Donghae POV

Being in love should be a happy time in your life, the memories you remember for the rest of your days. However, this love was not a happy one, I didn’t want to remember this love. The only feelings left are bitterness and loneliness.

It hurts to see my love with someone else, being happier without me. No one told me the consequences of falling in love with my best friend, I should have intervened.

I should have been on that stupid show with him, and then everything would have been fine. I, Lee Donghae, fell in love with my best friend and band mate, Lee Hyukjae who has fallen into the arms of Kim Heechul, another band mate.

Everything started with Intimate Note, after that Eunhyuk (Hyukjae) and Heechul became inseparable and did everything together. The members just thought that they were making up for lost time but why did I feel this anxiety every time they were together?

Then Eunhyuk started to ignore me and stuck to Heechul like glue, I felt lonely without him. I didn’t notice that there was someone else feeling exactly what I was feeling. Going through the same emotional stress I was, the feeling that you were losing your love.

What feelings I had kept to myself, they leaked out when I saw a scene I wish I didn’t.

Eunhyuk caressing a face that wasn’t mine

His arms around a figure that wasn’t mine

His lips kissing a mouth that wasn’t mine

I stood frozen in the doorway watching them; they were too engrossed in each other to notice me. For that I was thankful, that they didn’t see the endless tears streaming down my face. 

I don’t remember how long I’d been standing there; unaware of my surroundings, unaware that someone else had stumbled upon the sight as well. The sight before me became unbearable; I had turned to flee and ran into a well muscled chest.

His hands caress my face, whispering words of reassurance as he dries my tears. He my hair and back, pulling me closer to him so that we are touching thigh to thigh, chest to chest.

My arms wrap around his waist and tighten as I let out a sob; I bury my face against his shoulder to muffle my loud sobs. No one should witness my heartache; no one should witness what I have witnessed.

“It’s okay Donghae. Let it out.” His voice is calm and familiar, it strangely soothes me.

“Hangeng hyung, what should I do? It hurts so much.” I managed to choke out, looking into Hannie’s face, shadowed in the dim lit hallway.

“I don’t know Hae, it hurts for me too.” He says with a defeated expression on his face.

More tears come out, not for me but for Hangeng as well. He brings me back in his embrace and we slowly make our way to Hangeng’s room, he shared it with Yesung but Yesung would be out cold until morning.

I didn’t want to go back to my room, too many painful reminders. We reached the room and Hangeng sat me down on the bed, he the lamp, illuminating the room in a soft light.

‘How are you not crying? How are holding it together?” I ask in a whisper, Hannie sits down next to me.

“I guess I sort of expected this to happen. I was there when it unfolded, remember?’ He said putting an arm around my shoulder, I leaned into him and put my head on his shoulder.

He rested his head atop of mine; a second later I felt a drop of water on my cheek. It took me a second to realise Hannie was finally letting it out, that’s how we remained for the rest of the night, crying over our lost loves and broken hearts.

Author POV

The morning..........

Early morning and some of the members were seated at the kitchen table eagerly watching Ryeowook prepare their breakfast. Yesung tiredly sat up in his bed and looked at his alarm clock.

He looked around the room and what he was shocked him, he quickly jumped out of bed and left his room still wearing his pj’s. He went to the bedroom beside the bathroom and was even more shocked.

Yesung half ran, half walked down the hallway to the kitchen, the members looked at Yesung’s speedy entry to the kitchen, his expression one of astonishment.

“What the hell are you so worked up about this early in the morning?” A grumpy Kyuhyun asked, taking a sip of his strong espresso.

Yesung let out a high pitched squeal pointing in the direction of the bedrooms, his arms flailing everywhere.

“Yesung! Calm down, why are you so hyperactive?” Ryeowook stopped making breakfast and went to see for himself what his hyung was fussing about.

A minute later Ryeowook came back with the same expression on his face, the sound of chairs scraping the floor filled the room as the members went to check for themselves, curious as to what was going on.

Yesung and Ryeowook trailed behind and covered their mouths to muffle their squeals. The members looked back at them and rolled their eyes, Yesung stopped in front door he was at earlier.

