“I can’t believe we’re already going home tomorrow.”

It was Saturday night, and Jongin and Kyungsoo were lying in their bed after a long day outdoors. The whole family had trekked all over the forest, seeing all sorts of sights, learning about different creatures as they were spotted and explained by Jongin’s mom, almost walking right into poison ivy – in Jongin’s case; fortunately Kyungsoo recognized it and saved him from the itchy misery that would ensue. They climbed trees – not the parents, but the rest of them – and then in the evening roasted (or in Jongin’s case, burned) marshmallows. They even sang campfire songs and Jongin’s little sister told them a scary story that really wasn’t scary, but they all reacted over-theatrically anyways.

“It’s only been two days,” Kyungsoo noted.

“Yeah, but it – I dunno, I thought it would be longer,” Jongin sighed. “Did you have fun though?”

“Yes.” Jongin couldn’t see it the way they were lying – with Kyungsoo’s forehead level with Jongin’s chin – but Kyungsoo smiled a tiny bit. “It was nice. Thank you. I’m glad I came.”

“Me too,” Jongin replied. “But we should go to sleep. It’s already late and we’ll probably get up early tomorrow.”

“Okay. ‘Night.”

“Goodnight, hyung,” Jongin said, lips brushing against Kyungsoo’s hair. “I – I love you.”

He’d hesitated saying it, not because he didn’t mean it, but because he was afraid to push Kyungsoo. It was hard to feel this way about someone when you doubted their feelings, and when they were so fragile that you didn’t know how to act around them. Jongin had argued with himself more than once whether or not it was worth it to keep trying, keep waiting for Kyungsoo. Was he just wasting his time on someone it wouldn’t last with? Maybe someone else would say so, but he didn’t think it. How could it be a waste if he liked it, wanted it? He enjoyed every second with Kyungsoo, even if it wasn’t easy. And even when Kyungsoo pushed him away, Jongin could tell a larger, underlying part of him was hoping he would stay, so Jongin did. He, some part of him, wanted Jongin, cared about Jongin. Maybe loved him.

It was silent for a moment, and then…

“Why?” Kyungsoo whispered. “Why bother?”

“Why shouldn’t I?” Jongin countered, confused.

“I can give you a hundred reasons. But – because it’s me.”

“That’s not a good reason,” Jongin argued. “What’s wrong with you?”

Kyungsoo laughed. “Everything. I’m – I’m boring, and rude, especially to you, and I’m messed up, and – we’re from different sides of the tracks, basically. I used you, for a long time, just because I thought it was fun. I didn’t even like you, I was pretending to in hopes of hurting you. I… I went after other people at your party, because I wanted to make you jealous, show you that you didn’t own me.” Kyungsoo paused, swallowing thickly, then giving a bitter laugh. “That worked out well. And… I hardly talk, I’m just so not interesting, and I don’t listen either. I’m just an . And I’m not even attractive or anything. There’s literally nothing good about me. I don’t know what the hell’s wrong with you that makes you think otherwise, but I guess you’re just really stupid.”

“Probably,” Jongin couldn’t help but say. He pulled back to look at the boy beside him, but Kyungsoo’s eyes wouldn’t meet his. They stared blankly at Jongin’s chest, tears threatening to fall. “But I think you’re wrong. About you.” Kyungsoo shook his head, eyes still avoiding Jongin’s. “You’re not boring, even if you don’t say much. Because when you do talk, it’s always interesting. You’ve got a whole world locked away, and sometimes you let glimpses of it shine through, and that makes you fascinating. Because I always want to see more. And you only slowly let people in. It’s not knocking down walls with you; I have to go brick-by-brick. Which is a lot of work for one person, and to only get to one person. I would never have bothered with anyone else, but I want to spend the time to get to the real you. So maybe you think you’re boring, but – I like you. I like all the little things you say, and the things you don’t but I know you’re thinking. It’s fun trying to figure you out, and having you let me in.

