It was 7 in the morning when Seo Joo Hyun found herself standing in front of Jung Yong Hwa’s apartment, carrying a freshly-made bag of bread. The warm, fragrant scent wafted from the bag and drifted to her nostrils; she was positive that she was about to faint any moment soon from nervousness.

The morning was particularly wispy and chilly, signaling the beginning of autumn. She had hurried inside the apartment building, giving a quick smile to the lobby guard’s heavily accented greeting of ‘G’morning, Miss Seo’ before rushing into the elevators, not wanting to let her determination to finally face Yong Hwa to wane.

3 times, she had been to the building for a total of just 3 times when they were working together for the foundation’s event, and it has been puzzling her at how the kind-looking old man at the lobby knew who she was. Obviously, she thought, it was because of Yong Hwa. But what picked at her curiosity was how easy it was for her to go inside the building with not so much a blink from the elderly man. Surely, Yong Hwa never talked about her with people other than Jung Shin and their friends from the army. She was expecting to feel unnerved, but rather, she felt some odd sense of happiness creeping inside of her.

“Oh?”

Joo Hyun turned abruptly at the sound of another person’s voice.

“Excuse me, but what are you-?”

What greeted her was a very pretty woman who looked just about her age. Her lustrous hair falling around her shoulder in waves, eyes bright with curiosity. The woman was holding what seems to be a heavy paper bag and was poised to enter Yong Hwa’s apartment. Suddenly, the happiness that she was feeling moments before was forming a lead ball of dread in the pit of her stomach. Joo Hyun thought back at the times she spent with Yong Hwa, if she just dreamed all of it, if he had really asked her to give him another chance, if she had just misinterpreted everything.

The courage she was feeling that morning, she can already feel draining from her body and she was wracking her brain for an excuse that she was just passing by and was mistaken. She swallowed the heavy lump in and readied herself to apologize when she realized the look of exclamation at the other woman’s face.

“Oh!” the woman grabbed her wrist and pulled her inside, “I’m sorry I wasn’t able to recognize you at first. Sit, sit.” She was gestured to sit on the sofa at the living room which she obeyed rather absently, her confusion growing larger by the second.

At the periphery of her consciousness, she knew that the woman was talking to her. She was aware that she was moving around in the kitchen, but she could not register any of it. The nervousness, the dread, and the confusion were making her dizzy that her mind was forcing itself to operate on standby mode. She felt her eyes blinking fast as if trying to wake her body up.

“Park Soo Young, why are you too loud in the morning?”

Joo Hyun felt her body jerk at the sound of the deep voice at the other side of the room. Slowly, she let her eyes focus on the person she wanted to see the most and wanted to run away from the most. Yong Hwa was standing at the threshold of the living room, looking positively annoyed at being awaken from his sleep. She remembered once that he told her that he was a very light sleeper that even the low hum of bees would keep him from sleeping.

She stood up stiffly, her hands clutching at the thin paper bag of bread she was holding. A part of her was telling her that it was a bad idea to go there in the first place and another part of her was at awe at how she could find Yong Hwa still as beautiful as her imagined prince even when his hair was sticking out in all directions. There was no doubt in her mind that she had fallen in love all over again.

Her thoughts turned sour when she remembered the woman with them. Deciding once again that the best course of action was just to apologize and leave, she turned to walk toward the kitchen, but her steps halted when the woman called Soo Young started talking again.

“Oppa! I think you better change your clothes first and wash your face,” Soo Young was walking towards her and she can feel the thunderous beating of her heart inside her chest, “Seo Joo Hyun is here, where are your manners?”

“What do you mean Seo Joo Hyun-,” Yong Hwa stopped abruptly as he registered her presence in his apartment before hurriedly disappearing inside his bedroom.

Joo Hyun was sure that that day, the earth was spinning too fast for her to catch up. That if her arm was not held by Soo Young, she would have collapsed from the rollercoaster of emotions that she was experiencing.

“Joo Hyun-ssi,” she turned her head slowly at Soo Young who was shaking her arm gently, “just making sure that you’re listening to me,” she gave her a lovely, friendly smile, “I hope the surprise has worn off, you poor thing. I think it’s best if we sit down again.”

She smiled gratefully at Soo Young then settled herself on the sofa. She knew she was fidgeting when Soo Young held her hand and took the already crumpled paper bag and placed it on the low coffee table in front of them.

