“Welcome”

Welcome to Never Ever 119, where we counsel you with the best of the best!  

Meet the Counselers with a tryout session!

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       Bang Yongguk stared at the slick, black door in front of him while kneading his hands together in a fit of nervousness and sweat. It was his first time at a counseling office, and he had been recommended to come to this one from his old classmate, Minseok.

       You can do this Yongguk. It's just a counseling office. Everyone is professional, kind, and understands what you're going through. You don't even have to be nervous, just act natural. 

      He gripped the doorknob and swung the door open while squeezing his eyes shut. He tried to announce his presence to the front desk as soon as he stepped in. So much for being 'natural'.

      "Hello! I had an apppointme-"

      "OH HELL NAW you you can't take my maid costume without consent!" Yongguk opened his eyes to be met with the prettiest half girl he ever saw. Wait what. 

Doing a double-take, he noticed that the half- girl had a broad chest with well-defined abs and no woman parts. No s. He blushed at his mistake and tried to look away to the side, only to be met with a sweaty figure that had an incredibly sculpted face, panting and laughing out of those plump lips. Oh yes. It was suddenly very hot in here for Yongguk. (And they had A/C in the room, so it wasn't the weather.) 

       "U-uh I think I came in the wrong room sor-"

       "Wait!" A hand shot out and grabbed Yongguk by the wrist. He looked at the owner of the hand, and was met with a gentle, sweet smile that practically had innocence radiating out of his face.

       This guy...is such a  Yongguk unconsciously thought and shook it away as everyone in the room froze to look at him. 

       "You're Bang Yongguk, correct? This is the right room, actually! Welcome to Never Ever 119, I'm Kim Junmyeon, also known as Suho." The bright smile made Yongguk feel a little uncomfortable and he shifted his stance. "Sorry about the ruckus, our counselers are having a civilized meeting about taking other's items without permission." Yongguk saw the girly figure scoff at the word 'civilized'. 

        "Errr... okay...so who do I go for my session?" Suho's eyes brightened at the question, happy that they managed not to make a client run away.

       "You can look at this sheet and decide who you think might be best for you. Luhan and Jongin, please go back to your counseling rooms and wear a shirt." Yongguk made a mental note to never sign up for Luhan and Jongin. He scanned his eyes over the six counselers and scrunched his eyebrows. They all seemed....what's the word...retarded?

     "I can imagine why you're having a hard time, they all seem wonderful, don't they?" Joonmyeon-or Suho pat the boy's back.

     No not really.

      "Since you applied for an hour long session, how about getting to know these counselers first? How's 10 minutes with each counseler?" Yongguk's face distorted. 

    "Uh. I'd prefer not to have Luhan and Jongee-"

    "Jongin."

    "Yeah, uhh Jongin. Can I just choose between the four?" 

    "Well, today is just a tryout session, so I think, as a professional counseler myself, that you should try all 6? Well 5 because I think I have an appointment to go to in around 10 minutes." Suho's face beamed with puppydogs and sunshine and Yongguk almost shielded his eyes. 

     "O-okay then." Suho smiled even wider and Yongguk swore he saw flowers blooming around the boy's face. 

    "Great! You can start with Kim Jongin in room 1." 

 

•••

      Yongguk hesitantly stepped in front of room 1. According to what he read, he "accepts anyone". Well, what the hell is that supposed to mean? He peeked into room 1 and poked his head inside. 

     "Hello?" His deep voice vibrated throughout the room. 

      "Oh. Hey there, come in." He heard the man with the plump lips he saw earlier. He reluctantly stepped inside and screamed. 

     "AHHHHHHH! What in the name of Jesus fried - why aren't you wearing any clothes?!" He shut his eyes and heard Jongin snicker. 

    "I swear your voice got like 3 octaves higher." His snickering turned to laughs and Yongguk threw his jacket at the stripper. 

    "Cover yourself! I came for counseling, not for a stripper!" 

     "But this is my style of counseling." Yongguk could almost hear the pride in his voice. "I pound their worries away!" He gagged and opened the door to leave the room. 

     "Hey! If you're leaving, take your jacket! It's interfering with my style!" Yongguk could imagine the pout on his face. Scarred for life, he left the star and headed for room 2. 