“And you are mean,” Jongin laughed. “No one’s going to deny it. But that’s just your façade. You’re not really like that. You only act like that to keep people away. You’re anti-social. I’m not, so I don’t really understand it, but that doesn’t make me think less of you. It’s just different interests – I like people, you don’t. But, you like me. Which I guess makes me special.” He smiled, and Kyungsoo’s lips twitched as he tried to frown and definitely not smile. “And you’re still mean to me. But sometimes you’re not. Like when you kiss me. You let your guard down sometimes then. I like that,” he added. “And I know it means a lot, because of what Heechul did to you. I can’t imagine ever wanting to touch anyone if that happened to me. And I think you’re incredible for still trying. And I’m really happy it’s me.”

“It’s you because I chose you to mess with,” Kyungsoo told him again. “Because I wanted to hurt you.”

“You wanted to?” Jongin echoed, and Kyungsoo nodded, finally looking him in the eye. “But you don’t anymore?”

“No… I – I lost at my own game, I guess,” Kyungsoo confessed. “I started actually liking you.”

“Well, you for doing that – messing with me,” Jongin said lightly. “But I’ll forgive you because you fell for me, and now you have to suffer through that punishment.” Kyungsoo snorted. “But seriously. It’s worth it, if you really like me now. I mean, I didn’t know I was being played, so it doesn’t really bother me. And I got you in the end, right?”

“It doesn’t make what I did any better,” Kyungsoo said quietly.

“No,” Jongin agreed, mock-sternly. “We will have to all agree that you were a jerk. But you’ve learned from your mistakes and moved on. You’re a better person now, right?” He poked Kyungsoo’s side playfully, and Kyungsoo hit his shoulder. “I forgive you for your past. Mine’s not that great either. I was a to you for a long time. I’m sure I made your life crappy in grade nine, which is really ty because that’s the first year of high school. So yeah, we can call it even?”

“I guess,” Kyungsoo sighed, and Jongin kissed his nose.

“And I’m sorry that you trying to hurt me just ended up getting you hurt,” Jongin said sincerely. “You definitely didn’t deserve that. If I’d known… I wouldn’t have even invited you to that party. Or I’d have kept an eye on you, something. Instead of being so selfish…”

“Don’t blame yourself for that,” Kyungsoo told him. “It’s – no one’s fault. That’s just how it happened.”

Jongin nodded. “But it shouldn’t have.”

“But it did.”

Jongin sighed. “Anyways… What else was there? You’re not boring. You only pretend to be rude. You used me but I forgive you. Oh! You are attractive. You’re adorable and beautiful and wonderful and I love everything about your body.”

“How? I mean, fine, even if I accept everything else you’ve said, I refuse to agree with you on that. There is nothing attractive about me. I am seriously questioning your vision if you think this,” he gestured at himself. “Is good-looking. You are the most stereotypical blind Asian ever.”

Jongin laughed. “I’m allowed to think you’re gorgeous, I can’t explain it. Your eyes are so big and beautiful, and your lips are all full and pink, and your shoulders are narrow and adorable, and you’re just tiny and I love it. I don’t know. If you ask people, some people will like brown eyes, some will like blue. Neither is wrong. It’s just… preference. And you’re my preference.”

“Is it cause I look like a girl?” Kyungsoo asked. “I’m all… feminine-features. I thought you were straight. Am I your gateway-guy to being gay? Your bi-curious toy?”

“No!” Jongin couldn’t help laughing at his “gateway-guy” crack, but in seriousness, he didn’t agree at all. “No, I liked – well, didn’t like, but I had like… kissed other guys before you. It’s not like I just looked at you and thought, ‘He’s got soft, girly features, maybe I should test the waters for my gay thing with him’. I didn’t start liking you because I thought you were good-looking. I always thought you were beautiful.”

“Why did you start liking me, then?”

Jongin shook his head. “I’ll tell you one day. Not tonight though.”

“You .”

“I can,” Jongin winked cheesily. Kyungsoo narrowed his eyes judgmentally. “I don’t actually know,” Jongin admitted. “I never have. I’m just assuming.”

