<3 years later, Seoul>

“Here’s your drink, ___-ah.”

You smile at the bartender as you take your glass before shifting your attention to the band playing their first set of the night. You leaned against the bar, closing your eyes as the haunting melody and equally sad lyrics take hold of you. The place was packed, despite being a weekday, in the small and simple bar in a hidden corner of Hongdae. You know it was because of the band playing right now, the same one that played near your old University more than three years ago and went on to become an overnight indie sensation in Seoul. You would have been otherwise intimidated by the loud beats, the tight crush of people, the b energy from the chaos---but that was then.

A lot has changed.

“Can I buy you a drink?”

You open your eyes and looked at the guy who managed to squeeze his way beside you. “Oh, I already have one right here.” You raise your glass to his line of vision.

“So, you’re really going to make me work to get your name huh?”

“Ah, I’m ____, but sorry, I’m not interested.” You’re flattered at the attention given to you and guess it would not hurt to make some nice conversation while you wait for the set to finish. He’s not exactly your type, you surmised. He doesn’t look bad – though his slicked hair is too dark, his hooded eyes with a glint of friendly mischief than kindness, his body more of the brawny type—     

Stop it, what are you doing? Why compare every guy to him?

He looks like he was about to convince you otherwise when an arm immediately wrapped companionably around your shoulders.

“Too late man, she’s not available.” You try to keep a straight face as the famous bassist of the band that just played pressed you to her side. The guy chuckled then nodded as he made his way to the other side of the bar.

“Hahaha, Unni!” You playfully poked her ribs. “He might get the wrong idea.”

“What did I do?” Your Unni heartily laughed, her pixie hair bouncing around her face. “I was saving you from a potentially awkward situation. I know he’s not your type and you’re too kind to totally blow him off.”

“I know, but still—,” you shifted your weight while continuing to lean on the bar. She eyed your leg, concern suddenly filling her eyes, “Hey, ___-ah, I don’t think you should stand around for too long. Your knee might—“

“I’m fine Unni!” You wave her off, trying to keep your voice as light as possible. “Remember that I’m already off rehab for more than two years…oh, I think you have to start your second set,” you gestured towards the stage, thankful that the uncomfortable topic is done.

Your Unni sighed, “Okay, but please, get a free stool if you spot one. And your soccer hero is late, though why you idolize that crazy girl eludes me.” You flash a peace sign as she made her way back to the stage.

A pleased smile stretches across your face as cheers resounded at the start of the second set. It’s good to be here, you thought.

You at first resented that day, when you woke up three years ago and found yourself in the hospital room, shocked when your parents told you that you’re in Seoul. The acl tear that resulted from your collision was worse than what the doctors feared, and they recommended that they take you to a better facility in Seoul to help with the surgery and required rehabilitation. You struggled as you realized that while it can be fixed, it cannot be completely healed.

You cannot play soccer like you used to.       

You put on a brave face as you went through therapy each day, then cried privately until you slept every night for as long as you can remember. The doctors told you that your knee has been stabilized and you can play soccer again. However, there is still that risk of injuring it again and may create more damage so it’s advisable that you do not participate in a lot of soccer matches. You made the painful decision to hold off from playing entirely since you want to play competitively as part of a team than just playing occasionally on your own.

Your parents were delighted at the progress of your therapy in the months that followed that they decided to make the move permanent and entered you into a new university in Seoul to finish off your remaining credits (you’re in your final stretch to graduating…finally). Without soccer being the natural fallback for each new school, you started to branch out, tried any interesting club that came your way, made new friends. While it was difficult to let go of soccer, you felt that the injury had led you to come a long way from the shy awkward girl of 20, and you give much credit to it for your transformation.

But then again, you countered with a dull ache in your heart, maybe it was him you should give credit to.

You still don’t know if he showed up that day, though you guess it is better that he didn’t witness your accident. While the insurmountable heartache that added to the pain of your injury was unavoidable, the move to Seoul made you face reality. EXO is literally everywhere—on TV, billboards, public transportation, walls—every product that you can think of has their faces on it. Maybe it was a bit masochistic but you watched every music video, listened to every song, in hopes of totally flushing him out of your system—a move which obviously didn’t serve its purpose in the end. In hindsight you should have known it—he has that unique aura that draws you in before you realize it.

