Chapter 3:

Nothing but Hate

✿

 

 

 

 

“Today’s my lucky day”, Jongin snickered. He couldn’t help but put a little skip to his steps as he made his way down the hall towards the apartment.

 

In just a day, he was able to land a job and what’s even great was the little envelop in the pocket of his pants. Apparently, after 5 minutes of interviewing, the owner asked if he could start immediately and he agreed without a second thought, eager to please his employer. What he didn’t expect was a reward, a small taste of what was to come, and only at his first day of work. Well, first night, actually.

 

He bit his lip nervously as another realization came to mind. What would Miya-noona think—?

 

He jumped a little when the sound of quick and loud footsteps came closer to him then a flustered cousin who seemed lifelessly white emerged from the stairways to stare at him who was midway into inserting the key into the keyhole. Then, from unfocused and glazed eyes, hot fury was burning into them as she began to stomp towards him and this time, all the color from his face was draining away.

 

“Noona, I can expl—OW!! WAIT! WAIWAIWAIWAIT!!!!!” Jongin made a weak grab at the arm of the elder as a hand was pinching his left ear, HARD. He could feel a prick at the sides of his eyes from the pain when his ear was the only appendage to be used in dragging him into the apartment and with lightning speed, the side of his face was slammed to the wall. MAN! He forgot that she could kick .

 

“WHAT IN THE WORLD WERE YOU DOING OUT AT 3 IN THE MORNING?!!!” She spat at him with a lot of venom. “IF I FIND OUT YOU’RE SMOKING CRACK OR DOING SOMETHING EQUALLY ILLEGAL, I SWEAR I’LL KILL YOU EVEN BEFORE THE POLICE COULD GET TO YOU!”

 

Jongin gave out a shaky breath, tensing up at the threat. “Noona, please j-just calm down”, he managed to say as the killer glare turned to a normal glare and the grip on his ear wasn’t vice like anymore but it was clear she refused to let him up. “I got a job, okay? I work from 9 at night to 2 in the morning. Please, don’t be mad at me.”

 

Miya wasn’t assured so Jongin sighed a little in exasperation.

 

“I swear it has nothing to do with drugs, murder, or anything that could land me into jail so please just—“ He breathed out a relief when finally, he was freed from his insanely raged cousin who was pacing to and fro across the room for a few moments before pointing a dangerous finger at him.

 

“Jongin, you know how much I hate liars so if you’re fooling me, I won’t just get angry but I’ll get hurt”, she said, the last part a little softly. “I also hate probing on other people so whatever it is you’re doing; just make sure I don’t lose you.” Now that came out a little desperate which made Jongin’s look soften.

 

“I won’t, okay? So, realx.” He gave her an easygoing smile which didn’t calm her nerves one bit.

 

She sneaked a peek outside the window, opening up a small portion from the curtain as if someone outside was spying on her. That gave her a quizzical look from the younger that just shrugged and left her to her own demise to heat them up some microwave dinner. He was glad that they had a good talk. Yep, good talk.

 

Left in the leaving room, Miya began her pacing once again. It couldn’t have been him. It was dark, she was tired, and her brain took some time to function because of a near death experience so she was hallucinating. And all those things that made her go down memory lane were just a coincidence. Maybe people fancy guitar cases that looked like vintage , or lemony colognes that irritate the nose, or have abnormal necks that are overly sensitized. It was impossible, really, because the last time he heard about him was on the radio a few weeks back that clearly stated he was going on a trip to start on his new album.

 

Finally, fatigue was taking its toll on her body as her knees couldn’t anymore take the hurried pacing and she flopped down onto the couch.

 

That’s right. He’s famous now, selling almost a million copies of his multi-platinum album and he’s touring around the world for all she cares. The ; Miya scrunched up her face at the feeling of bitterness. What is with this day?!! And why the sudden throwbacks??!! All of this happened ever since...

 

“Jongin.”

 

There was a ding from the kitchen before Jongin’s head popped out from the door to look at her questioningly.

 

“I really hate you! All of this is happening because of you so I really hate you!” She made her way to the bedroom and slammed the door behind her ignoring the look the younger was giving her. She smacked her body front first onto the bed slamming a pillow over her head muffling Jongin’s words of ‘what about dinner’ as if the declaration of hatred wasn’t anything strange.

