I followed Rhein as she keeps heading towards who-knows-where. Her gaze was wandering around as if she was searching for something.  When she finally saw what she’s looking for, a smile immediately curve her beautiful face.
 

‘Ten Cents Flower Shop’

Rhein entered that particular establishment with a smile on her face. Few minutes after, she finally appeared with a bouquet of white lilies and white roses on her hands. She was hugging the flower while walking happily along the streets. Often times she would stop along the way to buy something, and then she will continue with her journey again.

The sun almost sets when we reached this particular place which brings back the memories from the past. This is the place where Rhein bid her last goodbye. The place to where our promises were being buried. And the place where bucket of tears had dwells on.

After several moments of walking in silence, we finally stopped in front of a particular grave. The tombstone reads:

In Loving Memory of Kim Heechul

July 10, 1989 – September 21, 2012

 

That was right. The grave in front of us is actually my grave. This is where my cold body lies.

 

‘Annyeong hasseyo, oppa.” Rhein uttered sweetly as she bowed several times in front of my tomb. She had put down the flowers she bought this afternoon over my grave and pour a little amount of soju on the glass before she finally decided to lay beside me.

I continue to watch her from behind. I continue to stare at her as she whispers silent prayers that  her heart desires.

 As I continue to watch her, I noticed she was holding her necklace. The necklace she had once given to me which I decided to return since I was once an atheist and the necklace happens to be a cross.

I don’t believe in God. That’s what I usually said before, and Rhein would always tell me to believe because God is real. I even remember those times in which we would spend the whole night arguing on the same topic over and over again. We would always bicker at one another, defending our own sentiments with Rhein always ending up the one to cry.

But she never gives up. For countless times already, I told her I don’t believe in him. If God is real, then why haven’t we see him? Where really is heaven? Where is hell? Who can testify that there is heaven and hell? And that there is life after death?

We have so many questions but only got few answers. And among those few answers, there are still choices.

“In life we only have two choices- whether to believe or not to believe. Life has always been about yes or no questions.”

This is what Rhein usually said to me. And funny how I came to understand all these things only after the incident took over.

There is heaven and hell though those two are still yet to be discovered by me. There is life after death. If not, then what do you call us? Lastly, there is GOD. Because if none, then I don’t think I would still be here, looking after my little Rhein.

He had given me the permission to stay at Rhein’s side for at least one more year. He, had given me the chance to look after her to make sure that she would be alright.

I have sinned a lot of times but I don’t care anymore whether I’ll go to heaven or hell just as long as I am sure that Rhein is already fine.

“Happy anniversary.” I heard her say after a long moment of silence.

Once again, my attention focused on her.

“The days went by so quickly, didn’t it, oppa? Who would have thought that it was already a year ago when the accident happened? To be honest, the memories of what had happened that September were still fresh in my mind. That it was as if everything happened just yesterday. It keeps on flashing to my memory as if I was just watching a movie. “

Rhein….

“I was so shocked the first time I heard about the accident. I even shouted at the person who called me to tell that you met a terrible accident. I want to snap them. To tell them that it wasn’t a good joke. But I saw you there…..Your body lies on the stretcher, full of blood, cold and lifeless……..”

I heard her sniffed. Perhaps to avoid her tears from falling as she continue to reminisced the past.

“Didn’t you tell me that you would stay with me forever? That we will grow old together? Do you still remember the day I said I want to take care of you when you get old? Perhaps you would say yes. But how can I do that if you’re no longer here?”

“Ever since we were kids, you were always the one who takes good care of me. You always make sure that I have the best. You were always there to protect me. You have given me your everything but you died without receiving anything from me….”

One..two…three. Rhein’s tears were now falling off her cheeks like an open stream. Rhein was crying. My poor little Rhein.

“I know it was you.” She said in between tears. “The incident earlier this morning, it was you right? I can feel you beside me. I can feel you watching over me. I think I can even hear your voice telling me to wake up in the morning, to be careful whenever I’m in a hurry, to be safe whenever I went out and to be tough whenever I feel like almost giving up…”

Rhein smiled sadly.

“I can imagine you laughing at me when I’m having a hard time waking up in the morning. Every time I open my eyes, I can imagine you greeting me ‘good morning’. Your laughters, your smiles, your voice…… I miss all of those oppa…”

“I remember those days when we used to eat together. Those were the times in which you would teasingly steal my food away and I can’t do anything about it but to puff my cheeks out. I remember those days when we used to stroll around the park. You will carry me around your back whenever I’m tired and massage my foot when it hurts. I can even remember those times where I usually cried because of your constant teasing and how a certain ice cream can stop me from crying.”

 “The way you smile at me, the way you take care of me and the way you pat my head as if I’m still a kid….I remember everything. And I miss all of those days… I miss you oppa.”

I bit my lips as I felt the pain inside my heart doubled. Seeing Rhein crying like this, looking so devastated, made my heart broke into tiny million pieces. I know that she’s hurting so much. I can feel her pain and it hurts me seeing her like that. But it hurts me more knowing I can only do nothing but to just stare at her while she was sobbing endlessly.

If only I could do something…..

“The sun had set.” Kyuhyun once again appeared beside me from out of nowhere. “We have to go Heechul.”

I looked at him sadly. Hesitation was obvious on my face.

“Five minutes…” I said. “Just give me five more minutes….”

Kyuhyun stared at me for about few minutes before letting out a heavy sigh. I know it was also hard for him. But I cannot go just like this. Rhein still needs me.

“Okay.” I heard Kyuhyun’s voice one again. “But I’ll stay here with you.”

“Thanks…” I muttered

I once again directed my attention towards Rhein. She was still crying endlessly. She was so broken, so devastated. I hope this would be the last time I would see her like that.

“Three minutes…”Kyuhyun reminded.

The heavy feeling inside me increases as the clock continue to tick its hand.

Three minutes… I only have three minutes..

Goodbye Rhein….