until destiny returns.

When we’re born into this world, we float.

Not literally, of course – that would be a bit silly. We figuratively float here and there, near and far, and we can’t control where we float because all of the floating is simply predetermined by some unknown force that we have absolutely no influence over.

Park Chanyeol isn’t sure whether or not he loves floating but he’s scared of the idea of one day not floating.

For centuries now, he’s been caught in this ongoing cycle of birth and death and rebirth and more death. He doesn’t know how to escape it, and when he stops to truly think about it, he’s not sure if he really wants to escape it.

Concepts like freedom and emancipation scurry past him, unable to create any sort of meaning in his mind. Ideas like hatred and jealousy and envy have yet to take root within the clutches of his chest, and he supposes that he’s perfectly fine with that since such things sound horrifying and scary and exactly like everything he doesn’t think he wants to understand.

But Park Chanyeol understands love. And he supposes that love is all he needs.

i.

The first time that Chanyeol recalls stumbling upon Choi Jinri was when she was one of the many princesses of the land, and he, nothing more than another commoner at her feet.

“Look,” his mother would whisper as the royal party paraded through their small village, “That’s the king, the queen, and that is the prince and the princess. They rule over the land with care and we owe everything that we have to them.”

Chanyeol doesn’t particularly take notice of these words as his eyes have locked themselves onto the youngest girl of the bunch – a clumsy toddler who couldn’t possibly be any older than him. With her long, silken hair fashioned into a braid tucked away in her headpiece and her dress dragging in the dirt behind her, he immediately knew that there was something special about her. She held her older brother’s hand for dear life as she struggled to keep up with the rest of her family. And yet, her expression showed no sign of worry at all: eyes bright, smile radiant, faint blush painting her cheeks as she continued to waddle forward.

She was cute. Even Chanyeol, in his awkward, chubby, seven-year-old body, knew that much.

And there was something about her that he could only label as familiar in the way that she suddenly turned towards him in the crowd, offering a lovable smile.

To him.

Only for him.

He felt his heart jump in his chest and a sudden heat wave over his body, and tiny Chanyeol – too short for his age and too fat for his youth – could do nothing but manage a hesitant grin in return.

“It is your father’s duty to protect the king and your uncle’s duty to protect the queen. When the time comes, it will be your turn to protect a member of the royal family as well. Surely you are prepared for such a task, correct, my son?”

The young boy can do nothing but nod quietly, gripping the flower in his hand tightly until the little girl’s figure disappears in the crowd.

I will protect you. I will always protect you.

Perhaps he’s too young for a promise too deep, or perhaps, in that fleeting moment, he was reminded of that raven silk dancing through the gaps between his fingers, of her eyelashes fluttering whenever she tried to stay awake to do nothing else but stare into his eyes, of those lips against his, nipping, , rolling in perfect synchronization because he was meant for her and she was meant for him and nothing in their world would ever change that.

“Of course, mother. With my very life.”

ii.

It isn’t until they meet again, a lifetime later, that a wave of sensation overcomes Chanyeol’s being and he swears that the breathtaking woman before him is someone not as new as he thought she would be.

“I’m… I’m sorry. Have we met before?”

The young woman before him almost jumps out of her sitting position, unruly locks tied in a messy bun atop her head and eyes ringed with a pained lack of sleep. Her expression is one consumed with nothing but fear as she tightly grips the small basket in her lap, whispering, “No, sir. You must have me mistaken. I’m sorry for occupying your space; I’ll be headed out soon enough.”

Chanyeol can’t help but continue to look at her curiously, not quite sure what’s causing her suffering but absolutely positive that whatever it is must be something unjust and unfair and downright disgusting. “You don’t have to be sorry. I’m just curious is all. It’s not often that I come home to find a young woman sitting on my doorstep.”

She flushes at these words, already parting her lips to perhaps create another excuse of some sort, but she is cut off but a quick shake of the head. “It’s nice to have some company once and a while, you know? Here, let me open the door. We can have dinner together.”

Her eyes widen at his audacious statement and Chanyeol tries his best to keep his nerves in check as well. He’s grown up in a world cruel enough to know that the blunt invitation has more than its own handful of repercussions and by recklessly challenging them, he’s not only putting his own reputation in danger, but the one of this young woman’s as well.

Yet for some reason, he finds that he can’t care. He should care but he doesn’t and he supposes that it has something to do with the way her eyes have started to glisten and the way those unshed tears catch the rays of the sun. He can’t spare time to worry about himself because right now she’s all that matters – and he doesn’t even know who she is. There’s something in the back of his mind screaming for him to hug this stranger as though they are longtime friends that have reunited after a long time apart.

He’s not sure how, but he manages to resist the temptation.

“I-I really can’t,” she stutters in response to his invitation, quickly averting her pitiful gaze away from this handsome young man. “I’m supposed to be returning to work soon. I had been asked to deliver these flowers, but it turns out that your neighbor hadn’t been expecting them and ordered me to send them back. I doubt that my employer will understand, so I really need to get back before I get into even more trouble.”

