Deny your past
Deny Me
I’ve never been this worried before, I’ve always thought that things would be the same as they were before. Where I had a smile that couldn’t be taken away by anyone else, a laughter that never seemed to cease, a thrill that never subsides, those were the things that I’ve always had before but… recently I’ve felt that things haven’t been like that. I guess things change as time passes.
“Hyukjae, I’m sorry that this had happened. I really didn’t mean to cause this trouble for the both of you and~” his father paused as he felt uncertain on what he has to say.
“No… I don’t found this troublesome. In fact…” he trailed off earning a curious look from his father, “This is the best news I’ve heard… thank you” he began to tear up and embraced his beloved father. Dumbfounded with what his son had said, he returned the favor and wrapped his arms around him.
Both Hyuk’s parents were astounded with what he had said at that very moment. They weren’t sure on how true Hyuk was with what he said but, it was truly evident in his eyes that what he meant was real.
After that day, things wounded up being a blast for my life, it was the best gain I’ve ever had.
Hyuk made his way towards the kitchen and got some milk from the fridge and made some toast, after that he brought it to the living room for him to munch down as he watched. He didn’t know what to watch but it was at least thing he could do at that moment.
He switched from several channels, randomly finding something that would by the least; captivate him for a little while. He then found himself watching a cartoon, his and Hae’s favorite, Tom and Jerry.
He smiled, laughed and even manages to gain tears in laughing at most. It was a part of his childhood that never seemed to have died inside of him. Heck, who would even lose their childhood in their hearts? Everyone’s young at heart once in a while but for Hyuk, it wasn’t just because he loved it when he was a child. It was because it held certain memories, a past that shall never falter to make him feel that he was a kid again.
After watching the whole show, he became at bit mellow and rested at the couch looking at the ceiling and having the TV as the background. His mind was drifting. “Last night… when I talked with both of them… I know I went over board and I don’t have the rights to lecture any of them but still… I’m still a relative of Hae, so it’s definitely fine if I’d do that, but still”.
He raised his hand and looked at it absent mindedly, his gaze passed through his hand but still he continued to raise it. “Kyuhyun’s nice, caring, smart, thoughtful and protective. Just as I want for Hae… but I can’t let those stuff blind me from looking after him. Hae’s still young into thinking something like those and he’s end up being temped”.
He let out a sigh, “He’s still innocent…” he then got up and stared at the part of the house still at a drift. “He’s still so valuable to me”.
He then snapped out of his thoughts when he heard a ring on his phone, it took him at least 5 seconds before he recollected himself to answer. “Hello” he started off.
“Hey, are you busy?” he noticed the familiarity of the voice, “No… not that I’ll be of, why?” he shifted from his seat and sat up straight. “Can I come over?” it made him smile, “Of course you dummy”.
It took about 10minutes after the call and the doorbell rang. Hyuk made his way to greet his visitor. When he did, he saw a warm and bright smile from the visitant “So what’s the sudden visit?” he smiled back.
“That’s no way to treat your guest, let me in first” he chuckled, Hyuk rolled his eyes and moved aside for him to enter. The guy sat at the couch where he was earlier. “Okay, your inside, so what’s the reason for the visit?” he folded his arms.
“No juice or water? You’re not really that great in entertaining your guest now aren’t ya?” Hyuk puffed at the comment. “This guy never change” he told himself as he made his way towards the kitchen. “Hey, I haven’t said anything!” he called up.
“Don’t care, make the most of what I’ll serve!” he answered back. When he did he brought some lime juice and some short cake they still had two days ago. “How’s that?” he placed the glass and the plate, “Fair enough” he giggled and took a slice of the sweet pastry.
Hyuk then sat at the edge of the arm chair; he looked at the man intently waiting for his reason on dropping by. The man only raised a brow and smiled after taking the bite. “Aren’t you going to say, “I missed you or how you’d been? Something like that? Wait, do you even care for me?” he jokingly said.
“First things first, what’s the sudden drop by? I know we haven’t seen each other much lately and yeah, I didn’t miss having you around. The thing is it’s not like you to appear all of a sudden” he watched as he took another slice and a sip of the drink before answering.
