Jung Yong Hwa watched in silence as a mother lays her newborn child in the middle of the field to die. That’s been the 2^nd that week, he counted in his head, probably the 9^th – no, 11^th that month. He adjusted the large gun on his shoulder and went on his patrol, pretending to have seen nothing. It was the only thing that he can do to appease the gnawing feeling inside him. No matter how much he thinks that they are just the same, the mother and him, both prisoners of a regime that had little regard for human life. He knew that he had it better, having some rice and a bit of salt everyday to survive. But those people, he has seen them boil clay to just have something to lace their burning stomachs. It sickens him to the core, despite what has been drilled into his mind – everything is done and will be done all for the glory of the fatherland.

We sometimes do things that are against our personal beliefs, but we need to do them to protect each other. To survive. His father’s words echo in his mind, who was another soldier claimed long ago by malnutrition, proclaimed a loyal comrade of the system.

He never knew who his mother was.  

The things he knew, that he has seen was eating away at him. By the time that he was 18 and has just joined the army; he started to have suspicions that there was something terribly wrong about the country that he was serving for. And he knew what he was thinking was right when he became part of the firing squad for the public execution of a mother and child on the accusation of treason.

Based on nothing but hearsay.

The moment his finger touched the trigger, he felt his being start to chip away bit by bit. It will remain as one of the darkest memories in his life.

If he wanted to leave what was left of his soul intact, he knew that the only way for him to survive was to leave that country.

He shuddered as he attempted to hold back a bitter laugh from escaping his lips, praying that the other soldier coming his way won’t notice. A few more days, he recited to himself, the only mantra that has been keeping him sane.

-

“Unnie,” the girl entered the hut carefully after making sure no one saw her, “I’ve placed him in the warmest place I saw on that field. Can’t we just… I don’t know how to… I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”

The older girl gave her a weak smile, “It’s better for him to go back to heaven, Joo Hyun-ah. It’s better to think that way. I should be the one apologizing to you, I’m sorry I can’t do it myself. I made the right decision, didn’t I? My son has to have nothing but the best. Just the best.”

Tears flowed non-stop as Seo Joo Hyun comforted the grieving mother. There was nothing else they can do now as her older sister’s husband was arrested some few months back when someone snitched on him being involved with smuggling, there was no one else they could depend on to survive. He wasn’t even able to see his son to be born.

That baby, who they thought would be able to survive despite his weak set of lungs, has only grown weaker day after day. The famine that has been ravaging the country continued to be relentless, even foraging for food in the forests has proved futile. Their steady diet of boiled tree bark and clay has taken its toll, and her older sister who was already having a hard time recovering from childbirth, was unable to produce milk at all.

Heartbreak after heartbreak ravaged their home and Joo Hyun was barely holding herself together. So, she picked up what was remaining of her courage and decided to risk crossing the border to be able to survive, they have sold everything they’ve got and there is nothing left to hold them back.

To survive, she scoffed mentally, it was a wonder how they even got this far along in life.

Joo Hyun loosened her grip as she felt the older woman’s body grow heavy with sleep. She stared at the darkened ceiling, wondering what they would be eating when the morrow comes. It has been getting harder and harder to find things to eat at that time as winter is quickly approaching. Another storm has devastated the fields and the forests so much that there was nothing more the people can do but to wait for spring to arrive and pray that they endure the cold season.

A few more days, she sighed to herself as she too settled down to sleep.

-

It was probably the biggest gamble that he will ever do in his life but it was better than nothing. Yong Hwa stood a few paces away, making sure that he can’t be seen by the two whispering men, being all decked out in the standard issue army uniform. He strained his ears as he tried to catch what they were talking about because from that moment, those two men hold the key to his freedom.  

… on the shore 5 kilometers south.

Are you sure it will come in?

Yes, yes, it will last for 3 days, more than enough to cross the border.

How many boats?

Just one.

But, Gongshik-ah…

That’s the best we can do.

Yong Hwa turned, committing the information to his heart and mind. He’d already heard them talking 3 days before and he felt hope surge in his whole being. It is real, after all, this thing called salvation.

In the camp where he was stationed, he’s heard of stories of people escaping to the northern or southern countries hoping for a new lease in life. The stories were most often too fantastic for him to believe – of lights that stay on until after dark, of endless food, of happiness. He thought, at first, that they were just legends the prisoners made up as they thought of heaven while they count down to the day when they would finally go there. But he started to believe them, after years and years of hearing about it and then he too, started to dream about it.