“No,” is his easy retort, and the single syllable makes her glance up at him once more in innocent surprise. “It’s dark enough and the flower shop is a while away. I’ll pay double whatever the supposed customer was to pay if you stay the night, and I’ll personally write a letter to your employer to explain the situation.”

When the words don’t seem as though they’re enough to sway her, he suddenly reaches for her hand, easily interlocking their fingers together.

“Trust me.”

For a moment, it seems as though she is unable to formulate a proper response. But after minutes of silence, she hesitantly squeezes his offered warmth, allowing a careful smile to light up her features.

Chanyeol thinks that if only he could see that painted joy in her eyes for eternity, then there would be no need for a sun. The way he sees it, this woman is enough to satiate every need for light that he could possibly ever desire.

This sudden revelation catches him offguard for a mere second, but is quickly wiped away when his attention is brought back to the younger girl by his side as she whispers, “I believe in you.”

iii.

“Well,” he starts awkwardly, scratching the back of his head in a strange attempt to soothe his nerves, “I had figured that the peaches would have already been ready by now. I know that they’re your favorites.” Above his head in the orchard are delicate blossoms in various shades of pink instead of the delicious fruit that he had been hoping for.

It isn’t until that moment that he wishes that he paid more attention to his elderly grandmother when she rambled on and on about the different seasons for the hundreds of fruit that grew in their native land.

Good job, Chanyeol. First date, and you're already showing off just how much of a screw-up you are.

He isn’t quite sure what he had expected his longtime crush to do, but when she smiles at him with her twinkling eyes, he feels the tension in his shoulders dissipate. “That’s alright. It’s the thought that counts.”

Chanyeol agrees with this statement fervently because the way he sees it, it’s the only thing keeping him from looking like a complete idiot in her eyes. A partial idiot is okay, but he figures that if he pushes that label onto himself too much, he’ll lose whatever chance he has with the stunning beauty currently at his side. “And at least the flowers are beautiful,” he tries to smoothly add on. “Maybe it’s nicer to see them like this instead of just plucking them for a snack.”

“I can’t agree with you on that one,” she chuckles, the sound like a soothing tide washing over his frame despite the fact that her words should be sparking some kind of worry within his heart. “I think that things are much more beautiful when they’re in an edible form. That’s for sure.”

“It’s all about food with you, huh?” he jokes, feigning a pout as he turns away from her with crossed arms.

A part of him had been hoping that she would hug him from behind and insist that she is only playing with him, but he supposes that the fact that Jinri doesn't do such a thing is the exact reason why he’s found himself so hopelessly in love with her.

“Stop being such a baby,” she singsongs, twirling away from him as well and skipping towards the trunk of the tree to stare up at the blossoms in wonder. “I’m sure that you were thinking the same thing, too. I wonder what would happen if we tried to eat the flowers?”

If Chanyeol had it his way, he wouldn’t have turned to assist the young minx at all. However, he finds that he doesn’t really have much of a choice when he feels a strong grip grab at the sleeve of his sweater and yank him backwards. “Hey, Choi Jinri, remember who the senior is here!”

She snorts at his lame attempt to recover leadership with an elfish smile, “Don’t worry, I won’t forget, Oppa.”

That shuts him up almost immediately as his face flushes to a shade bright enough to rival the blushes of the peach blossoms around him.

When he’s able to regain focus, he realizes that Jinri has been going on a tangent for a while now. He isn’t sure how it reached such an extent, but upon the epiphany that she’s suddenly raging on what she believes to be a corrupt education system, he’s suddenly fearful for his life because the soon-to-be teacher looks as though she’s about to gouge someone’s eyeballs out with her bare hands.

Chanyeol has the common sense to fear the idea that that someone might just be him.

“Whoa there,” he mumbles, still partially lost in his thoughts, “There’s no need to get so upset.”

Jinri doesn’t seem to care – that is, if she even hears him. Such a revelation does nothing more than annoy the man towering over her, who absentmindedly plucks one of the blossoms off of its branch and moves to tuck it behind the younger woman’s ear.

The sudden motion is enough to shut Jinri up as she turns her attention to stare at Chanyeol with wide eyes.

Memories flash by of stumbling youth and timid smiles and “Don’t forget to hold my hand!”s and “I’ll never willingly let you go.”s and love, love, love, love, love.

“Jinri,” he breathes, “Are you feeling alright?”

She can do nothing but continue to stare at him until some incessant whisper in the back of her mind swallows the rest of her thoughts and she feels herself moving forward to meet his lips with hers.

Chanyeol enthusiastically responds – once he’s able to overcome the initial shock – by cupping her cheek with one hand and twining his fingers through her hair with the other.