“Why are we in front of Heechul and Shindong’s room?” Sungmin wondered what was so fascinating in Heechul’s room. Yesung let out an excited laugh.

“You’ll see.” He says and opens the door.

Mouths fall open at the scene before them, Eunhyuk and Heechul in bed together, with only the sheets covering them. Yesung shut the door.

“That’s not all.” He said and gestured to his room. “I was mostly shocked by this.”

Yesung opened the door to his room, Sungmin let out a squeal. Kyuhyun winced and covered Min’s mouth.

Donghae and Hangeng were sleeping in each other’s arms, Hangeng’s arms around Donghae as if protecting the boy from danger. Donghae’s head was rested on Hangeng’s chest.

Yesung shut the door again and looked at the wide eyed members.

“Holy crap! When did that happen?!” Leeteuk exclaimed, his surprise shown clearly on his face. He had suspected something to happen between Heechul and Eunhyuk but not Donghae and Hangeng. That was the surprising thing and the most unexpected.

“Wait, isn’t Donghae in love with Eunhyuk?” Ryeowook asked as he suddenly realised why Hae would be with Hannie. 

Ryeowook had seen the way Donghae would look at his best friend and could tell it was an unrequited love. He instantly felt ashamed for being so excited before.

“Well either Donghae confessed and got rejected big time or Heechul beat him to it. Do you think Donghae saw them in action?” Kyuhyun mused ignoring the glare he got from Ryeowook.

“Poor guy.” Muttered Sungmin, he wouldn’t wish that for anyone especially his dongsaeng. He wondered how Donghae was going to acr when he woke up and if he would be a changed man.

Kangin came out of his room followed by Siwon and Kibum, Kangin walked up to Leeteuk and back hugged his, wrapping his arms around Teuk’s waist.

“Morning sleepy head.” Leeteuk said caressing his arms.

“Why are you guys so noisy this morning?” Kangin yawned, resting his head on Teuk’s shoulder.

“Chullie and Hyuk hooked up last night and Donghae is sleeping with Hangeng.” Kyuhyun told them.

“Are you serious?!” Siwon and Kibum were wide eyed. Kangin laughed.

“Bull, no way that happened.” He said not believing them for even a second. Yesung pulled him away from Teuk, taking Siwon and Kibum as well.

“See for yourself.” He said opening Heechul’s door, three faces expanded from shock, Yesung showed them his room and they were even more shocked.

Fishy and Chinaman? Monkey and Cinderella? Kangin’s brain couldn’t cope with the new information. I though Donghae liked Eunhyuk, he sensed that something drove Hae to end up with Hangeng.

“Donghae and Hannie was the most surprising one.” Ryeowook said, smiling at his hyung’s reaction, Kangin looked at Ryeowook and blinked. Has Wookie always been this bright? He thought as he stared at the eternal maknae, he shrugged it off as he was still tired. Yeah, he thought, Teuk is the only one for me.

Donghae POV

I wake up to find Hangeng staring at me; I sit up in the bed and rub my eyes. I’m pretty sure they look puffy and swollen, Hangeng surprises me by giving me an ice pack.

I smile at him and put it over my eyes.

“Donghae, listen to me. I know it will be difficult but from now on you need to act like nothing is wrong, otherwise the constant dwelling will upset you and I don’t want that to happen.” He says to me, concern written on his features.

He is feeling what I am except he hides it better, I don’t know if I can pretend I didn’t see anything but if Hangeng says I must than I have to try.

“I’ll try, Hannie.” I say nodding. He gently ruffles my hair.

“Come on, it’s breakfast time.” Hangeng says and pulls me off the bed, the ice pack forgotten.

We entered the kitchen, I froze when I saw Heechul and Eunhyuk sitting close together feeding each other breakfast. The members are strangely quiet as they watched them, usually breakfast is a madhouse.

Eunhyuk then turns his head and sees me, his mouth full of food. He quickly swallows and squeals.

“Fishy!!” He says and comes over to me. I tense up when he crushes me in a hug. I look at Hangeng and then the table. Ryeowook and Sungmin are watching with sad expressions, my hand hesitantly pats Hyuk on the shoulder.

“Monkey. Did you sleep well?”I asked with the best fake smile I could muster. Eunhyuk’s eyes lit up and he blushes, I immediately regret asking that question.

