When Kyung Soo returned, they tried to patch up the remnants of their friendship. The elder seemed completely enthusiastic in reconciling their relationship, texting each other frequently and organising meetups, but it was always at the very last minute that Kyung Soo would back out of their plans, claiming to have made another prior commitment beforehand.

“It’s okay,” Jong In would say as Kyung Soo rang the former up sheepishly to cancel out on yet another lunch date, despite feeling stood up and very much betrayed. “Another time, then.”

As much as they’d tried to pretend everything was chummy and okay, they both knew nothing was. The intimacy they once shared before was no longer there. The three years apart had a toll on them both and wedged a crack between them. There were territories in their lives that were out of bounds now that they can’t venture into.

Three weeks after Kyung Soo returned, the elder invited Jong In for lunch downtown. It was the first time he made the first move to call up the younger and asked him out. Was this a sign of progress? Anyhow, it felt good to have the other take the initiative for once. It gave Jong In the delusion that he was sought after, and it was a delusion that Jong In would gladly live in.

Jong In took special precaution in getting ready for their lunch date that day. He picked out the perfect outfit the night before and pressed his chosen clothes with a hand iron. He’d woken up early to put on light makeup and styled his hair with wax. He dabbed his wrists and the sides of his neck with Kyung Soo’s favourite scent. Giving himself a scrutinising onceover in the mirror, the corners of his lips curled up in satisfaction and he winked at his reflection before heading out. He couldn’t afford to be late today.

Everything seemed to be in his favour. The sun was shining exceptionally brightly against a clear, cloudless sky, the bus arrived just as Jong In got to the bus stop, the roads were clear of traffic. He hummed a light tune and settled himself in the back row next to the window.

Arriving eleven minutes before the arranged time, Jong In pushed open the heavy glass door of the café and slipped in, dewy eyes trailing over the customers in search of only one person whom he knew had the habit of being early. Jong In found him leaning up next to the counter chatting up a storm with a tall guy with bulbous eyes and gangly limbs. Jong In made his way to Kyung Soo and poked his side, snapping him out of his animated conversation that had unfortunately escaped the younger’s prying ears.

“Oh, Jong In ah, you’re here already! You’re earlier than usual today!” Kyung Soo crooned in delight as he spun around to face the younger and Kai couldn’t help but beam back at the elder, ignoring the confused ‘Jong In?’ that echoed from the barista. “I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve ordered for you already. Low fat decaf caramel latte with no extra sugar, right?”

Kai nodded mutedly, gaze still trained on the taller man behind the counter.

“Alright, got it. Have a seat first. It’ll be served to you shortly,” Despite his cheery, youthful appearance, the man had a surprisingly rich baritone voice that made Jong In uneasy. Kyung Soo didn’t like guys with deep voices, did he? The younger curled his upper lip in a scowl the moment Kyung Soo turned his back, standing on his tip toes to address the barista.

“How much is it?”

“It’s on the house, silly.” The tall man whom Kai had grown to hate within a minute of meeting him reached over the coffee machines to ruffle Kyung Soo’s hair, much to the latter’s chagrin. Kyung Soo pulled away with a pout as he tried to fix individual strands back in place. “Anything for an old friend. It was nice meeting you again, Kyung Soo yah. We really should catch up some other time.”

“Me too. Thanks for the treat. I’ll call you some other time? See you around. Jong In, shall we go?” Kyung Soo quickly excused himself with a bright smile before leading the aforementioned boy to a table booth near the corner of the café. “So, what’s up?”

“Who was that?” Jong In questioned almost accusingly as he cast a suspicious glance over his shoulder at the lanky barista who was drying cups by the dishwasher. Feeling a pair of eyes on him, the guy looked up and met Jong In’s gaze, flashing a wide toothy grin before the younger looked away first and sat down. He looked awfully familiar. “Why were you talking to him?”

“He’s Park Chan Yeol,” Kyung Soo replied easily as he slid into the booth opposite Jong in and the latter settled himself in comfortably, allowing the elder to jog his memory. “Basketball captain, our age, he graduated along with my batch. Fancy running into him here, working in a café, of all places. I didn’t even realise he worked here. He used to have a crush on me, you know.”

Ah, he was from our school. So that was why he was so familiar. “No, I didn’t know,” Jong In replied straightforwardly. “You never told me.”

“I never did…? I must have!” Kyung Soo’s sparkling eyes widened with surprise has his gaze sought the younger’s, trying to detect any traces of deceit in the brown orbs, but Jong In had been telling the truth. “Ah, well, it must have slipped my mind when I was planning to let you know.”