The action causes the peach blossom in her hair to gently fall to the ground, the petals tearing apart from one another due to the sudden change of momentum.

("My name is safe on your lips.")

iv.

“One day I want to fly.”

Chanyeol snorts at this, unable to stop himself from eventually erupting into manic laughter at the unrealistic picture that’s been painted in his head. “Please, Ri. I asked you about what you wanted to be when you grow up: not some silly little-kid idea like that.”

Choi Jinri, a mere seven-years-old, flushes a bright red in embarrassment, silently horrified at the fact that she just confessed one of her most genuine secrets to her best friend only to have him laugh at her in amusement. “No, you asked me about what one of my dreams was. You never said that it was something that actually has to be possible. I already know that people can’t fly. We don’t have wings.”

“Glad that you’re smart enough to at least know what your own body looks like.”

Chanyeol receives a rather harsh punch on his shoulder and proceeds to whine about how such a situation is what will eventually lead to his death.

“Dreams don’t necessarily have to be something realistic. I can dream about whatever I want to dream about and you can’t stop me from doing that. I already know that it’s impossible, but that doesn’t stop me from feeling the way I do. You can’t control how you feel – I think that if people could, then our lives wouldn’t be so complicated. I think that it may actually be better to believe in the impossible: since you already know that there’s no hope for it truly ever happening, you don’t actually get your hopes set that high, and so there’s no room for disappointment.”

An awkward silence assumes until her friend finally forms a mocking grimace. “Geez, Ri. When did you get so smart?”

The young girl rolls her eyes at this and responds with a blunt, “Never. You’re just really stupid.”

This response results in more high-pitched whines that Jinri didn’t even think was even possible. “Why are you so mean today?”

“If I come off as rude, then I’m sorry. I promise that I don’t mean to be.”

“Hey, Choi Jinri, one day you’re going to be the reason that I drown myself in tears.”

She sticks her tongue out at this, before lightly hitting his arm once more. “Don’t say things like that, Yeollie. You know that I would never do such a thing.”

The older boy laughs at this and envelopes his friend in a tight hug. “I know.” When he sees her smile back, he quietly adds, “I know that you’d never hurt me and I’d never hurt you and that’s how it’ll be for forever.”

Jinri grins, “Forever and ever.”

“For infinity.”

“For eternity.”

“Until the day comes when Choi Jinri is able to fly like a bird.”

Chanyeol receives another blow to his arm.

(You'll fly one day, Jinri. I'll be your wings so that you can soar.)

v.

The frigid, winter air whips her silken locks around as though each strand of hair is the tentacle of some monstrous beast, and the fact that her eyes are bloodshot due to the lack of sleep that her fever granted her only makes her look more deadly.

To everyone but Chanyeol, of course. Chanyeol just thinks that it makes her look cuter than she already is.

“What are we even doing here, Yeollie?” she sniffles, clinging to the blanket that her kidnapper had rushed to get her at the very last minute. “It’s so cold and I’m already sick enough. This is just going to make it worse.”

He does nothing but shake his head lightly in response, excited smile still lighting up his features as he leans in to whisper, “But you trust me, don’t you, Ri?”

The close proximity between his face and hers makes her face burn in embarrassment and she quickly turns away from him while shouting a shaky “Pay attention when you’re driving!”

Park Chanyeol is more than one hundred percent confident that he’s dating the cutest girl ever and no one’s objections will ever be enough to deter him from this belief.

“Don’t worry,” he singsongs, “I know what I’m doing. We’ll be there soon enough!”

Choi Jinri doesn’t believe that her boyfriend knows what he’s doing for a single moment.

It takes about two hours worth of “Are we there yet?”s and “I promise that I know where we’re going!”s for them to reach their destination, and when they do, Jinri can’t help but think that her boyfriend has completely lost his mind.

“Where are we?”

“Well, I think that it used to be a garden of some sorts. But now, because of the cold I suppose, everything sort of died.”

She blinks at his blunt response, expecting some sort of intriguing tale to spin forth from his lips and somewhat surprised at the straightforward honesty which his words entailed. Before she’s granted the opportunity to question her boyfriend of three months, the door to her right is thrown open, and the man that she likes to think is the love of her life gleefully pulls her out into the open air. “This way, Ri! I promise, it’ll be a lot of fun!”

Jinri doesn’t really get to decide whether or not she follows him – she just kind of gets pulled along while she whines about how cold it is and how Chanyeol should’ve at least had the decency to grab a thicker blanket.

She’s shut up almost immediately when they reach their destination: what appears to be an abandoned log cabin settled in a frosted plateau surrounded by trees. It’s the sort of scene that Jinri had only expected to exist in movies, and the fact that the scene is very much very real and sitting right in front of her sends the breath hitching in as she quickly tilts her head upwards to stare at her loving boyfriend in excitement.

He stares back with just as much warmth – if not even more.

