A/n: This was going to have more but I'm deciding to make another chapter or maybe interlude instead for that. Uh. I wanted this to be happy and it was and then it wasn't and I sort of hate myself (mostly I hate the ending because it feels depressing ugh). But seriously, it's getting happier and it's gonna be better, really. Ugh I just. Ugh.

Kyungsoo held Jongin close, feeling guilty for what he had done. He hadn’t known. He should’ve known, but he hadn’t… Eventually he fell into sleep, only to be woken up by Jongin’s voice, farther away than it should have been. Opening his eyes, he saw Jongin had turned his back away from Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo wasn’t sure he’d heard Jongin right – in fact, he was sure he couldn’t have heard Jongin right, because those words could not have come out of Jongin’s mouth. So Kyungsoo asked the younger to repeat himself, and, yes, those were the words he’d heard.

“You disgust me.”

Taken aback, Kyungsoo gaped, reaching a hand out to touch Jongin’s shoulder apologetically, but the younger shrugged his hand away. “Jongin, I – I’m sorry. It’s not that – I mean, I’m sure you understa-”

“No, I really don’t,” Jongin snapped. “I don’t understand how your whorish mind works. You’ll a guy you hardly know, but I’m not allowed to even try?”

“Jongin, I didn’t – he – he me, Jongin! I didn’t want-”

“You were asking for it. You were going around like a little , just waiting for someone to screw you, and then you got ed and you called it . It’s your own fault! Yet you say no to me, and you’ve been kissing me for months – are you just trying to lead me on? Or is this all part of your stupid game – trying to mess with me, make me jealous? That’s why you had with him, isn’t it? To make me jealous!” Jongin turned around, glaring at Kyungsoo.

“No!” Kyungsoo cried. “I – it wasn’t supposed to go that far! I’m sorry, I – I didn’t – Jongin, please-”

“You’re a ,” Jongin hissed. “And you deserved what you got. But I’m sick of your excuses – I bet you’re going around sleeping with other guys, and you’re just playing with me. ing piece of .”

Kyungsoo gasped as the back of Jongin’s hand smacked against his cheek, making Kyungsoo’s ears ring. Then, for the second time that night, Jongin was on top of him, and Kyungsoo knew he wouldn’t stop this time. He squeezed his eyes shut.

“Jongin – please – please don’t-”

He felt Jongin’s fingers under his chin. “Kyungsoo-”

“Please – Jongin, don’t, I’m sorry, just please don’t do this-”

“Kyungsoo, look at me.”

“Jongin-” He couldn’t. He couldn’t watch himself be again.

“Open your eyes!”

Kyungsoo sobbed.

“

Exam week came and – slowly – went, and then gratefully school ended. Sehun became practically attached to Kyungsoo after he’d found out what had happened, constantly hugging him and holding him and being affectionate and warm. He stopped complaining about his own problems, which was nice for about a day, but Kyungsoo wanted his life to just go back to normal, and it was hard without Sehun chatting his ear off every breathing second. Soon, Kyungsoo had to ask Sehun to start talking again, and when he did, it was about school ending – which really meant, Luhan graduating.

On the note of graduating, Kyungsoo had been happily convinced that Kris would be gone this year, and then Jongin had to tell him that Kris was coming back for an extra year, to take and peer-tutor in art classes, mostly. Of course. Kyungsoo couldn’t catch a break if he tried.

The morning of the final day of exams, Jongin texted Kyungsoo to ask if he would be going to the mountains with him and his family. Kyungsoo decided he would, answering with a simple “yes”.

“Great! Fighting for your exam, hyung ♥ ㅋㅋ”

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes, smiling.

Three days later, he was in the back of the Kim’s van with Jongin, his sisters and his parents, making the three-hour drive to Palgongsan. Jongin’s younger sister had fallen asleep, his noona tuning them all out with her headphones, parents talking about parent-things. Jongin had ended up nodding off on Kyungsoo’s shoulder, but he didn’t mind. They had gotten up at seven in the morning, and left at nine, and Jongin was hardly an early riser. Less than an hour in, his weight pressed against Kyungsoo, eyes closed, breathing heavy. Kyungsoo laughed, but after a few minutes, it had become uncomfortable. Kyungsoo shifted his arm, lowering the younger boy to lie in his lap, petting his hair and staring out the window. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d left Seoul. Watching the landscapes roll by, he couldn’t help but smile and think that maybe this would be fun.