“Yes, it was great.” He says letting go of me and looking in Heechul’s direction.

My heart clenched the pain too much to bear. I clutched my stomach and excused myself, giving Hannie one last look before leaving the kitchen heading straight for the bathroom.

I shut the door and broke down, the tears flowing freely down my face. I turned the shower on and sobbed my heart out, the water drowning out my loud cries.

I placed myself under the water, hoping it would ease some of the pain, it didn’t. I heard the bathroom door open and close; I looked up expecting Hangeng to find Sungmin.

He comes and kneels beside the shower, his eyes staring at me with a mixture of concern and pity.

“Donghae-ah.” He said in a soft voice, he made no move to physically comfort me. How could anyone ease the pain I’m feeling?

“It will get better.”

No, it won’t.

The reminder will always be there when I look at them, talk to them. My heart will slowly die from this emotional torture, how is Hannie holding himself together?

Sungmin got up and turned the water off, I stared at him through my blurry vision. The droplets of water from my hair merging with my tears, he grabs a clean towel off the rack.

He helps me out of the shower, my clothes soaking and sticking to me like a second skin. I stood there unmoving as he began to dry my hair, he starts to hum as he does.

He was being so considerate and caring more tears came out. God, I’m such a cry baby, lucky the towel covered my face so he couldn’t see me cry. I stared down at the ground hoping it would swallow me whole.

~

Midday and we are at the company doing a photo shoot for the album cover of our next single called “It’s You”. I was being praised for being so emotional with my facial expressions.

Even Eunhyuk praised me for it; it hurt to hear him say it. A part of me hated him for it and the other half wanted to scream and shout at him for being so dense and insensitive.

“Okay, let’s take a ten minute break and we’ll do some group shots.” The photographer said taking out the full film from his camera.

One of the staff led us to a medium sized room, food and refreshments set out on a table in the middle of the room. Shindong and Kangin were the first ones to pile their plate and start eating.

I was impressed at how fast they moved everyone had gotten their food and sat down, spread out around the room. I was still standing deciding what to eat but out of the corner of my eye I saw Eunhyuk feed Heechul and lost my appetite.

I made my way to an empty chair in the corner of the room, putting on my headphones and ignoring everything else around me. My eyes opened when I felt someone tap me on the shoulder.

Eunhyuk stood in front of me, a grin on his face. His mouth moved but I couldn’t hear what he was saying. He had his plate of food in his hands, his fingers holding the chopsticks he used to feed Heechul with.

I took out my headphones and stared at him, my face stony.

“What?”

“I saw you didn’t have any food. Want to share mine?” He said offering me food on those contaminated chopsticks. I suddenly felt angry at the sight of the food in front of my mouth.

I roughly pushed it away, the chopsticks escaping Hyuk’s hands and landing on the floor with a clack. Eunhyuk looked at me in disbelief. I sighed and stood up.

I leave the room, barely holding it together, to look for a quiet place to ball my eyes out.

Hangeng POV

I knew Donghae would be finding it hard to cope, at breakfast and his behaviour just now proves he isn’t handling it as well as I thought. Don’t ask me how I’m managing because I have no idea myself.

I should be worse than Donghae, Heechul and I actually had something between us until he literally dumped me for Hyuk.

Heechul went to Eunhyuk and started rubbing circles on his back to comfort him.

“Yah! What is up with Donghae today?” He asked, his eyes piercing every soul in the room.

“Why is he so mean to me today? What did I do to make him angry at me?” Eunhyuk sniffled, a single tear running down his cheek.

No wonder Donghae can’t handle it, the ignorance of Eunhyuk is even making me angry. How could he not know that Donghae was in love with him all these years? It just baffles me how Eunhyuk could be so dense towards Donghae and his feelings.

“Someone go find Donghae, we have to shoot again.” Leeteuk ordered, before anyone could volunteer I put my hand up.

“I’ll go.” I said, abandoning my plate and walking out of the room.

I searched every single room in the long hallway, he was nowhere to be found until I heard sobbing from behind the emergency exit door. I opened it to find him curled up in a foetal position in the middle of the stairwell.

