Lost.

“Can we please, please go bungee, jumping?” I said pouting trying to talk him out.

“I told you, you can go… I’m afraid of heights.”

“You’re afraid of everything.”

“Yes, especially losing you.” He said; kissing mg temple.

“But—please.”

He looked at me for another minute with puckering lips.

I flutter my eyes once more trying to soften his heart. “I hate it when you do that…”

“I know.” I said grinning.

“Okay, okay. But this one time only, okay?”

“Yes!” I said excitedly.

Another check on my bucket list! Yay! But my cheerfulness instantly fades at the thought that I still haven’t told Suho the true prognosis of my health, I don’t have the heart to. I can’t bear to see him sad—or cry. He has been my strength all this time and I don’t know how to cope with all that’s happening to me if he, too, breaks down.

But he has the right to! My inner self reprimands.

I know. I know. I will tell him—soon.

The lady fastens the strap around our waist also reminding us about safety precautions.  As soon as we were briefed we were left by ourselves; Suho hugging me firmly. “Are you sure you want to do this?” he said looking down at the water where we are to land in just a few moments.

“Don’t be a chicken! Of course I want to do this.”

“It’s a long way down.”

I peeked down, thrill shoot up my veins.  “No it won’t! Gravity will pull us in an instant! It will be fun! I promise. Just close your eyes and seize the moment.”

“I like keeping you close, just like this.” Enfolding me in his arms tighter. “But having to jump—”

“GERONIMO!!!” I shouted; taking him by surprise as I jumped away from where we were standing.

“Hyun In!!!”

“I love you!!” I shouted loud enough for him to hear. That was a first, I blushed.

He opened his eyes completely surprised by what he just heard. He flashed his oh-so-charming-Colgate-smile again that I love and placed a chaste kiss on my cheek.

“I love you too.” He whispered in a very sweet way.

The adrenaline from the jump, my sudden outburst of love for him, everything felt right. For a moment I forgot I was dying—in a month.

We were now being reeled down to the mini boat at the bottom of the jump. “Now that wasn’t so bad.” He mutters. “I told you!” I said giggling.

Heading to the exit, Suho asks the million dollar question, taking me by surprise.  “I’m so fired up! I think I can ride the roller coaster five times! Which reminds me, why are we suddenly on a mission accomplishing your bucket list?”

My eyes rounded up. Should I tell him? Now? “I—Err, you said you want to accompany me, in achieving it...” I smiled sheepishly.

He inclines his head to one side as if dissatisfied with my answer. “Oh, so, what else is left undone?”

I rummaged through my back pocket my mini blue notebook and flipped the pages. “OH! We’re only down to three!  Learn how to drive, eat an exotic food and donate blood.”

Obviously the last one cannot be accomplished… the thought saddens me.

“Why the long face?”

“What? Oh. Nothing.” I beam

“Shall we head home now?”

I nodded.

On our way home all I can think about is whether to tell him or not… No matter how hard I try to hide it, sooner