chapter fifteen

When we are out of sight for anyone to see, far enough so not a soul could hear, I let go of Jongdae’s wrist. I manage to survey the surroundings just now and come to the realization that we are rather on the narrow little hallway with a door extending to where the school workers pass time whenever there’s no dirt to attend to. Not a student usually walks by here by choice so I deem myself a good picker. Only, I don’t feel right being here either. It’s like some evasion of personal space.

I turn to face him, rage evident on my face. “Are you crazy? You’re the SC’s VP and she’s your girlfriend for goodness’ sake! Why would you make her do such a thing? What will the student body think of you after this? And didn’t you even realize that I didn’t need such thing to be done for me? I really don–”

“Hajin.” He cuts me off. I take that time to breathe deep and fall my arms to my sides when I realize they were hanging mid-air from Jongdae’s intrusion.

“What?” I then ask.

He holds me by the shoulder. “Calm down, okay?” His lips forming into a knowing smile I don’t get where he’s going at. “I didn’t do it.”

“What do you mean?”

He laughs throwing his head back and ruffles my hair. I don’t find a single thing funny from what I had said and he, laughing in front of me, makes me feel all the bit of an idiot. “I mean I didn’t do it. Do you really think I’d make her do such thing?”

I find myself staring at his eyes full of conviction. “Well… no but you,” I stop mid-way. I get it now. “You were saving her, weren’t you?” He nods his head for an answer and maybe a little part of me didn’t want him to.

“I would be responsible to clear rumors up tomorrow so I just did it. I didn’t like seeing the two of you like that.” He explains. He makes me turn my back on him as he lightly pushes me on the shoulders as we walk out towards the bigger hallways. I suppose he remembers we still have classes to attend to. “Maybe you won’t believe her, but she really is sorry. She feels miserable that her statement sounded harsh and too possessive. Also, she admits she gets jealous of you–”

“What–”

I tried to turn around and protest but his hold on me is too strong. He lightly pats my shoulder as we continue on walking. “You know how she’s scared of you. She was willing to forget about it that’s why I wondered why she suddenly did that earlier. I would want to ask her who told her to do it but I doubt I can do that.” He sighs.

I roll eyes even when I know he won’t see it. “You’re still together I don’t see any problem with that,” My arms flying everywhere as I gesture out.

“She ended things with me, Hajin.” I can sense something different from his tone of voice. It sounds so shallow and sad. There’s a feeling of longing in it too. I stop and stay rooted on the ground hard enough to force him to stop too. “But it only has been a week.”

“You know we’ve been together longer.” He nudges me so I do nothing else but move. “I don’t know. Maybe she realized how crazy my life is and wants an easy way out of it.” He laughs it off but I can hear how deep in pain he must be with that voice he’s using. I can’t exactly see his face anyway. I think it’s the reason why he’s pushing me actually; he doesn’t want me to see his pained expression.

We are engulfed in a calming silence until we start to cross the hallway where my locker is situated. Not a student is here anymore. Now I really hope the professor is just a little tired to be on time. I can’t think of a good excuse this time, you see.

“Maybe she’ll come back around. Maybe not. I think it’s better to make myself believe that it’s more of a permanent decision now.” He starts to walk side by side with me now.

My mind perks up from what he said that I had to look at his eyes. Maybe I looked too worried than I should be that I watch as his lips form a defeated smile.

“Don’t even act like you feel sorry. I know you wanted this to happen.” He chuckles but it definitely doesn’t reach his eyes.

“Not like this. Definitely not like this.” I look down on the ground, slowly shaking my head as I kick away imaginary pebbles from the floor.

“It wasn’t your fault.” He says. If only he knows how I hate hearing that scraggly form of guilty words. I make sure he notices not a thing of my discomfort though. “And don’t you even start with the ‘I told you so’.” He points ever so accusingly at me. He’s trying to make the heavy feeling surrounding us light.

I scoff and make a little smirk of my own. “I told you so.”

And to make everyone feel better, loud chuckles erupt from our mouths and echo along the deserted hallway.

Exactly the afternoon of the same day, I build up all the courage I’ve had to come up to the weakling and talk to her, tell her a bit of what I think about everything that’s been happening.

I wait out in the parking lot beside where the car that brings her to and from school is situated. I already talked to her chauffeur to have some time to spare for us to talk. He wouldn’t have said yes at first, but after a little name using and exchanging of words, he darts inside the car and tells me he’ll patiently wait for us to be done with speaking to one another. Also, he adds in to take all the time I need. Just exactly what I wanted to hear from him.

Now I get a slap of ty awareness once in a while whenever I realize how manipulative I really am. I swear Kyungsoo and Baekhyun’s words of wisdom really make me feel shivers up my spine every time I make a move proving them all the angles right to everything about me. I find it quite alarming that they know more things about people than the people themselves. Though I must say, I was never unlucky knowing them after all.

I hear the last bell ringing indicating that another day had passes as I see students filing out in all exits all giddy and excited to finally walk out from another day of mental torture. I see the weakling walking towards me with her head hung low. I don’t think she would ever realize I’m standing right here if it wasn’t for her bumping my shoulders. Well, I kind of did inch closer to make an accidental impact.

She looks up and quickly looks back down after seeing whoever it is that hit her shoulder.

“Hajin-ssi.” She mumbles.

I roll eyes. I haven’t even started and I feel like jumping straight to the ending already cutting all the chases and word build-ups. I cross my arms by my chest. “Look, I am telling you now that I hate you. I hate you because you let other people thrash you out and pity you. But even with those things said, I believe you’re still the best girl there could be. You should get back together with Jongdae.”

She finally looks up at me. “Why?”

