Chapter 1: Spring

 

 

 

Once, I had a craving for love. I was so dull, so desolate, and so alone. I needed someone to satisfy my loneliness, someone to tell me that he loved me, that I was beautiful. 

 

 

It was only until one day where I realised, I loved him unknowingly

 

"This wasn't what I wanted." I smashed my fist onto the wall, there was blood. 

 

"Why is it every time I try to do something, I screw up?" I cried even more, the tears just kept flowing. 

 

Kai was calling. 

 

No, I don't want to hear his voice. It'll just remind me of my pathetic little crush on him. 

 

Kai and I have been best friends since we were in high school. We were total opposites; he was the school's best dancer while i was the school's best nobody- i was a nobody. 

 

How we became best friends; nobody knew, but it was all thanks to a little paper aeroplane that landed on my desk...

 

It was the month of March.

 

"Another dreaded day in hell." I groaned, i stayed up all night watching videos and i was dead tired by then. I dragged my feet and my heavy bag-pack to class. 

 

I usually came to class the first, which was very early in the morning. If no special occasion happened, I would be alone in the classroom for about a quarter of an hour. Then, soon students would come streaming in talking to their friends.

 

But today was different.

 

I entered the classroom, it was decorated and adorned with flowers. I had to admit, it was quite beautiful. I walked to my desk and found a paper aeroplane on it. I took and opened it, i read it out.

 

"Love exists but 

with an absence of eternity

 

At the first moment of a lover's encounter, 

there's an affirmation of love.

 

Psychologically; Lunacy

Emptiness, Panic

Delusion that the moment will last

Forever

 

I'm seized by desire,

I hide behind my back,

And postpone all answers." 

 

Suddenly, somebody entered the classroom. I immediately placed the paper aeroplane back on my table, sat down and looked somewhere else.

 

I took a peek back to see who had entered, it was a guy. It was Kai, one of the most popular and best dancers in the the school. His hair was combed down, he was wearing a plait collar tee and long jeans. What's with the formal dressing?

 

I coughed and broke the awkward silence as I looked at him while he stared at me for a creepily long period of time. Then he checked his watch once and glanced at me again. 

 

"You're not Sulli." Kai spoke.

 

So he was trying to impress Sulli? Well, she's the most popular girl in school. Looks, academics, talent, personality, she's got them all. No wonder the room was so nicely decorated.

 

I awkwardly shifted my eyes to him then to the board,"Um, no." 

 

"And you saw the...?" Kai pointed at the paper aeroplane, he looked a little embarrassed.

 

"Um, yeah. Sorry." I held out the paper plane for him to take back, I shouldn't have read that.

 

"Well this is awkward." Kai scratched his head,"I don't actually know your name. Soo Jung was it?" he asked.

 

"I prefer Krystal." i murmured, not knowing whether he would get offended by my words. 

 

"Okay Krystal, i know we just met and everything, but i know Sulli is in library club and you're in library so you must be pretty close to her." Kai pulled a chair next to me and sat down,"So I want you to tell me everything about her, please?" He flashed his pearly white teeth at me and gave the best smile he could pull off.

 

I eventually gave in after breaking into random laughter (he looked quite funny, don't judge me.) 

 

"Okay, so Sulli's very kind. She talks to me about animals a lot so I'm guessing she loves them, especially dogs. She loves reading books, almost everyday she has more than three books in her bag. Oh, she also loves Harry Potter a lot. In terms of academics, she excels too. Her biology marks are top in the level, and so are her chemistry and mathematics. Her literature isn't that good though." I rambled while Kai sat next to me, listening attentively.

 

Kai suddenly started hitting my arm violently,"Oh my gosh, I at literature too! This is fate." 

 

"Ouch that hurts,stop hitting me! Alright, you guys are meant to be!" I screamed as he continued to exclaim.

 

Kai realised he was hitting me and immediately apologised,"Sorry, I didn't realise i was hitting you." 

 

"It's not okay." I raised my hand up to his eye level,"Look how red this is." I was kidding but I took drama classes when I was younger so it looked pretty convincing.

 

"I'm really sorry Soo- i mean Krystal." Kai sincerely apologised.

