A/n: 2 songs are mentioned in this chapter, so if you wanna know, they are VIXX's Light Up the Darkness and B.A.P's Everything Is Pretty. Otherwise, best of luck on this chapter. Fluff, and angst. (Hell yeah, I put both in one chapter, just to mess with your feels. Enjoy!)

Everything seemed to go well after Baekhyun made up with Chanyeol. Although he ended up shaving his head, which made both of them cry, Baekhyun continued to go in for therapy, and it seemed like things were on the rise for him.

And then April hit.

Baekhyun didn’t know how to tell Chanyeol the news he received on the third of April. He wasn’t ready to face him when the boy came into his new, at least semi-permanent hospital room, falling to his knees beside the boy in the ugly blue hospital pajama garments and taking his hand, kissing it repeatedly. Baekhyun couldn’t form the words, and in the end, it was the doctor who broke the news to Chanyeol.

It’s spreading.

The doctor reassured him it was minor, that a small tumor had been found in Baekhyun’s lung, and there was a chance they could get rid of it before anything got worse, but the words took their toll on Chanyeol all the same. He got up and sat on the side of Baekhyun’s bed, and Baekhyun kicked the itchy blankets that separated them, climbing into Chanyeol’s lap and holding him as if somehow the boy could heal the damage, and his breaking heart.

It definitely put a strain on their relationship. Baekhyun began to feel hopeless again, Chanyeol becoming very depressed. Chanyeol visited him every day, bringing him homework, which Baekhyun wouldn’t do. He would dismiss it with, “Is homework going to cure me?” or, “What’s the point of it when I’m just gonna die anyway?” And Chanyeol would grow angry with him, but mostly he was just scared. His optimistic hyung had lost faith in himself, and it wore on both of them. But Chanyeol would do his hyung’s work for him, so he would be able to graduate when he got better. He will get better, Chanyeol told himself over and over.

But graduation was coming quickly, and it didn’t seem like Baekhyun was getting any better. At the end of May, the doctor gave them the positive news that the original tumor had practically vanished, and that was great progress, and it didn’t seem like anything had spread. But that didn’t mean it couldn’t, was all Baekhyun had to say.

A week before grad night, Chanyeol asked if Baekhyun would be able to go to the graduation. The doctor told him it was unlikely. That night, Chanyeol went home and picked up the tuxedo he had chosen with Baekhyun months earlier, and threw it in the back of his closet, never wanting to see it again.

The night arrived too soon, and Chanyeol had a fight with his parents. He told them he wouldn’t go to graduation without Baekhyun, and they told him he couldn’t visit Baekhyun that night if that was the case. So Chanyeol ended up in his room, face buried in his tear-soaked pillow. He was sure his pillow was tired of all his crying, but he couldn’t stop himself.

He heard a knock on his door, his mom coming to get him for dinner he guessed, and ignored it. There was another knock. After a while, the knocking started to annoy Chanyeol, and he went to his door, yanking it open angrily.

Byun Baekhyun stood there, his tuxedo jacket thrown over his pajama shirt. He held out a rose.

“You aren’t going to grad dressed like that, are you?” Baekhyun joked half-heartedly. “I do have standards for my dates, you know.”

Chanyeol was in shock. “Baek, what-”

“The hospital let me out, blah blah, it doesn’t matter, are you taking me to grad or not?”

Chanyeol threw his arms around Baekhyun’s waist, lifting him off the floor and spinning him around. Baekhyun laughed at Chanyeol’s enthusiasm, but when he was returned to the ground, he gasped, staring at his rose, which was crumpled a bit now.

“My rose!”

“Hyung, I’ll buy you a hundred roses,” Chanyeol promised him. “If you’re really going to grad with me.”

“I am, but… This one was supposed to be for you.” Baekhyun’s eyes looked sad, and Chanyeol pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“You’re my rose, Baek,” he whispered, tilting his chin up to bring Baekhyun’s eyes up to his. “You’re the only one I need.”

