♦ ♦ ♦

 

"Hyung, Aeri noona is sick?" Mir asked me when we were recording at the studio.

"How do you know?" I asked back while reading my lyrics sheet.

"I called her just now, and she sounds weird so I asked and she said she's sick. Why don't you be with her? It sounds bad.."

"We have recording, and she'd be fine.." I told him. 

"Yah, our recording is not as urgent as she's being sick. We still have a lot of time to record this. Just go to her .." G.O hit me with a couch pillow.

"It's fine..I could still go later." I shrugged.

"Now." G.O pulled the paper I was reading and glared at me. He's such a nag..

"Fine.." I gave up and grabbed my keys. It's not that I didn't care about her her, it's just once I'm busy with work I tend to put everything on the last place of my priority. Sadly, it's including her.

 

-

 

I rang the bell to her apartment but there's no answer. I tried over and over again and still no answer. I sighed and walked to our dorm because I thought she's asleep already, but when I passed the hallway I saw the elevator opened and Insoo walked out from it. He didn't see me and walked towards Aeri's apartment. He seemed like he's in a hurry.

"Aeri's not there, or maybe sleeping. Don't disturb her." I said with a loud voice, slightly annoyed as to why he's here at this time of night. He turned back and his eyes lit up with anger when he saw me.

"You!" He approached me, angry.

"What?"

"How dare you! Aeri's in the hospital right now. How could you leave her alone in that state??" He grabbed my collar and hissed.

I could feel my heart sank when I heard him. Aeri? Hospital? What happened?

"What..what happened?"

"And you call your yourself her boyfriend, huh? Idols.. you guys only care about yourselves." He let me go and pushed me away. He didn't answer my question and walked back to Aeri's apartment. I found myself following him as he grabbed Aeri's bag and started to put some Aeri's clothes and things in it.

 

-

 

I tag along with Insoo and went to the hospital. Once we got into her ward, I saw her lying on the bed sleeping. Insoo put her things on the couch and grabbed my arms once he saw me tried to approach Aeri, "Out. We need to talk." I followed him and we sat on the empty waiting room.

"What happened with her?"

"Fatigue. Not to mention she has anemia, I was checking on her this afternoon and I found her unconscious in her living room. What the hell did you do all day long?"

"I.."

"Didn't you even check your phone?? It seems like she's been calling you when she started to feel worse."

I pulled out my phone and realized that I have several missed calls from her. 

"I didn't notice it.." I whispered.

"Are you sure you love her?"

"What? Of course I do!" 

"Then take care of her better! This is why I don't like her dating you because I know dating an idol would only cause her hurt. Do you even know that she failed her last exam? She's been in a lot of stress these days, I bet you don't even know that!"

I was quiet. Because I know that he's right. I don't know what's going on in her life right now..I noticed that she's been feeling tired more than usual, but I didn't care enough to ask more.

"If this thing happened one more time, I'll take her away from you."

I looked at him in disbelief, did he just say that he's going to take Aeri away from me? I opened my mouth to argue back but then the doctor came to us.

"Aeri-ssi just woke up. I think she want to see you guys.."

 

Insoo walked ahead of me and got into the room. Aeri smiled when she saw him but her smiled faltered when she realized that I was there, "Seungho.."

"I managed to drag him here. You want to talk to him alone? I'll just wait outside." Insoo turned his back but Aeri grabbed his arms.

"No. Stay here." Aeri then looked at me, "Seungho, aren't you busy? You can go now..I'm tired anyway, there's nothing to talk about.."

 

♦ ♦ ♦

 

Did she just tell me she doesn't want to see me?

Did she choose him over me?

I looked up to her room window from the parking lot. I was angry. I was ashamed. But more than everything, I was disappointed in myself. I hailed a cab and told the driver my apartment address, but on the way I told him to just drive me to the club. I need distraction. And just like I thought, I meet many people I knew there. 

"Oppa, you're here alone?" Afterschool's Nana greeted me with a smile. I could smell alcohol in her breathe.

"Yeah.."

"Join us, then.." She linked her arms with mine and pulled me to a table where I saw many of my friends there.

My idol friends.

This is my world. Aeri could do whatever she wanted to do with that Mr. Smart from Prestigious University, and I'll be here in my own world.