“Are you an idiot or something?” Hyuk could practically kick him in the as of that moment. “Still that same personality… this kid’s such a pain”.
The guy only brought out a light smile before he finally said “It’s nearly Donghae’s birthday. I miss him, I want to see him and be part of his special day” Hyuk was caught up with what he said; he forgot that Hae’s birthday was drawing near.
“Guess you forgot… by the looks on your face you had. It’s not like you” Hyuk averted his eyes. “I know it’s still painful to think about it but we both know that it wasn’t his fault. No one was at fault. So stop torturing yourself” he felt a kind and comforting voice in what he said.
“No… your wrong, I was at fault. It was my whole doing that it happened. This is the least I could do to make up for it” he told himself. He felt the man had already stepped closer and took his face to look him in the eyes. He saw a worried look in his eyes. “Please… don’t lie to me that I’m not to blame”.
He wanted to push himself to the corner. This hadn’t crossed his mind. “Listen, I’ll stop talking about it but still. Could you at least go to Hae’s birthday?” Hyuk gave a hollowly light chuckle. “Speak for yourself” he retorted.
“Hey, I had to leave the country and~” Hyuk gave him a glare that said You-know-what-I-mean “You could’ve at least call him and greeted. Send a postcard or send him a gift or something but not a single letter?” he man sighed in defeat.
“Fine, I’m sorry. I know my own mistakes and… damn the whole studies I had to do plus working some par-time so I could have some extra cash as I stayed there. You know how special Donghae is to me” he scuffled the guy’s hair and the man groaned. “Knock it off, I’m not a kid anymore” he pulled Hyuk’s hand away.
For a moment, Hyuk’s mind flashed a memory.
“Hey kid, you’re not supposed to be here at this time of the night” I stood over, towering him from my height. “I… I had permission to stay here tonight. B-By the way, Hae didn’t tell me he has an older brother” this kid is definitely intimidated
I couldn’t help but to raise a brow, is he going to piss his shorts or something? He then stood firmly, he’s deliberately trying to stand up from me “I-I… won’t leave… I already got here and~” we both heard Donghae’s voice interrupt him.
Hae marched towards us with his PJs “Hyung! He’s my guest, stop frightening him” I smiled as I watched him being protective with his friend. “You didn’t tell me that you’d be inviting a friend over as I came over” I jutted my lips to show him that I was a bit disappointed.
I didn’t think Hae notice but the kid was starting to get confused. Surely because of me saying that I came over but what would I expect if he suddenly saw me as he was going to sleep over. “I forgot to tell you but still, it’s not nice to do that to a guest” he looked at the kid that still held that questioning look.
“I’m sorry about this, Hyung’s just not used on seeing someone else in the house. By the way, he’s my cousin. He’s Lee Hyukjae, but we call him Eunhyuk as a nickname” the kid finally realized. He then looked at me and to my surprise, he slipped out his tongue and teased me, “You’re a creep to be his cousin!” he mockingly said and damn, he looked so irritating.
“Yeah, I know. You’re not that runt that I always get pissed at” the guy smiled. “Back to the topic, so, now that you’re back for the birthday that’ll be around a couple of days from now… what’ll be your plans?” the man only grinned and sat back down and took another slice of the cake.
“I’ll be in hiding until the day comes. I want to surprise him and give him a very special gift” he teasingly said. Hyuk rolled his eyes “Like what? Your for his mercy?” he said in a serious look and tone but he was just pulling him.
The guy turned beet red, “What the hell!” Hyuk couldn’t suppress his laughter. “I’m just kidding, I know you wouldn’t bottom” he added. “Shut up, it is special. Because I poured all my saving in that gift and… I want him to have it on his 18th birthday but, it’ll be another year from now and I won’t be here next year” he sadly said.
At that very moment, he knows exactly what he was planning to give. He didn’t want to get his hopes up because he knows how this guy feels about Hae. “Have you already brought it?” they linked their gaze.
“N-No… I’m about to… that’s why I’m here” Hyuk took a breath before get up from the arm chair and sat beside the man. “Good… because I think there’s a much better gift you could give him” he placed his arm around the guy’s shoulder and told him the gift that would suit Hae’s taste.
