying to tell you.”

 

“I get it; Areum wants visitation rights with Sooyong, and you were nice enough to agree. But Sungjong should have known better than to take Sooyong away in the middle of the night. And it’s not like you should be allowed to make such a big decision on your own, I’m Sooyong’s parent too and my opinion should matter.”

 

“Areum isn’t asking us for visitation, Hoya. She’s taking Sooyong back. Permanently.”

 

Hoya looked at Dongwoo like he was crazy for a moment, his mind in total shock. “What the hell do you mean permanently?”

“Hoya, you read the same adoption agreement that I did. Areum had up to a year to change her mind-”

 

“No, no, no, no-”

 

“Sungjong came over to tell me that the paperwork had been finalized and Areum was exerting her right to claim parentage of Sooyong,” Dongwoo said tearingly, watching as his husband began to pace the room back and forth, his head in his hands.

 

“No, she can’t… this can’t be…” Hoya was shaking, his eyes looking wild as he tried to comprehend what his husband was saying.

 

“Sungjong didn’t want to do it, but he had to. He said he knew that we were Sooyong’s real parents but… his hands were tied. I packed up a few of the baby’s things, there was nothing I could have done-”

 

“You could have not given him away!” Hoya cried, hugging himself as he fell to the floor. “He’s my son; my son and I didn’t even get to say goodbye!”

“I tried to call you, you were in surgery, I couldn’t get ahold of you-” Dongwoo tried to reason, but his words were unable to breach through the pain Hoya was feeling.

 

All he could think about was the fact that Sooyong, his precious, innocent son, had been taken away from him, by one of the cruelest people he had ever met. His interactions with Areum had been brief, but he would never the malice she had shown him. Hoya couldn’t believe that a woman like that would now be legally in charge of his son’s well being. He looked to his husband hopelessly.

 

“I didn’t kiss him goodbye. When I left Sungyeol’s apartment, I was in such a hurry, I didn’t stop to give Sooyong a kiss. I didn’t even hold him. I just figured I would see him when I returned home, I was so damn stupid.”
 

“Hoya, please… please don’t do this to yourself.” Dongwoo sat on the ground next to him, hugging him as he cried. “This is nobody’s fault.”

“You’re wrong. It’s my fault. I’m the one that wanted to adopt him. I’m the one who convinced you to agree to be Sooyong’s parent.” Hoya got choked up as the weight of his failures crashed down on him. “And now… now we’ve lost him. I’m so sorry I did this to us. To our family.”

 

Dongwoo shook his head, needing his husband to understand that he beared no responsibility in this tragedy. “Hoya, we made the decision to adopt Sooyong together. We knew it was a risk, that there was a chance that we could end up getting hurt, but both of us wanted to be there for Sooyong. He needed us and we took care of him.”

“But he’s not ours anymore!” Hoya cried out. “Areum just gets to take him back, and all the time and effort and love we gave him adds up to nothing! We’ll be mourning his loss for the rest of our lives and he won’t even remember us.”

 

“Hoya… please don’t say that.”

 

Hoya wiped his tears, his voice breaking. “He’s our son. He’s everything to us and now he’s just… gone. How can we… What are we supposed to do without him?”

 

“I don’t know. I don’t know,” Dongwoo said honestly.

 

The stayed on the ground together in silence, neither of them able to come up with the right words to say to make the other one feel better. They were heartbroken and lost, the dark reality of living without their son something that neither of them prepared for. The doctor felt himself starting to close off to the situation, pushing the pain down deep so he could do what needed to be done.

 

Hoya stood up, picking up his husband and softly dropping him on the bed. He wrapped him up in the covers, hugging him tightly before reaching for his keys.

 

“What are you doing? Aren’t you going to join me?” Hoya shook his head wordlessly. Dongwoo shifted under the covers, his heart yearning for his husband’s touch. “Hoya-”

 

“I’m going to the hospital.”

 

Dongwoo frowned. “But why? You just back, you haven’t got any rest.”

 

“There’s no way I’ll be getting any sleep tonight. I might as well make myself useful instead of staring at the ceiling,” Hoya said softly, unable to quite meet Dongwoo’s eyes.

 

The blonde regarded him for a few moments, before daring to voice the question. “This isn’t an excuse, right? You aren’t mad at me?”

 

Hoya sighed, kicking at the ground. “Dongwoo, tonight’s been crazy. You did what you had to do.”