He has to make it, whatever the cost. He knew that if he wanted to live, he has to go even if he had to beg on his knees to those peasants to take him, he would. Even if they would give only a portion of their boat for him to hold on to, he’ll take what he can get.

-

Joo Hyun was woken up by a slight scratching at their door, hoping that a field rat found its way there. She was delighted, thinking that they could have meat to stretch for some 2 days at least. However, she was more elated to find her neighbor greet her with what might be the greatest news that she’ll ever receive in her life.

“The thick fog will come down starting tomorrow, get yourself and your sister ready. Leave by nightfall tomorrow towards the shore 5 kilometers south. There will be a boat waiting there for us,” the man granted Joo Hyun the brightest smile she has seen in years.

She clasped her hands together, thankful for the miracle, “Gongshik ahjussi, I don’t know how or when I can repay you. But I would see to it that I’d repay you my whole life.”

The elderly man held up his hand, signaling to keep her voice down. No one can ever be safe anywhere in that place and if they want to escape alive, they need make sure that they are alive to make the getaway in the first place.

“Just make sure you bring only the barest essentials with you, we have to travel very light. The boat that we have managed to get is small and we have more than enough passengers as it is. I know that you have money with you, keep it very safe. I’ll come give you the directions before the night falls tomorrow.”

Joo Hyun closed the door gently, trying to keep her excitement down. She looked over to the sleeping Joo Ae who was still burning with fever, trying to transfer some of her energy mentally. Hold on, the mantra in her head went on, just hold on.

She then went to their secret storage, taking out some roots she has gathered the other night and started to prepare their only meal for the day.

-

It’s time, Yong Hwa thought, there’s no looking back after this. An opportunity has come his way, however unfortunate it might’ve been for other, and there is no way that he would let it go. So, he gathered all the courage he has, straightened up and walked towards his commanding officer.

He braced himself, “Sir, I am requesting to make my shift double today since Comrade Bong has been taken away to the infirmary suddenly. That way, there would be no need to adjust schedules for the time being.”

The dour-looking man stared at him through his reading glasses, Yong Hwa felt his resolve start to crumble as the seconds tick away. He stood there unmoving, beads of sweat trickled down his nape. He prayed to any god who would care to listen to him for his salvation to not be taken away from him.

The officer straightened up and laced his fingers under his chin, a calculating look reflected in his eyes. “As expected of Jung Ji Taek’s son,” a slow smile formed on the officer’s face, “always the exemplary one.  However, I already gave the replacement papers to the commanding post at your station.”

Yong Hwa felt his energy trickle away from his body bit by bit. I need to get away tonight, was the only thought that ran through his mind and having a replacement patrolman would make a heavy blow to his already hastily put together plan.

-

Joo Hyun smiled to herself while she went about the motions of doing household chores, something she hasn’t been able to do in weeks. Her spirits were at an all time high as she recalled the images in the secret videos she has seen about the outside world. She let her imagination run for a bit, picturing her sister and herself in the market, their hands overflowing with food.

Her step had a slight spring in it when she walked back to the house, carrying their meal for the day. She rapped musically on the doorframe to alert her older sister of her return.

“It’s time to eat,” she announced as she placed the pot on the center of the mat she has spread out earlier, “you need to eat a lot, Unnie. Gain your strength back for the trip.”

Her last sentence was spoken in a careful whisper.

Joo Ae gave her a small smile, “Thank you, Joo Hyun-ah. What would I ever do without you,” and then moved her fragile body to a sitting position.

“No, that’s what would I ever do without you? Now, eat up and let’s forget about these dramatics. We only have these left so you better make sure that you eat a lot of it.”

A few silent minutes passed between them as they shared the meager food until Joo Ae began shaking uncontrollably before throwing up everything that she has taken in. Joo Hyun moved fast and used the thin blanket her older sister was using to catch the vomit.

“Joo Hyun-ah, I don’t think – “

“Drink some water,” she cut her sister off, “you know that’s not an option and will never be.”

“But I will just weigh you down. It’s better to stay here and just wait it out...,” Joo Ae left her sentence hanging.

Joo Hyun was so incensed that she started to feel herself shiver. They both knew what was at the end of that thought, something that she would much rather push out from both of their minds.

To wait out for her death.

“I’ll just clean this up, Unnie. Please be sure that you have bundled everything safely in that backpack when I return,” Joo Hyun stood up and headed to the water pump outside their house. She can feel her blood spiral up her head, her heart beating up a prayer.

It was now or never and she would not be leaving alone.

-

By nightfall, Yong Hwa was running to up to the commanding officer in his patrol area. He held in his hand a document from the camp. Whatever it was, he just needs to drop it off and make some excuse about doing just another round of patrolling to make his escape.