When Jongin finally woke up, after his dad called that they were half an hour away from their destination, Kyungsoo’s fingers were braided into the hair at the nape of Jongin’s neck, and Jongin reached up to hold his hand over the smaller’s.  Then he apologized for having fallen asleep and leaving Kyungsoo bored on his own. He rolled onto his back, moving their hands to rest on his chest, and began chatting to Kyungsoo, asking if he’d been to the mountains before, if he was excited, etc.

“I’ve never even gone camping,” Kyungsoo admitted. “I guess my family isn’t very into the whole wilderness thing.” He knew he was to blame for that. His parents believed he was an indoors-y kind of guy, so they wouldn’t bother posing camping trips for the family. In fact, his parents didn’t do much of anything with him. They barely talked to him, because he spent all his time in his room. It was his choice, but their relationship was pretty weak. He always sort of thought his parents liked his friends better than him; they always seemed to like Kyungsoo more and talk more and acknowledge him more when Sehun was around, because Sehun actually talked to them. There were times when Kyungsoo had convinced himself that he should run away and stop burdening his parents, but he really didn’t have anywhere to go, so he just locked himself up in his room so they could maybe try and pretend he wasn’t there.

(He knew his parents loved him. He just didn’t find himself to be a very good son.)

“Well, we’ll have fun, don’t worry,” Jongin assured him. “You’re not gonna like – wimp out on things, right?” he asked teasingly. Kyungsoo smacked his chest. “Just, when we go bear-hunting, I don’t want you to get all dead-weight on me, or we’ll have to sacrifice you to the forest and let the beasts find you.”

“Very funny,” Kyungsoo grumbled. “You can’t hunt bears. I’m reasonably certain it’s illegal.”

“Reasonably certain?” Jongin smirked, and Kyungsoo hit him again. “Alright, we don’t hunt bears. But that doesn’t mean the bears don’t hunt us. More than once we’ve had bears knock on our doors. One time one actually broke into the cabin, but my dad scared it off. They smell food. And fear.” Jongin laughed as Kyungsoo tried not to let his worry show on his face. Had a bear really gone into their cabin? He knew there were lots of animals in the mountains, but… The idea hadn’t occurred to him.

“Jongin, stop scaring your friend, gosh,” Jongin’s noona chimed in from the seat ahead of them. One headphone was out of her ear, and she turned to frown at the two of them. “Kyungsoo, if anyone gets ‘sacrificed to the forest’, it’s this idiot.” She jabbed her finger at her brother. “But really, encountering animals is pretty rare. Other than like, squirrels. Jongin’s just a jerk. We can all team up and see who can scare him the worst, ‘kay? He’s easy to make cry. Or pee his pants.”

“That’s not true!” Jongin cried as Kyungsoo’s eyes widened and he let out a laugh. Jongin bolted up, cheeks pink. “I do not pee my pants! I did once, once when I was like, four, okay? You make it sound like it was some recent thing. And I don’t cry easily either! It takes a lot to scare me.” Kyungsoo laughed harder as Jongin puffed up his chest and tried to make himself look more “manly”.

“It’s okay, Jongin-ah, hyung will protect you,” Kyungsoo grinned mockingly. Jongin pouted.

“And you were like, nine when that happened,” his noona added.

Kyungsoo was in a good mood after that, until they arrived where they would be deserting the car, planning to hike the rest of the way to the cabin, and his nerves kicked in. Great, now I’m worrying about bears. He hit Jongin’s shoulder, muttering “Jerk,” and Jongin looked confused at the sudden abuse before a grin appeared on his face.

They all strapped on their very-heavy backpacks, Jongin’s dad in addition having a large cooler bag to carry, and then they set out for their hike. There was a sort of worn path, slightly overgrown, that Kyungsoo guessed had been made from years of the family trekking up and down it. It was only big enough for two people to walk side-by-side, so they all got a walking-buddy, Kyungsoo of course with Jongin.

“Normally, I’m stuck with my little sister,” Jongin told him. “She tends to whine until I have to carry her. I’m not carrying you if you whine though,” he added, smiling. “Not that I would mind, but you’re a lot heavier than a six-year-old.”