“Well, figure it out and get back to me,” Kyungsoo joked.

“You’ll have to tell me,” Jongin returned smoothly. Kyungsoo’s mouth fell open, surprised, and Jongin chortled, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. “I love you, okay? You’re fantastic.”

“Wow,” Kyungsoo said. Jongin raised a questioning eyebrow. “Fantastic baby.” Jongin slapped himself in the face, shaking with laughter. He snorted noisily and Kyungsoo hit him. “You’re gross.”

“You did this!” And Jongin snorted again. Kyungsoo couldn’t hold back a smile. Okay so maybe Jongin did love him. Even if he didn’t deserve it. Maybe he didn’t care. Maybe he liked this dork. And he wanted this dork, whether he deserved him or not. And he wanted to hold on to him, because he could. I mean, when someone marries into royalty, they don’t think, “I don’t deserve this”. They just become the future king or queen and accept it. And Kyungsoo, even though he knew he wasn’t going to be a future king, could accept it, could accept Jongin, even if he was way too good for Kyungsoo.

“

The next morning, Kyungsoo woke up with his face too close to Jongin’s. Normally, he wouldn’t mind the proximity, the warmth of Jongin’s body slanted against his, arms encircled protectively around his waist, legs mixed up under the sheets. But when he arose into consciousness, he could feel someone else’s presence, and someone else’s weight on the end of the bed.

“Time to get up!” a high voice told them. Jongin’s little sister. Oh, how Kyungsoo was glad he hadn’t fallen asleep kissing Jongin last night. Still, their positions were compromising, but hopefully she was too young to comprehend.

The rest of Jongin’s family, however, was not too young to understand what they saw.

“Get out of there!” Jongin’s noona’s voice came from the doorway. “Leave them alone while they’re sleeping.”

“But umma said it was time to wak-”

“Yeah, but – just get out!”

In the commotion, Kyungsoo saw Jongin’s eyes open, full of confusion. When he spotted his little sister, he didn’t push Kyungsoo away, but rather, he kicked his foot at her, and she scurried out of the room. Jongin’s noona closed the door, telling them to “get up and get dressed”. Jongin grumbled, eyes closing again. Kyungsoo rolled onto his back, pulling his leg out from between Jongin’s and stretching his arms above his head with a yawn.

“Come on, Jongin.” Jongin groaned but didn’t move, and Kyungsoo kissed his cheek before throwing back the covers and sitting up. Jongin hissed at the attack of cold air, but sat up too, eyes still closed. Kyungsoo kind of liked sleepy, incoherent Jongin, even if he was very needy and whiny. He tried to kiss Kyungsoo a lot when he first woke up, and it was usually messy but still sweet. But otherwise, he was just an adorable lost puppy, and Kyungsoo enjoyed his vulnerability. Unlike the younger, Kyungsoo was aware almost as soon as he was awake, so he got to enjoy zombie-Jongin for the first half hour of the day.

Two hours later, they were walking back down to the car, leaving the cabin behind. Kyungsoo had double-checked every room to make sure he hadn’t left anything because chances were he would never see it again if he did. And then he was in the back of the van again with Jongin, but this time the younger boy didn’t fall asleep. They played games for an hour, until all the women in the car had fallen asleep, and it was just them and Jongin’s dad left awake.

“Now what?” Jongin asked.

Kyungsoo thought. “I know a game.” Jongin waited. “Sehun always plays it with me. It’s not a car-game, necessarily, but it’s something. You have to… well, you can do anything, and the goal is to try and make the other person make a sound.”

“Hm, I wonder why Sehun plays it with you,” Jongin teased.

“Yeah, yeah. Anyways, you get up to a minute to make them make a noise,” Kyungsoo continued. “And if you do, you get a point; if not, they do. I always win.”

“That doesn’t surprise me. But I challenge you anyway.”

“Okay,” Kyungsoo grinned. “Let’s start. Me first.” And he poked Jongin in the side, making the younger yelp. “That was easy.”