You rarely forget even the most minute of things, much less the important ones. And this was definitely not an insignificant issue. Jong In kept his thoughts to himself as he leaned back on the faux leather seat and hummed noncommittally, letting the other know that he had been heard.

Kyung Soo had a faraway look in his eyes as he propped his chin in the palm of his hand, drumming his fingers on his puffed-out cheek and gazed out of the window to glance at the passer-bys on the pedestrian walkway. The dreamy expression was something Jong In could only dream of putting on his face. “We almost got together, too, if it hadn’t been for…”

“If not for…?” Jong In echoed as his eyebrows furrowed. He didn’t like the direction in which the conversation was going, but curiosity prompted him to keep probing anyway. “If not for what? Complete your sentences, hyung.”

Kyung Soo dropped his hand from his chin and was about to reply when Chan Yeol came over with their beverages perched on the tray in his hand. Instead, the elder turned to Chan Yeol, sending a smile of appreciation as the tall man laid out their drinks on the table. “Thanks, Yeol. We’ll drink these well.”

Chan Yeol grinned for the final time before heading off to tend to the other customers. Kyung Soo waited for him to disappear from sight before reverting his gaze back to the younger seated opposite who waiting with an expectant look on his face. “I meant, if not for Joon Myeon,” the elder finished.

“Kim Joon Myeon? As in the student council president? That Kim Joon Myeon?” Jong In had to blink twice before the information relayed to him was processed in his mind. He had been so out of contact with his high school memories that the names of people he used to recognise off the bat barely rang a bell anymore. “What about that guy?”

“He asked me out first. You know, in our sophomore year,” This time, Jong In chose to remain silent as he allowed the other to talk what was on his mind. Kyung Soo chuckled, the memory bringing a fond smile to his face as he lowered his eyes to the polished table top. Jong In closed his eyes and allowed the elder’s treacle-like voice to wash over his remaining senses. “I still remember that day. October 11^th. He texted to say he had something to speak to me about and asked me to meet him in the student council room after school.”

That was also the day you told me you were staying back in the council room to finish up the script for your speech for the seniors’ graduation ceremony of the batch before ours and requested for me to head on home first without you. What a coincidence.

“He was so silly back then, really. He couldn’t speak coherently and kept stuttering on his words. I had to sit him down and asked him to write it on paper instead for me to understand.” There was the ripping of a foil packet and sloshing of coffee as the sugar was emptied into the cup. Jong In wasn’t listening. He really wasn’t. He wanted Kyung Soo to stop, he wanted to run away from the café, but once again, curiosity kept him rooted to his seat. Perhaps, he was simply masochistic. He liked being hurt that way. “We didn’t go out for long, though. It was a mutual agreement to break it off after midyears so that we could better focus on our studies. We were supposed to resume the relationship after graduation but that plan kind of met with a hitch when I had to go overseas, blah blah…”

“My point is…” Kyung Soo petered off in the end and paused to take a deep breath. “How do I even put this…? I’m feeling embarrassed just thinking about it…”

“My point is,” Kyung Soo began again in a much more mellowed tone than before. “Joon Myeon, Joon Myeonnie… He called me up just a few days ago, after hearing from the others that I’d returned from the States. And… He told me that he had been waiting for me the entire time. I… I simply didn’t know how to react after he told me that and I actually hung up on him after stammering out that i needed some time to think about it. Jong In ah, you’re my best friend, and that’s why I’m confiding in you about this. Do you think I should get back together with him?”

Twisting a blade into old, festering wounds always hurt more than creating new ones. It reminded you that the injury hasn’t healed, the reasons why it still hasn’t healed after such a long time, and how it was even formed in the first place. Jong In allowed his eyes to flutter open again, carefully blinking away the tears that brimmed so that the elder wouldn’t see them collecting at the edges of his eyes. “I don’t know, hyung. That depends. Have you moved on with your feelings yet?” Please say yes.

“That was the question plaguing me ever since then.” Kyung Soo replied solemnly as he chewed down on his lower lip. “But I think I still love him, Jong In ah. Honestly speaking, I’ve never pictured myself with anyone but him. If I should get back together with him, though, I definitely want the relationship to last. I want us to get married.”

Still. Kyung Soo still loved Kim Joon Myeon. That was when Jong In realised that actually, they hadn’t been all that close in the past. That the crack he’d thought was wedged during their time apart had actually been present all along. And he had been the only one foolish enough to not notice it.

With that revelation spinning his head, Jong In sprang up from his seat and dashed out of the café, tuning out the hauntingly melodious voice that repeatedly called out his name. Never once did he turn back.