I flipped through the pages of my diary before a picture of Baekhyun, D.O, Suho, Kai, Sehun and Channie dropped fluttered onto the floor. It was a picture of them training to debut as a group- Exo. They were the most popular K-pop idol group. They would appear on television with their beautiful faces and extraordinary talents as they shook the hearts of their fans. There were rumours about their disbanding though; how their contract had expired and only a few of them wanted to re-sign with SM.

…

I completely moved into ‘The House Next Door To My Uncle’ within a week and I had forgotten to tell the guys who rang me and asked if I was home. I told them the address and arrived at the house in no time.

The only reason why they had come was to tell me that SM had casted them to debut under a new boy group- Exo. They were to be in the Korean half of the group. I didn’t know anyone from the other half, but since my Kai told me about them, I at least knew their names. Their names were Kris, Luhan, Tao, Chen, Xiumin and Lay. I heard that Chen and Xiumin was Korean, but they were promoting with the Chinese half.

Time passed and the guys and I saw each other less and less to the point I didn’t even see them. I did make a friend at school. Her name was Hana and she was also a loner like me. We weren’t all that close, but we were close enough to call each other friends and support each other when we needed it. Hana and I were unlike the other girls at our school. All of them would always fan girl over some celebrity, but Hana and I decided not to waste our time with people that didn’t have any concern with us.

‘People that don’t have any concern with us.’ I would always think to myself and remember the boys. They were going to become celebrities, and I could remember how they used the time they had to see me and add it to their practice time. I knew it was selfish of me to think like that, knowing that even a minute less of hard work could get them kicked off the team, but I can’t get over the fact that they found their dreams more important than me.

Maybe if I had more friends, I wouldn’t have cared, but I didn’t, and I didn’t really have a family either, so I felt lonely all the time.

…

“RING RING!” I picked up my phone as soon as I heard it ring without even looking at the caller’s ID. “Hello? Who is this?” I asked.

“HEY~ OUR JIEUN! HOW ARE YOU?” There were several voices but the one that asked the question belonged to Baekhyun. As soon as I heard them, I felt like a huge burden was taken off my shoulders. I didn’t know why, but I began to tear up.

“Sorry. I think you got the wrong number.” I joked.

“Huh?” there was a short pause. “But my phone says Jieun.”

I laughed as the tears streamed down my face like a waterfall. “I’m messing with you.” I responded.

“What? Why would you do that to me? I told you guys! Jieun has become so mean these days. Listen to what she said to-“the rest of what he was going to say came out in a muffle. I was guessing that someone, most likely Suho, had shut him up by covering his mouth.

“Jieun-ah~ we’re sorry, but we had no-stop practice for the debut. We didn’t even get to sleep much.” Someone said. It sounded like Sehun.

“I only got an average of three hours sleep for the past year since I was in SM.” Baekhyun added in.

“We look like panda’s.” Kai topped.

“It’s okay guys.” I lied. “This is a once in a life-time chance, so don’t let go of it.”

“Crazy bastard. Listen to what she just said. How can that be mean?” Suho asked. Guessing by what he said, the question was directed towards Baekhyun. I could only laugh.

“But she is actually so mean to me! Maybe she’s only mean to me." he pauesed. "Oh~ Jieun-ah~” Baekhyun sang. “Do you perhaps… Like me?” he giggled after his question.

I went red and I cleared my throat and I didn’t know what to say. Luckily, Suho saved me when he interrupted by saying “What are you thinking? She’s too good for someone like you. You’re just immature which is why she treats you like that. Right, Jieun?”

“Yeah.” I lied again. I heard Baekhyun scoff in the background.

…

“Ding Dong” the doorbell rang late at night. I was preparing to go to sleep when it rang. I walked over to the door and slowly opened it to see Baekhyun waiting.

“Why are you here?” I asked as I looked behind him to see if there was anyone else.

“Can’t I?” he said playfully with a cheeky smile before he let himself in. He sat down on one of the sofas in the living room and I sat on the one in front of his. He glared at me. The cheeky smile from before was all gone.

“What do you want?” I asked.

“Jieun-ah, I don’t think that there will be a better time to tell you this, since if I debut, I probably won’t be able to see you.” He said. And I just sat back and relaxed to hear him finish. “I think I like you.”

“Huh?” was all I could blurt out. It wasn’t like a normal ‘Huh?’ but it was a retarded ‘Huh?’

“No…” he smiled as he looked down at the floor. “I know that I like you. Since a long time ago, I could only think of you and I’m always worried about you. And…” he continued to say a whole lot of things, but I suddenly couldn’t hear any of it. I couldn’t hear the entire world around me. I sat there staring at him while I felt the colour leave my face.

“Wait…” I said shaking my head. His mouth stopped moving and he rushed over to the space on the sofa next to me.

“Hey, you okay?” I heard him say. I could finally hear.

“Yeah… Just felt dizzy for a minute. I'm okay now” I replied.

“Then… what about you?” he asked. He was blushing and I had no idea what he was talking about. So you know that saying ‘Just smile and nod’? Yeah… that’s what I did. Baekhyun smiled and immediately embraced me. “I knew it.” He said. His voice was shaking. Not knowing what to do, I wrapped my arms around his neck awkwardly and he pulled back.

“Uh…” I was planning on asking what he asked me, but he grabbed my face with his hands and pecked me on the mouth. I was lost. Then I remembered what he said about liking me and when he asked ‘Then… what about you?’ he must have asked if I liked him. How could I be so STUPID? It’s not entirely true that I don’t like Baekhyun, but I don’t think I like him enough to date him.

He stood up and cleared his throat. He waved and said “I’ll be off then.” He smiled his awkward smile and left the house. The rest of the night, I lay in bed feeling guilty for the first time in my life for being stupid.