Kyungsoo didn’t know how long they would be walking for, and he wasn’t sure how well he would fare. He wasn’t exactly athletic. He tried not to think about it.

“You and your sister… you’re ten years apart?”

“Ten and a half, yeah.”

Kyungsoo nodded. “Just… you and your noonas are all closer in age.”

“Three and five years older than me,” Jongin said. “My little sister was… unplanned.” Oh. Kyungsoo couldn’t imagine having a younger sibling. But then, he couldn’t imagine having an older sibling either. “She’s a pain. But so are all my sisters.”

“So are you,” Jongin’s noona shot from in front of them. Kyungsoo smiled, enjoying their sibling banter.

“I like your noona,” he told Jongin. “She understands.”

“Yah, no fair!” Jongin whined. “And you can’t like my noona. You’re supposed to like me.” Kyungsoo understood it to be possessive in more than a friendship kind of way, and smirked.

“She’s prettier than you,” he noted. It wasn’t true, per se. She was very pretty, but so was Jongin. It ran in the family. She was like an older female him, in the same way his little sister was a younger female him. But it was funny to watch Jongin’s face fall in disappointment.

“She is not,” he pouted. Kyungsoo nodded gravely, holding back his grin as best he could. “Is it because of her long hair?” Kyungsoo stared at the braid going down the girl’s back, as if contemplating. “Should I grow out my hair?” He almost snorted at how serious Jongin sounded.

“And braid it?” Kyungsoo suggested. “No, cornrows. I want to see you with cornrows.”

Jongin pulled a face, and Kyungsoo was dying, trying to keep his own straight. “Would you like that?” Jongin asked quietly, and then Kyungsoo burst into laughter. Jongin’s eyes grew large with concern, but Kyungsoo couldn’t even answer, too busy chortling at the thought of the boy actually getting his hair cornrow-ed.

“No!” he finally said. “Gosh, you’re so easy! Your hair is fine.”

Jongin looked relieved for a moment, then went back to worrying. “Then what is it? What makes her prettier than me?”

Kyungsoo chuckled. Are you really worried about this? He thought about playing with the boy, say something like ‘You’ll have to figure it out for yourself’, but decided that the potential heart attack it would give Jongin wasn’t really worth it. He really seemed upset and stressed about it. So Kyungsoo sighed and assured him, “Nothing. I was just joking. You’re both pretty.” But rather than calming him, Jongin only seemed more distressed.

“But you like me more, right?”

Kyungsoo had never, ever thought of Jongin to have such confidence issues. “You’re serious?” he asked, raising a questioning eyebrow at the younger. “No. I’m just using you to get to your sister. That’s it, that’s my big plan.” He rolled his eyes. “Really though, I don’t care how hot your sister is, or whatever. I li-” He cut himself off. Woah. He’d almost told Jongin he liked him. And it wasn’t that he didn’t – he’d already come to terms with that a week before – but it seemed weird to just throw so casually into conversation. He wasn’t sure Jongin even knew. The boy had been asleep when Kyungsoo told him. Kyungsoo thought he’d seen him smile, but the next morning he was sort of thinking he’d imagined it.

Anyways, for whatever reason, Kyungsoo really didn’t feel that comfortable just saying “I like you”.

Which started a whole argument in his head as to whether or not he even did like Jongin. If you liked him, you would have no qualms telling him so. Or, I just don’t feel good expressing myself like that because I’m really not the type who’s good with words and it just feels weird. Or you just need to stop lying to yourself and realize you’re still just using this kid for your own entertainment. off, I am not. Good comeback.

“Kyungsoo?” Jongin broke into his fight. “You what? You sort of just stopped talking there.”

“What? Uh, oh, I dunno, I forget what I was saying.” The words rushed all too quickly. “I, uh. I don’t care that your sister’s pretty?” He didn’t understand what the hell was wrong with him. It was very much not like him to get all stumble-over-words like that. I really need to get my together on my feelings towards Kim Jongin.

They carried on up the mountain in slightly awkward silence after that, but eventually things seemed to smooth over and they just pretended the conversation hadn’t happened.

