unknown
PEEK
“I love you..don’t you get it? That‘s what kyu had confessed to me the last time we talked...
It’s already a week since I played hide and sick with kyu jong and hyun joong. I started to feel scared especially to kyu. He’s playing desperate and hyun joong is playing like he really loves me. I don’t know why they are doing this to me. Is it because they had their past with my brother and now, they want to bid their Love or desire over me?
Sometimes or most of the times, we were playing hunting game wherein kyu and hyun joong are the hunters who have a deal on who will catch the target first, and I am the target, an innocent forest creature that they were looking for, and my brother sometimes joins us with the play, the savior of the target.
I don’t know what kind of life is waiting for me in the future and this are happening to me, the dream of mine that turned out to be happening in real. Like a dejavu and I was incarnated from the past.
I was walking alone in the stairs when kyu suddenly saw me, unlucky me, he grab me immediately and pinned me on the metal side bar of the stair, cornering me with his both arms. His eyes are burning, and I can see him as a scary vampire who wants to my blood.
“why are you avoiding me? He confronted me quickly without wasting the chance..
“I~~I’m not..I begun to tremble and feel like I was going to be eaten by him..
“you do..since the day I say to you that I love you..kyu reminded me..
“Get off of me.. You’re my brother’s boyfriend so why are you telling me that..I tried to push him, putting my hands in his chest..
“no not until~~~kyu was cut and looked straight in my eyes..
“not until what? Until I give you an answer? No…that’s my answer so please let me go..!! I raise my voice, pretending to be strong but the truth, I am not, and my knees were about to lose strength.
He lean closer to me with that scary face. That anger written all over his face, I know he din’t like what I answered. I can read it, I know it, I shut my eyes and tilted my head sideways to avoid him but one more move backward and im going to fall down.
I can feel his breath going near my lips, but before his lips landed into mine, he was taken away from me by someone. I felt like crying and my heart racing too fast. Breathing heavily as I fell sited on the staircase, my tight grip on th metal bar.
“what are you doing hyung!!!! Kris shouted as he pushed him away..I told you stop pestering him. That’s enough, why don’t we move on, why are you starting this again!! He yell, scolding the older. I don’t know what is he talking about, or what are they arguing about, but I know it’s all about in the past and maybe it involves my brother.
Tao came to me and helped me to stand up. I ruffled my hair and my lips begun to shake and my tears fell down when I look up to tao. He looked sorry for me.
“it’s okay now hyung!! Tao comforted me..
“this is not about what happen years ago..!!! Kyu shouted back..
“and so why don’t you just leave him alone.,,kris pointed at me while exchanging shouts to kyu.
“what happen in here?,,hyun joong came, he run over me when he saw me crying..what’s wrong? He asked me..
“get off hyung!! Kris shove hyun joong and I was surprised with that, from what I know, they are close to hyun joong but after seeing what he did to him, I didn’t know what to think..
Kris and tao led me back in my room. I stayed quiet while gazing up at them. They close the door and just exchange glances to me. Kris ruffling his hair while tao trying to calm his boyfriend.
“I’m sorry,,and thank you,I spoke breaking this silence engulfing the whole room..
“what happen? Why did you let them do this to you? Kris interrogated me..
“do what? I don’t know what to think now. Why all of you are against the two..what they did in the past anyway? Is it because they are my brother’s lovers? I know it already…I replied..
“luhan gave you the laptop already..you will know all the answers to your questions through it..tao said..
“but,,why don’t everyone just tell me straight what happen? I faced palm myself..
“hyung we can’t just talk,, we don’t know everything,,all we knowis what happen that night..kris said holding my shoulders..
“what happen that night? I asked not breaking my eye contact to him..
He pulled away and turn to back face me. Tao holds his boyfriend’s clench fist.
“I’m sorry hyung..we have to go..tao said and drag his lover out of my room.
I sighed and run out o the house. It’s already suffocating me. I took a taxi and gasp as I tell t driver my destination. Few minutes and I exited the car, waiting and waiting.
“hyung!!!, ren run to me and hang on my neck..
“what are you doing here? Luhan asked..
“how’s school?, so this is what your school looks like? I said, voiding the question on me..
“yeahh…they answered in chorus..
“something happen at home? Luhan asked again..I just smiled at them..
“want to go somewhere? Sehun talked..
“want to eat teukbokki? Jr commented too..
“okay..I approved..
We walked a few minutes and we arrived at the small teukbokki restaurant. We settled ourselves at a round table.
“ajjuma..same, make it 5!!! Luhan shouted..
“arasseo!!! 5 minutes…the ajjuma in apron shouted back..
“waahhh,, lover? A guy in a red apron joked while poking ren’s nose, who was leaning on my shoulder..
“aniya..gil young hyung’s brother..ren response..
“ahhh that’s why he looks like him..okay enjoy..the guy said scratching his head and left..
We have fun eating and chatting, at the same time I forgot what happen a few hours ago. I forgot all the flaws in my brain. The kids entertain me well, they give me strength to continue and they always give me the best comfort when I feel down. They are always with me, caring about me, worrying about me. Though I know I don’t need to get their hearts because I know, I’m going to miss them when I need to be apart from them, it’s only a month left and I ‘ll go back to where I belong. Just that, the rest of the days, I want to enjoy the company that my brother had before he did. I want to experience how he has been a good hyung to this kids. But the opposite just came. Yes, I enjoy this kid’s company but some flaws always there to ruin what I have plan in my two months vacation in this mother land.