“Come on,” he smiles, “There’s a fireplace in there as well, and I figure that it’ll be a hell of a lot warmer than the heater in your apartment. I’ll make some hot chocolate for us on the stovetop, after I light the fire, okay? And you just sit there in front of it and I’ll bring you nice things to drink and yummy food to eat and I’ll make sure that you take your medicine at all the right times and –“

“And we’ll cuddle too, right?” she questions, pink still staining her cheeks.

Her innocent interruption seems to catch Chanyeol offguard, and it isn’t long until his face is just as red as hers.

“O-Of course. Cuddling is fun. I like cuddling.”

Jinri can’t help but smile at the cute nature of his stutter, suddenly finding that it isn’t so cold anymore as her boyfriend pulls her protectively towards his chest as he leads her towards the entrance of the cabin. “I don’t think I deserve you, Yeollie,” comes the light whisper.

Such words make Chanyeol stiffen for a moment, before he lightly taps her on the nose. “Don’t say stupid things like that. If anything, I don’t deserve you.”

She parts her lips to refute his statement, as they both step into the wooden cabin, but before she can say anything, he interrupts her train of thought with a sudden kiss. The touch is enough to send whatever rationale she has out the door as he leans forwards to rest his forehead against hers.

His lips ghost over hers as he whispers, “My heart can only ever be safe in your hands. I want you to know that.”

If it’s possible, Jinri’s heart stops beating in that very instant.

vi.

The door slams in front of her with enough force to rattle the frame around it and Jinri can do nothing but stare forward in shock: eyes wide, lips parted, nails still digging into her palms with such intensity that her knuckles have turned white and scars are sure to be present in the morning.

Chanyeol, who had quietly been waiting outside the CEO’s door in support of the younger woman, had flinched at the way she had been roughly pushed out of room, but had opted to say nothing as he had known that standing up for what he believed to be right would only make matters even worse than they already are. Seconds pass during which he can do nothing but worriedly stare at the silent figure before him, until he finally finds the courage to ask, “How did it go?”

It’s not until his whisper echoes between the two of them that she finally collapses on the floor – the movement so sudden that Chanyeol can’t even think to reach forward and catch her before she hits the ground.

He stands there, an expression of both horror and despair on his features, shocked by the gesture and reminded of a distant promise that he can barely remember making: I'll be your wings so that you can soar. 

“I think that my career is over,” comes the hushed response. There aren’t any tears shed as she says this – perhaps she had already shed them all – but Chanyeol looks at her and sees the little girl that he grew up with trapped in a dark corner with no way out and it pains him that no matter how much he wishes that he can do something, such a dream is impossible when they aren’t the dealer of their own fates.

Hearing footsteps echo somewhere down the hallway, he squats down beside her in order to wrap his arms around her shoulders and guide her to a more suitable place to talk.

Like nothing more than a lifeless ragdoll, she follows him without a question.

They end up going to her small apartment, and not knowing how exactly he should approach the situation, Chanyeol leaves her seated in her makeshift living room in order to prepare something for them to eat.

He’s already pulled out a pot and found some instant ramyun that he figures he can scavenge into some kind of delicious meal when she finally finds the courage to speak up. “You shouldn’t be here, Yeollie.”

 “What makes you say that, Ri?” he asks, trying his best to ignore the sting in her chest as he fumbles around with the package.

“I-I’m already in enough trouble. It’s likely that people already saw us walking together on our way here and I’m sure that it’s only going to cause this whole fiasco to evolve into an even grander scandal.”

With a low sigh, he sets the items down on her countertop in order to pivot in her direction. “Don’t worry about what other people think. Your feelings are more important than that, and you shouldn’t allow them to put you down like this. You deserve more than that, Ri.”

“How can I do that when their opinion of me determines the entire success of my career?” The pitch of her voice has risen, portraying a greater sense of confusion and desperation. “And it’s not just my career at this point either! What about Soojung and Josephine and Vic Umma and Sunyoung? My screwups aren’t just destroying me, but they’re destroying them as well, and – O-Oh, God, I’m causing so much trouble. I’m going to be the reason why we’ll be forced to disband, I –”

Chanyeol closes his eyes so that he doesn’t have to see her tears.

“I’ve fought so hard to get to where I am now, but no matter how hard I try, it’s like people aren’t even willing to think about everything I’ve sacrificed to get here.  I can’t say what I want to say or wear what I want to wear or act how I want to act – everything’s become this giant script that I have to keep on reading and it seems that I’m the character that’s created just for everyone to hate.”

The words change form and become salty tears that drip from her closed eyes as she continues to squeeze her hands into tiny fists. It isn’t long until a familiar presence shifts into position beside her, pulling her small frame into his chest as she finally allows her true sobs to rack her body.

“Don’t put yourself down like this. It’s going to be alright. I’m sure that the rest of your members don’t blame you at all, so there’s no reason to dwell on this topic for so long.”