It took over an hour to get up to the cabin, and Kyungsoo couldn’t deny he was reasonably exhausted and ready to give up when he saw the little wooden building. There was a cheer from the group that Kyungsoo was too weary to join in on, and then Mr. Kim had a key and was unlocking the door, and when it was opened a burst of heat came out of the cabin and it really wasn’t a comfort but no one seemed to care. Kyungsoo immediately collapsed on the couch when he saw it, dropping his bag on the floor and flopping down with a huff. His head tilted back on the armrest, eyes closed and mouth open. The noise around him was distant, but after a moment he was lifted off the couch and vaguely brought back to awareness.

“We have to steal a bedroom before noona does,” Jongin was saying in his ear. Kyungsoo grumbled incoherently. Then he was plopped down on a soft bed with squishy pillows, and felt lips brush against his own.

“You gonna take a nap?” Jongin asked gently. Kyungsoo was fairly sure he nodded. “Okay. I’ll go grab our bags and come join you, then.” He was gone and back before Kyungsoo was aware. “My mom says we’ll re-coop in an hour.” His voice was beside Kyungsoo’s head, body lightly pressing on Kyungsoo’s arm, weight sinking the mattress beside Kyungsoo. But Kyungsoo’s eyes were closed and his legs were tired and he just wanted to nap for a while, so he didn’t respond. He just let himself fall asleep.

“

An hour (or maybe more, Jongin wouldn’t admit) later, Kyungsoo was woken up and Jongin gave him a tour of the cabin, which wasn’t very much. Two bedrooms, a bathroom, and an open living-room-kitchen area. The couch pulled out into a bed, where Jongin’s sisters would sleep, and there was a small fridge in the room. Otherwise, there was little to see. That was sort of the whole point; why be inside when there was a whole mountain to explore?

After their tour, they ate a late lunch and then Jongin was dragging Kyungsoo outside to go wander through the area. He didn’t know where they were going, but Jongin seemed to, because after about ten minutes they reached a wall of rocks and he stopped, tilting his head back to stare up. Kyungsoo followed his gaze to admire the thirty or so feet of rock-wall, and he knew what Jongin would say before the words left his mouth.

“Let’s climb.”

“Is that safe?” Kyungsoo couldn’t help but ask. They had no climbing equipment or that kind of thing, just their hands and feet and questionable sanity.

“Of course, I do it every year,” Jongin assured. “Usually with my noonas. Come on, I’ll race you.”

“You’ll probably win,” Kyungsoo sighed. “You’re stronger than me.”

“Yeah, but you’re small. It’s a helpful advantage, really.”

“What if I fall?”

“I don’t advise it,” Jongin said, only half-joking. “It’s not too bad to fall from about ten feet, but after that… try to keep your grip.”

Kyungsoo wasn’t very enthusiastic about this whole idea, but he figured he would just take it slow, be careful. Don’t die. He and Jongin both grabbed onto rocks jutting out of the wall, and then Jongin was pulling himself up and Kyungsoo was hurrying to keep up with him. It wasn’t so bad. The rocks were rough on Kyungsoo’s palms, but they were sturdy, and there was always somewhere to grab onto. He quickly got into the rhythm and found himself scurrying up the wall, passing Jongin. Jongin laughed.

“I think I like it better with you ahead of me,” Jongin chuckled. “Nice view.”

“Jerk,” Kyungsoo muttered, feeling self-conscious as he realized what Jongin meant. “There should be a prize for the one who makes it up first.”

“Okay,” Jongin agreed. “What should it be?” Kyungsoo couldn’t think of anything. “How about… Winner gets to have with the loser!”

Kyungsoo lost his footing at that, and had to scramble to re-gain it. He knew it was a joke. It’s a joke, a joke… He didn’t want Jongin to freak out or feel guilty. So he tried to keep his cool.

“How is that bad for the loser?”

“Loser has to have with the winner.”

“That is a pretty bad punishment,” Kyungsoo nodded.

“Hey!”

Kyungsoo kept climbing, and soon he was grabbing on to the top of the cliff and heaving himself up. When he looked back, Jongin was a couple feet away from the top, and Kyungsoo grinned. Apparently his smallness had helped him. He watched Jongin continue to clamber up, and when Jongin’s hand finally grabbed the edge of the cliff, he looked up to Kyungsoo, grinning.

“I see your smirk – ow- gah!”