Baekhyun hit him with the flower, petals loosening off and floating down to their feet. “So cheesy,” he breathed, smiling. Then he stepped on Chanyeol’s toes, on the tips of his own toes, and pulled the giant boy down to give him a kiss on the mouth. And it felt like the most natural thing in the world, their lips fitting together perfectly, the contact setting off sparks. Eventually, Baekhyun pulled away slightly, keeping his forehead rested on Chanyeol’s, their noses touching. His eyes were shining warmly as he stared up at Chanyeol’s.

“I love you, Baekhyun.”

“I love you too, Chanyeollie.”

“You better,” Chanyeol smiled, kissing his hyung’s nose. “One thing though, Baek.”

“Hm?”

“Are you really going to grad dressed like that?”

“

Kyungsoo forgot the following week, when he saw Jongin in gym class, that he wasn’t supposed to hate him anymore. Well, he was supposed to act like he hated him, but really, they were friends now. Or something. They began texting each other again – which mostly meant Jongin would text Kyungsoo and Kyungsoo would attempt to say something back that didn’t sound completely inconsiderate. They renewed their quiet conversations in English class, and worked together when they had to do partner work (which their teacher seemed fond of). However, Jongin went the entire week without even asking if Kyungsoo wanted to hang out with him outside of school, and, though this was surprising, Kyungsoo didn’t really mind. Jongin hardly even touched him, though sometimes he would trace Kyungsoo’s palm with his fingers under their desks in English, which Kyungsoo couldn’t deny he enjoyed the pleasure of.

The following Wednesday morning, Sehun told Kyungsoo about his dance school’s performance night, which would be that night. They had them every month or so, and Sehun wanted him to go. Kyungsoo couldn’t forget that Jongin went to Sehun’s dance theatre. And he brought up the subject to the boy in their English class.

“Yeah, tonight’s a performance night!” Jongin said enthusiastically under his breath. “You should come! You still haven’t seen me dance. And maybe I can teach you how to dance, hyung.”

Kyungsoo laughed. “You have no idea how many times I’ve heard that from Sehun. It’s never happened yet.”

Jongin took his hand, lacing their fingers and applying pressure gently. He promised he would show him how to dance if he went to the practice.

That night, Kyungsoo went straight to Sehun’s after school, and from there they went to the dance theatre. They were early, and Sehun began warming up, teasing his hyung to join him. Kyungsoo denied his numerous offers. When Sehun jokingly began dancing ily on an imaginary pole, Kyungsoo hid his face in his hands, feeling an overwhelming amount of second-hand embarrassment.  Then he felt his hands gently being pulled away from his face, and found himself looking into the eyes of Kim Jongin.

“You came,” he said with a smile, eyes shining. “I’m up in twenty minutes, I have to stretch. But you’ll watch me?” Kyungsoo nodded, and the boy’s smile widened. He left him, going off to stretch and rehearse. The place began to fill quickly after that, and soon the lights were dimming and Kim Jongin was taking the stage.

Music began emitting from speakers around the stage, and Kyungsoo recognized the song to be 어둠 속을 밝혀줘. The song started out simple, and Jongin’s movements followed the rhythm perfectly, sharp and precise, flowing into the chorus smoothly, and Kyungsoo was mesmerized. He was so fluid and entirely ual, exuding a lustful power Kyungsoo had never seen from him. Not like that. Not in a way that was such shameless – . And his eyes kept catching Kyungsoo’s, every time his movements drawing Kyungsoo in more, almost begging him to join him on the stage. It made Kyungsoo’s mind wander, fantasizing about how those touches, that body, would feel to his skin. Soon he was covered in goosebumps. But the song ended too soon, and people were applauding Jongin, and he bowed and disappeared off stage, only to appear a moment later at Kyungsoo’s side. Someone else was taking the stage now, and Jongin was beckoning Kyungsoo to follow him.

“Where are we going?” Kyungsoo asked when they were out of the theatre hall. Jongin pushed through a door and flicked a switch, lighting up a room that Kyungsoo recognized as the practice hall. He’d been in here before with Sehun at practices, but he’d never taken that entrance.

“I wanted to teach you to dance,” Jongin reminded him.