 

Ever since Jongin’s arrival, her head has been nothing but a broken video recorder playing scenes in her head that are best left burnt and thrown into a gutter somewhere.

 

She made a small growl as another memory of dimpled smiles and light blushes resurfaced behind her closed eyelids, throwing the pillow away and smacking her head over and over again hoping she could get amnesia or just knock herself out if God was a little generous.

 

Sadly, after awhile, she settled into just suffocating for a while onto her abused pillow. Who is she kidding? Miya could feel a light sting on the sides of her eyes which didn’t stop the self-loathing that was beginning to bubble heavily onto her heart.

 

‘I’m so pathetic.’ The man she saw today was testament to how much she hadn’t moved on. And that’s the disgusting part. He’s living his dreams now, making beautiful songs, earning the love and admiration he truly deserves, and doesn’t have time to be punching himself in the face with memories that were irrelevant to the ‘now’. He’s doing great.

 

Unlike her.

 

This time, she let the memories flow slowly and painfully. Everything was playing out in a blur until only the very last scene was running. There wasn’t even a goodbye, and maybe that was the problem. Maybe if she hadn’t been so selfish, she could’ve been the one to say goodbye; to be the first to let go when it was clear that there was nothing to achieve with her by his side.

 

‘He deserved better.’

 

That night, even when her eyelids could no longer take the strain from holding onto the tears and finally slept, the last scene continued to play over and over again.

 

 

✿

 

 

“Are... you SURE you’re alright?” She flinched a little when someone grabbed gently onto her hands that was gripping the life out of a tissue.

 

Miya lifted her head to smile at her friend’s dark brown eyes that reflected undeniable concern. “Of course, I am”, she said, quickly masking the depression from her face. “Oh my GOD!! Jiyoungie! You’ve gotten so big!!” She gently lifted the small baby from the stroller and nuzzled her nose to his stomach earning a chortle followed by gleeful laughs.

 

“Hey, hey, don’t use my son to change the subject”, her friend playfully scolded, taking the ten-month-old baby that was still recovering from the tickling session. “It’s not his job to cover up for you. And I’m always the one initiating for a date so it’s strange for you to ask me out for coffee this time.”

 

Miya sighed. “I always thought you weren’t as sharp as you look, Yunhee.”

 

Yunhee narrowed her eyes at her and covered Jiyoung’s ears. “Don’t start to bring that up and I told you not to change the subject. Now spill.”

 

Looking down dejectedly, Miya was about to open when someone very tall and lanky sat onto a chair beside them. Immediately, Yunhee’s smile turned strained and her left eyebrow was beginning to twitch. Miya continued to stare at the tall, dark haired man, who was giving her a smile. A freakin’ SMILE! Any moment now, if he continues to do that, she’s gonna gap like a fish out of water.

 

“Um... Kris honey—“

 

“Jiyoung!! Who’s the cutest baby boy in the planet? Who is it? Who is it? Of course you are!” Kris cooed making funny faces at the baby that made the two women uncomfortable and awkward. Jiyoung’s tiny fist began to wave up and down but the expression on his face was neither happy nor excited. His small lips made the tiniest smile that was unusual for any baby and his eyes stared curiously up at his father. “Come on to daddy; let’s order for mommy and auntie.” Before Yunhee could even react, the baby was snatched from her lap and as soon as he came, he zoomed back to the counter, telling the baby animatedly all kinds of lattes and frappes that were displayed.

 

“Who-Who the hell was that?” Miya turned towards her friend who just gave her a shrug.

 

“He’s been like that ever since...” Yunhee gave her the knowing look which Miya rolled her eyes at. Here they go again. “Miya, I’m serious! And don’t give me that. It’s like there are three people in this marriage. Doesn’t that warrant your concern???!!”

 

“Yunhee, your husband is not bipolar.”

 

“I didn’t say he was!!” Yunhee whined which made Miya smile a little from how her friend was starting to show her childish side. “All I’m saying is that he was blonde a week ago, aloof, a total , stoic to even his son and now he’s... he’s... PUPPY-ISH.”

 

Miya furrowed her eyebrows in annoyance. “Stop looking into Kris’ obsession of hair colors too much. You’re gonna drive yourself insane.”

 

“You saw how Jiyoung reacted”, Yunhee tried one last time. “I’m surprised that a 10-month-old noticed it but no one, not even my mother-in-law and she ‘supposedly’ raised him!”