It was late and the guy already left about 7 in the evening. Hyuk felt wonderful to have him again. He felt his heart going back to his childhood once more. He didn’t know why he’s feeling that way all day but, somewhere inside his heart of his at that very moment felt that it was willing to bring back the time. The time he was always there with Donghae.
I couldn’t help myself and bam! I think I knocked his brain into place with my knuckle buried in his skull. I smirked at seeing him wince in pain and rub his head. “Hyung!” Hae glared at me and assisted the brat.
The kid was starting to cry, “Don’t be like that… you’re older than us so you should be more understanding than this!” for the first time in my life Hae lectured me and raised his voice at me. It felt knew to me since he had never done something like that before.
I stood rooted on where I was standing as I watched Hae pull the kid upstairs to his room. I felt bad about myself. Not because of what I did with the kid but… being told like that, no, by seeing Hae being mad at me. It’s something that I suddenly realized that didn’t felt good.
At dinner, Hae kept his distance to me. Auntie finished first and got upstairs to get the bed and the extra sheets ready for the three of us while we still ate. I sat a seat apart from Hae. He deliberately made that distance. It made my heart cripple just to think about it.
I took glance on him and he didn’t seem to look my way. He’s really pissed at me. “Hae… is your dad coming home?” the kid broke the silence. “No, he’s…” he paused, I know the answer. “He’s busy… so, you don’t have to worry” he smiled at the kid. He just nodded in response and accidentally saw that I was watching the both of them and he averted his gaze away.
Hae noticed. “Are you done? Let’s get upstairs and hit the sack, I’m quite beat” he invited. Obviously he wants to get away from me. “S-Sure” they both left me and I heard them walking upstairs. I could only sigh on what’s going on. I haven’t really had a quarrel with him and I don’t know how to make amends to be honest. This is going to be of a headache.
After I ate, I brought the dishes to the sink and cleaned them. House rule for Auntie’s house, last one to finish gets to clean the plates. Well it wasn’t a real chore for someone at my age but I guess it’s the only way to make Hae wash the dishes whenever she eats with him. Right then, I brushed my teeth and made my way to Hae’s room.
I heard some snickering and some whispers. I guess Hae’s happy with the kid around. What! Why do I feel so down? (Sigh) this isn’t me. I should act normal. When I turned the knob and heard the click on the lock everything in the room dropped quiet. As I walked in, I saw them sitting at his bed both of them facing each other and obviously the matt and the comforter on the floor was mine to use. I won’t be sleeping beside Hae tonight.
They just continued to stay silent. I guess my presence was a threat for their lone time. I slumped down on the sheets and covered myself and after a few minutes both of them started whispering and stuff. I couldn’t tell since I lay down on my stomach with the covers over my head. I could tell they were shuffling from the bed since I could hear the bed creek whenever they’d move around.
Wait, what am I doing? This isn’t like me. This is nowhere near to who I am. Why… why am I getting, jealous that Hae’s having a good time with a new friend of his? I guess… this is what happens to a person who only had one important friend in their lives. I really want to be besides Hae right now. I want to wrap my arms around his and feel his arms around me. Like always. Like before.
This is absurd; I’m being rash with what I’m thinking. I’m not going to lose him just because he has a new friend. I won’t, I would never lose him. Because I know, Hae would never turn me down. He wouldn’t. He loves me much like I love him. After a few more minutes, they seem to pipe down and they seem to settle down. “Goodnight” he heard from one of them.
I’m not really used to not hearing Hae bid me a goodnight, hell I’m not even used to not being beside him. I always have my arms around him as we drift to sleep. I always held him tight in my grasp and feel the warmth of his body at mine. I always know inside me, that this isn’t something that I can take for long.
After a short while I happened to doze off, I didn’t know how long exactly but it seemed that it was only about an hour or so. I removed the sheets and got up, to my surprise Donghae was at my side of the bed. At that very moment I finally felt at ease, and God it felt relieving. I watched him breath lightly, he looked divine.
Not being able to be beside him at bed really got me frustrated but still, having his face clearly sleeping peacefully was more than enough to let the anxiousness subside. “I’m sorry if hyung has a bad attitude when it comes to other people… especially to a friend of yours. It’s just that… I’m jealous”.
