There was no travelling for three years – no skyrocketing, no plummeting, nothing. Not with each other and not with anyone else.

Despite the clear distractions, the girl continues to move the tainted brush in even across the slowly-colouring canvas. The soft hum of the old air conditioner in the dusty corner does nothing to bring the artist’s attention to it as it screeches to be repaired. The humid air is suffocating to anyone else and would distract them if they were trying to achieve a calm, serene, relaxing, peaceful and somewhat inspiring and motivational atmosphere and environment. The occasional characteristic buzz of a fly that annoyed almost everyone in the hot summers’ heat had landed on the paint easel, the canvas and the brush but the artistic juices are still flowing and she still works at the current piece in front of her.

A bit of a pink tongue sticks out between her lips as she places every on the canvas with the purpose of filling it with bright vibrant colours that would morph into a wonderful creation. She doesn’t know what it is she is supposed to be painting but right now it is a mix of deformed shapes that represent nothing in her life. Only the shades of blue represent the melancholy that her heart has been in for the past few years.

It was once red. The canvas is supposed to be half covered in red, dark tones of maroon before bordering onto the lightness of the colour with pink. This is what was planned. She is, however, an impulsive artist and cannot paint whatever it is that was planned. She can only paint whatever it is that her heart feels and yearns for. She can only paint what she feels like painting. That is the only way she paints exceptionally well to be where she is now.

“Another blue painting?” a voice comes from the doorway of her tiny art studio which doesn’t fit most of her equipment and supplies but feels like him everywhere she goes. A smile languidly stretches because she doesn’t need to turn to see who it is at the door. She continues to paint lightly, pouring the deep feelings in her heart onto the canvas one at a time, only gently.

Amused she looks down at her easel and her brush is made to accumulate another blob of the same shade that she has been painting previously, “Do you have something against blue?”

She could see her unnie’s face stretch into a smile. Sharp footsteps resonated the studio, echoing from the walls and portraits that hung by. “No, I have nothing against blue.” Tiffany sighed and took a seat in the old, comfy chair that the artist allowed her guests to sit in. “It’s just for the past few years all that you’ve been painting is blue.”

Seohyun shrugged, “You know me. I paint whatever I feel like. That’s why I paint blue.”

“Because your heart’s been feeling blue?” Tiffany spared her something akin to a sympathetic look. “It’s been three years.”

The young, talented artist stops her even on the canvas for a moment. Her unnie isn’t clear in what she means but she knows better than anyone else what her unnie is referring to.

Tiffany regards her with observant eyes, keen to see what her reaction will be. “Jungshin mentioned that Yonghwa has found himself a girlfriend. They’ll be there at the party.”

The younger girl does nothing but dab more at the blue blob on the easel. Her eyes and hands are focused on the painting because it will be shown at the party which is only a week away. Her ears and brain are somewhere else. They are focused on something entirely different, something that brings a more painful jab at her heart every time she thinks about him and them.

“Are you sure you still want to go?”

She takes in a deep breath. She betrays her heart and makes it so much more emotionally painful for herself. “I have worked four years for the opportunity to display my artwork in front of these people that will be there at the party. I am not going to let anything get in the way.”

Tiffany gives her another sympathetic look, but she doesn’t say anything and leaves her shortly after. As soon as Seohyun is sure that her unnie has left, her heart breaks louder than the last time she remembers hearing it.

The precious music sheets and notes are slowly blurring into dark lines with dark spots splattered randomly amongst the white. The tune the guitar plays is supposed to sound great like he envisioned it to be and like he heard from the earlier recording with the rest of the band. The tune doesn’t sound right when it is rehearsal now and being their unspoken leader, he has taken it upon himself that this rehearsal is as perfect as it can get. They only have a week before they present what they’re made of to potential investors and possibly their future bosses and label mates. He closes his eyes tiredly; it has been a stressful week.

When he peels his eyes open again and glances at the rest of the team members, they can sense that the tune is not right. They can also sense that their leader is hard on himself in the hopes that his, and ultimately all theirs, dreams come true. Their leader is not oblivious to all this. He can also tell that they’re tired and could probably do a break instead of him scolding at them for playing the right tunes that just sound so wrong in his mind.

Yonghwa sighs out of exhaustion, “Let’s take a break, guys.”

Everyone else breathes out a sigh of relief, grateful that their usually relentless leader has granted them a break after their heads not being in the game. Everyone, however, holds their silence while their leader scowls and volunteers to go down to the cafeteria and grab them all coffee just like the way they like it. When he leaves with money jiggling in his pockets and a slight smile on his face, the other members let out the breath that they’ve been holding.

Together they share a mutual look. Their leader is different today, out of all days. In their own minds, they make up reasons for why they think that their leader’s attitude is different than it usually is. The youngest and the most recently added member, Kang Minhyuk, has come up with a new theory that he thinks explains everything perfectly. The tallest, Lee Jungshin, uses the same reason that he came up years ago to which he puts as the reason why whenever their leader is like this. Only the last member, Lee Jonghyun, is the closest to the real reason that even the leader would wholeheartedly deny.

