Luhan wakes up from his reverie of his elementary days. Yixing was still into his composition when the latter suddenly looks at him funny; probably Yixing had felt him staring. A lean, fair-skinned man suddenly appeared behind Yixing and back hugs him. Luhan sees Yixing stiffen since he knows about Yixing's neck issues.

“I knew I would find you here,” the man laughs.

Yixing loosens up when he recognizes who it was.

“Hi Minseok! You look well,” Yixing says. Luhan kept his face nonchalant.

“And I see Luhan is still the ice prince as usual. As if nothing has changed,” Minseok laughs.

“I grew taller. And I see puberty has also done wonders for you,” Luhan intending it as a joke.

Minseok pauses but he was smiling again and said “thanks” to him as he then turns to Yixing and the two catches up.

Luhan looks at Minseok and thinks about the memories of him, as the boy who he did not bother to know at first, who was the first to beat him at something, their elementary class’ lone wolf.

~

It had taken Luhan one month before he was able to face Yixing again. It was not because he was afraid of Yixing or anything, not really.

Maybe guilt, he thinks.

Yixing never approached him either and he would be lying to himself if he says that he did not miss the boy. Yixing did not volunteer to help him clean, did not bother talking to him when he is alone, nor did Yixing go to their usual spot. Luhan got curious as to where Yixing goes during their breaks and notices that the latter would linger around the football field, the school pool, roof top, and never going back to one permanent spot. Yixing was always seen alone or talking to just one other boy in their class, which they all dubbed as their lone wolf, probably misery loves company. But who has no company now?, Luhan bitterly muses.  And, instead of sporting his guitar, the broken pieces of which is currently at Luhan’s house, Yixing is now best friends with a big purple head phones.

“How are you?”

Yixing turns to look at him with eyes still looking downcast. “What do you think?”

“I’m sorry,” Luhan could not think of any reply.

“For what exactly?”

Luhan does not answer, or does not know anything to say.

When he was about to turn around and retreat in shame, Yixing laughed, his usual gentle laugh, and Luhan had missed it terribly.

“It’s okay Luhan. Don’t waste such a pretty face with that ugly frown,” Yixing said as he hugged Luhan.

Luhan just stood there stiffly but he nevertheless welcomes the contact. Yixing felt soft against his chest and his hair smells of lavender.

Yixing ends the hug and flashes him a big smile and said, “I know you’ve been stalking me. You’re not very discreet you know"

Yixing continues when the former probably saw his dumbfounded face, “I think that’s your creepy way of showing how you care.”

“Are you fine?”

“Yeah.”

“How is everything going at your house?”

Luhan sees Yixing give a big sigh before the latter answers, “My mom is currently staying at our grandparent’s so I’m left with my aunt. She’s alright. She cooks for me and helps with the house chores. I could not ask for more, really.”

“Are you sure you’re really okay now?”

Yixing smiles at him, “I never thought you were such a worrywart.”

I'm not, I usually don't care 

“Luhan, can you tell me about you? I mean, tell me something in return.”

“Hmm... let me see. I’m handsome, smart, popular,” Luhan jokes.

Yixing rolls his eyes, “Yes I know Mr. Perfect. But can you tell me something that the other people do not know. You know something that shows the real you. I only see the glimpses and I really want to be your friend you know?”

Luhan thought about diverting the conversation so that he could avoid answering but as he looked at Yixing’s eyes he was caught. He was talking, spilling everything he had to say to Yixing and he sees the other boy intently listening, never cutting in.

Yixing would look down when he gets to a sad part but most of the time he would hold Luhan's hand and squeeze it, encouraging him to continue talking. When he thinks he's covered everything, Yixing gave him a smile that Luhan thinks was the most beautiful one the other boy had put on.“Thank you for the trust, Luhan. You’re like my soul brother or something.” Yixing continues to smile at him and the bell rings.