With an encouraging smile, Soo Young held her hands once again, “I already figured that you weren’t listening to my blabber a while back. Let me just repeat what I’ve been saying.”

Joo Hyun eyed her carefully and then nodded, assuring her to go on.

“I’m Park Soo Young and you don’t have to worry about me,” her smile was bright and friendly and Joo Hyun could feel her insides loosening up, “I’m just here to deliver some side dishes Jung Shin made because Yong Hwa oppa doesn’t really know how to take care of himself.”

“Jung Shin?” Joo Hyun said when she finally found her voice.

“Oh, I thought Jung Shin already told you about me. He said he did, oh, he’ll totally hear from me when I get back,” she rolled her eyes dramatically before offering an apologetic grin at Joo Hyun, “I’m his wife.”

“Oh!”

A single beat and then Joo Hyun felt instantly light again, but it only lasted for a few moments when she remembered the silly bubbling of jealousy she was feeling earlier. She could feel a warm blush coat her face and she was sure that Soo Young noticed it, too, because she had started laughing gaily beside her.

She watched as Soo Young brushed her hair away from her face, trying to control her laughter. She could only grimace in embarrassment, but was completely waved off by the other woman.

“It’s alright, I understand how anyone could make that assumption,” Soo Young’s smile was warm and Joo Hyun couldn’t help but smile in return. She could understand why Jung Shin was gushing about this woman- if Jung Shin was like sunshine; this woman was the source of warmth of that sunshine.

Soo Young was looking at Yong Hwa’s door, her eyes gentle, “He talks about you a lot, you know. The way you talk, the way you look, the way your eyes sparkle.” There was a small, amused snort that followed which made Joo Hyun regard Soo Young more closely. “He talked about you so much that I can picture what you looked like even if I haven’t seen you at all. He talked about you so much that there was actually a time when we actually felt sick about it,” Soo Young turned her head slightly to her, “no offense, though.”

Joo Hyun’s smiled, indicating that there was no offense taken whatsoever. To whoever gave these friends to Yong Hwa, Joo Hyun felt immensely grateful. She knew that he was loved and well taken cared for when they were stupidly running in circles with each other.

Soo Young’s eyes returned to Yong Hwa’s closed door, “there was a time I thought I could love him,” her voice turned quiet, her eyes turning more pensive with her confession, “I mean, I could, but he can never love me back. There was just Seo Joo Hyun.”

She blew a shaky breath out, “There was a time that I was incredibly furious with this Seo Joo Hyun, this ghost I can never compete with. I didn’t mind the nightmares that haunted him so bad during that time. That time…” Soo Young paused, her eyes shifting to Joo Hyun, “that time I wanted to be the one to chase them all away. I tried, I did my best, I held him when he woke up drenched in sweat, crying out for his parents, calling out for you, and I was just so furious. I was the one doing everything for him, but his heart only called out for you,” a small smile graced her lips, “I admired and hated him for that.”

Joo Hyun sat frozen, the weight of Soo Young’s confession settling slowly on her shoulders. In a hundred different worlds, she could imagine Yong Hwa becoming happy with the woman in front of her. Her heart squeezed for Soo Young, how bad it must’ve been for them during that time.

“Don’t look too burdened,” the bright smile was back on Soo Young’s face, “that was a long time ago and I’ve completely thrown away whatever romantic notions I have for him. In fact, I’m thankful that I met him, because if not for him, I wouldn’t have experienced the great happiness I’m experiencing now. I’d never trade my baby and my Jung Shin for a thousand Yong Hwas. You can have him.” She punctuated her sentence with a playful wink and Joo Hyun felt that she could breathe freely again.  Later, she decided, she’ll be able to pick everything apart later on, but for now, she has a mission to fulfill.

“He’s now mine and Jung Shin’s eldest son. Absolutely cannot live without us. He might just exist wearing his underwear and eating kimbap if it weren’t for us. Such a big baby,” her laugh was twinkling and infectious and soon, Joo Hyun found herself smiling, too.

--

3 seconds to 5 minutes, Joo Hyun counted in her head.

They were sitting across each other, neither one was moving a muscle, though she can feel Yong Hwa studying her and Joo Hyun found it odd that the only think she could think of describing that moment was pleasantly uncomfortable. The bread she had painstakingly made that morning sat crumpled on the table between them, seemingly forgotten in the staring battle they currently engaged with each other. Soo Young has long gone, taking her pretty smiles and twinkling laughter with her, leaving last minute reminders of how wonderful a spring wedding would be and if they needed help with just about anything, they need not think twice about calling her.