“Sir,” he held the document out, “orders from camp.”

The officer opened the envelope and read the letter carefully, glimpsing at him every once in a while. Yong Hwa felt some sort of déjà vu as he felt a drop of sweat slide down the side of his face. The dreadful feeling hasn’t left him since that afternoon.

“Everything seems to be in order now, Jung. That was very patriotic of you. May you be a role model to all our other soldiers,” the officer’s voice dripped with sarcasm. Yong Hwa knew him to be one of the prime receivers of bribe money from the black market, “off you go, then. I expect you to report back to camp by tomorrow morning instead.”

Yong Hwa felt his knees weaken as the officer’s words started to make sense. It’s taking all of his willpower to be able to stand straight and keep his smile from growing. However happy the news was making him, he knows that it wasn’t the time for celebration yet. The journey he was about to take was treacherous and there’s nothing but his life at stake.

“For the glory of the fatherland,” the officer saluted.

“For the glory.” Of the future that I have so desperately dreamed about. 

With the prayer in his heart, he set off into the night.

-

The night fell with a force full of coldness.

She adjusted the strap of her backpack and made space for her sister’s bag on her shoulder. Since that vomiting episode in the afternoon, Joo Ae has been turning worse for wear. Her breathing, which has become quite raspy, cut through Joo Hyun’s heart every second. She had started to question her decision to push through with the escape when she knew that her sister was not fit for travel anywhere in the first place.

Her grip on her sister’s hand tightened and she locked her eyes ahead. Hesitation is something that should be far from her mind at that moment; this was their chance at freedom. Probably, the only one that will ever come.

“Joo Hyun-ah,” the voice weak with exhaustion, “do we have time? Can we rest for a moment? Just… give me 5 minutes – no, just 1 minute.”

She looked behind her, her sister already was hunched over and clutching at her pants, trying to catch her breath. If they did not continue moving, she knows that they’d both be casualties that night. That part of the forest is heavily guarded and they had just been given a window of 1 hour to be able to cross that place and meet their guide near the opening to the sea.

She squeezed the older girl’s hand and smiled. A few minutes wouldn't hurt that much, her heart reasoned out with her.

Joo Ae gave a weak smile in return and sat down on the ground, her eyes fluttering close. Joo Hyun’s heart squeezed painfully, if only they could get what they needed there, there wouldn’t be any reason to leave. But as the years pass, it’s only getting harder and harder to endure things, the famine making it all the more harder.

The promised 5 minutes had passed and Joo Hyun was starting to fidget with worry. “Unnie, we need to get going now. I’m sorry. We’ll have plenty of time to rest when we get to where we’re going.”

She tugged gently at her sister’s hand, urging her to stand up. Her mind is already a jumble of worry for both Joo Ae and their situation that her eyes had began to water when she didn’t get any response from the girl.

Please, please not this. Her mind screamed with frustration as she knelt down to check her sister’s breathing. Various scenarios ran through her head, shattering her resolve bit by bit. The hope she has been desperately holding on was slipping away. Tears already started falling down her face when she heard the older girl give out a soft groan.

No matter how much her relief is in knowing that her sister is still trying to persist, panic has already taken over her. They need to move fast and she has no idea how to handle the situation, all she could think about was move, move, move.

“What’s wrong?” A deep, male voice snapped Joo Hyun back to reality and she started to tremble.

-

Carefully, Yong Hwa took out the bag he prepared a couple of nights ago out of its hiding place.  It contained nothing but the most basic essentials that he would need for the escape – a set of clothing to change into and money. He knew that no matter where he is, it would always be money that can save him. Even from his own comrades.

Nevertheless, he also knew that no matter how much money he could bribe people with, if anybody would catch him, their reward would be so much bigger than anything he could offer. And his arrest would only result in his death, no questions and no mercy.

He stood up hastily when he noticed a gleam of light coming his way. His eyed shifted to the exposed bag at his feet and quickly tried to hide it back in between the tree roots.

“Everything alright there, comrade?”

Yong Hwa’s brain clicked and he faced the tree, trying to escape the situation. “Yeah, just relieving myself here, can’t make it back to the post. I think I drank too much water.”

Much to his relief, the other soldier kept his distance and just gave him a laugh then went on his way back to the post. Yong Hwa slumped on the tree trunk with relief and shook his head. Of all the reasons that he could give out, it had to be that. But the purpose has been served and he allowed himself a smile.