My heart ached as I stood there watching him cry every painful tear, after a while his loud sobs became silent. The only indications of him crying were his trembling shoulders and body.

“You have to help him hyung.”  I turned to find Sungmin and Ryeowook next to me.

I was about to ask why they were here and then I remembered breakfast, the two are the only ones who actually know what’s going; the others only think they know.

“I know Minnie but it’s hard to see him like this.” I said sighing heavily.

The only problem will be that when we go back Heechul will be all up in Hae’s face demanding why he was so mean to Hyuk. I’m sorry Heechul but I have no problems with punching you in that beautiful face of yours.

“Don’t worry about Heechul, we told him Hae didn’t get much sleep last night and wasn’t feeling well.” Wookie said looking at me with a knowing smile. How did he know I was thinking that? Scary dongsaeng.

“We’ll leave you now, calm him down and come back soon. We’ll cover for you.” Sungmin patted me on the back while Ryeowook gave me a quick hug.

They left and I sat down beside Donghae, he looked at me with red rimmed eyes, tears still flowing down his cheeks.

“It will take some time but your heart will heal, both of ours will.”

Author POV

Everyone immediately knew Donghae had been crying, his eyes were proof enough. Hangeng had covered for him and said that he had thrown up, that’s why it took them so to come back.

The excuse convinced Heechul and he felt nothing but concern for his favourite dongsaeng, he had gone to hug Donghae and was certain Hae had flinched but he chose not to comment on it. He noticed Hae had done it with Hyuk as well.

Donghae couldn’t help but flinch when Heechul and Eunhyuk hugged him, he felt his heart contract painfully and wanted to jump of the highest building.

They had gone back to the photo shoot, Donghae silently wished for it to be over now so he could leave. The photographer had some of them sit on chairs and stools while others stood.

“I want everyone to imagine a loved one leaving you.” The photographer said from behind his camera, Hae had found the theme ironic and cursed God for his sick sense of humour.

After the shoot was done, the members went to get changed. Hangeng pulled Donghae aside, Sungmin had seen Hannie do it and stayed hidden behind a partition with Ryeowook.

“Um, hyung? Why are we spying on them?” Wookie whispered, pulling on Minnie’s sleeve. Sungmin pushed his hand away and shooshed him.

“I just want to check something.” He whispered back peering over the partition.

Donghae looked at Hangeng with a confused expression on his face, what did he want to talk about now? He thought, surely he’s not gonna give me another pep talk?

“Let’s go on a date, Donghae.” Hangeng declares, Hae blinks a few times.

“I’m sorry, what?” He asks, not sure if he heard right.

“After we get changed, let’s go on a date.” Hangeng repeats only louder.

Donghae wasn’t sure of how to respond, the only thing he could do was nod. Hangeng smiled at him and gave his shoulder a light squeeze, Donghae thought he felt butterflies in his stomach when Hannie touched him.

~

Sungmin had to cover his mouth with Wookie’s hands to stop him from squealing out loud when Hannie asked Donghae to go on the date. Min was tempted to scream “Say Yes! You Fool!!!”

But Ryeowook stopped him just in time, they both knew that Hangeng was asking Hae out so he didn’t have to go back to the dorm and see Hyuk being all lovey dovey with Chullie.

They still found it cute and were rooting for Hae and Hannie to be together, Minnie and Wookie were so excited about it that they didn’t notice Kangin behind them, watching with an amused expression.

“What are you doing?” He said to them, both jumped in fright. Kangin chuckled.

“Jesus! You scared us.” Min said calming his beating heart, Wookie did the same.

“Sorry, anyway Teuk is looking for you Min.” Kangin said however his eyes were only looking at Ryeowook.

“Oh okay. I’ll see you at the car.” Sungmin walked away, leaving Ryeowook with Kangin.

Ryeowook felt a bit uncomfortable with how Kangin kept staring at him, what was wrong with him?

Kangin knew he was making Ryeowook nervous but he didn’t know what he should say. He noticed Wookie take a step away from him.

“Teach me how to cook, Ryeowook!!” He blurted out, Ryeowook’s eyes widened and Kangin was mentally kicking himself.

That was not was I wanted to ask, he thought as he waited for Wookie’s response.