And you’ll be deluding yourself if you think that he can even fall in love with you.   

So you’ve moved on — three years so far — you reminded yourself. You even cut your hair and made it lighter to mark the change. You’re happy that you get to hang out with your Unnis a lot that you have become a regular and familiar face to the people working at this very bar. Yes, you’re doing well, you told yourself.

“Earth to ____” Your Unni waves her hand in front of your face.

“Wha---wait, you’re already finished with the gig?” You can’t believe that you spaced out for this long.

“Yeah, and the goddess cannot make it,” she gestured to her phone. “Her boss made her work overtime, sorry.”

“Oh,” you’re disappointed that you won’t be able to catch up with your former captain, “well then, I guess I’ll get going…”

You’re surprised when your Unni suddenly grabbed your wrist. “Wait, ___-ah, uh, can you go with me to the basement a bit? I just need your…uh…support. Since I can trust you,” she said with a sheepish smile.

O….kay this is weird. “Sure Unni,” you said, as you follow her to the door which you know will lead to downstairs, “anything I can do to help.”

You enter the darkly lit basement that doubles as a lounge area for the band and storage area for the bar owner. After a few minutes a knock comes from the other basement door, the one that leads to the back alley of the bar. Your Unni hesitated a bit before opening the door, revealing a tall guy wearing a jacket and a cap with a large plastic bag on one hand.

Uh, is she doing drugs? Am I in the middle of a trade? You shake off your weird…and so      wrong…thoughts. The pair looked a little tense, still talking near the door as you watch them a few feet away. The guy glanced at you before texting on his phone, then suddenly elbowed his way past your Unni to approach you.

You can see the guy more clearly under the light, and craned your neck until you see his face dominated by his ear-splitting grin. Recognition dawns on your face as he stuck out his hand for a handshake.
“Hi there, I’m Chanyeol.”

****

What’s wrong? I’ll be there in a few minutes. Luhan messaged, wondering what Chanyeol is now up to. They are not even supposed to be running loose tonight, with a full schedule the following day. But unsurprisingly, Chanyeol has managed to sneak out, sending a SOS message to the group chat with an address. Luhan happened to be the nearest one (he’s coming from an event and managed to charm the temporary manager to let him borrow the car), so he messaged the others that he’ll take care of it. As they all figured out by now, Luhan can be depended on when it comes to putting out potential fires. A skill he learned the hard way, Luhan thought bitterly.

He spies a small alley at the back of the address sent to him, and parked the car in that dark area in case there are paparazzi around. Chanyeol still hasn’t replied, making Luhan more worried than he initially was. He pulls up his hood of his jacket and walks inconspicuously to the backdoor entrance and decides to try his luck by knocking. As it opened, he steels himself, prepared for whatever problem that lay ahead.

What—or better yet who—he sees is the one thing in his life that he was unprepared for.

“_____-ah,” he sputtered, trying to contain the shock and the embarrassment that followed as the girl he thought he already managed to forget is right in front of him.

“Luhan-hyung!” Luhan barely had time to process things when he suddenly got smothered by Chanyeol’s hug. Help me out here, Chanyeol whispered.

What the is going on? Luhan kept on staring at her over Chanyeol’s shoulder until he removed himself from the tight hug. She on the other hand seems to be decidedly looking at anything other than at him.

“Luhan hyung, this is ____.” She finally looked at him, quickly nodded, and then looked away again, much to his frustration. “____-ah, don’t get distracted by that pretty face. I’m still the best looking one in EXO.” Chanyeol slings one arm around Luhan’s shoulder, while his other arm went around hers. Luhan felt himself being dragged into a small basement and forcefully sit in the bench while she takes the seat across the table.

“Ah, let’s enjoy the chicken and beer shall we?” Chanyeol announced as he ruffled through the plastic bag and sits beside Luhan. That’s when Luhan notices another girl sitting opposite Chanyeol, who he introduced as his friend.

“Remember when you did that disappearing act years ago? That’s where she lives. Did you get to check out her band?” Chanyeol said flippantly, distributing the chicken to the two girls in front of him, not registering the startled look that Luhan shot at him.

“Ahhh…yes, I think I listened to them play when Kai checked up on me.” Luhan looked at the girl in the band—how rude of him to forget her name because of this craziness—intent on keeping the conversation going and getting a reaction, any reaction for that matter, from the one girl in front of him. “Do you compose all your songs? They’re really good.”