 

"Hey I was kidding, I took drama lessons when I was younger, my acting is good right?" I made a peace sign and Kai slapped my hand down.

 

"Not funny." He chuckled,"I never knew you were so cool, we should hang out more, Krystal." He smiled.

 

And that's how we became best friends.

 

We hung out everyday in school, and out of school. Of course, he had his own friends but he spent most of his time talking with me, which mostly the topic always changed to Sulli. But that didn't bother me because I felt no sense of jealousy, Kai was just my best friend. After school, he would randomly come over to my house. At first, I was against the idea as my house was terribly small and i didn't want him to know about the disastrous condition of my family's relationship. But eventually, he found out and when he did he did the exact opposite of what i thought he would do, he stood by me and listened to my worries, cleaning my tears and telling me that it'll be okay. 

 

You may be thinking- so what happened? Well, my parents filed for a divorce when i was only 5 years old. I didn't really understand why when I was young but now that i'm older i know it was because my mother had been sleeping with another man. Then, i stayed with my dad who remained single but kept his alcoholic and gambling habits. Everyday, he would bring home no income, but he would instead- bring debts and a drunk self. Some violent men would come banging on our front door, demanding for my father to pay the debt. And what did he do? He hid. He hid in the kitchen, and we did too. My sister and I just kept quiet and stayed in the store closet. We were terrified, but as time went on, it happened everyday. And we weren't that afraid anymore. 

 

Kai was my first friend, my only friend. Kai was the first person I confided my feelings in. Kai was the first person who cared to ask about how I was. 

 

Kai was the first person I fell in love with.

 

I didn't want to, it just suddenly dawned onto me that I liked him, that I loved him. Because he was so kind, because he cared, because he was so- genuine. Then, the jealousy started to kick in. Sulli. She was my friend as well. She only ever talked to me in library club but any other time, she seemed nice and friendly. I'm not surprised that Kai likes her. A popular guy with a popular girl, isn't that what always happens?

 

It was heartbreaking, although he was always physically there for me, his heart would never look at me. I was a friend, nothing more than a friend.

 

So I gave up.

 

Our friendship still grew stronger than ever though, just that this time i was hurting silently inside.

 

Then came April. School was still in place and Kai was still in love with Sulli.

 

His love for her had gotten so crazy that he decided that he was going to confess to her. As his best friend, I was supposed to help him to surprise her and decorate the place. It pained me on the inside to be doing that but I put on a fake smile and lied to him that I was extremely happy to do it. 

 

It was today, when Kai was going to confess to Sulli. I was slightly nervous for him, and for me, but it was inevitable that she was going to accept his feelings.

 

And probably, we'll become distant just like any other best friends when one of them starts to date. One person stops seeing the other. Someone stops trying, someone stops caring, they drift apart.

 

"Krystal!" Kai snapped his fingers in front of me,"The flowers are in the wrong direction." He pointed out. I was zoning out so much that i wasn't paying attention to decorating the room.

 

"Sorry." I mumbled, fumbling the flowers.

 

"Are you okay? Slept late again last night huh." Kai chuckled.

 

"Yeah, don't talk to me, I'm super grumpy now." I joked.

 

"I'm nervous." Kai admitted.

 

"Me too." I said.

 

Kai laughed,"Why are you nervous, you're not the one confessing.".

 

"I'm nervous for you, idiot." I hit his head, but silently I was telling myself, 'I'm afraid to lose you, my only friend, and the one that i love so much.'

 

Kai checked his watch for the time, falling off the chair,"Shoot, she's ending class in 5 minutes! Okay Kai, chill, it's okay- um okay so when she comes out- I'll- Oh shoot I can't remember!" Kai paced back and forth.

 

"Hey stupid, can you chill? When she exits her class, she'll find the pink balloons with notes attached to them. Then, she'll follow them here and you'll confess. Then, she'll say yes and-" i explained, but Kai cut me off.

 

"But what if she says no? Then what do I do? I'm screwed, I'm so screwed."

 

"She won't say no. She obviously likes you!" I encouraged.