“Will you dance for me first?” Kyungsoo asked. Jongin looked at him questioningly. “That dance you just did… I really liked it.” He hated how breathy he was, but the memory of Jongin’s dancing… and the idea that Jongin might do it again, just for him…

Jongin smirked, plugging his music player into a speaker and beginning the song. Kyungsoo didn’t know what to do, so he just stood there, watching, admiring. When Jongin moved, his body put Kyungsoo under a spell. And the boy began to move closer as he danced, causing Kyungsoo’s heartbeat to spike, blood rushing through him. When Jongin was close enough, he trailed a finger down the front of Kyungsoo’s shirt, and Kyungsoo shuddered. Jongin didn’t miss it, pressing right up against him, and inclined, almost growling the lyrics in Kyungsoo’s ear. Kyungsoo felt a sound fighting its way out, deep in his chest, and he was grateful for the music that covered the moan as it escaped his lips. Then Jongin was out of his space, and the music faded.

“You’re – a really, uh, good dancer,” Kyungsoo breathed.

“Then I can teach you,” Jongin said.

“I can’t – dance like that,” Kyungsoo objected. He wasn’t like Jongin – he wasn’t tall and muscular and y. It just wasn’t in Kyungsoo to be like that.

Music began to play again, but it was a different song. “We’ll take it slow,” Jongin said, and Kyungsoo wasn’t sure what to expect. He wasn’t sure he knew the song, but he allowed Jongin to approach. He took Kyungsoo’s hands and placed them on Jongin’s neck, taking Kyungsoo’s waist.

“Just follow my steps.”

It was difficult, but Jongin lead them easily. When the song reached the chorus, he began to sing in his low voice.

어쩜 그렇게 넌 다 예뻐? 빈틈없이 다 예뻐
사랑사랑사랑 사랑해 너의 그 모든 걸
How can everything about you be so pretty? Everything about you is pretty without flaw
I love you, love you, love you, I love you and your everything

He wasn’t a bad singer. Not great, maybe, but he carried the tune, and he didn’t lose track of his footing. However, he was holding Kyungsoo’s eyes with his own as his sang, and that made Kyungsoo lose his focus.

우리도 모르게 발맞춰 걷고
우리도 모르게 손을 잡았고
Without knowing, we walk with synced footsteps
Without knowing, we are holding hands

They seemed to fall into place, and Jongin took Kyungsoo’s hand, leaning to press his forehead to Kyungsoo’s.

어디에서 그런 용기가 나왔는지 난 몰라
너만을 위해 불렀던 나의 고백송
I don’t know where I got this courage
I am singing my song of confession only for you

Kyungsoo felt himself blushing, because Jongin had changed the “you” with “Kyungsoo”.

콩깍지 씌었나 봐 정말 단단히 씌었나 봐
언제부터일까? 이게 사랑일까?
왜 자꾸 너만 보면 행복할까
I think I have really gone blind in love
Since when am I like this? Is this love?
Why do I keep getting happy when I see you?

Jongin was blushing pink too, but he was smiling, and then he dipped Kyungsoo’s body, making Kyungsoo shriek in surprise, before pulling him back up and holding him close, singing the last few lines to Kyungsoo as they rotated slowly.

어쩜 그렇게 넌 다 예뻐? 빈틈없이 다 예뻐
사랑사랑사랑 사랑해 너의 그 모든 걸
요리보고 조리 또 봐도 어딜 봐도 다 예뻐
누가 뭐라 해도 나는 니편이야 예쁘게 사랑하자
How can everything about you be so pretty? Everything about you is pretty without flaw
I love you, love you, love you, I love you and your everything
I look here and there, I look everywhere and everything is pretty
No matter what anyone says, I’m on your side – let’s have a pretty love

The music faded again, and they just stayed there, Jongin staring into Kyungsoo’s eyes. Kyungsoo felt high from the hormones rushing through his veins. He loved feeling his heart pounding in his chest, sure Jongin could feel it too. They were so close, and it just felt so comfortable. He never had moments like this on his own. Nothing ever made him feel so weightless, like he’d floated into the sky on a cloud, and nothing in the world could touch him now. Just this simple moment, not having to worry about anything but the placement of his feet – it didn’t feel real, like it was a dream. And Jongin just coasted it along so effortlessly.