°°°

       Yongguk tried to rid the disturbing images popping into his head. Nasty. In a rush to get through all the counselers quick, he 
swung the door open to room 2, and rushed in, only to trip over something invisible and fall face first into something soft and creamy. 

      "Oof!" He felt his face getting smothered and nose being blocked. He tried to get up and heard an eruption of laughter coming from the corner of the room.

      "HAHAHAHAHA WHO FALLS FOR THE INVISIBLE STRING TRICK THESE DAYS AHAHA! I GOT YA GOOD!" He wiped the cream away, and looked on the floor, to see that he had fallen face first into fruit cake. He then looked angrily at the perpetrator. Noticing the jawline, he realized that this must be Jongdae, the one that makes you "laugh your problems away".

Do I look like i'm ing laughing? Yongguk felt his left eye twitching. Jongdae, having had enough of his fun from such a little prank, wiped a tear from the corner of his eye and gave him a tub of baby wipes. 

        "That'll help, buddy!" Yongguk glared and snatched the tub out of his hands. Jongdae raised both hands up in defense with wide eyes.

       "I thought counselers were supposed to help." Yongguk grumbled whille wiping the cake off of his face.

       "I am helping! You temporarily forgot the issues you were having with Jongin, right? I just helped you forget one of your problems. You're welcome." Jongdae raised his chin up high and  crossed his arms. His victim blinked and sighed. 

       "Anyway, sit down! Let's talk out the other issue you came for." Jongdae pointed to couch in front of him and sat down. Yongguk raised an eyebrow, suprised that he was actually doing what a counseler does. He sat down and Jongdae got his clipboard. 

       "So, why are you here today?" 

       "Well..." He was hesitant to tell, but he was in a counseling office after all. "I have a boyfriend name Zelo, and we've been together for 5 years." He stopped as Jongdae cringed. 

        "5 years? Damn bro, ain't nobody got time fer dat!" Yongguk rolled his eyes  and continued. 

       "We've been going out for a while, and I want to break up with him, but I don't think I can. He thinks I'm going to propose to him!" 

       "Mmmm...I see." Jongdae nodded his head as if he understood and put a comforting hand on Yongguk's knee while leaning in. Yongguk leaned in as well, ready to hear some guidance. 

       "Well, you see Yongguk..." Jongdae put a finger on his chin, as if he was thinking deeply. Yongguk leaned closer, furrowing his eyebrows in concentration.

       "You see...TIME IS UP. GOODBYE." Jongdae threw his clipboard behind him and stood up. Yongguk groaned and almost pulled his hair out in annoyance. 

       "Really? That's it?" Jongdae smirked.

       "Then come again next week and request for me! I'll tell you some real then." 

       Should've known better. -.- Yongguk stood up, only to be accompanied by a horrible sound. (Though it was music to Jongdae's ears.) RRRRRR-RIP! He glared at Jongdae, who was trying hard to hold in his laughter. 

        "Pff-FFFefksdfhdfjd- HAHAHAHAHA MADE YA SIT ON SUPPAAAA GLUEEE LIKE A BAUSSSS!" Jongdae high-fived himself and bent over laughing and Yongguk huffed while holding his bottom and running out before he was convicted as a murderer.

 

•••

       Yongguk was more than hesitant about entering the third room in his current state. He had seen a (hot) guy , had his face smooshed in cake, and was holding the part of his pants covering his . He wasn't sure if he could take anymore, and that was only after two counselers. When he decided to just go home, the door to the third room opened, revealing what appeared to be the 16 year old boy working for community service. His name was...Tao? Yongguk froze, staring into his eyes that were practically burning holes through his head. 

       "Uhh.uhhh." Yongguk couldn't find his voice. The boy only pointed to the couch and he stepped inside. Tao stopped whatever he set out to do, and sat down in front him. Yongguk made sure the check the couch first before he sat down, and he put his legs together like a girl and had his hands on his knees. 

       "...I'm Tao." 

       "Huh? Oh. Yeah. I know. I'm Yongguk."

      "..."

      "..."

      "..." 

      "..."

Yongguk wasn't sure how long he could take this awkward silence. It seemed like hours, and Tao was literally staring at him the entire time, watching his every move. Yongguk wondered if Tao ever blinked, because according to what he saw, the boy had some magical going on. Trying to break the silence, Yongguk smiled and began to talk. 