The two of them goes to class together and as they walk together, Luhan wonders if this is what it feels to be connected with someone. Not just because it was socially correct to be nice and exchange formalities, but a bond, an unspoken oath that one would always be there for the other.

He thinks it was nice.

Luhan and Yixing were inseparable after they made up.

It did no matter where they were or what activities they have, they were always together during class, team groups, or during breaks. Luhan started to study at Yixing’s house and true to his word, Yixing’s aunt was accommodating and always welcomes Luhan to the house. His afternoon study with Yixing turned into sleepovers which led him to bring more than half of his clothes over. The two were always together that they know of each other’s quirks; Yixing’s forgetfulness and his sensitive neck, to Luhan’s tendency to let his mind wander and his irritation at being called or thought of as cute. If the two gets bored of studying, they would play soccer at the yard and Yixing’s aunt will prepare them snacks after. In return, Luhan volunteers to do some of the chores which Yixing’s aunt would profusely refuse him at first but gave in due to Luhan’s insistence (and after doing a couple of cute pouty face that Luhan vows never to do again).

Isthis  what family feels like, Luhan wonders. He could not remember the last time he felt accepted when he was his being his true self.

Luhan now rarely returns home and when he does, he would see his reality again which makes him return to his senses. This was his life and he would not let Yixing get dragged in his empty and depressing world. As Luhan’s relationship with Yixing improved, that with his mother’s had hit rock bottom His mom rarely goes home and when she does, she would be with a different guy every time. Luhan would hear moans and muffled gasping whispers and you are such a  coupled with giggling. His mom was either too busy with her work or with her men to tender even to his basic needs that their only interaction was through words written on a white envelope, "weekly allowance", left on the table every Monday. Luhan did not mind all of this; after all he had a different home.

Luhan’s decision to drop his façade has not gone unnoticed at school.  His classmates would approach him and ask him if he was alright and that his laugh and changed or he was more talkative. Although some liked the change, but apparently some of his fan girls prefer the ice prince given by the considerable drop in the number of love letters in his shoe locker. Again Luhan did not mind.

Time passed by and they were nearing their elementary graduation.

“Remember that your final exams are very important. It would determine your future as to your choice of high school but also an important assessment point for those who are aiming for a scholarship,” their teacher would always remind them.

Luhan knows this of course. He had always been aiming for that scholarship ever since his household fell apart and that the only way he would be able to get a good education is through his own efforts. He had always had his tuition waived because of his good standing and that was probably the reason why his mother did not withdraw him from school during the whole divorce. His mother would probably just push him to enter a public high school and care less about his tuition given how measly his weekly allowance is.

A month before finals, while Luhan and Yixing is studying at Yixing’s room, the two were startled by the sound of breaking china at the downstairs kitchen.

The two initially thought it was a burglar, so with a baseball bat in hand,  they entered the kitchen. There they saw Yixing’s aunt lying unconsciously on the floor. Yixing rushes to his aunt’s side while Luhan searched the phone directory for an ambulance. The two was lost as they wait, Luhan praying, for the first time, that everything will be alright and Yixing fanning his aunt to give her air. 

Both of them went to the hospital together with the ambulance. Yixing’s aunt was rushed to the emergency room and again they waited. Yixing’s province was far from the city so no elders were able to come promptly so they, two children, were left to give the news to them. Luhan sees Yixing’s face was pale and he was also deathly silent whilst averting Luhan's gaze. Luhan did not know what to do so he merely held Yixing’s hand hoping it was enough to convey to the other that he was there.

What felt like years of waiting, the doctor finally comes out of the room and told them his aunt's condition was uncertain at the moment. Although, the doctor also stated that it was thanks to the prompt arrival of the ambulance that lessened the chances of a . Luhan sees Yixing’s eyes were trying to comprehend the doctor’s words, after all he was the one who would report everything to his family. Luhan feels it was too much for Yixing.

After the talk with the doctor, Yixing turns to him, “Thank you for being here. I… I wouldn’t have known what to do.” Yixing said to him while the boy tears up in from of him.

