Username: Drama153

Story Name: I'm Now His Slave??!!

MARKS:

Plot:

Why are cliches so popular? Because they work. When you know a general plot line will work, you will use it and so will many other people. This plot line is used quite often and yet each person seems to write it somehow differently.

I read stories with this plotline so many times and yet I can't help but like them.

21/30 points

English:

In some places (especially at the first few chapters) it seemed as though you were missing commas in many places but you had picked up with the commas later throughout the story.

...put on something casual but yet nice. - I personally think that that line would sound better without the 'but,' but it is your own choice.

When I got in the limo with my outfit Kibum gave smirked. - It's like you smashed two sentences together and forgot a few key words. I would write it like, I got into the limo with the outfit Kibum gave to me and he smirked. There are many ways to rewrite this sentence.

You may not have known this but the past tense of pay is actually paid not payed.
Here is a brief sentence about it:

If you paid attention in school, you know that the past tense of “pay” is “paid” except in the special sense that has to do with ropes: “He payed out the line to the smuggler in the rowboat.”

[source: http://public.wsu.edu/~brians/errors/payed.html]

20/30 points

Creativity:

-       

Like I said earlier, I've read stories like this many other times.

6/10 points

Description and Title:

-  The title fits perfectly but the description just didn't grab me.

5/10 points

Writing style:

-      The main thing I want to point out in this section is not to go overboard with all the colour and fonts. There is a room for colour but it isn't everywhere. For example, Chapter 16, I couldn't read that colour so I just didn't read that chapter. That colour hurts my eyes and I'm sure it hurts others' eyes as well. So just be careful with the colours your pick next time.

6/10 points

Enjoyment:

-   

-   The thing I really liked about this story was the past about Key and Minyoung and slowly you see it piece together.

6/10 points

TOTAL SCORE: 64

STAR RATING: 2.7

So sorry for the long wait, just been really busy and tired.
Sorry for that, really if there is any way I could repay you, just let me know.

If you would like any of your other stories reviewed, please don't hesitate to request.
Or if you do not understand something, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Reviewed by _uraqt