 

“That wasn’t an answer.”

 

“I understand that you had to give Sooyong away, but-”

 

“But what? What, Hoya?” Dongwoo’s voice started to grow a bit louder. “You aren’t the only one who is reeling right now. I am devastated, just like you. But the law is clear on this; if I refused to comply with our social worker then I would have ended up in jail tonight! What good would that have done you or Sooyong?”

 

“I don’t know!” Hoya yelled, his emotions getting the best of him. “I don’t know! You can’t just expect me to be rational and accept that I don’t have a family anymore!”

 

“That’s not true! You still have me!” Dongwoo corrected him, his chest heaving. “We… we have to deal with this together. That’s the only way we survive this.”

 

“I know that. I just… I just can’t be here right now. All I see is Sooyong’s empty bed and his toys lying around and it just makes me think I’m going to go crazy. Please just… give just me a little time.”

 

Dongwoo wanted to argue, wanted to say that he needed Hoya now more than ever. But he had never seen his husband look so vulnerable, so broken. If Hoya needed the hospital as a distraction right now after what had happened, then Dongwoo had to be strong enough to let him grieve in his own way.

 

“Okay… just be careful.”

 

Hoya nodded, pushing his keys into his pocket and walking towards the door.

 

“I set up a meeting with our lawyer first thing in the morning. Do you think you’ll be able to make it?” Dongwoo asked hopefully.

 

The doctor shrugged his shoulders, his voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t… I’ll let you know.” He closed the door behind him without waiting for response, and the sound was deafening.

 

It felt like the end of a chapter of Dongwoo’s life, and not in a good way. He buried his face into his pillow, feeling more alone than he had in years.

 

 

Myungsoo came into work, feeling particularly giddy after a wonderful birthday party the day before. He had been nervous then, perhaps overly so considering how well it turned out in the end. Things had hit off with Jiseon better than he could ever have hoped for. She was so receptive to him, it made him ecstatic and it clearly made Sungyeol happy too. They were even able to spend some time together after the big party.

 

He hadn’t been able to stop texting Sungyeol since he got back to his own apartment, and he had gotten home at ungodly hours in the morning. Myungsoo probably hadn’t gotten enough sleep afterwards either, but that was more than okay with him. He had messaged Sungyeol when he left the house and though he hadn’t received a reply yet, he waited excitedly for it.

 

It was a brand new day but it was hard to keep from grinning stupidly as he sat down at his desk, the memories of the night before keeping his emotions up. The stacks of paperwork didn’t even bother him today. He was in such a good mood that it cast him into his own little world and he didn’t even notice that his partner hadn’t come in yet.

 

His phone buzzed then, alerting him a new notification as he clamored to fish it out from his pocket. Myungsoo’s smile faltered though, when he saw that the only words Sungyeol had sent him were Call me. It was a bit unnerving. Nothing had happened to him and Jiseon after Myungsoo left, had there?

 

Shaking his head, he moved to unlock his phone and was about to call his boyfriend back when a voice startled him.

 

“Myungsoo.”

 

He dropped his phone rather ungracefully, internally wincing as it plopped onto his desk with a thud. Clearing his throat, he looked up at the doorway where his boss was standing, arms crossed and forehead creased. “...Yes, chief?” he murmured slowly, hoping his boss wasn’t too much of a stickler when it came to cell phone usage on the clock.

 

“There’s something we need to talk about,” Sunggyu sighed, walking in briskly, “about your partner.”

 

Myungsoo’s eyebrows furrowed. “About Dongwoo?”

 

“Yeah. Can’t say it’s quite pleasant news either.” The chief breathed heavily through his nose as he glanced at Dongwoo’s empty desk. “Dongwoo’s not coming into work today.”

 

“Why not?” Myungsoo asked slowly. “Dongwoo isn’t hurt is he?”

 

Sunggyu shook his head. “No. Not physically at least. Emotionally... well, that could be a different story. Listen, I don’t have many details but...” He put his hands into his pockets and lowered his voice, “last night, Sooyong was taken away.”

 

Myungsoo’s eyes widened as his breath hitched in his throat. “What?” he gasped out in disbelief.

 

“He wasn’t kidnapped or anything, but he was taken by their social worker. I don’t have the full story yet, so that’s all I can tell you for now.”

 

“Oh ,” Myungsoo muttered under his breath. He raked his hand through his hair. “Is Dongwoo feeling alright?”