She says nothing for a moment and simply cries instead: the sobs making her tremor even harder than before, and Chanyeol immediately becomes frustrated by the fact that he can’t do more. “Yeollie, I’m ruining your career as well. Don’t pretend like you don’t know that.”

It’s his turn now to tighten his hands into his fists as he grits his teeth at the situation. “Don’t say things like that. You know it’s not true.”

“Your fans are attacking me, Chanyeol. I’m being called a and a and it seems as though that’s all my reputation holds now. And what are we going to do if they find out that we’re actually in a relationship, huh? Do you think that they’re just going to smile and wish us happiness like we want them to? Do you think that they’re just going to sit by idly as ‘their oppa’ is snatched by some in a dress too short and a laugh too high that is only famous because of her looks? A girl that can’t even sing and dance and does nothing more than hold her group back because she doesn’t even have a true role in the band that she’s dedicated her life to? Do you honestly think that they’ll just accept us for what we are without lashing out? Because the way they’ll see it is that I’ve corrupted you in some way and that I’ve done something to you so that you can’t see straight and that you’re in this relationship against your will. They’re decidedly blind to everything except the things that they want to see and I don’t know how to fix it.”

Silence echoes throughout the room as her body stiffens against his, her entity finally catching up with the words that have just spilled forth from her lips.

Chanyeol imagines that there’s some sort of regret pooling within the pit of her stomach and decides to speak up before she allows herself to berate her actions even more. “I know. And I’m sorry. On this path that we’ve chosen, I think that it’s nearly impossible to truly keep our images pure in the eyes of the public – after all, such perfection doesn’t exist.”

Her lips part once more in order to bring herself down even further, but Chanyeol doesn’t allow it. “The public looks up to us as though we’re not humans, but all of us are very much very human and there’s nothing that we can do to change that. This perfection that they’re expecting from us is only portrayed through smoke and mirrors and it’s their fault for falling for the trick. You can’t bear the weight of the entire world on your shoulders, Ri, because you’re just one person who’s trying to compensate for the lies of millions.” He pauses for a moment in order to turn his body so that he can stare directly into your eyes. “You have me, Ri, so you don’t have to go through everything alone. And don’t let the words of others tell you anything different because they don’t know what they’re talking about. You are not – and will never be – a burden to me or anyone else because you’re too good to be nothing more than a burden. Jinri, you’re the sun and the stars and the rhythm of my heart. You’re the breeze that rustles the leaves and the flowers of the spring and the music that keeps pushing me forward. You’re the reason that I can’t give up on anything that I do because you’re the reason that I breathe, so don't you dare say that you’re worth anything less than what you actually are. Because as long as you’re with me, I feel like I can handle anything that life throws at me. Don’t let something stupid like this break you. I promise that I’ll protect you from anything else that life throws at you. I promise.”

If it’s possible, her eyes seem to tremble with the impact of his words, and she retreats back into his chest, whispering, “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

Chanyeol only squeezes her tighter.

“I don’t know what I would do without you, Yeollie.”

“And you’ll never have to find out.”

vii.

“Do you ever wonder why we’re here?”

Jinri rolls her eyes at the question from her philosophy major of a boyfriend, quietly wondering how he’s managed to do so well in that class when he can barely distinguish his left shoe from his right. “What’s the point in wondering when we’ll never be able to ever find a true answer?”

She doesn’t have to look up from her crossword puzzle to know that he’s shooting her a look of exasperation, so with a sigh, she decides on a different answer. “I don’t know, I suppose that we each have our own, individual purposes in the world. That’s why we’re each born where we’re born so that we can fulfill said purpose.”

“So you believe in destiny?”

“Well, yeah. I suppose I do.”

“Does that mean,” Chanyeol starts, swooping in out of nowhere in order to sit across from her at their small kitchen table with excited eyes, “that you believe in soulmates?”

Sometimes Jinri wonders what it was that she had seen him all those years ago when she had agreed to be the older man’s girlfriend. She can’t help but shoot him a skeptical look as she hesitantly asks, “You mean like the Red String of Fate?”

“That’s exactly what I mean!” he exclaims, clearly invested into the conversation that they’re sharing. Noticing this makes Jinri slightly nervous as she knows that Chanyeol is prone to an incredible amount of eccentricities whenever he gets into one of these moods and once he starts talking, there’s no shutting him up.

“I mean,” she uneasily starts, “That’s just a myth, isn’t it? I like to think that everyone should be allowed to make their own decisions. Perhaps we all have destinies, but it’s our choice whether or not we choose to fulfill it.”

He frowns slightly, causing her to silently berate herself for picking the wrong answer. “And what about dreams? Do you believe in those?”

She hesitates again and decides to make an awkward attempt to turn the tables on him instead. “Do you believe in dreams?”

“I asked you first.”

“But you’re the philosophy major here.”

“Touché.” 