 

The look that Miya was giving her made her sag in her seat looking very defeated and worn out.

 

“Fine, fine”, she finally closed out. “Enough about me and let’s focus on you. What happened? Are you sick? I told you not to overwork yourself with your job. As much as I want to encourage you and tell you how proud I am that you’re saving humanity, I can’t continue to do that when you’re losing yourself.”

 

Miya flinched and although it wasn’t the problem she was going to specify, Yu Hee knew she had been overworking, even going so far as to volunteer for other people’s shift.

 

“I know... and that’s not it...” Yunhee gave a small cough for her to continue. “I saw him... last night.” Miya almost face palmed at the questioning look she was getting and cleared to continue. “You know... um... yi-yixing...”

 

“Come again?”

 

“I said I met yi-yixing..!!”

 

“I can’t understand you if you keep mumbling like that.” Yunhee continued to stare at her, not batting an eyelash when Miya began to pull her hair in exasperation.

 

“It was Yixing, okay??!!! God! You have such huge ears and you can’t even hear me!” Miya huffed angrily a light blush painting the surface of her cheeks.

 

“Oh...”

 

Miya’s eyes widened and she looked incredously at the other. “That’s it? That’s all you have to say?”

 

Yunhee unconsciously scratched the side of her neck, a gesture of nervousness as she peered at her husband who was chatting cheerfully at the barista while showcasing their baby boy. "Look... Ummm... I know how hard this is for you", Yunhee began and Miya couldn't help but feel warm when hands were covering her own. That was true. She was a witness to the fatal story that happened six years ago, and if anyone could understand her so well, it would be Yunhee. "But if, once upon a time, that 'guy' appears again, I want you to face him head on. No running away, okay?"

 

Miya made a grumbling sound at the back of but reluctantly returned the smile that was directed at her.

 

"Fine." In reality, the thought of actually facing Zhang Yixing sent a shiver down her spine. Yes, she promised she would face him head on but she's also praying to all the heavenly beings up there that there wouldn't be a fateful encounter. She snapped out of her racing mind when Yunhee tossed her something.

 

"Read that, it'll cheer you up."

 

"'Wolf Tails: A Winter Adventure'", Miya read aloud, flipping through the 20-page children’s book. Hand-drawn pictures of wolves and forests littered most of each page rather than the written words. “Thanks?”

 

“Hey! Be a little bit more appreciative!”

 

“I still don’t get why this’ll cheer me up.”

 

“It’s supposed to.”

 

Kris came back, handing Jiyoung to Yunhee, and settling back to the vacant chair while putting down the tray of 3 mocha-caramel lattes. “You carried Jiyoung and our order? I knew you were a barista in your past life”, Yunhee snickered earning a snort from the tall man.

 

“So, Miya, how’s the sunlight so far?” Miya pouted at him and Kris laughed harder when he earned a smack on the head from his fuming wife. She didn’t work THAT hard. Sure she’s a little pale and a bit skinny but that’s because it’s autumn and cases of Pneumonia are increasing so she had to be rotated to the Emergency Room because of the lack of personnel. But they won’t listen to that, anyway.

 

“The sunlight’s just fine Kris”, she replied sarcastically and glared at Yunhee who was starting to crack up. “So, which one of these are your drawings?” She mock searched on each pages of the book, smirking when Yunhee gave out a full-blown laugh. It was taboo to even mention ‘Kris’ and ‘drawing’ in a sentence. It’s so horrible that the only time Yunhee was praying during her pregnancy was for Jiyoung to never inherit his father’s artistic skills.

 

Kris pouted.

 

What in the hell--??!! When did he learn to do that?!

 

“I thought I was going to draw the buffalo”, Kris began looking at his wife who is wiping tears from her eyes.

 

“No, honey, I’m not letting you near my workplace”, she said cheekily.

 

Suddenly, Kris’ phone blared and that gave the friends time to compose themselves.

 

It was nice to get out sometimes. She missed this; it’s like high school all over again, just with a baby. At that time, Miya had the guts to bully the taller into submission while Yunhee was a sputtering mess of ‘I want to shove my hand in your pants’ that left her embarrassed and sobbing out ‘I don’t know where that came out, I swear!’ It still pissed Yunhee off when Miya brought that up for Kris and her to laugh about.