I heard him hum when I caressed his cheek. “I hope you’d forgive hyung for this” as much as I didn’t want to take back the way I treated his guest, I won’t let it be the end of our relationship. After several minutes, I went out to the bathroom to relieve myself. I was still half dazed with sleep but I quickly froze to what I saw “Donghae”.
He didn’t answer nor did he make a move to. I just looked back at him still caught by the moment of his approach. With each step he made it made my heart skip a beat, with each breath I take it, I whole body felt tensed. This is a very uncertain feeling; my dear Donghae is coming towards me after our first petty fight.
The whole walk he made felt like hours but in reality it was only less than a minute, I only had my gaze gawking at his face. I only saw a soft look in his eyes that told me the he was no longer pissed with me, part of me was glad but still I don’t know what he’ll be telling me once he starts to talk.
For an agonizing 10 seconds, he started off “I’m sorry…” he didn’t tear his sight away from me. I felt somewhat bad about what he said, he didn’t… he didn’t have to apologize. In fact, I should be the one who’s supposed to say those words. “I’m sorry if didn’t watched my temper… it’s just that, it’s the first time I’ve gotten a friend. A real friend”
For some reason, it didn’t seem helpful for me to hear it. “I’m happy having him around… so~” but I understand him and I don’t want to let him think that I misunderstood his longing for another friend to be with. I leaned my forehead to rest onto his and looked him straight into those orbs.
We looked at each other intensely before I spoke off “I’m sorry if hyung’s a bit shocked with your friend’s arrival. I didn’t mean to offend him, it was just because. I was only used to have you alongside me and none the less, so I hope we could amend this dissonance that we have for each other tonight because…” I paused as I watch him listen carefully.
“You ‘n I will always be a bundle, never forget that alright?” I reminded him and a smile broke out from my lips and soon he was also bringing out a smile. “Of course, you’re my hyung and that’ll never change” I felt myself render onto his warm embrace for me. In that very moment things got cleared up and my insecurities on being replaced by a friend or so subsided.
Call me pathetic, a scaredy cat, and a loner in need of company but… he’s Donghae, the closest family member in my heart that’ll never lose his place.
“Four days before Donghae’s birthday, this is quite a hassle. I should… really think of a good gift for him, to make up for the lost time” he told himself as he made his way down the hall. It was around 2 in the afternoon and it’s a tad humid in his opinion.
He was thinking of a way to beat the heat at least but nothing comes into mind than his thoughts for a present. He felt bad about not going to Hae’s birthdays and he’s really struck the day he would see him after the special day. “I’m only doing this because of what happened” he reminded himself. He’s still ashamed of what happened before.
He was unfazed and sat at the couch with nothing to look at in specific; he let his mind drift into random thoughts but still the thoughts of the same person. It went on for a good half hour until the doorbell rang. He came back down to reality and walked over the door. In his mind, it was probably him, but to his surprise, it was someone else.
“Have time to talk?” a smile was seen after the question. “Yeah, sure” he nodded and let the person in. “What’re you doing here anyways? First time you confront me with something and marched down here” he chuckled.
“I really… need to talk to you about this” a slight hesitation on the statement. “Go on… I’ll listen” he closed the door and they both sat on each end of the couch. “I know this isn’t my turf to bring this up but, can you please go to Donghae’s house on his birthday?” in Hyuk’s mind he wanted to decline.
“Listen… Kyu, I ah” he didn’t know exactly what to say to the younger, “I know I shouldn’t be meddling with you and him but… I just want to have you there so Donghae would be complete in his special day, I want him to have his cousin to be there and have a wonderful time with him and~” he paused to see Hyuk shaking his head in a disapproval.
“Let me lay down the facts here, first of all, you have the right to try and convince me… because I know you’ll still try to persuade me even if I’d be turning you down in each attempt you do before the birthday. Second, I know that all you want is to make Donghae happy and I’m grateful for that that you’re doing your best to make that happen but, lastly…” doubtful as it may seem, he didn’t want to continue but he has to.
“What?” Kyu questioned at the long silence, Hyuk didn’t notice that he had paused for quite a time. He watched as Kyu anticipates for his answer “Because he’d hate me if he’d seen me in his birthday… and I would never want to see him like that…” a grit of tear began to emerge from his eyes but still he willed it not to fall.