 

Kai looked to floor and fell silent. Another thing about Kai is that he keeps quiet whenever he's nervous.

 

"Hey it's okay alright? You can do it!" I smiled at him and he smiled back, nodding his head.

 

"Good, now I'll just hide in the closet." I went inside the humongous closet and closed the doors.

 

It was silent for about 2 minutes. Then, I heard Sulli's voice.

 

"Kai?" Sulli said, she sounded surprised.

 

"Um- did you get the notes on the balloons?" Kai awkwardly asked. Sheesh, I gave him lessons on how to confess last night and he's still fumbling. 

 

"Yeah..." Sulli sounded a little sad.

 

"Um- so I just wanted to say that- um I- um- I liked you ever since I met you and I think you're amazing and beautiful and perfe-" Kai confessed.

 

Sulli cut him off,"Kai, I don't know what to say. I mean, this room is beautiful and you're really kind and I like you a lot too, but..." She fell silent.

 

"But?" Kai said.

 

"But i don't love you." Sulli mumbled softly.

 

My heart didn't know how to feel. I knew it was wrong to feel happy, but I did, because this meant that Kai would remain beside me, and I still had a chance. On the other hand, I was terribly depressed for Kai. I couldn't imagine how broken and torn he was feeling now.

 

"Oh, I'm sorry. I-" Kai sounded like he was crying.

 

"Don't cry you crybaby." I cursed in my head,"You can cry on my shoulder later." I whispered to myself.

 

Somehow, it seemed like he had heard me. He held in his tears and said,"Well, I'm sorry for everything. I'll just go home then." 

 

"Kai I-" Sulli said, but it sounded like Kai had ran out of the room.

 

I barged out of the closet and went after him, completely ignoring the fact that Sulli literally screamed.

 

I found Kai in a dark corner, he was crying. I slowly sat down beside him and hugged him.

 

"It's okay Kai. I'll always be here for you." Somehow there were tears in my eyes, the sight of him crying made me feel so sad.

 

"I was so stupid." Kai blurted,"I shouldn't have, if i could I wouldn't have!" He clenched his fists.

 

"Hey, calm down. I love you okay? Let's go for ice cream, how about that?" I pat his back and smiled.

 

"Yeah, that sounds great." Kai managed to nod his head slightly, and even give a weak smile.

 

May arrived and the exams were drawing near. Kai was now visiting my house everyday after school. In some occasions, he would even sleepover, but of course he slept on a different bed. We would study together, eat together, spend every second together. Many people in the school started to tell us we should date, and Kai would start laughing as if it was the funniest thing in the world, and I would- smile and say "that's not possible." Secretly, i was hoping he didn't find it that amusing.

 

One day, he asked me to go to a amusement park with him, I asked him why but he didn't want to tell me. I, being gullible, went with the flow and agreed to go. I didn't know that that was the best decision of my life. 

 

"Great! I'll pick you up at 5!" Kai said over the phone.

 

I laughed,"Since when did you start picking me up? There's something weird going on." 

 

Kai immediately hung up, "Idiot." I said, laughing.

 

I changed into my sweater and shorts, and waited downstairs for Kai.

 

Soon, he arrived on a pale turquoise bicycle that was adorned in flowers and adorable soft toys. 

 

"What's with the bike? You look gay." I teased and poked his stomach.

 

"Just get on, Krystal." Kai stuck his tongue out at me, and pat the seat at the back.

 

I jumped onto the bike, I was quite nervous as I don't ride bikes often and my balance was horrible. 

 

"Safety first." Kai handed a floral helmet to me. 

 

"What the hell is with the flowers? Are you making it official that you're gay?" I teased again, taking the helmet and putting in on.

 

"Shut up and hold on tight." Kai grabbed my hands and placed it around his waist.

 

I jerked a little when he did that cause do remember I still had that huge crush on him. I don't even think it's a crush anymore.

 

The journey there was beautiful. Kai purposely chose the route which would pass through the woods instead of the busy city. I felt the breeze against my face and watched the beautiful flowers of spring bloom.

 

Soon, we arrived at the theme park. The first thing we did was to rush to the extreme rides. Both of us loved extreme rides, it was the highlight of the theme park and we could not miss it. 