A place where I belong to all along.

So what if I don't answer her phone calls? I was working.

So what if she's tired? I was tired too from all the schedules.

So what if she has that Insoo to be with her instead of me? I have my friends too. I could just pick any pretty idols to hang out with.

I knew I was just being defensive, I knew that I was actually in the wrong for everything. But I didn't want to admit that, I have too much pride. I keep on gulping down drinks trying to ease up the embarassment and disappointment I felt towards myself. I didn't even know how much alcohol I was taking in.

I didn't even care to pushed away Nana when she kissed me in the middle of this drunk crowds. I didn't fully conscious enough to be able to think rationally when she called a cab and drag me with her to the nearest hotel.

I was doomed, and I didn't even realize that.

Not until later.

 

♦ ♦ ♦

 

It's been a week. 

Somehow Aeri and I was back to normal, at least as normal as we could be. We still call and text each other, but there's this tension that told us that things weren't really in the right place.

Part of it because I never really apologize for neglecting her, and the rest was because I knew what I've done. She still didn't know about what happened between me and Nana. I just couldn't say it to her, and it kills me. Two days from now is her birthday, and also our second anniversary. I made a reservation at a restaurant and I already bought her gift. I really hoped that day would be the day where we could work things out and be just like how we used to.

But then again, I couldn't really run from my mistake.

 

"YAH! YANG SEUNGHO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE??!" My manager rushed inside our dorm with anger. We were having breakfast and everyone jumped from their seats.

"What do you mean?"

"THIS!!" He threw me his iPad. There was an article–a picture–about me and....Nana.

.

"Is it true? What did you do in that hotel with her??" He screamed at me. Everyone looked at me in confusion mixed with anger.

"Hyung, explain." Mir, who was usually bright and supported me in whatever I do, hissed at me with a betrayed look on his face. It's not only him, everyone stared at me in utter disbelief. 

"How about Aeri?" I heard Joon whispered. It broke his heart to realize that Aeri might have seen this, maybe even before us.

I just stood there trying to find anything to say, but... what could I say? It was clear that I made a mistake, it was clear that I messed up.

 

-

 

Aeri tried to call me and send me text several times. Not even one of her text got replied by me, and every calls she made I always transfered it to voice mail. I couldn't bring myself to face her. I opened the last text she sent me yesterday.

 

Seungho-ah, I know what happened but I will wait for your explanation. I will hear what you have to say about the scandal. Tomorrow is our anniversary, I will wait for you at the restaurant. Please come and we can talk about it. But only if you still care..

- Aeri

 

I wasn't going to go but I gathered up my courage to meet her. I got up from my bed and got dressed. I walked out from our dorm with cold glare from my members. They were still angry, so angry that they didn't even care to talk to me for the last two days. I sighed and started the engine once I got in my car. 

Our reservation was for 7 pm and it was almost 9 PM when I arrived at the restaurant. From the window, I could see Aeri sat on one table staring at her phone.

She was still waiting for me..

I looked at her from outside. For the first time, I finally realized what I've done to her. She used to have a smile like an angel, but these days she just seemed...broken.

And I was the caused of that. 

Not only because of the scandal, she was already hurting since long before. She's hurting from all the wait she endured for me, from all the things I couldn't do for her just because I'm an idol.

I realized that somehow along the way I started to forget how to take care of her.

I failed as her boyfriend.

Insoo was right. She could do so much better than being with me..

 

I took a step back from the window and pulled out my phone and dialed a number. The one I was calling answered at the third ring.

"Yoboseyo?"

"It's me, Yang Seungho." I said in a flat tone.

"What do you want?"

"Can you come to XX's restaurant now?"

"Why should I?"

"Please take care of Aeri.." I chose to say.

"You..."

"You were right. She shouldn't be with me." I hanged up without waiting for his answer. I knew Insoo would come no matter what.

 

Half an hour later, I saw Insoo rushed inside the restaurant and went right to her table. Aeri looked up from her phone and I could see tears started to fall in her cheek. She's been holding her tears all along and now she let them out. 

 

She realized that I really didn't coming.

 

She realized that I gave up on us.

 

 

 

---

A.N

It was all flashback in this chapter :)