 

Sunggyu let out a brief laugh. “No way in hell, Myungsoo, he’s nowhere near alright. He’s devastated and rightfully so. He’s not coming into work today and I think it’s safe to say that he might not for the next few days.” He shook his head sadly.

 

“There’s no way that happened.” Myungsoo stared down at his desk, speechless. “I just saw him with Sooyong yesterday… I can’t believe this.”

 

“Neither can I,” Sunggyu lamented. “It’s very surreal. That being said, it looks like you’ll need to be handling things here on your own for a short while. I’m assuming you can handle that, though.”

 

Myungsoo nodded. “Yeah,” he said softly, “I can handle that.”

 

“Good. So I’ll still expect that report by the end of this week, regardless of Dongwoo’s presence, yes?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Alright.” Sunggyu nodded and made his way out of the office, shaking his head in sadness. He muttered to himself as he disappeared.

 

As soon as Sunggyu was out the door, Myungsoo snatched his phone back up and dialed his boyfriend immediately. His heart raced in the two seconds it took for Sungyeol to pick up.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Sungyeol.” Myungsoo’s fingers drummed on the table nervously.

 

“Myung?” Sungyeol sounded worried. “Oh, you called back. Listen, Myungsoo, last night--”

 

“I heard,” he interrupted. “It’s awful, baby, what happened to him. I can barely even fathom it.”

 

Sungyeol sighed over the phone. “Me too, I still can’t believe it. And if we’re upset, I can’t even begin to imagine how Dongwoo is feeling. Did he call you too?”

 

“No, Sunggyu told me a couple seconds ago. It’s unbelievable, babe, we just saw them yesterday. , Sungyeol, this is terrible.”

 

“No kidding.” The other sniffed. “Hey, do you think you could do me a favor today?”

 

“Yes, of course,” Myungsoo replied. “What do you need?”

 

“I… I want to go check on Dongwoo after I finish work today. Make sure he’s okay, and all.”

 

Myungsoo nodded. “Yeah, of course. Forget whatever plans we had, you should definitely do that. I’m sure you’ll be able to help comfort him, and right now Dongwoo should come first.”

 

“Which… leads me to the favor. Dongwoo just lost his first child and I feel like… I feel like if I go to him later to be with him, I shouldn’t bring Jiseon around. It just wouldn’t be right if I come with my kid after he just lost his.”

“...Yes,” Myungsoo urged softly.

 

Sungyeol paused before continuing. “I-... I guess what I’m asking is whether or not you could watch Jiseon for me.”

 

There was quietness for a moment before Myungsoo responded, “Me?”

 

“Yeah.” He could hear a smile beginning to form on Sungyeol’s lips. “Very much, you.”

 

“A-Are you sure? You can’t get someone else to watch her?”

 

“Hm? You don’t want to watch Jiseon?” Myungsoo imagined a pout on Sungyeol’s lips.

 

He shook his head rapidly. “No, it’s not that, it’s just… I don’t know, it’s just… you really trust me with Jiseon already?”

 

Sungyeol chuckled over the phone. “Yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t I? She really likes you.”

 

“Enough for me to watch her?” he joked. “How long are you planning to stay over with Dongwoo?”

 

“Not sure,” Sungyeol hummed. “Depends on how long Dongwoo will need me. Which means you might need to tuck Jiseon into bed if that’s the case. That’s… okay with you, right?”

 

Myungsoo nodded quickly. “Yeah! Yeah, of course! Of course it’s okay, I’ll take good care of her tonight. I promise.”

 

He heard Sungyeol sigh and imagined the smile that went with it. “Thanks, Myungsoo it means a lot to me… and Jiseon. She really likes you, you know. Almost as infatuated as I am.”

 

“Almost as infatuated as you?” Myungsoo teased. “I highly doubt that.”

 

“Alright there, no need to get nit-picky,” Sungyeol joked. “Anyways, I’ll text you the address of her school and call her teacher to let him know that you’re picking her up so there shouldn’t be any problems.”

 

Myungsoo’s lips pursed into a smile and he nodded. “Sounds good.”

 

“Surprise her for me,” Sungyeol told him. “And make sure she does her homework before you guys eat dinner. And make sure she’s in bed by ten.”

 

“Ten?!” Myungsoo exclaimed. “That’s so early.”