A lot happened at once. Jongin’s second hand took hold of a sharp rock sticking up on the edge, and he jerked his hand back in surprise. However, the momentum of the movement made him lose his balance, and, stupidly, he let go with his other hand too, and then he was falling backwards, out of sight, and Kyungsoo screamed.

“Jongin!”

Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!

He threw himself over to the side of the cliff, expecting to see Jongin thirty feet down, unconscious, limbs splayed, badly broken, maybe dead. But – he wasn’t there? Scanning the area, Kyungsoo realized that Jongin was much closer than he’d thought – about eight feet away, on a ledge jutting out that Kyungsoo hadn’t noticed on his way up. He was lying on his back, laughing, staring at his hand.

“Every year,” he groaned, chuckling.

“Jongin what the hell?!”

Kyungsoo’s heart was racing. Crap, he’d thought Jongin had died, and there he was laughing! He felt his eyes watering and blinked away the tears in frustration.

“What?” Jongin said, confused. Then his eyes widened. “Oh – I’m sorry, hyung! You thought – wow, sorry, I forgot you didn’t know! This always happens to me.” He sat up, and Kyungsoo was glaring down at him. “That rock – every damn year. Sorry. I’m fine, really.” He hurried up the wall again, and a moment later he was on the ground beside Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo sat down beside him, angry and upset and frustrated, but he just held out his hand.

“Let me see it,” he said. Jongin placed his hand in Kyungsoo’s, and Kyungsoo examined it. It was bleeding, and Jongin must have put a lot of pressure on it because the cut was pretty deep. It made Kyungsoo feel a little squeamish, but he didn’t let it show. Instead, he grabbed onto the sleeve of his shirt and ripped it – which was harder than it sounds – until he pulled off a strip and was left with a one-sleeved t-shirt. He quickly tore off the other, and then tied them together before wrapping them around Jongin’s hand. Jongin watched this, a smile playing on his lips.

“You’re an idiot,” Kyungsoo said at last, very much his grumpy self. “And I hate you.” That was something Sehun always said, childishly. But Jongin had scared Kyungsoo, a lot, and he was pretty sure he did hate the boy right now.

“Come on,” Jongin laughed, getting to his feet. “There’s still more to see.”

Kyungsoo bit his lip, glancing at Jongin’s hand, but he decided he could let the boy suffer if he wanted to. So they carried on into the trees, and there was just the sounds of their footsteps crackling in the brush for a while. But slowly, another sound began to creep into Kyungsoo’s ears.

“Is that…” He strained his ears. “Water?”

Jongin’s mouth turned up at the corners, and Kyungsoo squinted to look ahead of them, but all he could see was trees. But yes, the sound of running water was definitely becoming clearer. And in a few more minutes, they came upon a small river, flowing through the trees. It was no wider than twelve feet, and at it’s lowest point couldn’t have been more than two feet deep. But there was no clear way around it, and to go through it meant getting their shoes wet.

“You came here on purpose?” Kyungsoo wondered. Jongin shrugged, kicking off his shoes. Then, too abruptly, he dropped his pants, pulled off his socks, and threw his clothes into the dry grass before he stepped into the water in only his t-shirt and boxers.

“Ah, it’s cold!” Jongin splashed the water with his feet. When his back turned, Kyungsoo bent down and cupped water into his hands before throwing it the younger boy’s way. Jongin yelped, turning around and staring at Kyungsoo. “You-!” His eyes grew dark, and Kyungsoo widened his own innocently.

“Don’t even,” Kyungsoo warned. “I’m wearing all my clothes.”

“Well, you better take them off or they’re gonna get wet.”

Kyungsoo understood and cautiously heeded Jongin’s words. Being self-conscious around Jongin was something that had faded largely in the past couple months, even if he was scared of anyone else seeing any part of his skin. Soon his clothes were joining Jongin’s on the bank, and Jongin tugged off his own shirt, and then they were splashing one another with the cool water. Jongin’s laughter echoed through the trees, accompanied by Kyungsoo’s occasional outbursts when cold water attacked his back. Finally, he pushed Jongin backwards and the younger boy fell into the river, landing with a very shocked look on his face. Then he grabbed Kyungsoo’s wrist and pulled him down, and then Kyungsoo was lying on top of Jongin, water rushing around them. He could feel his heart beating in his ears from all their playing, and for a moment, the two just stayed there, time leaving them behind, just catching their breath and staring at one another. Then Jongin tipped his head back and submerged himself in the water, and Kyungsoo was faced with an all-wet, dripping-haired Kim Jongin, and that was a beautiful sight.