“Most of them I did write, the others by the rest of the band,” she replied amiably, flashing a grin at Luhan.

“Ugh I knew it, you already love him.” Chanyeol declared, “he really has a way with the ladies you know.” Luhan was about to protest when rocker girl – he swore he’ll ask Chanyeol later what her name is again – retorted, “Well he has looks AND talent. Don’t even get me started on your dance moves, Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol tried to look offended as he takes another bite of his chicken. “Save me here,___-ah, tell me you like the rappers more than the singers in EXO.”

Luhan can’t help but look at her intently as he curled his palms on his thighs while he waits for her answer.

“Oh, I do like the rappers. I think I like your freestyle best, Chanyeol-oppa.”

What the hell, what’s with the oppa? Did Chanyeol know her all this freaking time? Luhan is trying to contain the surge of jealousy that consumed him, now abandoning whatever “the plan” was to “rescue” Chanyeol. Also, he’s totally ignoring the random kicks that Chanyeol throws at him under the table—doesn’t Chanyeol know that he can kick twice as hard if provoked?

In the meantime, Luhan continues to look at the girl who thinks the chicken she is eating is way more interesting than him, much to his annoyance. I do deserve this, Luhan thought. She thinks I’m a complete for leaving without a word.

He tries to ease the constricting pressure building on his chest as he keeps on staring at her. I’m definitely kidding myself if I thought I can really forget her, Luhan admitted to himself. His gaze roamed her face, noting how she is even prettier than the last time he saw her. He has always remembered her in her soccer uniform so it’s refreshing to see her dressed casually, with her hair falling softly near her shoulders. She still has that quiet confidence around her, the genuine smile she offers to each person as she listens to every word being said (not that she has been paying him any attention). Her accent is gone though, to his disappointment. He has a feeling that something else has changed, or maybe it’s just wishful thinking on his part that his presence in the room may have caused her to be uneasy.

He did try to go back to her, that day three years ago. He got an earful from the agency, but thankfully the scandal didn’t get any bigger. They watched him like a hawk though. He made discreet calls to the University where she studies but the only response he got was that she’s not a student anymore, and no, they won’t tell him why she dropped out, and no, they won’t tell him if there’s any other way to get in touch with her. When he finally managed to sneak out (which was way too many weeks after that), he went to her house but saw that it was for sale. He was depressed for weeks; his fellow EXO members have been very understanding so he was grateful for that. He moved on since he knows he can’t do anything that would make a difference.

Oh yes, she must really hate me. She’s acting like she doesn’t know me at all. Luhan clenched his fists, letting the conversation flow around him as he drinks the beer that Chanyeol placed in front of him. He’s hoping that there’s a way that he can apologize somehow. And maybe, just maybe, he can get her to like him again.

Please, ___-ah, just look at me.

***

Why the hell is he staring at me that way? You try to keep your smile intact for your Unni’s sake even though your heart is beating like it’s about to explode. First it’s meeting Chanyeol in a basement of all places, then finding out that he was one of your Unni’s friends (but since you haven’t told anyone about Luhan, you fail to see why she should tell you otherwise). Then it’s 20 unbearable minutes of trying to gauge just want kind of relationship there is between them because you can feel that your Unni is a bit uncomfortable and Chanyeol keeps on telling you to call him “oppa” because you’re “a friend of a close friend”, even though you’re weirded out that you only met him half an hour ago.

You were relieved when you heard another knock that you hurriedly opened the door, already thinking of an excuse to leave your Unni and Chanyeol because for some reason you felt like a third wheel, and honestly, seeing Chanyeol made you think more about Luhan.

Which is also why you want to curse at the Universe when you opened the door and see Luhan himself looking at you as if a cold bucket of water just got dumped on his head. All the emotions that you thought you have already buried sprang free as if the past three years didn’t matter. And you hated yourself for it, knowing that he can make you vulnerable just by existing. If it weren’t for Chanyeol swooping in at the just right moment you would’ve burst into tears and made a fool out of yourself.