Joo Hyun felt herself smile at the memory. Even when things seemed bleak, they managed to find wonderful people who are willing to stand behind them and boost them up.

“What are you smiling about?”

Joo Hyun blinked twice and focused her eyes on Yong Hwa, who looked caught between being curious and being amused. She took a deep breath and decided to be the bravest that she’ll ever be.

She reached out for his hand that was resting stiffly on the table, “I like your friends.” She watched as Yong Hwa raised an eyebrow in question. Her thumb acquired a life of its own and began caressing the back of his hand in assurance, “They seem to be wonderful people and I’m glad you have them.”

Slowly, Yong Hwa began withdrawing his hand from her hold, his eyes were filling with worry and she almost couldn’t contain herself from spilling all her love for him. She had waited all these years for him and she was sure that she wouldn’t let another day pass by without him by her side.

“Are you-,” Yong Hwa’s adam apple bobbed up and down in apparent nervousness, “are you trying to say goodbye, Seo Joo Hyun? Because you know that I won’t let that happen. I know you asked for time and I know I agreed very willingly to it, but I hope you know that I’m not letting you go. Ever.”

She realized what was going through his mind and she found herself delighted with his confession, but just when she was about to explain the reason why she was there very early in the morning, Yong Hwa grabbed her hands and the machinations of her mind was interrupted with the warmth radiating from his hold and all she knew was she felt immensely happy.

“I was wrong, I know. I’ve been selfish for all those years I left you alone because all I can think about was how I wasn’t worthy for you,” his voice was already shaking with emotion, “but I’m here now, ready to make amends for it. My hands may never be clean from the sins I’ve committed, but I’m-“

She shook her head, interrupting his speech. A sad smile on her lips as she recounted the moments in her head when Yong Hwa decided to punish himself for the circumstances that life had put him in. Today was not a day for it and she was resolute that she would not allow him to have any more days thinking about it.

He’d always been a picture of solitude for her, even when he declared his love for her, trying to make her say yes to spending her lifetime with him. She knew that he was alone the most when he was surrounded by people, withdrawing to the dark recesses of his mind, contrite in his belief of how shameful he was as a human being- if he ever really considered himself that, at all.

By now, it was clear to her why they had to separate from each other. They had been fools, yes, for dancing around the world a million times rather than confronting their problems head on, but they had needed this separation to be able to see what they can be without each other and how much they need to be with each other. From experience, she knew that they have a rough road ahead of them, being excruciatingly traumatized as they were. But, the insecurities have been shaken away from her mind and she won’t allow Yong Hwa to carry the brunt of their journey together- damn his tremendous pride and even more tremendous sense of responsibility.

“There’s one thing I will ask from you,” her tone was quiet and even, and by the way Yong Hwa leaned forward towards her, she knew that he’d give her the moon if she wanted to, “I want you to let me in. Fully, without question and hesitation.”

Surprise was evident on his face with the way his mouth opened and closed repeatedly, but no words came out. She realized that he only knew that he loved her and he needed her in his life, but that’s the extent of it. He would not allow her to share the horrors that roamed his mind and made his heart so fragile. She wanted it, every moment of his nightmares, every drop of anguished tear that fell from his eyes, she will be the one to chase them all away, but only if he would let her. She needed him to let her. No buts or ifs and she will stand her ground, she wanted him to understand that if he would want to love her the way he wanted to, he must let her in no matter what.

Silence stretched between them and she knew that he was weighing things in his head, a laborious task for a proud, broken man as he is. No more running away, both their hearts laid on the table before them, to be picked apart, to be mended back together again.

As one. To be able to move forward as them.

There will be no more loving for the sake of loving, for they will only be loving phantoms of themselves. Of images they’ve conjured in their heads of that brief moment they shared before they went their own ways. They will love because they need to love each other, want to love each other- fully, resolutely.

Life has been most unkind to them, but now that they've been given this chance at happiness, a second chance of building the kindest life they’d ever imagined, she would not allow him to hide any more skeletons in his closet.

That closet, she decided, would be filled by good memories, to be boasted for generations to come.

Suddenly, she froze with the dawning realization that she had never considered his presence in her life as temporary, that she had always thought of him with only forever as an option. He will never be just a great love of her youth to be remembered fondly when she’s old and gray. He will be there when she’s old and gray to remember with her what this time meant for the both of them.