The moonlight was exceptionally dim that night and he can already feel the chill from the oncoming fog roll inland and he wondered how they would be able to carry on when they would be sailing already. He strapped the pack on his body and went on to the direction the men had talked about, his right hand already pocketing a few hundred dollars to bribe the guide with.

He hasn’t been walking a full 20 minutes yet when he heard murmurs just a few meters from him. Thinking fast, he went near the sounds and hid himself behind a tree, careful not to make any sounds to alert the people with his presence.

He watched as the two girls settle down on the ground, one obviously growing weaker by second. He deduced that they too are heading to where he will be going and his heart squeezed, fearing that they might be caught as he calculated how much more time another soldier would pass their way.

His eyes settled on the younger one, feeling pity as he saw her rising panic. This will not do, he decided as he stood up and made his way over to them.

“What’s wrong?”

-

Joo Hyun could not stop her body from trembling as her mind registered the uniform the man was wearing. He was moving in closer to them, too close.

Yong Hwa sighed when he noticed that the girl couldn’t speak. After all, he hasn’t changed out of his uniform, anybody would be afraid to talk in front of him. He knelt down slowly and took the older girl’s hand from the younger one’s grasp.

“Here, let me.”

“Please, no. We’ll just go back… please… just…” Joo Hyun found her voice and she didn’t like the sound of it. Her nerves were twisting, panic inside her was escalating to disproportionate levels.

Yong Hwa reached out to touch the girl’s shoulder and felt his breath catch in his throat as she met his eyes. Her tears were flowing freely down her face and his heart squeezed a little bit more. For a quick second, his mind went back to the mother who left her baby on the field a couple of nights back.

If only they would get a chance like this, he thought. He studied the semi-conscious girl, wondering what could have made her be like that. And trying to escape in that state, too. Sighing, he focused back to the younger girl, who by that time, was already visibly trembling.

“Just... trust me,” he started carefully and shifted his pack to front of his body. He doesn’t know what kind of effect his offer of trust would bring. Who would trust anybody working for that regime, especially a soldier like him who enforced the law brutally?

Joo Hyun felt herself caught in a haze, her brain working furiously to make sense of what was happening.  She doesn’t know what kind of madness has taken over her as she let her hand go and slowly, slowly felt her body relax as she watched the soldier maneuver her sister’s sagging body onto his back. Unsteadily she stood up, her eyes focused on the stranger’s back.

A million things flew inside her head at once but the thought of having faith echoed the loudest. She had no clue where that idea came from but she felt herself awash with that thought. Looking at her older sister’s body hang limply on his back made her suppose that probably, just probably that he could be the answer to the prayer she has been repeating over and over again.

Yong Hwa turned to the frozen girl, “We don’t have much time, there will be another soldier coming this way in about 20 minutes.”

She hesitated before nodding. She stared openly, transfixed, like she was about to witness a nascent miracle. And at that moment, she entrusted her life – their lives – to him.

The clouds took that moment to scatter and a bit of moonlight made its way to their place in the forest, smattering light to the surrounding. Yong Hwa saw her then and caught her hesitant nod, he felt entranced by her eyes, made sparkling by the tears she just shed. It bore into his being, an innocent stranger sharing her precious hope with him.

For that, he felt thankful, they could just figure out the explanations when they get to their destination. However, he noticed that she still hasn’t moved an inch apart from that slight nod. There was no time to spare anymore, he adjusted the sleeping girl on his back and breathed in some more courage as he moved to hold the younger girl’s hand.

A fleeting shiver ran down his back.

“We better get going,” he pushed the moment to the back of his mind, saving to make sense out of it later.

Joo Hyun looked at their clasped hands then watched the man’s profile illuminated by the moonlight. He looked gentle, like a story book prince, a stark contrast to the harsh reality that his uniform represents.

Curiously, she felt the safest that she has ever felt that night. Whatever that meant, she’ll have to figure it out later. She steeled herself and walked on, offering a small smile when he turned to look at her.

They walked as fast as they can – him, maneuvering them quietly and expertly into the forest. They stopped once in a while to check on Joo Ae, whose breath has settled into a steady pattern. Never once they let go of each other’s hands, finding some kind of peculiar comfort and energy with just being together.

Their navigation through the hidden escape path was a quiet one, both trying to assess the situation in their heads.

Joo Hyun decided that she was witnessing an unraveling miracle. The question about the man’s intention was almost completely forgotten in her mind, though she knew that she’s not supposed to give even an ounce of trust to anybody wearing the uniform. However, she felt like there was some kind of supernatural force that’s telling her to just do.

So she did.