 

Sungyeol laughed. “Sorry, but she’s a growing girl and growing girls don’t stay up till four in the morning watching Netflix shows.”

 

“Oh… Oh yeah,” he chuckled. “And… speaking of dinner, um, I know you taught me a couple recipes and stuff, and I cooked for your birthday but I don’t know if I can cook something good enough for Jiseon’s palate-”

 

“Are you implying my daughter is picky?”

 

“No, no!” He laughed. “It’s more like I’m not sure how to cater to children’s taste buds, and you are an amazing cook so the expectations are kind of high.”

 

He imagined Sungyeol smiling over the phone again. “You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. You are a quick study and Jiseon eats whatever you put in front of her. But I know you and you’ll want to play it safe, so there are some leftovers in the fridge. Just heat those up for her.”

 

“Alright.” Myungsoo grinned. “Sounds perfect. I’ll make sure to do all that. Just don’t forget to text me the directions to her school. I can always call later on if something else pops up.”

 

“Okay, babe,” Sungyeol chuckled. “I’ve got to go now, there’s customers coming in. Kisses.” Myungsoo laughed at the loud kiss that Sungyeol sent over the phone. “Give Jiseon a kiss for me when you tuck her into bed also.”

 

“I will. Talk to you later, honey.”

 

“Bye babe!”

 

Myungsoo hung up with a soft, bittersweet smile adorning his face. While he was happy to get a surprise play date with Jiseon, he couldn’t help but worry for Dongwoo and how he was feeling. Myungsoo didn’t have any of his own children, but recently, he believed he gained Jiseon as a part of his life. And the thought of having Jiseon torn away unsettled his stomach even though he hadn’t spent much time with her. He couldn’t even begin to imagine the type of emotions that Hoya and Dongwoo were battling through.

 

He sent off a quick text to his partner, assuring him that he had all work issues covered and that he would be there for Dongwoo, if he ever needed him.

 

Dr. Choi walked into the patient’s room, noticing a very familiar pair of shoulders. Hoya was joking around with his patient’s mother, trying to make her laugh and take her mind off of the myriad of problems her little boy was facing. Dr. Choi usually was thankful for Hoya’s impeccable bedside manner, but today was not one of those days.

 

“Good morning Mrs. Watson. I see our little rockstar is still sleeping?” The one year old looked peaceful in his slumber, but the bandages on his chest and tubes in his body betrayed the fact that he had recently had a very intense surgical procedure to repair a con heart defect. But he was recovering very nicely, and in the neonatal field, good news was great news.

 

“Yes. He’s been out like a little light ever since the procedure. But Dr. Jang here was reassuring me that his numbers are looking great and that recovery time should be optimal. I really just want to thank the two of you again; I know that you are the best in your field and as a single mom there was no way I could ever afford to give Daniel the help he needed it but you still wouldn’t turn us away and-” She started to tear up, getting emotional at the thought of being without her son. Hoya wrapped an arm around her shoulder, doing his best to comfort her.

 

“Mrs. Watson, we know that you love your son and that you would do anything in your power to help him. We were honored that we could not only perform the surgery, but ensure that your son would have a much higher quality of life as he grows older. You just needed a little help, and there’s no shame in that. I know you’re used to it but you can’t do everything on your own, and that’s okay.”

 

The woman smiled. “You’re right. Thank you. Honestly, it’s just so hard sometimes and I always have to stay strong for him.”

 

“Not right now. Look at Daniel; he’s asleep, which means he’s letting his body rest and recover. So you should do the same. You know that if anything changes, one of the nurses will wake you up. Finish up that bagel I brought by for you and then get some sleep.”

 

“Okay, I will. Thank you doctor.”

 

“It’s really no problem.” Hoya smiled at her one last time, waving goodbye and joining a stern looking Dr. Choi in the hallway.

 

“Hoya-”

 

“Look, I know what you are going to say.”
 

“That I told you to go home and rest? That I didn’t need your help to do morning rounds? Yes, I also recall that conversation we had a few short hours ago with great clarity.” Dr. Choi was ready for Hoya to give him some excuse for his sudden reappearance. He was not, however, prepared for the other doctor to burst into tears. His eyebrows rose in alarm, and he pulled Hoya into the nearest empty exam room for a moment of privacy.