“I wasn’t ready!”

“Too bad.”

Jongin retaliated, and Kyungsoo had anticipated it, remaining soundless. This continued on until they began to get explicit, Jongin laying down in the back seat and pulling Kyungsoo on top of him when Kyungsoo kissed his neck. The rules of the game started to be more important then. When Jongin let out a quiet moan, Kyungsoo clamped his hand over the younger’s mouth, because no one could hear that. They would get suspicious. Jongin needed to stay quiet.

But apparently, the secrecy of it all was encouraging other ideas in Jongin, because his hips against his discretion canted forward against Kyungsoo’s thigh, making Kyungsoo’s lips turn up at the bulge he felt between Jongin’s legs. Kyungsoo’s own heart was pounding now, at the idea of getting caught and the idea of doing something with Jongin. A sound escaped his own lips and his eyes widened in surprise.

“That counts as a point,” Jongin whispered.

“Fine,” Kyungsoo whispered back. An idea struck him, but he was so uncertain about it that he almost didn’t want to go through with it. But he encouraged himself, because he wanted to, even if he was scared. He knew it wasn’t going to hurt him, wasn’t going to end bad. Pushing the fear he knew to be irrational aside, he bit his lip, and allowed himself to continue. He placed a finger on Jongin’s lips, making sure the boy stayed quiet, and with his free hand, reached down to the front of Jongin’s jeans, fingers trailing there. Jongin’s eyes widened, pupils exploding to fill his irises. “Shh,” Kyungsoo hissed. “You can’t make a sound.” Jongin nodded, and Kyungsoo continued on.

Both hands moved to the button on Jongin’s jeans, quickly undoing it and zipping the fly down. Then Kyungsoo’s hand was slipping into Jongin’s boxers, and Jongin’s lower lip disappeared between his teeth, but he kept his eyes on Kyungsoo’s. When Kyungsoo felt Jongin’s hardening length, he wrapped his fingers gingerly around it, and tugged his hand gently. Jongin’s eyes slammed shut, and his head fell back on the seat, but he remained silent. Kyungsoo could feel himself shaking, but he liked this – he liked having this power over Jongin, making the boy melt at his touch. This wasn’t like the last time he’d had ual contact; Jongin was more than willing – he was needing Kyungsoo, one hand gripping onto the small boy’s shoulder, holding him tightly and trying to hold back any sounds. This wasn’t scary, he reminded himself. It was good. Kyungsoo kept moving his hand slowly until Jongin’s breathing was shallow, his fingernails digging into the seat and Kyungsoo’s skin, white-knuckled. Then Kyungsoo pulled off him, and Jongin gasped.

“It’s been a minute,” Kyungsoo whispered.

“No, no, don’t stop,” Jongin moaned. “You win, I don’t care, just – gah, don’t stop now!”

Kyungsoo chuckled, pushing himself to sit up, and Jongin almost sobbed.

“Hyuuuuuuung,” he whined, pants still bulging. But Kyungsoo was done, sitting back in his seat like nothing had happened. He couldn’t believe he had just done that, in the car, even with the nagging thoughts cursing him. Jongin threw his feet in Kyungsoo’s lap, and then his own hand disappeared in his pants, wrist jerking for a moment until his back arched and he exhaled noisily. Kyungsoo watched, thoroughly amused by watching the boy get himself off, and then he cracked open his window as Jongin reached for the tissue box down the side of the seat.

“You’re terrible,” Jongin pouted, wiping his hand off. “You can’t just leave me in need like that.”

“We’re in a car with your family a few feet away from you,” Kyungsoo noted quietly.

“Well, come over to my house sometime and we’ll do this right,” Jongin said.

“Okay,” Kyungsoo returned sarcastically.

Maybe he would.