“You want me to teach you to cook?” Ryeowook clarified just to make sure he hadn’t heard wrong. He was genuinely surprised Kangin asked him that.

“Um yeah, I want to surprise my mother with a home cooked meal for her birthday.” Kangin told him, it was the truth, well a part of it was.

Ryeowook’s face lit up and he grabbed Kangin’s hands, Kangin felt his cheeks go hot.

“Of course I’ll help you! We’ll start tomorrow.” Wook said with a big smile on his face, he skipped away to get changed.

Kangin slapped his face just to check he wasn’t dreaming and goofily smiled at the disappearing figure of Ryeowook.

~

Sungmin ran down the hallway looking for Leeteuk, he saw him come out of the change room. Just as he was about to call out, a door opened and he collided into it. He fell back landing on his bottom.

“Ow.” He rubbed his head and bottom at the same time.

“Hyung! Are you alright? I’m sorry I didn’t know you were there!”

Min recognised Kibum’s voice; he looked up at Kibum’s concerned and panicked face.

“It’s okay Bummie. I didn’t watch where I was going.” Sungmin told him hoping it would reassure him.

Kibum sighed in relief that his hyung was okay and held out his hands, Min took them and Kibum hoisted him up. Unfortunately Kibum used too much strength resulting in him falling backwards and Sungmin landing on top of him.

“Oh my god! Kibum, you okay?” Now it was Minnie’s turn to be worried.

Kibum nodded and froze when he felt Sungmin move against him, he blushed and swallowed.

“H..h..hyung?”  He stuttered

“What?” Sungmin answered

“Can you stop moving, it’s uncomfortable.” He said to Min, Min looked confused and then looked down at their bodies, his eyes widened as he understood the reason for Kibum’s words.

Both of them moved at the same time only to end up rubbing against each other, Sungmin bit his lip while Kibum covered his face. Awkward wasn’t even the word to describe the situation they were in.

Sungmin took a deep breath and quickly hopped off Kibum, he stood up and walked away blushing like crazy. Kibum removed his hands from his face and sighed with disappointment.

Hyung, can’t you see I like you, He thought as he lay unmoving on the floor thinking about a certain cutie.

~

Leeteuk was one of the first ones in the change room; he started to undress, singing as he went. In the corner, Siwon sat with his bible in his hands. He had seen Leeteuk come in and waved but Teuk didn’t see him and started to undress.

Siwon chuckled at his hyung’s lack of awareness of things around him; Leeteuk was startled when he heard someone laugh. He turned around and saw Siwon.

“Wonnie, you startled me.” Teuk said quickly putting his new shirt on. He walked over to Siwon and sat down beside him.

“What are you doing in here by yourself?” Leeteuk asked him, wondering why he would be here by himself instead of with the others.

“Doing some light reading.” Siwon said, holding up his bible, Teuk nodded in understanding.

Siwon always reads his bible when no one is around, Leeteuk had always admired Siwon for his strong sense of faith and beliefs. The others would tease and make fun of him for it.

Siwon took every comment with a smile on his face and then threatened to bring them to church with him. Leeteuk had gone with the younger male a few times for early Sunday service, he found it oddly relaxing.

If one wanted peace and quiet, he would go to church. Leeteuk wasn’t much of a believer but it didn’t matter since he goes to keep Siwon company and every time he thanks him for it.

They both sat in comfortable silence, Teuk leaned back resting his head against the wall, his arms over his chest and his eyes closed.

Siwon was absorbed in his book that he didn’t notice Leeteuk had fallen asleep until he heard soft snores coming from beside him. Siwon turned to look and thought he was looking at an angel.

The light brown hair swept over the forehead, the long eyelashes fanning his cheeks and the light pink mouth is pursed together as if waiting to be kissed.

No wonder the fans call him Angelic Leader, Siwon thought as he stared at the sleeping face before him. He had always thought Teuk was a beautiful person inside and out.

His caring nature and thoughtfulness were two of the many things that Siwon liked about him. He leaned closer and did something he’d never thought he would do.

He pressed his lips against Teuk’s and quickly pulled back, his cheeks flushed. Siwon closed his book and hurriedly left the room, reciting prayers as went.