The darkness filed up the night we spent 4 hours roaming around the city. Inhaling the scent of the city, listening to the cars, it’s just like music in my ears. I jailed myself inside the mansion since I came, crying and reminiscing the memories of my brother.
“hyung..let’s go home..it’s already 7..jr reminded me..
“ahhh yeahh,,,mianhae..I smiled at them…
We were inside the taxi. I was silent and I notice the kids are glancing at me with worries.
“what happen that night? I suddenly uttered the question..
They didn’t answer me, an odd question, not clear, they don’t understand what I am talking of course. I chuckled.
“hyung are you alright? Ren looked at my face..
“yeah..I’m sorry..I was just ~~~~never mind..I said and slap myself mentally..
We reach home and we hopped out of the taxi. We are smiling when we got inside. Kris and tao are in the living room. They stood up and went to me.
“hyung where have you been…? Kris asked quickly..
“I just need some air..I went to their school and they treat me at a teukbokki restaurant..no need to worry..I said in a sheepish tone and look at them apologetically..
Kris sighed. I pat his shoulder and I walked to my room after thanking the kids. Now im back to my room, dry, no life at all, silent, I sighed one again flopping down to my bed. I face the empty ceiling and think of everything. Feeling drowsy on my own messy mind.
I shifted a little when I almost fell asleep. Feeling a warm embrace to me and a giggle that soothes over my ear. I squeezed my eyes and cleaned my glasses. I sat up and remembered something.
I was then heading to my closet when I saw the laptop on the table and beside it is a mini pouch. I turn to that side and check what’s inside. There are wires and gadgets that I assume they are for the laptop. Quickly, I pick the charger and plug it into the laptop. I opened it and while waiting for it to be ready, I went to my closet and search for the usb. I look at it for a while held it tight on my both hands.
I inserted the drive and there so many dates written as a file name. what caught my attention first is the file that is not named in date. It says. MY TREASURE. I opened it and tears slid down under my cheeks. I curved my lips perfectly into a smile. It was me 20 years ago, alone and I remember he is the one who took that photo while I am in front of our big piano, that was a gift for us by our parents since we both love music, it‘s just that he is the one who knows how to play piano without any mistake, and this photo was taken at our 6th birthday, another one is us, holding each others nose while our face crumpled, taken by our mom, the same day at our 6th birthday, both standing in front of our cake, and another one, a photo of me, him and my parents, both holding us in their lap.
I am so happy to see this photos again. Old photos that meant a lot to us. Photos that my brother had treasured until the present. I shed another tears while smiling and keep viewing it repeatedly. Touching the screen and keep printing them into my memory.
I closed it and started to view the files under it, as I wipe my tears, I started to read the file dated last 2006. The first file written in words.
I’m all alone. I missed you mom, I missed you young saeng, I love you both. I wished you’re here with me, I feel sad, I need to see you. I want to see my brother, I miss him so much, I know he’s missing me too. This is my first diary. From now on, I will talk to you, I will tell you everything that happens to me everyday. You feel pity on me right? But how can I help myself to release this sadness. No one will never like me like my brother did. I am always alone in this room. Father is gone, and auntie is too strict, he doesn’t want me to play outside. She is not like my mom, my mom always tells us to play with other children so we know how to make friends. But here I am, no friends at all and my brother is gone too. what is he doing right now? Is he playing with his new friends? Is he enjoying his life with his friends? I wish I can do that too. I wish i could play more, I wish I can ride bicycle too, I wish I can play balls too. I wish I can pay with my friends outside and watch movies. I wish I can mingle with group of teenagers like me.
I felt guilty to what I read, I never thought he was that sad, I never imagined how he was caged inside this mansion. Young ah mianhae, minahae, hyung didn’t know it. I didn’t know…I cried as I thought his past, he suffered being alone while I enjoy being with some friends in my school.
I continue to scroll down and knew how lonely he was. Closing and opening new files, all of them are his loneliness, all are his sufferings, all are his grudges for not letting his youth to be enjoyed. It continues the sad stories for about 20 files not dated everyday. It seems like he was writing whenever he felt alone or whenever he is upset or something. I sighed while reading, I sniff while knowing his saddest part of his life.
It’s father’s 1st death anniversary, I just went to him and visited him with auntie. Auntie has gotten mad, because I insisted to visit appa. She said she’s busy. She’s always busy. Lately we haven’t had a talk, I don’t know what is happening to her. I always hear him yelling behind the call. She often tells me she’s tired. But I ignore it. Maybe because she’s also tired in taking care of me. I must do something.
I stopped for a while, it was already 11 in the evening and I didn’t notice the time. I rub my eyes as I slid up my glasses and put it back as I yawned. I decided to continue the next day. I went back to the photos and transferred them to my phone. I unplugged the chord of the laptop and closed it.
I laid my back and stare to the screen of my phone until I fell into my slumber. The is just so tiring, thinking of everything. Reading just exhausted my eyes. And let me fall asleep in just a minute.
“I love you…I missed you so much…
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..short update...no gil young past already,,chapters onwards wil be the content of the usb. the diary so that must be gil youn's past. few chapters only,,maybe start to reeal everything? enjoy,,do coment lol..and by the thankyu for your comments,,those inspires me a lot and those made me realize the point of my chapters haha..lol..reminder,,just assume those content of the diary are just part of it, no need to specify a long one anyway,,so think that that what i will write is the important part of every file..thankyu
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