The older boy chooses to lean back in his chair, folding his arms behind his head as he ponders his own question. Sunlight streams into the room through the window behind him, casting a halo of light over his head that Jinri can’t help but admire.

After all, despite his countless oddities, he's her angel.

And nothing will ever change that.

“Without dreams, what are we?” he starts off. “Perhaps dreams are what we create in an attempt to escape the constraints of a destiny that had been written prior to our birth. We put our all into dreams despite knowing that they’re not likely to come true, because such thoughts are the true drive that keep us pushing on even when we want to give up. Perhaps it isn’t until we’ve fought hard enough to make our dreams come true that we’ve finally succeeded in defying our destiny.”

Jinri can do nothing but nod because it’s moments like these when she’s reminded just why Chanyeol is a philosophy major: his perspective of the world is something so unique and intriguing and Jinri can only be thankful that she’s allowed to be a part of it.

They sit in silence for a moment, quietly enjoying one another’s company. After a few minutes pass, the younger woman chooses to return her focus back to her crossword.

“Hey, Jinri?”

“Mm?”

“I think that if there’s no such thing as soulmates, then you’re my dream.”

The words immediately make her look back up at him with parted lips as a light flush takes over her cheeks.

“Will you marry me?”

She can do nothing but rush to throw herself into his arms despite the table separating them from one another as she excitedly murmurs, “Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.”

viii.

Chanyeol can’t help but wrinkle his nose as soon as he enters his house due to a strange, musty smell wafting through the air.

“Jinri? I’m only an hour late and you’ve already succeeded in ruining the entire place in frustration? Real mature, Ri. Real mature,” he jokes as soon as he finds her bent over the bathtub within their shared bathroom.

She shoots him a halfhearted glare before returning her attention to the task at hand. “I didn’t even realize that you were late. It’s not like I had waited for you or anything.”

Because Chanyeol is Chanyeol, he’s unable to tell whether or not she’s being sarcastic with him. Not knowing what else to do, he forces an awkward laugh and asks, “What’s that smell?”

His question is answered almost immediately by the sudden mewling that sounds from the bathtub.

With a raised brow, he sets his briefcase against the wall, and makes his way towards his wife of a few months to examine just what it is that she’s doing.

“Are those –”

“Kittens. They’re kittens, Chanyeol.”

There is a beat of silence as he can do nothing but stare at them blankly.

“Jinri, why is there an entire litter of kittens sitting in our bathtub?”

The younger woman only rolls her eyes in annoyance, “Why can't there be an entire litter of kittens sitting in our bathtub?”

Chanyeol ponders the question for a moment, is unable to come up with a proper answer, and ends up doing nothing more than shrugging.

“I was on my way home when I found them all stuffed in a box on the side of the road. It seemed like they had been there for a while now and no one seemed to want them, so I figured that I’d just take them all home and look out for them until we can find them a more suitable home.”

“I suddenly feel like we’re running an orphanage.”

“A kitten orphanage. It sounds like a cute idea.”

He nods excitedly, a burst of energy suddenly invigorating him out of nowhere as he crouches down beside his wife to examine their new “children.”

There are seven of them total: four girls and three boys. Chanyeol suddenly wishes that he was a cat expert instead of tax expert, that way he would be able to properly distinguish which species the kittens came from. Unfortunately, Chanyeol isn't a cat expert and neither is Jinri, so he can’t do much other than coo at them and make faces.

“Can we name them? I really want to name them,” he grins, picking up a white male with dark rings around its eyes. “Oh, this one looks like a Baekhyun! Can we please name him Baekhyun?”

Jinri giggles, easily amused by her husband’s childish nature. “Baekhyun? Where did that name even come from?”

He shrugs in response, not hesitating to dish out random names for the rest of the kittens as well, Jinri occasionally chipping in an opinion or two as she takes over the responsibility of washing them.

It’s a struggle at first, but it isn’t long until she finally succeeds in making sure that each one of them is squeaky clean and turns to Chanyeol, who is rubbing noses with one of the female cats that he had affectionately dubbed Sehun.

“Let’s go out to get some food for them first, okay? I can only imagine how hungry they are.”

Despite knowing that she’s probably right, Chanyeol can’t help but frown at the idea of leaving the young animals behind. Still, what Jinri says is law, so he obediently grabs his coat and follows her out the door.

“Hey, Ri?”

“Yeah?”

“Having kids is fun. Let’s have a lot of children, okay? I think I want at least twelve.”

Jinri almost chokes on her spit.

Chanyeol only laughs harder.

ix.

“I’m not feeling well, Yeollie.”

“What do you mean?”

She exhales a breath that she didn’t even realize she was holding, raking fingers through tousled, dark locks. “I don’t feel like going out tonight. I think that I just want to go to bed.”