“Can I kiss you, hyung?” Jongin murmured. Their lips were only inches apart, and Kyungsoo could feel Jongin’s breath on his own, but Jongin didn’t move any closer, waiting for Kyungsoo.

“You don’t have to ask.” Kyungsoo leaned in, pulling the boy down to his height, and closed his eyes. The feeling was still so new to him, but he loved it. He loved how it raised the hair on his arms, and the back of his neck; he loved the butterfly wings fluttering in his stomach; and he loved Jongin’s softness, with his underlying urgency, as if Kyungsoo could say the word and have the boy right there. That was what made Kyungsoo’s heart rate soar.

It was another voice that made Kyungsoo’s heart stop.

“What the hell?”

Kyungsoo pulled away from Jongin, his eyes opening and landing on the boy in the doorway. Sehun looked reasonably stunned, but at least not disgusted. He shook his head slightly.

“Uh – sorry,” he muttered. “As you were.” He backed out of the room, then added, “We’ll talk about this later!”

When he was gone, Kyungsoo looked awkwardly to Jongin, who chuckled. “I’m guessing you didn’t tell him?”

Tell him what? Kyungsoo hadn’t planned to kiss Jongin. They were supposed to be dancing. But the way Jongin said it implied there was something more. We aren’t – dating or anything, right? “What’s there to tell?” Kyungsoo shot defensively.

“Nothing of course.” Jongin was teasing, and he kissed Kyungsoo to further his point.

“

“So, hyung, is there something you wanna tell me?” Sehun asked immediately when they were in Sehun’s mom’s car. He turned around in the front seat and glared at Kyungsoo impatiently. He wasn’t mad that he’d caught him with Jongin – he was just mad Kyungsoo hadn’t told him.

“I’m sure you can figure it out from what you saw,” Kyungsoo answered indifferently. “Although I’m sure you’ll overestimate it by a mile.”

“You were making out with Jongin! How long has that been going on?” Sehun practically shouted, and Sehun’s mom gave Kyungsoo a surprised glance in her rearview mirror.

“We were not making out!”

“You were all over each other! If I’d walked in a few seconds later, I would’ve seen way too much of both of you!”

“Ugh!” Leave it to Sehun to completely blow things out of the water. “That was definitely not how it happened at all, Sehun! We were kissing, gosh, we didn’t even have tongue involved or anything. And you better keep your big mouth shut about this, I mean it. People can’t know about anything going on between me and him.”

“Will you at least tell me what is going on between you guys?”

Kyungsoo sighed. “I would if I knew. He likes me, he’s told me so. But I dunno…”

“Do you like him back or not?” Sehun pressed. “I think you do, judging by the way you were kissing him back.”

No need to mention that he’d been the one to initiate the kiss. “I don’t know if it’s so much him as just… kissing him. Or kissing in general. Not you though, you are not someone I enjoy kissing.”

Sehun mock-pouted, and his mom put in, “Poor Sehun. How will he bear his unrequited love for you, Soo?”

“Yah, that’s not funny! I’m dealing with a broken heart for real, umma!” Sehun reminded her. “Which I’m trying to forget. Anyways, Kyungsoo, are you dating Jongin or not?”

“Not,” Kyungsoo answered immediately.

“But are you going to?”

Kyungsoo hesitated for a second, before saying, “No.” But Sehun jumped on that pause and was yelling for the rest of their ride home, and Kyungsoo was pretty sure Sehun had planned out his whole wedding with Jongin by the time they reached Kyungsoo’s house.

“Goodbye, Sehun!” Kyungsoo said crankily as Sehun kept going on even then. He slammed the door and went up to his house, trying to drown out Sehun’s voice in his head. I’m not going to date Jongin. It was just a kiss. I could kiss anyone I want and the doesn’t mean I have to date them.

The next day at lunch, Joonmyun confronted him.

“I heard you were banging Kim Jongin at Sehun’s dance practice last night,” he said, smirking. “I just wanted to know how out of proportion this information is.”