“Having fun yet?” Jongin wondered, propping himself up on one elbow and letting his soaked hand run through Kyungsoo’s hair.

“I’m not sure how well thought-out this was,” Kyungsoo admitted, thinking of the state of their boxers, which they would have to walk back to the cabin in, drenched. They didn’t have towels or anything.

“It wasn’t,” Jongin smiled. “I just kind of thought… why not?”

Kyungsoo rolled off him, lying beside him in the water and staring up at the ceiling of green above them. Light filtered through the branches of leaves, and glimpses of blue and white were visible in tiny gaps. There was the odd movement – little brown creatures scurrying through branches or flitting around the air; the wind blowing through the air and making the leaves tremble; and of course the river, which seemed deafening in Kyungsoo’s ears as he leaned his head back and allowed himself to go under. He closed his eyes, in a breath, and then water surrounded his mind in that oddly loud silence, and he opened his eyes to see a blurred version of the world. It was surprisingly peaceful, and he stayed there until his lungs ached and he started to feel light-headed. Gasping for air, he could hear the sound of Jongin’s voice beside him, but didn’t understand the words. Jongin’s fingers touched his arm lightly.

“You alright?”

“Yeah.” Kyungsoo noted the flicker of something – fear – in Jongin’s eyes, and knew what he was thinking. “It’s relaxing, to be in the water. Surreal. It’s like…” He couldn’t go on. Not without scaring Jongin more. It’s like dying. At least, how I imagine death to be. Eternal peace. Nothing in the universe to worry about. If I stayed in the water just a few minutes longer, I could have it forever… “It’s really nice.” Jongin nodded, but said nothing more about it. Words came to Kyungsoo’s mind, and escaped him before he really processed. “Thanks for bringing me here. It’s nice to… get away.”

“You’re welcome,” Jongin told him quietly. “And it is, really. Nothing to worry about. Except bears.”

Kyungsoo scowled. “You and your damn bears.” Jongin cracked a smile.

They were out of the river not long after, and Kyungsoo was bunching up his boxers in his fist, trying to wring out as much water as he could from them. Then he grabbed his clothes and got dressed before going to Jongin, who was leaning against a tree as he pulled on his own pants. Kyungsoo stood up on one of the tree’s roots so he was almost level with Jongin, and pressed him back against the tree, capturing the younger’s lips. He felt Jongin smile, and was sure they were thinking the same thing – how had they ended up here, the two of them together, making out against a tree on a mountain? Kyungsoo laughed – he couldn’t help it – and jumped into Jongin, wrapping his legs around the boy’s hips and forcing him to hold Kyungsoo up by his thighs. Kyungsoo’s nails dug into the tree bark on either side of Jongin’s head, and he pressed his mouth fervently into Jongin’s, making the most of this, because how often did he get the chance to do this? It was crazy, and fun, and he wanted to come back here every day to be with Jongin in the river, and be with him against this tree, and were he a , he would want to give it away to Jongin right there because it was just like Jongin had said – why not? That would be such an amazing and memorable first time. How many people could say they had their first time against a tree in the mountains?

But Kyungsoo’s ity was already gone, and yes, it had been memorable – it was something he would never forget – but he wasn’t getting it again. That was already ruined for him. That in mind, he pulled away from Jongin, and gave him a fake smile, and Jongin raised a confused eyebrow as Kyungsoo dropped back to the ground and buttoned Jongin’s pants.

“So much for my prize,” Jongin sighed.

“I’m pretty sure I won that,” Kyungsoo reminded him. Jongin pulled his shirt on with a sigh.

“What do you wanna do now?”

Kyungsoo stared around the forest, feeling absolutely tiny. It was all so vast and seemingly endless – what couldn’t they do here? “Let’s just walk.” Jongin nodded, taking Kyungsoo’s hand and pulling him into the woods.