Chanyeol frowns, trying to ignore the feeling of his heart dropping within his chest as he tries to press their date onward, “Awh, come on, Ri! I’m sure that going out for dinner will make you feel better. I got us this reservation at that five-star Italian restaurant over in downtown that you’ve been eager to try, and –”

“I said no, Chanyeol.”

He flinches at her tone.

Jinri notices this and is unable to stop the guilt from eating way at her stomach. She allows the tension within her shoulders to dissipate slightly as she allows her gaze to meet his. “Sorry, Yeollie. I’m just – I’m really not in the mood to do anything big tonight. Next time, okay? I promise.”

The older man forces a strained smile as he moves forward to envelope her in a warm embrace. “Okay. As long as you keep your promise!”

When she laughs, the strain within her voice is the most vibrant, and Chanyeol has to force himself to not flinch.

He tries to act nonchalant as he exits their shared bedroom and makes his way to the living room sofa instead, quietly sitting down and finding solace in simply staring down at the carpet.

Today is their three year anniversary.

x.

They sit across one another in silence: a burden upon both of their shoulders, stifling their breaths as she fiddles with document upon document upon document and he does nothing but sit their idly as his gaze focuses on the nothingness in front of him.

It seems to be a typical Thursday afternoon in the café. Individuals stream in and out of the small restaurant, ordering various sizes of caffeine and sugar as they chat about the lovely weather outside or the latest development in their church’s pilgrimage to some distant land. The easy acoustics of a guitar and piano duet hum lowly through the speakers scattered around the sitting area, and Chanyeol can do nothing but wish that he could drown in it.

He can’t. That would be too easy.

“I just need you to sign on the dotted lines at each of the highlighted marks,” she states, a tone that he is unable to recognize underlying the simplicity of her words.

For a moment, he realizes that perhaps if he refused her, he’d have the opportunity to fix everything. If he chooses now to finally show her his high levels of hesitation for what they’re about to do, maybe she’ll change her mind and everything will go back to normal. Perhaps this is just another bump in the road that they need to overcome, and by resorting to this measure, they’re simply taking the easy way out.

But Chanyeol can't refuse her. He’s never been able to refuse her.

So he quietly grabs the pen that she offers him with a trembling hand and begins to sign the stacks of papers.

He wants to take long. He really does. Yet it seems that time has never really been on his side as he finishes the final whirl of ink and allows the ballpoint to linger at the end of his name, ink continuing to stain the obscure whiteness of the page.

“Yeollie,” she calls, and the familiar nickname sends his head spinning and his heart lurching forward and his throat clogging up with unspoken emotion, “Are you finished?”

There is only the sound of rustling paper as he neatly piles them all in a stack, continuing to try and organize them even after it’s clear that his arrangement is orderly enough. When it seems that he can no longer draw out their time, he moves to pass the piles on to her.

At the last second, right before her fingertips are about to brush his, he pulls away.

“Why?”

Both of them know that there’s no point in elaborating what exactly he means by the simple question: that much is beyond obvious. And yet the weight of the undertones is enough to send Jinri’s mind into a whirlwind of memories – memories that she wishes that she could bury if it means finding some sort of solace in what she’s about to do. Images of exuberantly bright smiles lighting the path through the darkness, delicate eyelashes fluttering against her cheek as he leans against her, lips against hers, nipping, , rolling in perfect synchronization because he was meant for her flood through her mind.

The problem with all of it is that she isn’t meant for him. And no matter how hard she tries – even if she did try – there’s no escaping that fact of the matter.

She hates that every time, despite every cycle of life that they pass through together, only she is able to recall this cruel twist in this reality; despite everything, it is always her role to play the part of the heartbreaker even though it kills her just as it kills every individual involved.

“It’s not your fault,” she whispers, trying hard to ignore the way her voice almost cracks, “It’s no one’s fault.”

The answer isn’t good enough for Chanyeol and Jinri already knows that it won’t be enough for Chanyeol.

But she doesn’t have the courage to explain the cruel nature of their existence to him because thinking about it is enough to make her stomach churn.

“Does he make you happy?”

A pause.

“Yes.”

Her heart clenches at the acknowledgment that the syllable isn’t a lie no matter how much she wishes that it were.

It seems as though Chanyeol is also aware of the truth within her confession as he quickly averts his eyes from her when passing the papers. “That’s all that matters.” As soon as the exchange is complete, he stands up out of his chair, still not finding the strength within himself to properly face her directly. “I guess this is goodbye then.”

She wants to object this statement. She wants to hit him on the head for being so melodramatic while he pulls her closer to him and she wants to hear the booming of his laughter through his ribcage. She wants to intertwine their fingers together and tell him that he’s been her everything for so long and that she doesn’t understand why destiny has to play such a cruel trick on them by forcibly prying her from his embrace as though she’s nothing more than a puppet. She wants to cry against his shoulder as she laments the fact that she isn’t strong enough to fight what she already knows to be coming because Jinri is weak, weak, weak, and the fact that fate likes to think of Chanyeol as nothing more than a stepping stone before she reaches her actual anchor makes her want to vomit. She wants him to understand that nothing is fair and that she isn’t fair even though she wants to be and that her chest feels like it’s ripping open as he walks away from her because the world is cruel and fighting it will get both of them nowhere.