“That’s because you are such a cry baby,” Luhan replied, he hates seeing Yixing cry.

“I have to tell my relatives the news. I’ll be back”

Luhan looks at the back of a retreating Yixing and exhales a sigh. God if you do exist, take everything from me, don’t do this to him. Luhan closes his eyes and it was only when he felt Yixing’s soft nudge did he realize he fell asleep.

A week passes by and their final examination draws near, Yixing’s aunt is still in the same condition. Yixing’s relatives were not able to come but said they would wire the fees directly to the hospital and tasked Yixing to take care of the rest. Heartless bastards, exams are near and they leave a child to take care of the job they are supposed to be doing, Luhan was angry at the unfairness of it all.

Luhan stays with Yixing at his house and only when he needs to collect his allowance or when he needs more clothes did he bother to go back home. His routine now involves school, visiting the hospital, and house duties. He notices Yixing’s behavior was normal at school as he still dons his smiling face but when they get home after their hospital visit, Yixing would sit down at one corner of his room looking lost and would randomly cry. Luhan was there to appease Yixing until the latter falls asleep. He watches Yixing sleep and again he prays to see Yixing’s happy face again.

Nothing changes about the condition of Yixing’s aunt for but Luhan was determined to help Yixing in whatever manner he could. Although Yixing was not in the mood to do anything but wallow in one corner writing or singing in soft hums, Luhan would force him to study for finals, tutoring him with everything he knows and hopes that Yixing would not forget such come the actual exams.

Three days before the examination starts, Luhan’s prayers were answered as Yixing’s aunt woke up and was in recovery. Yixing got the news through the phone and as Luhan saw Yixing’s eyes return to life, he felt his world spin and his eyes blacks out.

When Luhan opens his eyes, he was lying in Yixing’s bed while Yixing was sleeping beside him. His eyesight is rather fuzzy and he felt his forehead hotter than normal. He feels the bed move, and he sees a worried Yixing.

“Are you okay? I was on the phone and then you just suddenly collapsed, and I ran outside, and screamed for help, and one neighbor was a doctor, thank God, and he said you were just having a fever, and he said he has to tend to his kids so he can’t be here to check your temperature for every hour so I volunteered and..” Yixing says in a rush, he was probably still in panic.

“Yixing, you're making me dizzy,” Luhan says not intending as a joke. He did finds a worried Yixing headache-worthy; how Yixing’s eyes would grow rounder than a coin, his brows in furrow, his dimples would appear as his lips pouts when he tries to remember and explain everything in a hurry. A Yixing that was worried about him, it makes him dizzy.

“I’m sorry, I am such a burden to you,” Yixing said as he looked down and Luhan thinks the boy was about to cry.

“Please don’t cry. Anything but that, please. Just smile for me and I’ll get well. If I see you cry it makes me want to cry too,” Luhan says and the thought it was probably cheesy but as he was sick, Luhan thinks Yixing would dismiss such words of a mere delirious boy.

Yixing smiles as he wipes his tears and Luhan smiled back. Luhan falls back to sleep.

Examination week starts and Luhan is still weak from his fever but he can go to school and he knows he still has enough mental capacity to go through the tests. He was more worried about Yixing’s performance since he knows the boy has huge tendency to be very forgetful and coupled with the events form the past weeks, Luhan is definitely more nervous for the other.

Luhan reaches inside one of his pockets and draws out a brown knitted bracelet as he calls Yixing attention before the examiner enters the room and start distributing the questionnaires.

“Hold this for me. This is given to me by my grandfather, the last one who loved me as a family. I lost him before the whole divorce thing with my parents and I was just already too sad to be sad. It was said he was seen making this on his hospital bed before he passed away. I want you to have it. I want you to be strong and remember I am always here for you. I really hope all goes well, I want us to still be together in high school,” Luhan said in a rush so that Yixing would not think he was being too sentimental.

