00:00:10

just give me a minute

They run in to each other- literally- at Donghae's birthday soiree. For the first time in ages, Jessica finally felt like how she used to, back when she wasn't working back to back 12-hours a day and international flights in between, like back when she used to model with Donghae and Eunhyuk: vibrant, young, with her auburn hair half-pinned up and a new, fabluous gown, courtesy of her latest runway show.

A gown she adored, however, until five minutes into the ballroom and-

"Oh my god you did not just spill champange over this dress."

"For your information, I did not. If I were you, I'd learn how to walk in four-inch heels before wearing those with an Alexander McQueen."

"You rude little-"

But the insolent man his heel and cut her off, with the wave of his hand.

"I'll have my secretary send my dry cleaning bill your way, Ms Jessica Jung."

" you."


Jessica decides, listening to her better judgement for once, to forgo the champange tonight (as much as she may need the alcohol to get over Tiffany cooing over her latest boytoy.) God knows, she was over her crush with Donghae by now, but with the way his hair fell so charmingly over his eyes, she didn't trust herself drunk.

Too preoccupied following the way his eyes lit up while laughing, she didn't notice a bump in the carpet until- teetering on heels (god, why did she borrow Krystal's pumps) and falling.

Until a pair of hands wrapped around her shoulders and pushed her back up.

"Uh-" she righted herself, scrambling to figure out who had seen her emabarrasing fumble and turning around to glance at the man who had caught her. "Thanks."

"No problem."

She gave him a half-upturn of the lips, rushing to rejoin Krystal and Donghae, who had stopped to comment on Tiffany and her new beau. 

The stranger's hands were really warm.

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pinboo
#1
Hello, here's your goody bag for joining my TMaF semi-contest! Thank you!

Plot: Though the plot is not exactly unique or something (on one hand, of course this is understandable, considering this is a snippets of Heesica's relationship rather than a full-fledged story), I do find myself enjoying the flow of the drabbles. With limited amount of scenes, you actually manage to write an interesting intake of their story. Inevitably, given that your entry is drabbles, there are some 'choppy' parts (how they actually started going out together and all), but there are some indications and implications to let the readers not getting too lost in the story.

I also like the 'reality' and 'what if' concept that you tried to incorporate into the story. However, at certain chapters, I do not exactly see the connection of the two sequences –and up until chapter four, they seem to be leading to a completely different story. Again, at one hand, of course, reality and non-reality are different. The first two chapters, however, manage to have somewhat connection between the reality and what-if part. The last two chapters, I am a bit confused to the connection.
pinboo
#2
Characters: I like the fact that both Heechul and Jessica act and react the way I expect a real human would. Sure, there is still inevitable exaggeration –but still to a tolerable extent and in fact, it's kind of an essential streak to a story.

There are definitely some charm to both Heechul and Jessica's characters, although, still, I think there's a lack of real depth in their characterization. The way they are characterized is like most characterizations in this type of drabbles (the wit, the cynical viewpoint, etc). What I meant to say, is that they stand out as a character and they are charming and quite likeable at that as well, but there's still something quite stereotypical and not dug well enough. The characterization is far from being bad, of course, but I think it could have been elaborated and exploited more.


Style: I love everything about your style. It's entertaining, the dialogue is witty, and the narrative style itself is engaging and enjoyable. The lines are effective and beautiful. Ah, I do not exactly know how to express it, but the lines and sentences are simply fun to read and to follow. It also does fit with the whole nuance and atmosphere of the plot. . I also like the combination and variety of style you display in your reality and what-if part. So, great job on the stylistic –you totally got me here.
pinboo
#3
Suggestion:
• While I understand that the entry is drabble, I think there are some parts of the plot and the progress of Heechul and Jessica's relationship that could have been conveyed/included in the drabbles. Particularly, between chapter 2 and chapter 3, where I think the story link is kinda missing.
• Dig Heechul and Jessica's characters more.

Favorite Parts:
• I did say it, and I'm going to say it again, I just plainly am in love with your writing style!
• I cannot exactly quote my favorite lines out of this fic, because there are just numerous lines that I am just so in love with!
• I think the nature of Heechul and Jessica's relationship in this fic is uberly cute and totally shippable.