 

Then, when Zhang Yixing came into the picture, everything seemed to have fallen into balance. It wasn’t love at first sight because she didn’t notice him right away when he was introduced in front of the class. She didn’t even spare him a glance when he asked for her pencil the first time they talked. She was busy running around, being active in every event that the school had to offer. Even then, she was a workaholic.

 

The happened on an autumn day, much like this when she volunteered to help out in the library. Between rows of bookshelves filled with the scent of old papers and floors dirtied with dead leaves, it was like a scene in a movie when they finally meet and collide.

 

‘Finally, I caught up with you. You were moving so fast that I swear the Earth was spinning in the wrong direction.’

 

“...okay. Bye, Xing.”

 

The snap of the phone seemed to have pulled Miya back to the present as her eyes instantly turned to Kris, then at Yunhee who was smiling nervously at her. “WAIT A MINUTE! You two knew?!!!!” She continued to glare at a guilty Kris who was pinched hard on the shoulder by a worried Yunhee.

 

“Calm down Miya”, she explained pleading at her to hear them out. “I was about to tell you today but you already met him so—“

 

“Wait, you saw him already?” Kris stared at Miya inquisitively. “I didn’t know he’d find you that fast.”

 

“Wait, can I be the one asking here! He’s looking for me?!!” Miya could feel the oncoming headache. She’s confused. She thought asking Kris and Yunhee would help calm her down but instead these two idiots managed to add more fuel to the fire.

 

“Uuuuuuuuum, yes”, Yunhee answered. “But we all know Yixing. He’s... He’s... kind of a lost puppy most of the time so you could imagine how hard it is for him to find you.” The couple snickered together but quieted down at the glare they were receiving.

 

“You could’ve told me earlier”, she replied through gritted teeth. “Did you tell him where I live?” Both immediately shook their head.

 

Yunhee quickly grabbed her arm and made a soothing caress on it. “Look, we told him to keep searching for you. Maybe then, when he finds you, you’re ready. But like I said, if that happens, you can’t run away, okay?” Yunhee gave an encouraging smile and Miya can’t help but sigh in defeat.

 

This is definitely turning out as real as it could get and quite frankly, she fears for the day when they’ll collide once again.

 

 

✿

 

 

Miya trudged up the stairs towards their apartment floor. She was emotionally worn out and her sour mood intensified when she saw that she only had an hour to get ready for work. ‘One more night, Miya, and tomorrow, you’ll be free.’

 

Digging through her bag and cursing about how there a lot of rolling around, she failed to notice the door already open. “Noona!” When had Jongin’s voice become so annoying. Oh yeah, when Jongin’s arrival became the catalyst of everything ing up.

 

“Aish, shut up, I still hate you”, she said grouchily.

 

“But noona, our new neighbour came to say hi so I let him in”, Jongin informed worriedly. “Are you okay with that?”

 

Miya mustered all of her strength to stop herself from choking Jongin, instead pushing pass him, because, damnit, hasn’t anyone been feeling the chills lately? “Of course it’s not okay without my permission and it’s clear you already let them in so what’s the use of—“

 

She stopped when someone gripped her wrist to stop her rampage and when she looked up; it was like a bucket of ice cold water poured on her head. “Finally caught you”, the man sighed out and his breath tickled her cheeks, leaving a warm tingle at its wake.

 

She couldn’t breathe. ‘What is air?’ her lungs seem to say while her brain was formulating a way on how to self-combust fast.

 

She couldn’t do this; not like this! She’s not ready! Please someone kill her!!!!

 

Miya fought the urge to suddenly curl up into a fetal position and just rot. Everything was crashing onto her so fast and it’s so overwhelming that she couldn’t stop the tears.

 

The two males quickly panicked when there were suddenly tears running down her cheeks, spitting words hurriedly of ‘what’s wrong’ or ‘are you okay’. They tensed up when she suddenly whipped her head at the tanned boy.

 

“I REALLY HATE YOU JONGIN!” She yanked her wrist from the visitor, hurriedly entering her bedroom without a second glance. Because, no matter how much she would deny it, that was Zhang Yixing out there, tangible and not just another nightmare. She shouldn’t have run away, she knows. But, her heart would’ve given out if she stared at him any longer. Because, breaking down in front of the man that broke her heart all those years ago is the last thing she wanted to do.