 

“Hoya, what the hell-”

 

“Please just let me help. I need to work; I need to do something that matters. Nothing is going to be the same anymore and I need this. I need this more than ever, so please. Please don’t make me go. I can’t help my own family, but I can help these patients. I can fix them. Please, I just need to be able to do something right.”

 

The surgeon had never seen Hoya look so upset, so vulnerable. He knew that whatever the other man was dealing with was serious, so he decided not to push. “Okay, okay. It’s alright. You can stay. We’ll finish the morning rounds and then we’ll look into some consults. There’s always work to be done.”

 

“Thank you, Dr. Choi. It means everything to me.” Hoya wiped away his tears, visibly composing himself. “I’m sorry for… that small moment of weakness. I am ready to continue now.”

 

Dr. Choi looked at him wearily, wanting to pry but also knowing that it wasn’t the proper time. “Alright. But before we start, I just want you to know that I am here. If you ever needed to talk…”

 

“Thank you but that’s not necessary. There’s nothing to talk about now.” He squared his shoulders, walking away from Dr. Choi and into the next patient’s room, a fake smile plastered on his face.

 

The charade of happiness was all Hoya had left now.

 

 

Myungsoo felt very overdressed and very out of place amongst the crowd of parents outside the elementary school. Most of them were stay-at-home moms or grandparents, here to pick up their kid in the middle of the day because their presence wasn’t required anywhere else. So he felt quite awkward with his shirt tucked in as he tapped his shiny shoe away at the blacktop. The moms surrounding him were murmuring, giving pointed glances in his direction. He caught them whispering about how young he looked for a father and how handsome he was.

 

Fidgeting uncomfortably, he checked the time on his watch. It was only two more minutes until school ended, surely he could wait that long. Surely, he could handle all these side glances for that long.

 

Soon enough, the school bell rang with a high pitched shrill that gave Myungsoo flashbacks of middle school. Kids came skipping outside like a small herd of baby animals. Myungsoo shook his head, perhaps that wasn’t the most intelligent analogy. But any further analogies left his head as he saw Jiseon sprinting towards him.

 

Myungsoo broke into a wide grin the second he heard her say, “Mr. Myungsoo!” She ran up towards him, only skidding to a stop when she was close and breathless. She swiped at the stray hairs on her face as she smiled up at him. “My teacher told me you were going to pick me up today!”

 

“Yeah?” he said, grinning down at her. He ruffled her hair. “Were you happy I was coming? Or were you sad your daddy wasn’t coming?”

 

Jiseon looked up at him, bouncing on the balls of her feet, and giggled, “Both!”

 

“Both?” Myungsoo repeated. Jiseon followed him as he began stepping out of the parking lot. He had to park down the street because he wasn’t able to find a spot any closer. “That’s good, I’ll tell your dad that,” he joked. He reached down to rustle her hair. “How was school today?”

 

“Great!” she said excitedly. “We read a story about a mummy today! It was kind of spooky but I didn’t even get scared! Not even when the mummy appeared on the roof!”

 

Myungsoo’s eyebrows knit together. “On the roof? You mean in the story right?”

 

Shaking her head vigorously, she replied, “No, no, on the roof of our classroom! We heard his footsteps and the girl next to me started screaming. It hurt my ear too.”

 

Must have been some construction worker on the roof, Myungsoo thought to himself. He laughed at the idea of Jiseon and her entire first grade class thinking it was a mummy from their storybook. As smart as Jiseon was, she still had thenaivete of a regular first grader.

 

He stopped suddenly when he felt Jiseon’s small hand wrap around his. Myungsoo looked down in surprise, his eyebrows raising. “Jiseon…?”

 

She looked up at him with the most conviction a first grader could have. “We’re crossing a road,” she replied simply. Sticking her pointer finger up smartly, she continued, “Never cross the street without holding an adult’s hand -- that’s what Daddy always says.”

 

Myungsoo actually laughed out loud this time as the crossing guard blew on his whistle to allow them to cross the road. “That’s right,” he agreed with a chuckle, “Always cross the street with an adult holding your hand.”

 

“Mm-hmm!” she sang, skipping along with his steps.

 

She kept rambling on as they reached Myungsoo’s car. He had swung by Sarang’s before to pick up the apartment keys and Jiseon’s car seat as well. So after making sure she was buckled in securely, he began the drive to her apartment. It was very comfortable since Jiseon almost never stopped talking. She was so happy and enthusiastic to have some time with Myungsoo that he felt happier himself also. Her positivity must have been contagious.