“Do you think that we’ll be able to get someone to invest in us?” Minhyuk asks the others absentmindedly, a worry that has lost him many nights’ sleep and an unspoken worry that lingers in the band.

Jungshin, although also worried, is determined to remain optimistic (and humble), “Of course we will, with Yonghwa hyung leading us and all the effort we’ve put in.”

Minhyuk appears to plunge himself in deep thoughts but re-emerges out of the depths with something that could only be noticed under observant eyes and philosophical thinking. “Yonghwa hyung is a great musician… he just seems to be restrained. Something’s restraining him and he doesn’t know it or what it is.”

The tallest member looks at the youngest amused. He has been with their talented leader longer than the younger one has. It is fair to say that he knows more about their leaders’ musical talent and style than the newly added recruit. “I don’t there’s something restraining.” He glances up at the youngest member who sits behind the drums confused by what his older hyung has said. “I think he’s… lacking something.”

The member in charge of the drums shakes his head, “He’s not lacking anything. Something is restraining him… from being free in his music.”

With a smirk plastered to his lips, Jonghyun speaks up for the first time, “What about you, Jungshin? What do you think our leader is lacking?”

“I think…” he begins with a pensive look stuck to his face, “…that he is lacking in taking risks and doing things differently. Everything he does is perfect and good, but there’s no ‘him’ in it.”

“You know he is lacking something,” at the mention of this, Jungshin feels a little victory over the youngest member. Jonghyun has been with their leader the longest and it is probable that he is aware of what made their leader’s musical talent and style the way it is, “that ultimately restrains him.” Jonghyun concludes, leaving both members right. However what Jonghyun has just said leaves a new question hanging in the air that is left hanging due to the arrival of their leader and their coffees to which only Jonghyun has the answer.

(“What does Yonghwa hyung lack?”

He lacks ‘her’.)

But I know he has plans. He has plans of skyrocketing with someone – someone that was not me.

They both clutch their hands together. They can feel a trickle of sweat running down their foreheads as they stood in silence. Their voices are both strained and their throats are sore. They are currently awaiting their verdict. They need to know if their dreams are going to become a reality and the answer will be presented to them in a few moments. They will find out if all their hard work built up over the years and all the practice that they’d done have finally paid off.

A mess of nerves and anticipation and shaking hands and feet, they both jump up to their feet when the great oak double doors open. Both enter to be met with the same result, “We will have to think about whether or not we invest in you in the future.” In other words, you are impressive but you’re not quite there yet.

They both exit the room where their verdict was delivered. She is slightly disappointed that she isn’t accepted straight away after the countless days and sleepless nights she spent painting and pouring her heart’s most secret emotions onto canvas in colours that couldn’t better explain her heart than she could. She is still somewhat happy that at least she is being considered. He is slightly disappointed that the band isn’t accepted straight away after the countless days and the sleepless nights they spent together practicing and playing music to their heart’s contents and unleashing their emotions onto their instruments. He is still somewhat happy that at least they are being considered.

After finding out the result of her future which is left hanging on a string, she resolves to find her unnies who are hoping that they will be invested so that they can sing and spread their gift of singing to the world. She runs to the Entertainment section of the building, looking around for the two familiar faces of her Taeyeon unnie and Tiffany unnie. All three of them are going to support each other no matter if one of them doesn’t end up successful. She doesn’t know if she can be considered successful. For now, she is halfway there.

She looks around and finds a varying number of groups. Some are pinning their hopes for being a singer and have their earphones stuck in, their lips syncing in a desperate last attempt to memorise the lyrics. Some also have earphones stuck in but they are dancers which are seen by the way that they stretched and go over the choreography in their own personal space. There are some who are composers who don’t do much that tell them apart from the crowd. The fact that they don’t do anything make them stand out, is the reason why Seohyun determines that they are composers or song writers of some sort.

She takes a few steps into the area where the ‘singers’ generally are. She weaves her way through the crowd and most of them bump into her and shove her, oblivious to her saying, “Excuse me” because of the music blasting from their ear phones. While she is taller than some and they generally avoid her, she is not taller than most and therefore feels like the unfortunate victim who has never done anything to deserve her unfortunate state.

She bumps into another man who, surprisingly, doesn’t have his ear phones in. He mutters an apology and she bows, offering one in return. When their apology exchange finishes, she looks up and decides to move past to continue finding her unnies. He is doing the same thing. Only both cannot move past each other, and feel a small lump forming in their throats. They both freeze, looking at each other. For the first time in three years, they are face-to-face, something they haven’t been in a long time.

“Yonghwa! Yonghwa!” someone called out his voice and it sounded oddly like a female. She freezes when she remembers what her unnie said to her a week ago, thinking that this must be her.

“Jungshin mentioned that Yonghwa has found himself a girlfriend. They’ll be there at the party.”

A girl who Seohyun admitted begrudgingly was very beautiful was introduced to her as “Park Shinhye, a close friend”. She was introduced to the girl as “Seo Joohyun, a friend.”

Her heart breaks again in that bittersweet moment.

A dull ache echoes inside him, more painful than he would admit.

And the other girl is confused, knowing that the two are hiding more than they’re letting on.