chapter fourteen

Feeling so stiff and unmoving, I uncomfortably shuffle under the thin fabrics covering my body. I only stop when I feel myself being pulled out of a dream and everything starts to turn clear. Something feels sticky and prickly all over my torso that my free hand skitters to touch it; my other hand seems to be stuck with something. I can feel some bandages but I won’t really know because my eyes refuse to open themselves up. I mean, why would I even have bandages on my torso right?

My eyes sharply open as I try to jolt up from the realization. Of course, someone stops me.

“The doctor said you should rest for a while.” After hearing the voice I immediately fall back on the soft covers closing my eyes shut. I should have feigned sleepy and got back to sleep. He wasn’t the one who brought me here; at least I am sure of that. “Hajin-ah…” He starts to speak.

I quickly turn my back on him as I now face the white wall of this room. I’m not sure where I currently am but I don’t think we’re still at school. I don’t remember the clinic looking this wide and organized. Besides, I want to know where that person is right now. I was hearing him mumbling things before I dozed off. I wanted to confirm what he was saying.

“If you’re going to lecture me about my attitude on your goody-two-shoes angel then don’t bother. I won’t listen. I mean, I tried to walk away to not inflict chaos but she insisted on talking with me in front of the students around without even thinking of the consequences she’ll get after it. I only stand on my right and it’s not my fault she was too stupid and end up cornering her own self.” I take a deep breath after letting all those things out.

Jongdae clears his throat. “I wasn’t going to talk about that.”

“Oh.” His words slowly sink into my mind that I trail off. My eyes widen and I feel stiffen.

He sighs. “What happened to you?”

“That’s… what?” I didn’t want to but my head immediately averts itself towards Jongdae. I think I almost killed myself from the sudden twisting of my neck. I try and massage it using my free hand. Apparently, my other hand is pricked with the needle connecting to the IV.

“You have bruises everywhere. And your ribs… goodness how did it result so badly?” I can see deep worry mirroring his eyes but even so he can never know why.

“I… well,” Since I’m already at it, I at least have to make a very believable excuse. I turn my gaze towards the foot of the bed. “Remember the ladder I use to reach the ground from the balcony with whenever I’m grounded?”

His forehead scrunches as he thinks. Like a light bulb turning on, his eyes glimmer with knowing. “Oh, yes.” I hope he falls for this.

I breathe in acting as if telling him will hurt me. It isn’t a lie though. It does hurt me. I suppose it isn’t just the kind of pain one should really feel when dealing with these things. I’m practically just adding up lies after lies, my guilt slowly becoming a tower of shame. “I fell down just a little after I latched over the ladder. It was a… pretty hard fall.”

“And you kept it to yourself? It’s been three days Hajin! Are you insane?!” He starts to throw his hands all over the place now.

I roll eyes and answer in a monotone. “I bathed over cold water and I felt fine after. Come on Jongdae!” He should be realizing I don’t feel like talking anymore. If not then I don’t think the outcome will be any way sweet.

“But that’s very unlike you Hajin!” He points out.

“Yeah? Well maybe I turned into some masochist freak! Maybe I changed! And I’m sorry if I don’t want people to pity me like you seem to be making me feel right now!” I don’t know why these words are coming out of my mouth. Someone stop this filthy mouth of mine from speaking any longer.

“Hajin…” He trails off. Maybe he understands it now. “Get out.” I only say as I turn my body back to staring on the blank wall.

“Don’t push me away Hajin.”

“Just go. I’m tired.” Unfortunately, I doubt he wavers. I give up. There’s no way he’s just going to walk out like that. He knows better than to do that.

“You know I’ll be worried about you if I knew so you kept it to yourself right? I must mean so much to you.” I heave out a sigh. By this time he has already walked around to face me; a small smile crawling over his lips. He knows I’ve given up. I roll eyes at him. “Don’t push your luck.”

“Yeah, okay. Sure.” He’s no longer falling for it. Now why did I even have to say that long of a sentence? Nothing’s going to work now. He stays standing still beside my bed.

I close my eyes. “Stop worrying about me with this, okay? I’ll be able to sleep peacefully if you wouldn’t worry so much.”

“You shouldn’t have given me reasons to then.”

“Jongdae.” I mutter with a restless voice. I don’t want to argue with him. We just got back on the tracks. It can’t be ruined this easily. No.

“Okay! Rest well. See you tomorrow.” He bends over, chastely kisses the top of my head and half-runs towards the exit door. Even that act, I missed for so long.

A nurse comes in a little while later with dinner on the tray she is holding. I eat the food slowly because it gets hard for me to gulp down my food. Maybe it’s because of the bruises. I know I can easily ask the nurse why but I don’t want to seem helpless. My pride is still so high even after things had happened after all.

Talking lightly to the nurse standing by, I know that it’s still just Monday evening. She also said that the one who brought me here immediately left after I’m being taken care of. It’s okay. I didn’t want to show my gratitude towards him in the first place. But really, maybe I’m just scared to know who he is.