 

By the time they had entered the apartment, Jiseon was still bouncing on the balls of her feet. It was a nice change to be able to talk with Jiseon without being surrounded by a gaggle of girls. It was quiet with just the two of them and Myungsoo liked it.

 

“So,” he said, pulling his shoes off, “what’s the first thing you do when you get home?”

 

Jiseon’s eyes glinted as she slowly said, “Well… Daddy usually lets me watch TV for a little bit.”

 

“Oh.” Myungsoo blinked. “He does? I mean that’s fair, I used to watch TV before doing my homework when I was in high school…”

 

“And,” Jiseon continued, “he lets me eat cookies. Lots of cookies!” she giggled. “And I only start my homework after I finish my cookies.”

 

Myungsoo raised an eyebrow as a smile grew on his face. Placing his hands on his hips, he said, “Hmm… that doesn’t sound quite right.”

 

Jiseon laughed and skipped away to her room. “I’m going to change! We can eat leftover cookies from my birthday yesterday after.”

 

Myungsoo chuckled and pulled out his phone. He shot a quick text to his boyfriend about the validity of the cookie claim and got a reply seconds quickly refuting. Myungsoo laughed out loud as he pocketed his phone. Okay, so Jiseon wasn’t allowed to eat all the cookies in the house, but that didn’t mean that they couldn’t reach a middle ground.

 

So when Jiseon came back, Myungsoo’s hands were on his hips once again and he had a smile on his face.

 

“Can we have cookies now?” she asked.

 

Myungsoo tilted his head at her playfully. “I would but… your father just told me that you’re supposed to do homework before having any sweets. And that you’re only allowed to have, like, three at most.”

 

Jiseon’s cheeks flushed in embarrassment as she played with her fingers. “So… no cookies then?”

 

“I’ll tell you what,” he said with a chuckle, “you take out your homework, I’ll take out some work I need to do and we can both eat cookies while we work. Deal?”

 

“Deal!” she said excitedly.

 

She pulled out her schoolwork excitedly and Myungsoo laughed to himself because he couldn’t remember the last time he had been that excited to do homework. Her folders were bright and decorated in stickers and Myungsoo couldn’t help but think that the paperwork he had pulled out across from her looked so dreary in comparison.

 

He made sure to place a plate of cookies in the middle with two glasses of milk. They worked efficiently, multitasking between eating and writing until there was only chocolate cookie left on the plate.

 

“You can have the last cookie as soon as you finish,” Myungsoo promised her. “But if I finish first, I’m eating it!”

 

Jiseon pouted, resting her cheeks in her palms. “No fair!” she replied. “I don’t get my homework!”

 

“And I probably have a million more pages to go and it’s going to take me a week. So if you don’t finish before me, you’re going to be in trouble also.”

 

She pursed her lips together, looking back down to a math worksheet that was only half complete. “But I don’t get it!” She sighed and Myungsoo thought it was quite funny, seeing a small girl getting frustrated over math. She looked up at him expectantly and asked, “Mr. Myungsoo, do you get this kind of math?”

 

“Me?” he asked with raised eyebrows. “I mean… I can look at it. What is it?”

 

“Long division,” she said.

 

“They teach long division in first grade-...?”

 

“Mm-hmm!”

 

Myungsoo scratched his head. “Okay, I can help. Long division isn’t too hard.” And if worst came to worst, he could secretly use the calculator on his phone.

 

Jiseon grinned and hopped off her seat to bring her worksheet to Myungsoo. She took the last cookie along the way cheekily and laughed at the look Myungsoo gave her.

 

“Here,” she said, breaking the cookie in half. “We can both take half.”

 

Myungsoo chuckled and took the half, breaking it into a fourth. “Long division,” he winked as he put it into his mouth.

 

She laughed as they both turned to the worksheet. But what Jiseon didn’t mention to Myungsoo was that it was long division with decimals and remainders. He blinked at the paper with furrowed brows.

 

“...the heck are remainders?”

 

Sungyeol punched in the combination on the garage door opener; he knew the code and was instructed to only use it for emergencies. Sooyong was taken from Dongwoo’s family, so as far as he was concerned, this definitely counted as an extreme circumstance for letting himself in.

 

“Dongwoo! I’m here!” He noted the absence of Hoya’s car, so he knew his best friend was alone. “I brought you something special.” He wandered into the living room, finding Dongwoo sitting on the couch, clutching one of Sooyong’s stuffed animals in his hands.