“Damn it, Sehun!” Sehun ducked to miss Kyungsoo’s blow. “I was not banging him! I’m still a ! Apparently, our maknae does know the difference between and kissing.”

“Making out,” Sehun threw in, before ducking back under the table.

“Why were you kissing him, or making out with him or whatever?” Joonmyun wondered next. Kyungsoo sighed, trying to explain his confused feelings about Kim Jongin again. Fortunately, Joonmyun took it a lot better than Sehun. “Don’t worry about it so much, Soo. Just let things happen, see how things fall into place. Not everything has to be all planned out.”

Joonmyun’s advice was a lot better than Sehun’s, so Kyungsoo took it. Or at least, he tried to. It was hard to reprogram himself to be deprogrammed.  But he tried not to over think every action when it came to Jongin. For the most part, he failed, and he decided this wasn’t something he could just change overnight. It was too hard to just trust Jongin – he still was fighting himself that he could easily find someone else to kiss that wasn’t Jongin, and it would feel as good (as long as it wasn’t Sehun), and chances were they wouldn’t be as much of a as Jongin.

You have to give him a chance. You said you would give him a chance.

The conflict he felt bothered him a lot, and he talked to Joonmyun about it too, but Joonmyun didn’t know what to tell him.

“I guess you’re just new to all of this,” he suggested. “I mean, you’ve always seemed sort of – I dunno, aual? You’ve never really liked anyone before, right?” Kyungsoo shook his head. “So, I would guess that’s it. But that’s okay, that makes it more fun. You get to learn as you go.”

Kyungsoo didn’t think that sounded very fun. But then, his idea of fun usually didn’t line up with his friends’.

Things started to go downhill between him and Jongin’s friends again. He supposed it was inevitable, after he’d seen Tao and Kris together, and he wondered if they had confessed to their friend circle about why Kyungsoo was renewed as their torture target. But he guessed it didn’t matter either way, because soon he was carefully avoiding Chanyeol, Tao, Jongdae, and Kris. Yixing of course did nothing, and Baekhyun just stayed at Chanyeol’s side, laughing when his boyfriend would push him in the halls or trip him as he walked down the stairs. Tao liked to target Kyungsoo in gym class, whatever the sport or activity. As for Jongdae, he seemed to find Kyungsoo at the worst times, and he was most torturous – maybe it had to do with Kyungsoo’s association with Sehun, maybe Jongdae was just taking his pain out on someone else. Either way, he managed to slam Kyungsoo’s fingers in a door, nearly drown him in a toilet, and almost get the boy hit by a bus, all in one week.

Kyungsoo was waiting for Kris, but he seemed to be holding back. Surely he would come around eventually, and so Kyungsoo just waited. And, sure enough, barely a week after Kyungsoo’s night dancing with Jongin, Kris found and cornered him after school.

Finally. Let’s get this over with. Not that Kyungsoo expected it to end after today. But at least getting the initial face-off out of hand would be nice.

Kris was quick to get things out of the way. Without a word, he shoved Kyungsoo into an empty classroom, closing the door.

“Don’t bother screaming,” he hissed.

“Like I would,” Kyungsoo retorted. He dropped his backpack, facing the older, fuming boy. Kris didn’t wait, drawing back and immediately sending a punch that reverberated through Kyungsoo’s bones. Kyungsoo’s hand flung up to his face, feeling blood surging from his nose immediately. Kris grabbed him by the shirt and slammed him into the wall, his fist connecting with Kyungsoo’s face again, knocking Kyungsoo’s skull against the wall with a sharp snap. Still, Kris didn’t stop, hitting him over and over, even when Kyungsoo felt himself getting dizzy, even when Kris had to hold him up to hit him because Kyungsoo couldn’t anymore. And Kyungsoo didn’t – couldn’t – fight back, or even beg for mercy. The only words he said were ones that would mock the other boy.

“This is about – you and Tao, isn’t it?” Kyungsoo managed weakly. Kris threw him on the ground, punting him in the ribs with his foot.