Their escape continued in its remarkableness, like an out of body experience. Floating, floating.

Yong Hwa decided that he has encountered a miracle. His problem about joining the escape was solved by a crying girl in the middle of the forest. They all wanted to flee but problem after problem seem to chase after them, reaching out to them, trying to delay them as much as possible.  

But, at the moment their paths crossed, everything seems to mesh together. Like two ends of a string, coming together.

Adrenaline ignited to a whole new level as they hear the quiet rumbling of the waves and saw the faint light the guide was flashing them. This is the beginning. A few more steps and it’s the freedom that they have been dreaming of. They moved closer to each other, their hands clasped tighter as they stepped towards the waiting boat.

Astonished looks were exchanged when Yong Hwa handed Joo Ae carefully to the guide, his uniform fully exposed then. The man in charge turned his head towards Joo Hyun, a slight panic quite clear in his eyes. For them, there are only two things a man in uniform would bring – violence to take bribes or arrest without question.

If the people assembling were quiet before they arrive, a more deathly quiet surrounded them now. They waited with bated breath as they waited for someone to speak up. Gong Shik, the man in charge, tightened his grip on the steering pole, ready to strike the soldier at any time.

Yong Hwa clenched his jaw, his hands inching closer to his pocket, ready to retrieve the wad of bills he had put aside to bribe the escapees. At the corner of his eye, he saw the gray-haired man tense up and readied himself for an attack.

“He’s with us,” Joo Hyun spoke first, a slight tremble in her voice, “he helped us in the forest.”

Gong Shik turned his head towards the young girl, “Child, you can’t be –“

“I’m serious, ajusshi. I can vouch for him, he wouldn’t do anything wrong.” She turned towards Yong Hwa, eyes pleading for confirmation, hopeful that the feelings that took over her inside the forest weren’t just some kind of illusion brought about by her desperation and vulnerability. A cold chill began its ascent on her body.

“Please,” Yong Hwa put his hand up, palms facing front, showing that he meant no harm, “I don’t want any trouble. I just need your help and also, we have to move fast, patrol will reach here in about 30 minutes. I am the one on duty but I… I want to join you in your escape.”

All those present gaped openly at him. Certainly, he wasn’t the first soldier to escape the country but he’s surely the first that they had encountered. Among them all, Joo Hyun was the most dumbfounded. Never did she expect that it was the reason why he started helping them.

Gong Shik looked at Yong Hwa uncertainly, still not trusting him. He has, after all, encountered all sorts of low lives and in his opinion, the most repulsive of them all was the regime soldiers. He moved closer to scrutinize Yong Hwa, who in turn was slowly turning pale in anxiousness.

“L-l-look, I have some money here I can give you. Just please let me come with you.” He tried to keep his voice from cracking. His hands were clutching at the paper money.

Joo Hyun held the hand with the money and looked at Gong Shik, “Ajusshi, I trust him. Please.”

“Keep that, you’ll need it to when we cross,” she then turned to Yong Hwa, who’s looking at her wide-eyed with astonishment.

Trust. It was something Yong Hwa thought he was just dreaming of when they were in the forest, he never expected that she indeed does. Nobody did, not when they’re ordinary people like her.

Gong Shik relented, his grip on the oar loosening, “Just so you know, one wrong move and I’ll be throwing you off-board.” A pause and then, “Do you have anything there that we can cover the metals in this boat with?”

The next 10 minutes found them moving steadfast, preparing the boat and themselves to sail the foggy horizon. Joo Ae has thankfully gained a bit of consciousness though still weak and unable to grasp where they were. But it was better than nothing, both Joo Hyun and Yong Hwa let out a sigh of relief.

“Here we go,” Gong Shik whispered to the night as the last person stepped inside the boat. He looked over to the three young people, noting with interest the unusual closeness of Yong Hwa and Joo Hyun. Probably, it was something the new morning will answer but for now, he let them be, a small smile gracing his features. He pushed the boat using an improvised stick and breathed in a prayer, hoping they get through the night.

Yong Hwa and Joo Hyun unconsciously moved to clasp their hands again, their free hands holding on to the sleeping Joo Ae. The strange sensation is back, multiplied to a whole new level.  There’s nothing left but to look forward to the morning and the answers that it’ll bring.

They looked towards each other, both curious and oddly at ease with one another. A realization has formed in the back of their minds, whispering for recognition. But as it is, it has to wait tomorrow, for tonight, a preamble to a new beginning is at hand.

As soon as the boat started swaying gently on the water, the clouds moved to cover the moon again and the fog rolled in, embracing them in its obscurity.

--