You can already feel the makings of a headache as you try to keep up with the conversation, looking at anyone but him because you can already feel yourself weakening under his gaze. He looks better than he did before, if that’s even humanly possible. His eyes show a different type of clarity as if he knows more about this world than you do, while his features have become more defined…manlier, come to think of it. His hair is darker now, styled in a careless but attractive way that makes you want to cry foul at the injustice of it all.

Damn it, this is so unfair, do you get out of bed looking like THAT? I look like a peasant next to him. How you wish he met you all decked out instead of in the clothes that you’ve worn in class since this morning, although clearly that’s never been your style. But still, just once, you want to get the upper hand.

“Save me here,___-ah, tell me you like the rappers more than the singers in EXO.”

You snap out of your pity party, trying to relax yourself as Chanyeol continues to smile at you. You figured that the best way is to just pretend that you have never met Luhan, even if you know he remembers you when he said your name earlier (thankfully Chanyeol didn’t hear it). You’re going to be the magnanimous one and give the easy way out for him, or else it will be very complicated. And you’ll be hurting even more than you did three years ago.

And you might not recover this time around.

“Oh, I do like the rappers. I think I like your freestyle best, Chanyeol-oppa.” You managed to reply. You then make it your life’s mission to finish this plate of chicken that Chanyeol set in front of you. The sooner you get this done, the faster it is you can hightail out of here and bury your face on your pillow. You look longingly at the beer within your reach, though you can’t possibly drink it given that you already had one at the bar. You need your wits around you to see this through the foreseeable end.

“You’re lucky that the rest of the band have some post-gig stuff to do,” your Unni addresses Chanyeol as she takes another swig of her beer – is it just your imagination or was that already her second mug? “Or else they’ll bully you into making a video message for their girlfriends. Now that I’ve mentioned it, I think I’ll take one with Luhan.” Your eyes widen in surprise as your Unni takes out her phone, which Chanyeol automatically snatched from her.

“Haha, very funny, you know we can’t do that. You don’t even like our songs.” Chanyeol pouted.

“Hey, that’s not true,” your Unni was adamant, “I like Wolf!”

“Yeah, yeah, I can sense your judgment a mile away.” Chanyeol said sarcastically, finishing off his mug – are these two having a drinking contest?

“Hmph, believe what you want then.” To your horror, your Unni started singing an off key rendition of Wolf.  You see Chanyeol laughing his head off and pounding heavily on the tabletop, causing your now empty plate to clatter a bit and your beer to almost spill over.

If this were any other time or place, you would have found the entire thing hilarious. But now, you were so distressed that you forgot to stop yourself from looking at Luhan, silently pleading him to do something, anything, about this situation.

You sensed that Luhan may not have quite fully grasped what is happening, since he is still looking at you with a weird expression on his face. In that unspoken moment, you definitely know you were headed for trouble for whatever he is going to do.

“____-ah, what EXO song do you like?” Luhan asked, and you could swear those eyes are starting to dig holes through yours.

Low blow, Luhan, what do you think you’re doing? You dig your nails into your palms and purse your lips to keep them from trembling as you tell yourself to say anything BUT Don’t Go. You swallowed hard before saying, “I really like the ones with strong beats, so I like Two Moons the best.”

“HEEEYYYYYY that’s MY rap!” Chanyeol suddenly shouted with glee, almost making you jump out of your chair. “I think you’re just saying that because I’m here, ___-ah. I would have pegged you to be the ballad type. You’re seriously hurting Luhan hyung’s feelings.” He nudges Luhan to say something but he continued to be silent.

Really, you just can’t get a break. “Uh, I just told the truth to Luhan-sshi —” You barely finished your sentence when you hear the sudden scraping of the chair being pushed back as Luhan gets up and stands beside your chair. You still kept your eyes averted from his, while you can feel your Unni and Chanyeol both looking at you and Luhan with rapt attention.

“Let’s go, ___-ah. We have to talk.” Luhan starts to take your hand, which you moved out his reach.

“Errrr…what is going on? Do you guys know each other?” Your Unni asked, confusion filling her face.

“Yes.” Was what Luhan said at the same time you said “No.” You felt Luhan grabbing your hand tightly and taking you towards the direction of the door. “It’s okay Unni, I’ll drop by again tomorrow!” You managed to call out before Luhan leads you out of the basement and into the back of the bar.

Both of you were already deep in the end of the alley until you were finally able to take your hand out of his. “Are you crazy Luhan?” You rounded on him, angry tears already threatening to come out of your eyes.  “What was that all about?”