Teuk woke up from his nap, surprised that he had fallen asleep. He noticed his lips felt weird like a bug had landed on them or something. He walked out of the change room to find the other members.

~

Yesung casually walked down the hallway and noticed Kyuhyun sitting in one of the empty rooms. He sat cross legged against the wall playing his psp, cursing every time he got shot or something. Yesung smiled at the maknae’s childish behaviour.

“It’s not polite to stare.” Kyu said looking up at Yesung; he had sensed he wasn’t alone in the room.

“I can’t help it, you are just too cute.” Yesung joked; Kyuhyun blew him a raspberry and continued to play his game.

“You know the new version has come out?” He asked, he watched Kyu’s head snap up, his reaction made Yesung laugh. Kyu was one of a kind.

“It’s out? When?” Kyu squeaked, his eyes as wide as saucers.  

“Yeah, Heechul mentioned it came out yesterday.”

Kyuhyun put away his psp and grabbed out his wallet, he opened to find it empty.

“Awww man, I spent all my money already.” He sulked, tucking his wallet back in his bag. Stupid Heechul, why didn’t he tell me?

Yesung felt border line amused and sorry for the maknae, he knelt down beside the pouting Kyuhyun.

“I’ll buy it for you.” He said to him, Kyu’s face lit up.

“Really??!” He exclaimed, Yesung nodded with a smile.

Kyuhyun hugged Yesung and then stood up with his bag pulling Yesung along.

“Come on hyung, before they get sold out.” He said.

Yesung shook his head, maybe saying he would buy Kyu the game was the wrong thing to do. On the other hand, the way Kyu’s eyes lit up made Yesung feel like he’d done something special.

If the maknae was happy then Yesung was happy too regardless if he became broke.

~

Eunhyuk stared at the chopsticks on the ground and sighed heavily. What did I do wrong for Hae to treat me like that? He thought as he remembered Donghae’s reaction.

All the years they’d known each other, Hyuk had never seen Hae act that way to him or anyone else, so what changed? The way Donghae had looked at him bothered Eunhyuk deeply.

He bent down and picked up the chopsticks, turning them over in his hands. Donghae had looked at him like he was the enemy; Hyuk snapped the chopsticks and turned to put them in the bin only to collide with a familiar figure.

“Hyukkie, what’s the matter?” Heechul asked, his softened gaze looking at Eunhyuk.

“Chullie, it’s nothing. Just thinking about Donghae.” Hyuk said with a sad look on his face.

Heechul sighed and hugged Eunhyuk tightly, whatever was making Fishy not so Fishy, he had to get to the bottom of it. A cold distant Hae isn’t one they are used to and rarely see.

Hyuk dropped the chopsticks and put his arms around Heechul’s slim waist, resting his head on his shoulder. Heechul found this display of affection cute.

“Don’t worry Hyuk. I’m sure Hae will be his normal self soon.” Heechul said rubbing circles on Eunhyuk’s back to comfort him.

“I hope so, Chullie. I miss my friend.”

“Me too.”

Eunhyuk looked up from Heechul’s shoulder, Heechul brought his head closer. Hyuk moved his closing the gap, planting his lips firmly on Heechul’s. Heechul brought Eunhyuk closer to his body; Eunhyuk wrapped his arms around Heechul’s neck, opening his mouth to make the kiss deeper.

Shindong sashayed down the hallway, checking every room as he past, searching for the other members at Leeteuk’s request. Dong walked into the break room and immediately covered his eyes.

Heechul and Eunhyuk broke apart, saw a flustered Dong in the doorway and laughed. Shindong uncovered his eyes, his face bright red.

“The vans are ready to go.” He said not making eye contact with them.

“Okay, be there in a sec.” Heechul replied back with a smirk.

Shindong nodded and quickly left the room, the sounds of laughter trailing after him.

“Poor Dong.” Eunhyuk giggles, his eyes sparkling and cheeks red.

“Nah, he’ll get over it.” Heechul put his arm around Eunhyuk and they headed to the vans.

Hey everyone. I put up the first chapter just to see if it gets the response I want. second chapter is being written. If you have any questions or if the pov'sconfuse you, message me. So read and enjoy. comments are greatly appreciated. ^0^