 

After screaming our heads off in good fun, Kai dragged me to the haunted house, which I objected strongly to. 

 

Unlike Kai who loved horror, I hated it. Anything other than that i could handle, extreme rides, bungee jumping, driving a car near to the edge of a cliff, diving into the ocean unprotected, I could handle that but just not horror. I at horror movies, never watched a second one after my first. Even my first was a half comedy,half horror movie. 

 

I walked closely behind Kai as he lead the way. 

 

"H-hey face there's an exit there. L-let's go, okay?" I stuttered. It was dark and eerie, I couldn't wait to get out.

 

"I'm not a face and that's the entrance." Kai whispered.

 

"Stop lying, let's go." I tugged his arm lightly. Suddenly I felt something grabbing my foot. I looked down in fear, it was a clown's hand.

 

"Holy Grapes!" i jumped and hugged Kai naturally.

 

He laughed so hard," Wimp." He poked me.

 

"I'm not a wimp." I detached myself from his arms and stuck my tongue out at him.

 

The cycle of me getting scared and hanging on to Kai repeated again and again throughout the entire haunted house. I was never more embarrassed in my entire life. 

 

When we got out, I insisted that we went on kiddy rides to retrieve my happiness again.

 

Kai was simply laughing continously and followed me to a kiddy ride. I glared at him several times, but you know glaring never works on best friends.  

 

We were in a ride where we would spin extremely slowly in childish tea cups. It seemed like we were the oldest people in the ride. 

 

Kai, on the other hand was still laughing uncontrollably."Did you see your face? You were so pale when we exited!" He beat the seat idiotically and continued laughing.

 

"Laugh again and I'll throw you out of the tea cup." I warned him and rolled my eyes at him.

 

"Aw come on, we all know you cant bear to throw me over, you love me too much." Kai smiled.

 

"I don't love you at all." I glared at him again, i didn't mean to lie.

 

Kai looked slightly genuinely hurt.

 

"You're not offended right?" I asked, poking his cheek. 

 

Kai pouted,"Maybe I am."

 

"Okay, I'm sorry." I apologised, chuckling at his childishness.

 

"And?" Kai prompted.

 

"And I love you so so much, my best friend." I laughed. 

 

"That's more like it." Kai pat my head in all of his childishness. 

 

The night soon drew to an end. Kai was behaving really weirdly, he was treating me like royalty. We were walking towards the ferris wheel when Kai spoke.

 

"Hey, let's go onto the ferris wheel." Kai suggested, grabbing my hand and walking towards it.

 

"Why? It's so cheesy, and we'll be staying in that little area for more than a minute!" I whined.

 

I waited for him to make a sarcastic comment about how lazy or pathetic I was, but it never came.

 

We got into the box cart of the ferris wheel, and i asked him,"Are you okay? You're acting very weirdly today."   

 

Kai smiled at me,"I'm absolutely fine." He pulled out a bouquet of flowers from his bag and held it in his hand.

 

A part of me was thinking, was he...? No, don't get your hopes up Krystal.

 

He was.

 

"Jung Soo Jung, I love you." Kai smiled,"Ever since I got over Sulli, I realised you were always there for me. You are my best friend, and I fell in love with you." Kai leaned forward.

 

I was so shocked, i didn't know how to feel! It was ecstatic and frustration at the same time. I was overjoyed that he loved me back, finally. But I was frustrated and angry, did I have to go through so much pain?

 

I was thinking so much that i didn't realise; Kai's lips were on mine.

 

My eyes widened.

 

My hands stiffened.

 

My heart weakened.

 

He pulled away and stared at me, holding my hand.

 

"Your sister told me that you liked me too." Kai held my hand gently.

 

"I-I.." I was lost for words.

 

Kai chuckled,"Shhh, don't say anything. I just need you to say one word; will you be my girlfriend?" He stared at me with an intense gaze.

 

Screw it, I loved him so much,"Yes." I choked on my tears; wait i was crying? 

 

Kai wiped my tears away,"I always loved you darling." Then he pulled into a embracing hug.

 

It was perfect, i was finally happy.