 

“Yeah? What’s that?” His voice was rough and scratchy, no traces of the bubbly best friend that he was accustomed to. He knew that Dongwoo would take this hard, but it was also so strange to see him look so helpless.

 

He walked over to the couch, sitting down next to him. He showed off the big square box, holding a dessert his friend was particular fond of. “The Cheesecake Factory’s world famous pumpkin cheesecake. They just started serving it this week, since Halloween coming up. I know it doesn’t help but… I just thought it might make you feel the tiniest bit better.”

 

“Yeah, thanks,” Dongwoo said restlessly, not even managing to crack a smile for his friend.

 

“Oh, hyung.” He threw the cheesecake on the coffee table, wrapping his arms around his friend. “I know it feels like the end of the world, but it’s going to be okay. I’m here for you. All of your friends are here for you. We will do whatever we can to help you. We love you.”

 

“I know. And I’m grateful, really I am. It’s just… they- they took my baby away from me. I had to give my Sooyong away, and it’s like… it’s like I’m not whole anymore. Like this big piece of me is missing and I don’t… I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now.”

 

“You fight, hyung. You don’t give up. You loved that little boy like he was your own. You are his father. Biology doesn’t change that.”

 

“I want to… I want to get him back but part of me feels like I’m just setting myself up for more failure. The law is clear; the mother has up to a year to change her mind. It’s completely within Areum’s legal rights. Hoya and I both knew the risks when we went into this.”

 

Sungyeol sighed, resting his head on top of the other’s. “I know, it’s just… it’s not fair. You shouldn’t have had to say goodbye to him. Especially like this.”

 

“At least I got to. Hoya… he wasn’t here.”

 

“Oh, God.” Sungyeol started to get emotional, his eyes wetting. “He must feel… I can’t even imagine.”

 

“The look in his eyes when I told him… I don’t know what I was expecting. Anger? Of course; he actually knew Areum, she was his patient and the way she acted… was incorrigible. Sadness? Even more so. I had to tell him that his son was gone, that he wasn’t going to come back. But I expected… expected something more and I got nothing.”

 

“What do you mean nothing?”

 

“Hoya has always been my rock, the constant in my life that is there for me whenever I need help. But this time… Hoya… he didn’t…” Dongwoo struggled to find a way to explain, his own confusion at his husband’s reaction making it that much harder. “I don’t know. He held me, he was there for me but he didn’t react the way I was expecting. He didn’t really say how he felt. He was surprised at first but afterwards, he didn’t break down. Not like I did. He cried at first, sure, but it passed so quickly. When I looked into his eyes, there was nothing. Like he mentally wasn’t there. I’ve never seen him like that. So… lifeless.”

 

“Dongwoo, you told him that his son was gone. He must have just went into shock. Some people, when they get bad news, they last out. They cry, they scream, they show their pain. Other people… internalize. They shut down, pretend like it didn’t happen. Or maybe he was just trying to be strong enough for the both of you.”

 

Dongwoo shivered, biting his lip nervously. “I’m just… I’m scared. I’m scared that his grief… that it’s going to change him. Consume him. And if he’s not sharing that burden with me, then how will he ever survive it?”

 

“Whoa, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. This is just day one. The first day will always be the hardest. I’m sure that with time, things will get easier. You can come up with a game plan together on how to move forward.”

 

Dongwoo thought of Hoya’s blank stare, the fact that his impulse had been to leave his side to return to work, and a big seed of doubt was planted into his mind. Sungyeol was right; the first day was the hardest, and his husband didn’t want to spend that time with him. In fact, Hoya seemed like he couldn’t wait to get away from him.

 

Another tear fell down his cheek as he realized that this might not only be day one of losing his son, but day one of losing his marriage.

 

A/N:

Hooray for our first update in 2017! We hope all of our readers had a wonderful holiday and are doing well. As far as this update is concerned, don’t hate us too much! You have to understand that Hoya and Dongwoo are going through a horrible situation, and people don’t always deal with stress in positive ways. Things are about to get really tough for yadong, so buckle up! But we tried to give you a few cute Jiseon x Myungsoo moments to counteract it. It’s a great sign that Sungyeol trusts Myungsoo with his daughter, and things will only continue to grow more serious between the new couple. Comment and tell us what you thought ^_^

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