“What’s this rubbish? Are you trying to get one on me?” he laughed sarcastically, “If this is a joke it’s not convincing or funny in any way! Donghae would never be like that to you, he’d never resent his hyung! He loves you the way that you love him and~” he was contradicted by a saddened face. It was his first time to see Hyuk at his most vulnerable and he didn’t know he could be this fragile.
“There are things that we only kept from people and for us to bury in our lives. There’s no point to making things more complicated if I’d only hurt him and I’d never approve on anything that would cause harm to him” he meekly said, “this isn’t Hyuk” Kyu told himself as he watched him struggle not to burst into tears.
“I don’t understand, why will it harm him if you’d come there to celebrate his birthday? Why would he be hurt to see his hyung be there to smile and create a memory in his life along with everyone? Please, tell me… I want to understand this and do this for him and for you” he encouraged him, in Hyuk’s mind he was willing to spill but, things should only be condemned into a dark corner with what happened with the past.
“Please, I want Donghae to see you in his special day…” he was eager to break him out of his thoughts of confining himself away. “I’ll help… I’ll do whatever it takes to help” he reassured.
Hyuk was reluctant to answer, “Don’t you trust me?” the younger said in a sad tone. “I’m in deep with this” he told himself. As Hyuk continued to be silent, Kyu found it no use to try for now. “Maybe it’s better to talk about it tomorrow or so…” Kyu was starting to debate.
For a good 2 minutes, Kyu sighed still not having any answer or any word from the elder. Hyuk watched as he looked back at him straight in the eye, “Fine, you win… I’m leaving…” he walked towards the door with Hyuk’s eyes still trailing behind him until he stopped at the front door and turned to Hyuk.
To Hyuk’s surprise, Kyu smiled like earlier and said “Donghae loves you so much that I get jealous sometimes…” it made Hyuk’s heart skip a beat, “He might not be so much expressive towards you when were all together but…” the pause made Hyuk anticipate “W-What?” he couldn’t help but to hear the rest.
“He always thinks of you and also tells stories about you at most when you were both kids… he tells me how important you are in his life as a family member, as a friend… as a brother” Kyu could see Hyuk was taken in awe, he watched as he took everything he had said.
“And…” he added “That’s the reason why I think… no scratch that, that’s the reason WHY I know that he would never hate you. No matter what it was” with that Hyuk finally rendered into crying silently. His heart ached in a good sense and his feeling was overwhelming with appreciation.
“Think about what you’re depriving yourself, because if I were in your shoes… I would never want to leave him” he waved his hand and got out. When he heard the door closed, he dropped into his knees and then sat there. Tears flowing down his cheeks and muffled moans of his crying. He was suppressing the inevitable but, it wasn’t sadness. It was joy.
A few days pass and Kyuhyun continued to convince Hyuk to go; it was rather amusing how Kyu could still go on with it before the day came. Hyuk didn’t falter to neglect him as he did so, he didn’t speak about anything concerning the birthday or his attendance. He just kept silent about it and let Kyu babble on and on without any response from him.
Finally it was the day where Donghae had anticipated for a week. He was excited to have the closest people around him, although his mom isn’t going to be there in the afternoon and the morning, she’ll be there the first thing in the evening. His dad isn’t going to be there as well but he had already sent him his present from Greece. He did want to see him at least but having him work as a seaman really turned things out of hand when it comes to occasions.
It was only a small gathering, Donghae, Kyuhyun, Siwon and a few of his classmates and… his childhood friend in which Kyuhyun felt so frustrated with and not to mention utterly jealous. Like what Kyuhyun said, Donghae was still hoping that Hyuk would come to the party. Thought he didn’t had a clue that Kyuhyun was trying his best to get his on the whole event, he still had faith in Hyuk that he’ll set aside what happened back then to make up for what’s present.
It was around 5:30 PM and the guys were there, they were mingling with one another. Of course everyone greeted the birthday boy and gave their regards as well as some who bothered to give him a gift. Siwon had given him a new phone and a Ipod since he’s been wanting a new set of devices. Kyuhyun gave him a promise ring with an engraved initial of K&D on the inner part and made a proposal kneel in front of Siwon and ONLY Siwon; he didn’t want to get kicked out of the house for any reason.
