A/N: I wanted to end with a saucy chapter but honestly it just didn't fit.  Sorry guys.  Hope you enjoyed the story... I will probably finish up my Banghim story soon, not sure if I will write anything after that, I'm tossing around Nu'est ideas. 

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“We’re doing the mountain circle again, get ready,” Yongguk announced to the room.  Youngjae and I lie quietly on his bed, hidden in a pile of pillows so we could sneak quick kisses when the maknae-line were loud and occupied.  

“Not again!” Jongup whined from the floor where he and Zelo lined up their fangifts from the most recent fansign event going through each bag, package and letter carefully, taking time to read particularly funny ones aloud.

“WHY HYUNG??” Junhong joined in the whining. Usually I would joined them, complaining loudly about this corny ritual but today I had a lot to be thankful for.

The “Mountain Circle” was a practice started by Himchan, where the members took time to climb the mountain behind our dorm to discuss our current or upcoming promotions and clear the air about any gripes we may be holding or any feelings that may have been hurt.  In recent promotions we’d added the tradition of telling the group about all the things we were thankful for.

The air was starting to cool and the breeze carried the distinct scent of autumn. Back home autumn was my favorite season but since moving to Seoul I’ve barely had a chance to notice the change in the seasons, other than noting the thickness of the clothes set out for me.

Himchan walked beside me, elbowing me when I strayed a bit off path, my mind wandering.

“You okay?” We’d been talking recently, more in the last week than probably our entire time as team mates.  It felt oddly comfortable and safe.  There had been moments where I even thought of confessing everything, every fear and insecurity, if anyone could help me I thought it might be Himchan but I knew well enough to hold it in.

“Thinking about what I will say,” I confessed.

“Ah… thinking of a defense for your stupidity, good plan,” Himchan said nodding thougtfully.

The sun was in the process of setting, it left beautiful water-color like orange and red splashes across the horizon and as per our ritual we sat in a circle.  I sat with Youngjae and Junhong on either side.  

Youngjae had his right hand in his mouth, knawing nervously at his nails.  I wanted to grab that hand, to hold it securely in both of mine and keep him from chewing away until he reached the skin but I had to settle for slapping his hands away softly.  Youngjae hated the Mountain circle more than anyone, his biggest fear being that he would be judged by the group and found lacking… he never said it but I could tell.

“Okay, um… who wants to start?” Yongguk asked, from the way he looked at me I could tell he had a bone to pick… but generally he kept his harsher words for the end.

“I do.” All heads snapped in my direction and suddenly all the words I’d planned evaporated from my mind.

“Nevermind,” I fumbled, pulling my knees to my chest nervously.

“Go ahead,” Jongup urged from my left.  Youngjae placed his hand discreetly on my lower back giving me strength through his fingertips.

“I’m sorry.  I’m sorry that I’m an inconsiderate , who says hurtful things without thought,” I started, nodding to Jongup apologetically.

“I’m sorry that I’m a jerk who does bad, dangerous things,” I continued bowing my head to Yongguk.  

“I’m sorry I’m not a good example for my dongsaeng, I will try better,” I promised to Junhong, who fidgeted under my attention.

“I’m sorry that I have a hard time expressing how I feel,” I said leaning more heavily against Youngjae’s firm touch.  

With a watery smile, I winked at Himchan who watched me with curious eyes, “And I’m sorry I have a hard time deciphering how others feel…”

The last bits of light shown behind my brothers like halos, they looked like angels watching me with mixtures of awe and humor.  I didn’t know why I was on the verge of tears but for once I didn’t feel like hiding them, instead I let them fall as I finished.

“I know I’m lacking but the luckiest thing that ever happened to me was becoming part of this team.  I’m thankful for all of you and I hope one day I’m worthy of the luck that brought me here to you.”

It was quiet for a long time after my speech, members awkwardly drying the watery corners of their eyes or pointedly avoiding my gaze.

“Anyone else?” Yongguk asked the group after a long silence.  With a burst of energy Zelo, who had been inspecting his socks with purpose, sprung to life complaining about wet towels and Himchan’s laziness-- and the moment was gone.  

Under the cover of our crossed knees Youngjae held my hand and we listened quietly to thanks, praise and relatively innocuous complaints.  When it became too cold and too dark to safely stay atop the mountain we walked down together, Youngjae and I not bothering to cover our intertwined fingers as we descended.

“I love you too, jerk,” Himchan whispered, roughly tousling my hair as he rushed to reach Yongguk in the front of our parade.

“What did he say?” Youngjae ask, puzzled.

“He said he loves me,” I chuckled, tracing his palm with my thumb. “But not as much as I love you,” I said honestly, stopping to allow our members to disappear down the path.

“You’re saying that a lot lately,” he whispered wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his head on shoulder. “It scares me.”

“Why?”  I asked squeezing him tighter.

“Because you started saying it so suddenly, I’m worried you’ll stop just as suddenly,” he confessed.  I pulled back, just far enough to look in his eyes.

“Pabo, I'm yours!” I scoffed, pulling him in for the kind of kiss that made my heart race and my skin tingle.  It was the best feeling in the world.