And they walked. Aimlessly wandering for a long time, until the angle of the sunlight had noticeably altered and they decided it was time to start heading back. When they made it back to the cabin, they were hungry and tired again. Jongin’s dad was in the midst of building up a campfire, and sent them out to get firewood within two minutes of being back. After that, they were roasting hot dogs and adding the kimchi Jongin’s mom had made, and it was filling and delicious and only made Kyungsoo more tired. Soon Jongin’s family was trying to outdo each other in telling embarrassing stories about Jongin, and Jongin was hiding his face in shame.

Around nine o’clock, they all changed into comfortable pajamas and settled into the living room, and they played games like I-spy and ate up over an hour of time, and at that point Kyungsoo was fighting to keep his eyes open. So much fresh air, so much walking. Jongin noticed him dozing off, and pulled him away, saying goodnight to his family and going off to their bedroom.

Something along the way of walking from the living room to the bedroom woke Kyungsoo up, and when he got to the bed, rather than plopping down and passing out, he was pushing Jongin down and finding his mouth. The action was surprisingly heated – both to Kyungsoo and Jongin, because both of them were convinced Kyungsoo had been sleep-walking when they’d left the living room – but neither objected. Maybe it was because of Kyungsoo’s sleepy state that he felt so bold, but he didn’t fight the desire to press his lips to Jongin’s sensitive neck, and even go as far as biting around his erogenous spot. He smirked at the sounds coming from the younger boy, until finally Jongin was pushed over the edge and gripped Kyungsoo’s shoulders, throwing him down on the bed and pinning him beneath him, returning the favour. His lips were pressing roughly into Kyungsoo’s neck now, but Kyungsoo had tensed up and was pushing Jongin back.

“Stop,” he choked, eyes slammed shut. “Get off of me.”

Jongin pulled back immediately. “Hyung..?”

“Get off of me,” Kyungsoo repeated.

This was too familiar, in the worst way. The feeling of Jongin on top of him was giving him terrifying flashbacks and he could feel his heart slamming into his ribcage. He needed Jongin off of him, now. Stop, stop, make this stop now.

Jongin’s weight disappeared off him, moving beside him. “You okay?”

“Yes,” Kyungsoo gasped. “Sorry. I – didn’t know this – it would be like this.”

“It’s alright,” Jongin breathed. “Don’t apologize.”

Kyungsoo reached his hand blindly out for Jongin’s. “Sorry, really. It just surprised me. Sorry.”

“Stop saying sorry,” Jongin said firmly. Kyungsoo opened his eyes, looking up at Jongin and curling his body towards him. You don’t have to apologize, he told himself. You didn’t do anything wrong. Just killed the mood. And he felt like he was just playing an over-played card, even if he wasn’t. I can’t help it. It wasn’t his fault.

But he fell asleep feeling guilty that Jongin might be thinking otherwise.

“

Jongin should’ve known that his actions would trigger Kyungsoo. And he hated himself because he thought that maybe some part did know, and he’d continued anyway. After Kyungsoo fell asleep, he lay awake for a while internally yelling at himself, but eventually he dozed off, not having resolved anything.

He didn’t know what time it was when he woke up, and he didn’t even know why he’d woken up at first, because it was the middle of the night. But after a moment, he was aware of whimpering coming from the boy beside him. He shook Kyungsoo’s shoulder gently, and the boy thrashed in response.

“Kyungsoo?”

Another moan.

“Kyungsoo, hey,” Jongin said, a little more loudly. “Wake up.” Kyungsoo’s eyelids fluttered but he was still dreaming, Jongin knew. “Look at me. Hyung. Kyungsoo, open your eyes!”

Kyungsoo finally obeyed, and he looked horrified, pushing Jongin away. “Hey! It’s okay – you were dreaming! It was just a bad dream, hyung.”

His hyung seem very dazed and scared, and Jongin continued to tell him that he’d been having a nightmare, it hadn’t been real. When he calmed down, he didn’t say a word, refused to explain, though Jongin could guess what the dream was – the same as it always was.

They’d been doing so well today. He wished he could go back and stop himself earlier. But he couldn’t, so instead he was going to do his best to make Kyungsoo enjoy himself and forget his terrible past for the next few days. Kyungsoo had said he was happy at the chance to escape his nightmares, and Jongin was going to make sure he could. Today, tomorrow, the next day. Every day until he was healed.