It’s a little past midnight when I start to dial Tao’s phone number. I’m still stuck in this hellhole of a hospital; too weak to try and break away. I like being here though even when my words say otherwise. I’m all alone and no one’s around to bother me. I’m locked up but I feel secured. Such irony I’m fighting over.

After a good two tries, Tao answers on the first ring. “Hey.” I mumble to the other line.

“You aren’t coming?” I can hear noises getting fainter from the background. He must be walking out of the warehouse, or at least to a less thunderous place.

I turn my weight to one side and pull up a leg. “I can’t get out. I’m in the hospital.” The only light shining in the room is that of the lamp shade on the bedside table. My eyes focus on that light. It calms me down. I unconsciously sigh that the other line clearly hears.

“What’s bothering you?” He asks.

“What?” My attention is still on the dim light emerging from the lamp shade.

“You’re always out of focus. You’re not being careful.” He sighs. I guess he’s as worried as I am of this all. I suppose he should be anyway. He may not look like it, but sometimes he thinks of everything the most. I believe he’s more paranoid than I desperately am.

“I’m scared, Tao.” I answer his question. He doesn’t reply and just breathes on the other line. This is going to be another diary night of him from me. “I’m scared of everything. Things have been turning out pretty bad for me these past few weeks. You know it’s only going to be days ‘til that day.”

“You actually talked about that.”

“I think I want to end my life.” I shrug. Remembering that memory makes me feel goose bumps and hatred seeps through my skin.

“You know better than to do that.”

“I know.”

The line turns silent for a few seconds. “Take a week off. I’ll take care of it.”

“Why?” I ask stifling a laugh even when I somehow already know his answer. Maybe I just wanted to say something. I know he’s keen enough to hear the slight wavering of my voice.

“You need it.”

“Okay.”

He lightly chuckles and answers. “Okay.” Then the line dies off.

---

Walking along the hallway has once again become a bit suffocating. It’s always like this whenever I do something a little close to what I had done yesterday. Stares and gossips are being indirectly passing my hearing distance. Every time have I hated to be the headline of discussions.

I only manage to reach school a little before lunch break ends that’s why people are filling in the usually empty hallways. Dad is too busy to ask why I was in the hospital so for a while, I’m still safe from questioning. He was even in a hurry to go back to his office. Apparently, a big case is on trial today. I understand now why he gets rigid once in a while these past days.

Looking straight ahead, I reach my locker in a jiffy. I take out some books and quickly shove the metal door close. I almost jump backwards if I hadn’t realized a millisecond earlier that someone is then again behind me. Slowly, I turn around to face whoever it is.

“Hajin-ssi.”

I raise an eyebrow. I nod for her to speak. Does she want a part two of yesterday’s unfinished conversation only she understands?

She shockingly kneels down in front of me as she bows her head so low. “I’m r-really sorry for everything I said and did yesterday.” My eyes widen a little and people start to build up. I really wonder how they know happenings and make gossips so quickly now.

“I don’t expect you to forgive me but please… l-let me stay in this school.” She almost weeps.

I roll eyes. “Look,” I take her arm and pull her up, only harder when she tries to stay kneeling down. Her head still is hung low. “That is not my decision to make.”

She looks at my eyes for a brief second and bends down once again. The crowd is encircling us now. “I-I know b-but please just say yes.” By this time, I can already sense that someone is pushing her to do this. Now I don’t even know if she is as sincere as she seems. It’s hard to trust a person who already once has broken it after all.

“Who told you to do this?” I eye her after making sure she looks straight at me.

Her eyes seem startled but she immediately shakes her head too vigorously to it to be deemed true. “No one! I just feel really bad and out of line for saying all those things.” A tear escaped her eyes just now. She desperately searches for my hand and holds on it for dear life. She squeezes it to catch my attention. I seem to be dumbstruck by the teardrop rolling down her face before this.

“Please just say you will and don’t think of things furthermore.” She pleads in a whisper.

“No! Who made you do this?” When she still shakes her head I hold her shoulders to get her attention this time. “Tell me.”

“I… he’s… I can’t tell you.” I don’t think she realizes she admits the fact that someone did push her to do this.

I’m getting impatient with all her stalling. “I’ll ask you again. Who pushed you to do this?”

“I did.” With a raised hand, someone shouts from the crowd and steps in the circle the students have made. I roll my eyes thinking that finally that person stands up. I swear if this person’s reason isn’t good enough I’ll-

My mouth turns agape after seeing who it is. I stiffen on my stand. Even this weakling in front of me seems too astounded than she should be.

I open my lips and close it right after. All words seem to have left me. Practically, I’m speechless. Why would he make someone do such a thing? That was basically irrational of him. I think I’m getting a headache because of all of this.

“Jongdae?” I ask.

Hellooo! I apologize if I am two days late.
Our internet connection can't be because of personal issues. -.-
So I had to find some good free wifi spot in the mean time. Lol.
It's a short chapter but I think a filler is all we need right now.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the update. ^^