Username: alize_sakura

Story Name: Without You

MARKS:

Plot:

-         I think this plot is one that would fit a drama perfectly.
It is good that you had stuck with the actual intended plot line this time.
Also, I found this plotline more enjoyable than Please Say No To Him Coz I Still Love You.

19/30 points

English:

First of all, myself is one word. So is herself and yourself.

When speaking about clothes which are on someone, you would use 'wear' not 'use'.

"If noona will look this beautiful on wedding dress..." - the on should be in, not really quite sure how to explain this
because it comes naturally to me but here is a website which tells when to use on, it or at. http://esl.about.com/od/grammarintermediate/a/prepositions_of_place.htm

You can find much better websites but that is just the basics of it.

Since when I start to fall for him? - Should be, Since when did I start to fall for him?

"Do you free after this?" Should be, Are you free after this?
 

18/30 points

Creativity:

-       Not the most creative story out there but the twist where she stays with DooJoon is a surprise.
Normally I would see the main character go back to her first lover but it is a nice surprise there.

7/10 points

Description and Title:

- To be honest, I don't really see how the title exactly fits in. I get a vague idea but not really quite sure.
The description is good as it outlines the basic story concept.

6/10 points

Writing style:

-         It is good that you are stating whose point of view it is in this story but the thing you should
work on is that when you have miltiple changes of views, you should make sure you are not repeating yourself.
In some cases you are stating what the person did just with the same words used just in another person's view.
What you should try to do is bring out that character's opinions on it. So instead of staying that she looked good in everyone's view, you should use other words like, for example, she walked out of the change rooms and I swear to god that
she looked like she had just walked out of a photoshoot. Or something along the lines of it.

6/10 points

Enjoyment:

-   This story was much more enjoyable to me than Please Say No To Him Coz I Still Love You.

7/10 points

TOTAL SCORE: 63

STAR RATING: 3

This story has showed improvement compared to your other story!
Come back another time to get another story reviewed and let's see
if you can beat this score!!!

Good Luck on your future stories!!!

If you would like any of your other stories reviewed, please don't hesitate to request.
Or if you do not understand something, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Reviewed by _uraqt