I stop the urge to roll my eyes at her again. Oh, how she proves me right yet again. “I’m his best friend. I’m supposed to be supporting him on most things if not everything. I admit I’ve given him multiple letdowns and disappointments but I can’t just stand around and do nothing this time. I don’t want to be the reason why he can’t have his fullest happiness. He, of all people, deserves to have a happy ending. And maybe I don’t like you but I’m not the one in a relationship with you.” I halt when I see her lips stifling a smile from the sentence I had let out. “But I warn you, if you do something stupid again, I’ll make sure then that you can never have him back. Are we clear?” I look stern enough that she falters.

“Y-yes.”

My emotions slightly change after remembering to ask a crucial question. “You do… want to get back to him right?” Yet again, I must be the crazy one hoping deep in my mind she doesn’t.

“I really do.” She smiles warmly.

Her answer pulls me out of my short reverie. I manage to make a soft smile that thins out as fast as it comes. “Well, you know where he’ll be. Go.”

I am taken aback when she suddenly holds both my hands, squeezing them tight. “Thank you, Hajin. Thank you so much!” She breathes and I believe she wants to say more but my heart cannot seem to handle any more. I raise my hand and motion her to scurry away to wherever Jongdae is at. I can hear a thousand glasses shattering all at once; my poor little heart.

I turn my heels and start to walk back another way I would reach my locker fastest. I remind myself it’s for the best. I despise the fact how I’m beginning to sympathize with people around me. If Tao knows about this, I’m guessing he’d shake his head and ask me to build up thicker walls. As I have said a thousand times before, people like me can’t feel anything. Or maybe we can, but we at least should keep everything to ourselves all bottled up with the lid tightly wrapped in a barbed wire. Anyone who tries to pry it off obviously gets hurt. I make sure no one’s really close enough to even try. Not even Jongdae.

As I heavily slog towards my locker, once again I’m a solitary soul in an empty island. Most students already left. I’m just glad I don’t need to show up in the warehouse for the whole week. I need all the time to drown myself with the sadness I practically have caused to my own self. It’s as if I intentionally jumped over an abyss of loneliness a long time ago. I can get stuck hanging on a branch long enough to feel a tinge of happiness once in a while but the branch eventually breaks from my weight as I continuously fall to a never-ending darkness. To make it short, I guess I can never really be truly happy. It’s always short-lived. My happiness after all comes with a life-changing price as it seems.

“Are you strictly always like this?” I swear this man pops out like a crazy mushroom on the most unfortunate times.

I close my locker and turn around to see his face. I haven’t properly said my thanks and apologies to him for going all out and saving me from the other day’s incident. Then again, I don’t even do that kind of . What I did for the weakling was an exception, I guess.

“It only happens that you show up on times I don’t need you to.” I try to walk around him to get away but he’s at me way too close to even have this so-called personal space I should be having.

“You definitely needed me the last time. You were whimpering in pain.” He smugly retorts tilting his head to one side.

“So what?” I exasperatedly let out. “Doesn’t it pass your great mind that I want to be alone?” I don’t care if I’m losing my cool anymore. I just want to get home and pour my heart to something, maybe my pillow or my mirror. I don’t know, whichever will deem appropriate will do.

His eyes squint at me. “Should it? I clearly think you need a company of a friend right now.”

“We’re not friends.” I shoot indifference at him. His eyes widen a fraction and he subtly smiles. “A company of someone who understands then.”

I eye him suspiciously. How else would he know? “You were watching me?”

“I happened to pass by and overheard your conversation.” He looks everywhere but my eyes. This little piece of a liar. I roll eyes. Well, at least he admits he was watching me.

“Why would I believe that?” I ask him, the absurdity of it all annoys me to death.

“You need not to.” Why does he always know what to say? I hate how he always seems to be getting the upper hand these days. Now I can’t even think of a reply to such a stiff answer. I really feel stupid whenever I’m having a conversation with him.

So suddenly, the skies grumble with thunder and the ground starts to be filled with spots of rainfall. The pitter-patters of raindrops against the rooftops make the noiseless worlds all the more irritating to me. It probably must be one of the worst days of mine. I currently don’t have an umbrella. The previous one I broke into pieces when I was having one of my occasional – pretty rare – fits.

“You don’t have an umbrella.” I didn’t need him to point that out. “I’ll drive you home. You can add it to the things that’ll make you want me.” He shrugs. I know he means the latter part as a joke but just no. No way!

“I’d rather be dripping wet and cold.” I spat out.

He steps back leaving a wider space between us. “Have it your way.” He starts to walk towards the hallway leading to the parking lot. Is he serious? Won’t he even try and persuade me? I mean, he’s the one benefiting from this after all, right? Come on, do I really have to take my words back? That would be like digging my own grave.

Then again, I don’t want to feel more lonely and miserable if ever I will have to walk my way home with the heavy rainfall continuously hitting my back and the cold wind slapping my currently frail body. I definitely cannot be sick right now either.

“I… wait,” What the hell Hajin? You seriously aren’t considering his offer are you? “Hey!” He still didn’t turn around. What does he want me to do? Run after him? No ing way.

“Sehun!” I shout his name wherein he immediately turns around and walks back to me. I roll eyes. I vow myself to forget this day.

When he’s near enough he smiles, quite a first actually. “That’s the first time you said my name.”

“Well I honestly didn’t know you were this shallow.” I start to walk ahead but he catches up, in fact a bit too giddy it feels weird in all the possible ways. Is it really just the first time I said his name? I don’t remember.

|140620|
Hellooo! It's 2am and I need some sleep.
Just thought I had to finish this before anything else though. ^^
It's quite short but don't you just love Sehun at the ending? Lol.
And if it isn't Jongdae, then who did force Nicole to kneel down and beg?
Lol, anyway, I hope you enjoyed the update. Goodnight ^^