Her pulse pounded with the thought and somehow, some doubt trickled into her mind as the silence stretched on further, that maybe, she was the only one thinking in infinites about them.

But she waited. She has already waited five years for him, she could endure waiting five more minutes for him to open his heart fully for her.

However, still, the silence raged on. The movement of the second hand of the clock rang in her ears. Tick-tocking mercilessly at her already strained nerves. Her hand trembled slightly in his grasp, but his eyes never wavered from her.

He stayed silent, so, so silent. She looked at him and she saw a face devoid of emotion, just staring, contemplating and still so silent. She could feel the prick of frustrated tears pool at her eyes and she could only muster some energy to try and blink them all away.

Just seconds ago, she had made up her mind to wait for him to decide, but her frayed nerves could not stand his silence any longer. She stood up, the scraping sound of her chair being pushed back echoed loudly in her ears.

“Jung Yong Hwa, I swear to god, if you don’t answer in the next 5 seconds, I will walk out of this apartment-,” and just like that, he again managed to take her breath away as he gathered her forcefully in his arms and his lips firm on hers, the dull sound of a chair falling barely registering in her ears.

For so long, she had dreamt of this moment, him kissing her again, that she had forgotten how overwhelming the feeling of the real thing was. If the way he was kissing her at that moment was any indication, her heart swelled with the fact that he has already handed his heart to him, all darkness and love, free for her to meld with her own.

He kissed her for forgiveness, for love, for acceptance. She felt it in the savage way he invaded , his tongue caressing every corner it can reach, their teeth clashing with all the unspent passion that accumulated with the time they spent away from each other.

Slowly, the intense passion gave in to gentle, butterfly kisses as he cradled her face in his hands, his thumbs drawing small circles on her cheeks. She never felt more alive than in that moment. He had given his entirety to her and she vowed to treasure every bit of him. Soon his kisses stopped, but he didn’t pull away from her. His forehead rested on hers tenderly, his breath tickling her lips, making her aware of their swollenness.

“Yes, yes to everything,” his voice was raspy, raw from the passion they shared, “only to keep having you by my side, only to be able to love you with all my heart. But, I want you to know that I’m terrified of what you’ll see, of who I am underneath everything. I ran away before because I was terrified, I’m still scared now. But, I don’t think I can endure any more time away from you.

I’m sorry that I can’t be the stronger one,” he continued, his voice was heavy with emotion as if a dam has broken and there’s no way to stop everything from flowing out. “I wanted to, really, I tried to… it’s just that... sometimes it gets so dark that I can't even breathe. But, there’s one thing that I’m sure of, it’s that I don’t want to ever be apart from you again and I’ll do everything in my power to be with you, the only light I was able to see during the dark.”

She managed to catch his eyes as she tried to even out her breath. At this proximity, she noticed how beautiful his eyes were and how sad they are. Giving in to her instincts, she planted a kiss on each of his lids, transferring her energy to him.

“I know that I’m not walking into a meadow of flowers with you. I’m aware that I might be walking into a landmine,” she saw him smile ruefully at that, “but, I willing to navigate it, if you’d just show me where those landmines are.” She let her hand slide down to feel his heart and she was comforted to feel that it was also beating as hard as hers, “I love you, Yong Hwa, let me love every bit of you. I don’t care how ugly you think your heart might be, I love you.”

She watched as his lips stretch into the widest, most genuine smile she had ever seen from him. Her heart felt rapturous, soaring.

“Thank you for being everything I dreamed you to be, and everything I didn’t even hope for you to be,” his tears were falling freely now on to his face and she caught each one of them, brushing them all away just like how she wants to brush all of his fears away.

He held her tighter against him, his breath warm in her ear as he chanted, “I love you, I love you, I love you,” over and over again.

She turned her head towards the window as she reveled in his love, her eyes catching the rays of the sun as it peeked through the clouds. Her trek to his apartment earlier had promised rain, but now, all she can see was sunshine.

Morning has finally come.

--

Fi.nal.ly! We've reached the end of this story. Thank you to everyone to read, subscribed, and/or left comments, they really mean a lot to me.

I've completed this story a year ago in my livejournal, so if you're reading this again here now, thank you very much! For all the new readers, I really hope you enjoyed this. :)

Thank you!

(Note: for those who don't know, Park Sooyoung is Orange Caramel's Lizzy's real name.)