Siwon teased on the two of them, saying that they’ll be a great couple. Donghae was more than embarrassed that after he accepted the ring, he left the two and just accommodated the rest while both Kyuhyun and Siwon was left in Hae’s bedroom.
Right after Hae left, “So, did you manage to convince Hyuk?” he suddenly asked and saw the younger’s joyful moon shift into gloom. With only a shook of his head, it was enough of an answer. “I don’t get why he’s still persistent into segregating himself on this special day… he loves Hae right? Why set yourself aside to someone who also loves you back?” Siwon didn’t spoke, he somewhat know the reason but still, he didn’t have the right to tell anything.
“It’s his decision, let’s just respect it” he walked closed and patted Kyu’s shoulder, “You did all you could, I know Hae would be happy if he’d knew” Kyu pouted, “Like I’d let him… he’ll just laugh at me before thanking me” the elder smiled but held a curious look, “Laugh? Why do you think he’d laugh?”
“He’ll surely laugh into thinking how stupid I was to try, then after humiliating me he’ll then thank me… that’s how much he wants to pick on my mistakes” he rolled his eyes on the thought. “Well, you’ve always acted the mister perfect in school… that’s probably his way on saying that you have your flaws” they both laughed and made their way down stairs.
They tried to look for Donghae but he wasn’t inside the house, so they stepped outside and wanted to pull Hae into the kitchen to get the cake ready but, with what they saw. They think it’ll have to wait.
Hae turned to the two who was standing stiff with mouths partly gaped. He smiled and giggled before he quickly approached them. He hugged Siwon first and then Kyu ever so tightly and giving him a fast and light kiss on the cheek. “Thank you… thank you so much for this present… you don’t know how this means to me…” he was starting to tear up.
“I… I don’t know what to say…” Siwon managed to speak. “Let’s just get inside and have fun shall we?” Hae nodded and pulled the two inside. Kyuhyun was still in shock, he didn’t know what in the world came over but he was thankful. They got inside and told Donghae to wait at the living room while they ready the cake.
“Thanks for everything you’ve done…” a soft voice whispered behind Kyu’s ear. He snapped his body to face him, “On the contrary… I should be the one thanking you to come here” he smiled wholeheartedly “You made me realize how dumb I was with running away from him in this important occasion in his life… you were right in knocking some sense into my head” he embraced Kyu into a warm and grateful squeeze.
As the party held on, there came the chance wherein both Donghae and Hyukjae were both alone at the front porch. They sat at the stairs and talked about stuff like they haven’t seen each other from school before the whole place got infested. They both had a plastered smile in their face the whole time.
“I’m sorry…” Hyuk said all of a sudden, interjecting Hae’s topic. Hae raised a brow “’Bout thinking of what university we’ll be in?” he kiddingly said since that was the topic. “No…” he held his tongue for a second or two, “For moving away from you in this exact day” it changed their joyous mood into something serious. “It’s nothing… but I was scared that you might’ve done this forever” he tried to lighten up the soon to be conversation.
“I know, I’ve been a bad hyung to you and~” he stopped at having Donghae’s arms around him, he felt the younger’s warmth radiating and his heart beating in a moderate pace. “I didn’t blame you if you want to know… I never did… no one was at fault… things were to happen in a certain purpose” Hyuk did his best to not fall into tears again.
“B-But… if it weren’t for me… he wouldn’t have died… he would’ve been here with us and~” Hae pulled away, “Remember what he told you? He said that he was glad you were safe and same goes with me and the rest… you know that… and you shouldn’t have blamed yourself for anything that had happened”
“Happy birthday Donghae!” Hyuk greeted and hugged him, “Thanks hyung…” he pulled away “Let’s play with the soccer ball you got me” he invited and Hyuk nodded and rushed outside of his house. They played and did their best with every kick to get a goal on the drawn line on each of Hyuk’s sidewalk.
“You kids be careful, the ball my flung into the streets” Hyuk’s mom said while Hae’s mom was sitting next to her at the wooden chair on the porch. “When’s dad going to get here with the cake? I’ve been waiting for that the whole day!” Hae caught the ball and stopped their game.