Yixing takes the bracelet and replies, “I love it. I promise to keep it near to me always.”

Luhan goes back to his seat and the examination starts. He will just hope for the best.

Luhan and Yixing crammed a lot of studying during the whole week of the exams and Yixing in addition to studying would still constantly visit his aunt at the hospital after school. Yixing insisted he should rest so he was left behind at Yixing’s house, waiting for the other to return.

A week of grueling examinations and the sixth graders were finally released from the last of the elementary level school work as they were left off without anything to do for a few days until the result come out.  Luhan and Yixing are back to their usual bench, their spot; Luhan is reading a book about other cultures while Yixing was writing something.

Yixing interrupts Luhan and says, “Thank you, Luhan for what you did.”

“Hmmm…?”

“You are really my soul brother aren’t you?”

“Of course,” and Luhan swells with pride.

Results of the exams came out Yixing, surprisingly, landed on the ninth spot. Luhan breathes a sigh of relief, I see God is still listening to my prayers, he muses. He was surprised when a crying Yixing tugs his arm and drags him to one side.

“I’m … …so really…sorry, “ Yixing stutters out.

“Why are you crying? I’m confused.” Luhan starts to feel panic and thinks something happened to Yixing or his aunt.

Yixing continues to cry and Luhan could only stare at him hopelessly lost and he was starting to fear the worst.

“…you only placed third, it’s because of me isn’t it? I really..”

“YOU!” Luhan said cutting off Yixing and the other was startled at Luhan’s tone.

“I thought something happened to you or to your aunt. I started panicking when I saw you cry. Don’t do that to me, Yixing. You know how weak I am to your cries. It does not matter you know, the rankings, I’ll just do well for the qualifying exams. Just don’t cry anymore.”

Yixing stares at him for a while and he starts to dry his tears with his shirt. Yixing smiles at him and Luhan thinks time could stop just by Yixing’s smile.

“I’m not sure. I’ve probably said a gazillion thanks to you these past days. I’m really lucky to have you, you’re really my angelic faced soul brother.”

“You are pushing it with the angelic face thing,” Luhan rolls his eyes, he was trying hard to control a blush, “the important thing now is that we could have a shot at going to the same high school.”

“Yes! Although I am not confident academically, my application would blow the judges away for sure!” Yixing says proudly ing his fists up.

Luhan chuckles. Who would able to resist such a charming enthusiasm? He has always been confident about Yixing’s capabilities anyway but grades are still an important factor so he was a bit worried at frst.

“Minseok finally passed you. I feel happy and sad at the same time,” Yixing says

“Minseok got first?”

“Yeah, I thought you checked?”

“I only checked your rank. Mine does not matter I was pretty confident with my answers.”

“Still cocky as usual,”

“So you’re happy for Minseok, that hurts.”

“Idiot. I did say happy AND sad. That was why I was crying earlier. I was thinking of you.”

“Mr. ninth placer calling the third placer an idiot, ironic” Luhan laughs

Yixing pouts at him, “Minseok was worried about you too, you know. He does not feel like he deserves his first place.”

“Oh, so now you and Minseok are best friends. What else did I miss?”

“You are such a cold hearted person sometimes.”

“My best trait.”

“Should have stuck with Minseok instead of you then. After all, he is Mr. first place,” Yixing says while rolling his eyes.

Luhan minded Yixing’s last statement, even until graduation came around, even if he was awarded as class Valedictorian, even until they both passed and entered their high school of choice.

What happened to Luhan's facade, his broken household, his rank he did not mind it at all, but Luhan minded that one moment that Yixing wanted another guy aside from him.

A/n

So I managed to finally think and sort out how this story is going to turn out. I'm still confused about the tenses due to change in past and present.. I am so sorry I'm sucha noob at this. ORZ

photo credit: tumblr

as always, comments/reviews, subs/votes are much appreciated. Help me out guys cause I'm really confused as to what I'm writing at the moment and it feels like I'm just word vomiting.