My dearest, sweetest diary,

Always have you been there for me when I needed someone and no one was there. Or whenever I did not trust others with my deepest secrets, darkest thoughts and most embarrassing longings. You were there for my internal struggles, you were there as a silent listening ear never judging. Never did you roll your eyes at, called me ridiculous. Never have you told me to shut up, you never got disgusted. You were there simply listening, not contributing in a way to let me figure out stuff myself. I know that you are an inanimate object. You can't see or hear smell. You don't have a brain and therefore cannot be judgemental.But I still need you, you are like a friend. A friend that I can trust. And I think I will now need you more than ever.
When mommy kissed me at the airport and started bawling, when dad hugged me ''Do well, Princess, and don't ever forget to work hard and be proud of who you are and what you worked for the w...way that we are and always will be. ‘When his voice cracked I almost broke down, and I had the biggest urge to scream at the top of my lungs that it was all a joke and I was not going. I wanted to stay but that wasn't an option I wanted this and I needed to be strong and give a good example to my little brother and sister, the way my big sister did for me. My little sister held on to my waist while my little brother was clinging to my leg ''You can't go. I won't let you, Lala-unnie'' Lindsey said in her talking manner that always sounded way too determined for a kid her age. Even though I had incredible heartache I laughed. Lindsey only called me Unnie when she wanted something from me. This is when I felt something wetting my jeans. I looked down and saw James with his face buried in my upper leg right above my knee (he didn't reach further than that).He was silently crying still holding my leg. I pulled a little on my sister’s shirt and told her to let me go for a second. She did, wondering why. I called James but he didn't answer .I lightly tried to pull on of his little chubby arms of my leg but he held on even tighter while I felt my leg get wetter. This is when, sweet diary, I used enough force to pull him off me. When I crouched down to meet his eye-level my heart broke. He looked devastated, his whole face was wet and there was so much fluid coming from his nose, he was biting his lip in order not to make a sound and his hands were now little tiny balls.
''Hey buddy, you don't have to...ow."I tried to say before he attacked my neck with the force of a bull and I fell on the ground with a little 5 year old almost strangling me with his chubby arms around me. And we just lay there on the floor for a few minutes right there at the airport. My ears were beeping from the hard bawling at the top of his lungs but I didn't even care. He could've sounded like an elephant and I wouldn't have cared. When I stood up I saw my mom crying while filming everything but she was smiling. ‘We will show you this when you are famous, at every single holiday. This shows how much we love you.''
I was never good at sad occasions so instead of saying something deep and meaningful I said "Mom, promise me you will show this to every single one of James' girlfriends.'' I know, I know you don't have to say anything I know that was stupid. This all ended with a family hug that did not so long since my older sister left. When I seriously didn't have time left I called James and Lisa for the last time and said ''What I want you to do is follow in Unnie's footsteps, okay? Don't try to be like me but instead strive to be the best that you can be. But work hard to follow your dreams like Unnie is doing right now. Working hard and fairly is how we do things in the Knight-family okay?''
They nodded and I left waving at them after every ten feet."Bye mom and dad, bye Lizzie and Jam." Hey dairy, when I stood in line to get my passport checked is when I finally started crying. I think people at the airport are way more understanding than when they are for example at the grocery store. If you stand in line at there and you start crying people will probably have the urge to call a mental institution but at the airport are so many emotions.Love,hate,anger,sadness,happiness, excitement..so on and so on.
When everything was finally checked I sat down and opened my laptop and looked at the pictures of the night before. I had a big party with all of my friends and had to do my best not to start crying again. It’s crazy how whenever I'm sad I decide to listen to sad music, you would think it's illogical because music has influence on your mood but when I'm sad happy music just sounds annoying.  Hey I guess I'm weird and you know that too.
(니가 아니라-Teen Top)

Now sweet diary, while I'm writing in you I'm in Seoul in the apartment that my father got for me and my friends I don't know how he did it but he did. I’m exhausted and I feel so alone I'm the first one to arrive, Adhira won't be here for another two weeks and Jess in a month which is even worse since she is the only one that talks Korean. I’m so damn lonely.Tommorow I have to visit my new university in a meeting with the new extra Korean course class, great.Now I’m not a shy person not at all but to be in a room in a strange country with a bunch of people that don't talk the same languages and are probably going to be looking for their own kind is not particularly my cup of tea. We’ll just have to see what happens, right?

Goodbye, and if I survive see you tomorrow