      "So, I came today because-"

     "BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!" The alarm sounding 10 minutes rang, and Yongguk was all ready to bolt. He immediately stood up, and walked over to the door, when Tao placed a hand on his shoulder, causing him to jump. 

      "Ah! Uh, yes?" Tao ran over to the computer and printed a quick picture. He scribbled something over it and handed it to him face down. He then pushed him out, bowed, and closed the door. Confused, Yongguk looked at the paper, only to be faced with this: 

 

I saw you in that ad for curing constipation. I'll cheer you on. Good luck! -Tao. 
P.S. Request me again. 
P.P.S. The medicine you advertised for doesn't work. 
 

 

°°°

       Flabbergasted, Yongguk stood in the hallway for a good five minutes, when a dark-eyed boy bumped into him. 

        "Hey! You're supposed to be in my counseling session right now! Why aren't you coming in, I waited forever, old man." Old man?  "And I'm counting the time you stood in the hallway, so you better hurry it up if you want to get some counseling done."  Yongguk threw the paper in the trash and hurried along into the fourth room. He sat down on the couch, facing the cute boy. He remembered him to be...Baekhyul? Baekhoon?

        "I'm Baekhyun, your counseler, and 5 minutes is a little too long so let's hurry along, shall we?" Wasn't he the patient, caring, and nice counseler? Realizing that none of the descriptions were accurate anyway, he brushed it off. 

        "Uh...I don't know how to break up with my long-term boyfriend, Zelo." Baekhyun, who was chewing on his pen, raised a brow and crossed his arms. 

       "You know what you do? You pull up your skirt, grow some balls, throw some eyeliner at that boi and tell him to use that to cover his puffy eyes after he's done crying. As simple as that." Yongguk contorted his face. 

        "Wait, but I don't want to hurt his feelings...I mean we've been in a relationship for 5 years and all." Baekhyun rolled his eyes. 

        "Oh yes. Of course. You guys can totally go back to being friends after you rip his heart out for dating 5 years too long. Yep, because that's definitely possible after you tear him up to bits and throw him down the drain like yesterday's trash! HOW DARE YOU TRY TO BECOME FRIENDS WITH ME AFTER BREAKING UP. THAT'S TOTAL BULL!" Baekhyun was almost hyperventilating and Yongguk thinned his lips. No one should mess with this guy.
After regaining some posture, Baekhyun cleared his throat. "Go with my plan and it'll be super simple. I'll even give you free eyeliner." Baekhyun shuffled through his drawers and tossed a pencil liner to Yongguk. He stared at it as a 6 year-old boy would look at a girl for the first time. 

What the .

        "Aren't I a good counseler? I just gave you the easiest solution to your problem. You should request me again." Baekhyun winked and Yongguk scoffed. He stood up to leave, until Baekhyun stopped him. 

        "Wait." He stopped and turned towards Baekhyun. 

        "Yes?" Baekhyun stood up and handed Yongguk his business card. 

Byun Baekhyun: Specialized and Professional Counseler at Never Ever 119

        "Will you give this to him after you break up? Thanks."

 

••• 

      Yongguk ripped up the name card and shoved it in the trash. 

       Specialized counseler my . 

Having had enough of such nonsense, he walked out the same black door he came through with ripped pants and a newfound hatred. He called up Minseok, ready to start scolding him for sending him to such flukes. 

        "Hello?"

         "Minseok! That place you recommended, Never Ever 119-" 

        "Hm? Oh you actually went? I've never been there actually, I just wanted to see if you were desperate enough to go. Hehe!" Yongguk felt his left eye twitch once again as he gripped his cellphone hard.

         "Ohhh is that sooo." Yongguk clenched his teeth. "You should come here! It's sooo amazing, and I'd recommend KIM JONGIN AND KIM JONGDAE FOR YOU!" Yongguk huffed and hung up, while Minseok began to seriously consider getting counseled.

~•~

       "Hey, how come the client didn't come to me?" Luhan and curled his blonde pigtails. 

       "Hm? Oh, he left after he saw me." Baekhyun sipped his coffee and cringed. More sugar. 

Luhan pouted and crossed his arms.

       "Damn it all- I dressed as Sailor Moon for nothing!"