“Hey ___ lets go in here! They’ve got some really nice dresses this season.” exclaimed one of your best friends Jiyong, who you’d known for just over a year. You had run into him backstage at the O2 in London where you worked and although you were a fan Jiyong soon realised you were very down to earth and genuine. You began talking more and more, especially when you moved to Seoul a few months later as an English teacher not too far from his house. You often hung out, though it was in secret, and generally had a great time. You understood each other on a deeper level and got along naturally but the problem, however, was that your feelings for him were much, much deeper though you tried your best to hide it.

He dragged you into yet another boutique in the mall. You had been shopping for a few hours and though it was past midnight a lot of the shops were still open, which was one of the many things that amazed you about Seoul - the fact that the city never really slept. When you saw what shop he was dragging you towards, however, your heart sank. He was leading you into a boutique that only sold very revealing and tight clothes, that not to mention were ridiculously overpriced considering they were only tiny bits if fabric. Though Jiyong had long since accepted the fact that you didn’t like it when he spent a lot of money on you he still liked to take you to high end clothing stores, have you try something on, buy it in secret for you after and then make up some type of occasion to give it to you as a gift. It was very sweet of him but it made you uncomfortable in many ways, for example you had to repeatedly tell yourself that he meant it as nothing more than a friendly gift.

With your head held low you followed him into the shop and dutifully walked behind him as he inspected each garment, looking for one that would ‘suit’ you as would put it. Minutes passed before he finally settled on a short and daring black satin dress that barely covered your bum. You sighed heavily before you snatched it out of his hands and trudged your way to the changing rooms.

You slowly peeled off your own clothing, refusing to look at your reflection and dreading the fact that you had to squeeze yourself into this tiny little dress.  You just knew you would look grotesque and even worse you had to have Jiyong see you like that.

“___-ah are you ready yet? You’ve been in there for ages!” Jiyong whined impatiently after you had been procrastinating for several minutes. You had been desperately trying to come up with an excuse that would allow you to leave immediately without Jiyong seeing you but your mind came up blank. A lump formed in your throat and you could feel the tears coming on. You didn’t want to Jiyong to see you like this but what else could you do?

“Jiyongie the dress doesn’t suit me…” you murmured in an unconvincing voice, hoping he wouldn’t catch you out on your pathetic attempt to lie to him.

“Ya what are you talking about? Are you okay?” Jiyong asked with growing concern in his voice. His worry for you was your undoing. You couldn’t understand how someone as perfect as him would even want to be friends with someone as unworthy as you so you kept quiet, sure you would burst into tears if you opened your mouth.

Barely a minute had passed before Jiyong opened the door of the changing rooms and squeezed himself in with you. He took one look at your face and enveloped you in a hug. As soon as his strong arms wrapped around you the tears escaped and you buried your face further in his chest. He slowly ran his hand up and down your back until you had calmed down and when you finally did he grabbed your shoulders and looked into your face.

“What’s wrong?” he questioned you with a troubled look in his eyes.

“I-I don’t…” you mumbled as you gestured to your body, too disgusted with yourself to even finish your sentence let alone look at yourself in the mirror.

“Please don’t tell me this is what I think this is ___-ah!” he said astonished as he looked you up and down intently.

“Oppa please don’t look at me…” you pleaded in a small voice. Though your skin tingled wherever he had laid his eyes you tried to turn your body away from him, to hide as much of yourself as you could but he simply wouldn’t let you.

“Why wouldn’t I want to look at you? You’re beautiful.” he told confusedly as if he genuinely couldn’t understand what you were saying.

“No I’m not Oppa, I’m fat and ugly.” you remarked bitterly, hating him for having you say it out loud. You were scared that if you uttered these words he would realise their truth and leave you just like everyone else had before him. You were scared he would realise you weren’t worth his friendship and love.

“I want you to turn around and look in the mirror with me” he said as he wrapped his arms around your waist. “You’re beautiful in every way. Now tell me what you don’t like about yourself.” he told you gently.

“I-I don’t like my legs, I think they’re short and fat. I don’t like my belly, I wish it were flat. I don’t like my chest; I think it’s too small. I don’t like my face. My nose is too big and my eyes are too wide apart, my lips are too small.” you started off in a small voice but by the end of the words were practically flying out your mouth.

“You’re wrong, you know? You’re beautiful. Your legs are long and thin, just like a model’s. Your belly is the opposite of fat, in actuality I would want you to eat a bit more but I know how stubborn you are. Your chest is exactly the right size, not too big or too small. I love your face. You have the cutest, little button nose and your eyes are beautiful. Your lips are perfect too…” he said lovingly as you slowly turned around to face him. You had known you always liked Jiyong but when he had said those words to you, you realised that you actually loved him. He saw beauty in you when no one else did and he made you happy even on your darkest days.

His voice had grown silent and you stood looking at each other. His eyes kept glancing at your lips and soon he was slowly leaning in towards you. A thousands things went through your mind but the most important was that you couldn’t imagine life without Jiyong. You weren’t prepared to lose him as a friend so before things escalated you quickly turned your face until his soft lips met your cheek. They lingered there for a moment longer until he awkwardly cleared his throat and unwrapped his arms from your waist. He gave you a small smile and exited the changing rooms, waiting outside for you.

Though your heart ached it was definitely for the better.