“Don’t you ever say anything about that to anyone,” Kris spat. “Or I will kill you.”

And then Kyungsoo was alone. He just lay there, head pounding and feeling like it was a thousand pounds. He knew he would have to move eventually – he couldn’t have a janitor find him or something, because questions would be asked. Undoubtedly, he’d already missed his bus, so he dragged himself up, and grabbed his backpack, glad it had been left untouched. Or maybe it had a bomb in it, he didn’t know.

He wandered through the school’s halls until he found a bathroom. When he caught sight of himself in the mirror, he had to laugh. There was a lot of blood, and puffiness. There was a reason Kris had chosen to attack on a Thursday, not Friday. Because tomorrow Kyungsoo would show up at school looking like hell. Great.

Kyungsoo washed himself off in the sink, ignoring the stinging from the cut-open skin. Kris had razor knuckles, apparently. When Kyungsoo had returned to a more presentable appearance, he left the washroom, and the school. He didn’t know how he was going to get home now, but he guessed he would have to call his mom to come get him.

Instead of sticking around the school, he headed downtown, which was only about a ten minute walk from the school. There was a coffee shop he and Sehun went to sometimes; Joonmyun had showed them. There was a guitar in there that people could play while they had their coffees or cake, and sometimes he would play it and sing for his friends. They hadn’t been in a while, and he decided he would go today, though it wouldn’t be the same without Sehun or Joonmyun there with him. Oh well.

Kyungsoo almost didn’t mind going downtown, even if his face was aching – he could already feel it bruising over. Maybe he didn’t look that good, but he couldn’t see himself anyway, so that didn’t matter. He could get lost in all the craziness of downtown – people, people, people; everything rushing, yelling, moving; colours and signs everywhere. It was a great distraction.

Three blocks away from his destination, Kyungsoo was stopped in his tracks as he witnessed something absolutely terrifying – death. He was just walking along the sidewalk, and then everything seemed to happen in slow motion, but also too fast for him to even see. Half a block away from him, he saw a car run a red light – and the consequences were surely fatal. The car came out of nowhere, and it was going so fast, smashing into the car that was pulling through the intersection. The first car tried to swerve, but the back half of the second car got the full impact. Worse, the first forced the other into the stopped traffic in the opposite lane, crunching it between the car at the front of the lane, and the car that had run the red light. It all happened in seconds, but the BANG! and immediately following Crunch! were deafening, and all Kyungsoo could think was I hope no one was in that back seat.

Stunned, he approached, crowding around the scene like many others. People had their phones out, taking pictures or calling the police. Kyungsoo was just watching. From inside the schmucked car, he could hear screaming, a sound that came straight from nightmares or horror movies. A man stepped out of the driver’s side of the car, and Kyungsoo was amazed to see that he seemed okay, other than looking extremely distressed. But he didn’t seem to care about his own welfare, trying to desperately find a way to get to the door of the back seat. No. Someone was in there. There was no way they survived. The screaming continued.

They couldn’t get to the back seat, but people began to help the man as he tried to push the car that hit him back. With the effort of a few people, the car was far enough away that the remains of the back door could be opened. There was no window left, just shards of glass, and Kyungsoo almost thought he saw a figure, splattered in red, in the back. And then the door was opened and the body tumbled out, caught by the man who’d been trying to get to that person. They’re dead. They’re dead.

The man carried the body away from the wreck, and Kyungsoo stared at the very dead-looking body as it was gently placed on the ground, the man crying. Kyungsoo couldn’t recognize the battered, blood-coated body, or even their face, but he knew. The tiny body, the sandy and blood-matted hair. That was Byun Baekhyun.

Kyungsoo felt lightheaded, stepping back. No. No, that’s not – that can’t be him. He pushed out of the crowd, hurrying to steady himself against a wall before he passed out. Then he pulled out his phone, dialing without thinking.

“Answer your phone… Answer your phone…” Kyungsoo could feel tears forming in his eyes.

“Kyungsoo?”

“Jongin!” Kyungsoo half-shouted.

“Hyung, wh-”

“Jongin – Baekhyun’s dead!”