“

Kyungsoo had a love-hate relationship with the summer holidays. The glorious free time meant he could sleep in until late in the morning and then not be obligated to do anything. He was allowed to do whatever he wanted, which of course became reading or drawing. However, the complete lack of schedule, routine, something to follow always seemed to bother him, and a couple weeks in, he would be wanting to go back to school again. Sehun, of course, always texted him and tried to make plans, which though he usually didn’t overly enjoy himself, kept him occupied and kept his best friend from becoming too whiny.

This summer, Kyungsoo had three things vying for his attention – Sehun, Jongin, and his own mind. Over-thinking attacked at any moment his brain was resting, making sure he didn’t forget. You were . Enjoy the rest of your life feeling afraid of anyone who comes near you. It was exhausting, but he couldn’t stop the way he felt. He couldn’t control the anxiety evoked whenever a stranger looked at him.

Fortunately, Sehun and Jongin seemed to understand, preferring mostly to meet up at one another’s houses rather than in public with Kyungsoo. The odd time, the three of them would all get together at Kyungsoo’s house, and rather than being awkward, Kyungsoo found that the two boys actually seemed to get along. Kyungsoo teased Sehun that he was afraid he was losing his best friend to a guy they both hated, but some small part of him really was worried that maybe they liked each other more than they liked him. He brought this up to Jongin, and Jongin denied it.

“Sehun’s alright, but he’s not you, hyung,” Jongin assured him. “I’m not in lo- I don’t like him like I like you. He seems like a good friend though.”

“He is,” Kyungsoo sighed. “The best. But he’s my best friend. I’m the one who’s supposed to put up with him, not you.”

“Are you jealous, Do Kyungsoo?”

“No!” Kyungsoo hit him. “I just… don’t like to share.”

“Share your best friend, or share what we have?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I dunno,” Jongin said, pressing a kiss to his lips that Kyungsoo held him in for until he had to pull away, breathless. “Definitely not – that or anything.”

No. Kyungsoo wasn’t jealous. He wasn’t possessive. He wasn’t even dating Jongin, even if he did like him, and was liked in return. They still just had a weird relationship where they hung out a lot like normal friends, but also kissed a lot (amongst other things). It was complicated. But Kyungsoo wasn’t jealous. Jongin could be with whoever he wanted, just like Kyungsoo.

No, he can’t. His mind slapped the thought away, and he couldn’t stop the whispering thought that, Jongin is mine. Even if it wasn’t true.

For a long time, Kyungsoo wasn’t comfortable sleeping – or really even being – in Jongin’s room, and on nights when he slept over they would end up sleeping in the freezing basement, curled up next to each other, burrowed in blankets. Maybe, just maybe, one day Kyungsoo thought he would go back to that room, with Jongin. Maybe they could make some better memories so Kyungsoo could enjoy Jongin’s room again and stop dragging him away from it every time he came over. Kyungsoo knew he hated leaving his own room, and guessed Jongin felt the same about the situation. One day, they could go back.

Spending so much time with Jongin over the summer inspired that thinking. Ever since what they had done in Jongin’s van on the way home from Palgongsan, Kyungsoo had been pushing his own boundaries when it came to their physical relationship. Often times, he tried or thought about trying things, and would have to back off, and Jongin, gratefully, wouldn’t get mad (although maybe a little disappointed). But sometimes he could convince himself to follow through, remind himself that this is Jongin, this is okay, this isn’t hurting you or him. Slowly, he felt some courage returning to him when it came to these types of things. To kiss Jongin, in places other than just his lips; to put his hands down Jongin’s pants; and even – though it took a while and Jongin all but refused at first – to let him lie on top of him, hold himself over Kyungsoo while they would make out. But only with Jongin. It was only building up again with this one boy; the idea of even kissing anyone else, or having his friends kiss him on the cheek or anything, was still scary and raised his anxiety levels. With Jongin, though… There was trust. Safety. Which, despite constantly chastising himself for, Kyungsoo liked. You can’t trust anyone, he would tell himself. They’ll hurt you, turn on you, break you, ruin you, make you miserable. Including Jongin.

Except Jongin.

“

Boxes. So many boxes. Luhan was seriously tired by the ugly shade of beige-brown that was cardboard.