“He’ll be here in a minute or two, get yourselves dry before your sweat dries first” Hae’s mom told. Before they could rally inside, the car arrived and parked at the lot. Both Hae and Hyuk turned back and rushed towards to greet the person riding it. “Dad!” Hae mused and gave him a big hug and Hyuk did the same.
“Happy birthday son, why don’t you guys get ready inside while I get the cake on the back alright?” they nodded and made their way but accidentally, Hae tripped on the soccer ball and made it roll towards the street. Hyuk didn’t noticed when he chased it he was at the road, when he caught the ball he stopped and saw a car approaching.
He didn’t know what to do; he just stood there being taken away by what was about to happen with his eyes shut at the very last moment, until a loud crash and a screech from both the ladies from the porch. He felt the pain on parts of his body but, when he opened his eyes. A man was holding him safely but covered with blood on the head part and some on the arms.
“Are you… alright?” he whispered softly to Hyuk who was now crying his heart out. “Y-You’re… b-bleeding…” he only managed to spout. It wasn’t long before the person who had with the car came to assist as well as the mothers and Donghae. “You… seem fine… I’m glad that… you… only got a… few… scratches…” his voice was meek. “Take care… of your… brother… okay?” he bid as his eyes slowly closed and his embrace loosened.
Back to where Hyuk and Donghae first met.
I didn’t blame my dad, I didn’t got angry, I didn’t misunderstood the situation that had turned out. I accepted it wholeheartedly, maybe it was because, I really wished for this to happen maybe this is an answer to my own personal prayer.
“I-I don’t know what to say son, but, I want you to meet him… so you could say that you really have a younger brother to call” he proudly said to me and urged the young man that was hiding behind his leg for the whole time. He chuckled a bit at seeing his innocent looking face and his cute scared expression; he looked very nice and well raised.
“Hey, what’s your name?” I walked closed and he still seemed a bit frightened even though there’s nothing to be afraid of. I finally got near and I looked at his soft brown eyes staring back at me with fear, I extended my hand “I’m Hyukjae, I’ll be your big brother” I was happy… so happy that he grabbed my hand with his smaller hand and came out of his hiding. “I-I’m D-Donghae…” he shyly said and I pulled him into an embrace.
“I’m glad to have you Donghae-ah!” it was true, for so long I’ve wished for. I finally, have a brother of my own. I didn’t felt a heavy feeling within me when I first saw him, I loved him the very first glance I had. I didn’t got mad at my dad for having another child from another person and my mom had seemed to have taken the whole thing as well, maybe they’ve already talked about it.
This isn’t a problem, this isn’t a mistake, and this is nowhere near a disaster for the family in my point. This was the best blessing that had ever come.
“You know that dad loves you… that’s why he gave his life to save you” Hae told him, “He may have spoiled me back then but we both know how much he give us both even attention… he managed us both well that we never fought with each other, other than petty stuff, that were natural for kids to do… he taught us well to be good to each other” Hyuk shook his head, “Nah, ah… I already like you the moment you came, I really wished for a younger brother or sister even before I came to know that you’ll be introduced to me”
Hae looked at him wherein he was starting to get teary, “You completed me when you came, it made my life wonderful than never before… Donghae, having you as my secret-half-brother isn’t all that great since I don’t want to hide it from anyone… I want to scream out to this world that I have a brother and I don’t give a on whether they’d judge our family for what had happened. All I care about is my brother and that’s that”
“You mean everything to me that moment when we saw each other, so, I’ll… do what dad told me on his last moment… I’ll take real good care of you from now on”
Sometimes living in the past is truly a burden in a person’s life… not looking on what you have in your present would harm the bonds you currently have in which will affect your future with the people around you. I didn’t really mean to hurt Donghae, I wanted him to not recall the past but in a way, I hurt him and I know that but I still did it. But as I was reminded on how my brother loved me so much, I came to conclude that… the pain that the both of us bear would eventually be filled by the bond we both have for each other… it would fill the void that was carved in our hearts in that very day so we could press on with our lives, being together as a sibling.
I’ve denied my past long enough, this time, I’ll embrace it and hold onto it for the days to come.
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