“What do you mean, ___-ah. You’re the one who’s acting as if I wasn’t even there!” Luhan countered. He takes a deep breath before continuing. “Look, I’m sorry I wasn’t able to come to the game. Someone… saw us that day in the field and took a photo. I had to go back so I can—”

“Hey, is that what you’re worried about?” You interrupt him, honestly you cannot take any more of this or else you’ll break. So he really wasn’t there. That’s it, right? There’s your closure.

You ingrain the new information in your head, lest you forget that all of this happened just because in a small part of your mind you were stupid to believe you can still become a couple. “That’s okay, you know. I know that it cannot possibly last. You know it, and I know it.” You try to execute your best shrug possible. “I was already even giving you an out earlier, I was hoping you’d cooperate.” You smiled and tried to sound as nonchalant as you can.

His eyes bore into yours before he said, “You have changed, ___-ah. This is not like you at all.”

That’s it. “I’ve changed? Who the hell are you to say that!” You grit your teeth so hard to prevent yourself from hitting him. “It was what—a week? Six, seven days? And now you claim to know me? You don’t know me at all, Luhan. How dare you—”

You are so into your outburst that you didn’t notice Luhan looming in on you, making you back up until you’ve hit the wall with nowhere to go. You barely realized what is happening when Luhan crashed his lips onto yours, his one hand keeping your head angled towards his while the other is fisted on to your hair. You struggle to suppress the desire coursing through your body, keeping your hands limply at your sides.

“____-ah, please.” Luhan begged, his thumb moving your chin as his tongue traced your bottom lip, seeking entrance to your mouth. You surrendered by opening your mouth to his, his tongue finally mating with yours as you welcome the slew of emotions that are overwhelming you. You run through your fingers through his hair as you continue to kiss him, tasting a bit of the beer he had earlier, with all the pent-up tension that you have been enduring for the past hour. It took the feel of his hands on your cheeks to realize that you’ve been silently crying…again…during the whole exchange.

“I do hope the next time I kiss you, you won’t have to cry anymore.” Luhan murmured, his uneven intake of breath showing that he is just as affected with the kiss as you are.         

The next time? “You don’t have to say that, Luhan. I know there wouldn’t be a next time.” You turned away from him to wipe your tears with your hand.

Luhan looked at you helplessly, “You’re wrong, ___. I do know you. You might not believe me but those few days that I spent with you were important to me. You’re a bit reserved but you would speak your mind if necessary. You love your friends to the death and you’re unselfish enough to do anything for them. You do your best in everything and soccer for you is like next to breathing…”

That last detail is what kept you from plunging head on from his words and fall in love with him all over again. One of you should start facing reality. “I’m sorry, Luhan. What you just said…I’m thankful that you think of me that way. But three years hasn’t made things any better for both of us. You have your own thing with EXO while I have…my life. I think it’s better that we forget that we even knew each other.”

Luhan looked like he was about to say something when one of the lights at the other end of the alley was . You turned your head and saw the bartender, whom you consider as your adopted uncle for the past two years, closing up shop. “___-ah, is that you? Is everything all right?”

Sensing a lifeline, you called out, your voice much clearer this time, “I’m good! Please wait for me, I’ll drop you off at your house.”

You looked back at Luhan, who has brought up his hoodie and angled his head downward throughout the conversation.

And there you have it, you tell yourself, not dwelling on the heaviness in your heart, that is why you can never have him.

At least this time around you had your closure. You don’t know where you got the courage when you looked at him one last time and said the words that you should’ve said three years ago.

“Goodbye, Luhan.”

***

A/N: Time jump! Haha sorry, I’m a er for time jumps because it gives a new layer of tension to an already charged situation. Uh, I wasn’t intending the chapter to be wholly depressing. This is barely half of what I have mapped out for Chapter 3, but I guess I got carried away? So,  yeah, putting this out there because some people (you know who you are) bombarded me with Luhan pictures (not complaining, but still…)

ACL by the way is “anterior cruciate ligament” so the injury is an acl tear, which is a common injury among athletes and is treatable, although some say that they are unable to get into their pre-injury state even after treatment. Anyway, just google it if you’re interested, I’m just glad that I have friends in the medical field lol