Alright, it wasn’t ugly, but after seeing it a thousand times, it was becoming extremely unappealing to him. He just wanted to unpack all his things and burn all of the packaging.

He sighed, plunking the last box down on the floor of his new room. It was strange, to be somewhere else, on his own, for the first time. Sure, he’d moved from China to Korea, and that had been a huge change, but his family had been with him. This time, he was alone.

Well, not quite alone. He had a roommate, who seemed nice enough. But still, it was all such a big change. University. I’m a university student. Weird. He wished he could be rooming with Minseok.

They hadn’t lucked out there. A few days before, Minseok had moved into his own residence apartment, with a quiet bookworm for a roommate, on the other side of their campus. Luhan had helped him take all his stuff, and helped him unpack. Now it was Luhan’s turn to move things, and Minseok was there for him too. Despite the tedious work of it all, they were so buzzed about the change that they couldn’t even been bothered by it.

This was a new school, new life, new start.  The past could be forgotten. Well, not forgotten, but left behind, at last. The past year… It would be easier to move on now. Minseok was still in touch with a lot of people from their high school – him and Joonmyun had been talking a lot more recently, and he still spoke to Jongdae frequently, even though Luhan wished he wouldn’t – but Luhan had, for the most part, let everyone go. Many of his soccer friends had gone to different universities, and everyone else… Well, he wasn’t really friends with the rest anymore.

But they were gone now. They were still there, alive and whatnot, but they weren’t with Luhan, and so he was going to shelve them. Hold on to the fond memories and try to forget the horrible ones. Begin his new life on a high note. Starting with the fact that he was going to school with his fiancé.

Luhan loved calling Minseok that, even if he tried to avoid using it in public. Not that he wasn’t proud to present Minseok as his fiancé, but he figured most people would be disapproving, especially at their young age. So for now, he still just referred to his hyung as his boyfriend, and Minseok was okay with that, doing the same.

“Is that the last one?” Minseok wondered, glancing at the box Luhan had brought in.

“I think so.”

“We should celebrate, then,” he suggested. “Let’s go for bubble tea. I’ll buy.”

“I need to unpack though,” Luhan noted.

“We can do that later.”

“I had other plans in mind for later.”

Minseok raised an eyebrow. “I haven’t heard about these plans. Are you meeting someone?”

Luhan laughed. Are you still that oblivious? he wondered. “Well, there’s this guy I was hoping to spend some time getting to know my new bed with…”

“Oh.” Minseok’s mouth fell into a perfect ‘O’ shape, and then he bit back a smile. “Maybe – I mean, since I’m here now, maybe you could forget about that other guy, and we could just, you know, do that now.”

“I thought you wanted to go out for bubble tea,” Luhan teased.

“It can wait.” And Minseok gave him a dangerous smirk. God, Luhan loved how y he was, especially because it was so rare in its occurrence. Luhan reached out to grab his hand, pulling him towards the new bed, which was smaller than his old one – and covered in boxes.

“Dang it,” Luhan groaned. Minseok laughed.

“Did you forget something?” he teased.

“I really hate boxes.”

A/n: Aish, I haven't written in so long, I'm sorry! Much homework + I started a new fic (which I'm gonna go work on now). I think I successfully made this chapter not sad which is a huge accomplishment wow~~ ^^ Basically, Kaisoo and Kyungsoo progress has been made. I'm happy.  

Also, suddenly I have many subscribers and I want to cry. I must give my thanks to my love jumpthisship who is also a Rebecca and my wife for giving a shoutout at the end of her chapter in Worth It. *sobs* If you don't read her stuff, you should (Worth It - her latest story, and Shine Like Stars - the story that made me fall in love with her). :) Thank you to all you new subs! <3

Lastly (sorry this is so long), I'm writing a new story, so check it out, it's got a pretty cool concept although it's very early in (one chapter). It's called Category 9 and it's also an Exo fic. :) Thanks for reading and everything! <3 Also, if you upvote, thank you!