However, she doesn’t do any of this. Instead, Jinri does nothing as he continues to step away from her.

Tears roll down both of their faces as he brushes past her one last time, stopping to whisper, “I told you that my heart would be safe in your hands. And despite everything, I’m still trusting you to keep it for eternity.”

The bell rings behind him as he exits the café.

It’s only then that Jinri truly breaks down.

---

Chanyeol doesn’t know why he forgets, but he always does.

For some reason, he constantly lives in the delusion that he’s the male protagonist of the story and that Jinri is the female and they’re meant to live happily ever after because that’s how stories are just supposed to go. He imagines that true love exists and will always prevail, but time after time, he’s always reminded that he’s nothing more than another chapter in the story while he's the actual book.

Chanyeol may be a bodyguard, but he's the prince.

Chanyeol may be the kind man who helps the poor girl rise up from poverty, but he's the celebrity that truly wins her heart.

Chanyeol may be her first love, but he's her everlasting soulmate.

Chanyeol may be the best friend who understands her dreams, but he's the one who fulfills them.

Chanyeol may be the medic, but he's the cure.

Chanyeol may be the one who consoles her, but he's the one who rises her up from the ashes.

Chanyeol may be the one who gets her to think about love and destiny, but it’s he who’s her actual love and destiny.

Chanyeol is nothing more than a second in time, but he's infinity.

He doesn’t know how he allows himself to keep forgetting this important lesson, but he does.

And it hurts.

---

When we’re born into this world, we float.

Not literally, of course – that would be a bit silly. We figuratively float here and there, near and far, and we can’t control where we float because all of the floating is simply predetermined by some unknown force that we have absolutely no influence over.

Park Chanyeol has stopped floating.

Or perhaps, maybe the entire idea of floating had been just that the entire time: nothing more than a simple idea possessed by a boy cursed to relive through the same cycle over and over again; to fall in love with the same girl, have her so close to his side, and then realize soon enough that she could never love him even if she wanted to because that's now how their destiny was written to work.

And that’s what hurts most.

Chanyeol thinks that maybe, if he just continued to force the memories out of his mind, he’d be alright. He could pretend like his fate never actually happens and he’ll continue to float in his pristine world and he can try to win his love’s heart the next time around.

But he knows that doing so is only in vain. He knows that such an attempt is nothing but futile. And he likes to think that when he’s torn from Jinri’s fingertips, she experiences just as much pain as he does.

Wishful thinking. I've always been good at wishful thinking.

---

Park Chanyeol doesn’t understand much – not consciously, at least.

But perhaps the nature of a genuine altruist is one that had always been written in his blood.

Park Chanyeol no longer floats because he knows that his existence is what makes her reunion with him bittersweet. He no longer floats because he knows that as soon as she sees him, she recalls that her first love was never meant to be and is forced to bear the weight of breaking this news to him, crushing his heart, because he never seems to remember.

Park Chanyeol no longer floats because he loves her but she can’t love him back and despite everything he’d like to believe, he can no longer deny that he’s the sole entity keeping her from achieving true happiness.

And he can’t live with that guilt.

AUTHOR'S NOTES; It's actually really funny, because I had told myself that if I reached the final round of the contest, I would write a chanlli fic. So being granted the opportunity to continue writing for this final round made me giggle because one of the prompts was actually the chanlli pairing. LOL. This whole fic is actually kind of risky for me in a sense, because I tried out a blending of different story structures that I've learned over the past few months. Hopefully it was still to everyone's enjoyment? c:

Cards used for this entry are as follows:
> "I beg your pardon. I didn't recognize you. I've changed a lot." - Oscar Wilde
> the aspect of past lives
> pairing: chanyeol/sulli
> character revises their own memories to suit their current situation
> "You're cheating yourself out of today. Today is calling you, trying to get your attention, but you're stuck on tomorrow, and today trickles away like water down a drain. You wake up the next morning and that today that you wasted is gone forever. It's now yesterday. Some of those moments may have had wonderful things in store for you, but now you'll never know. " - Jerry Spinelli, Love Girl

Thank you all so much for your love and support! I don't know how I would be able to get anywhere without you guys. ♡

edit: I haven't come across anyone who remarked everything that the story entailed directly which kind of saddens me. So I guess I'll give you a hint! The idea of reincarnation and destiny are very important throughout the story and such importance is directly reflected in the nature of the story's structure (what happens in each section and why is it ordered in the mirrored structure of an actual relationship?). The peach blossoms and what they actually symbolize are important elements of foreshadowing and there are many other symbols littered throughout the text. Just look for them. c;

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