"Sir," A kind voice—a woman's—says from above. Taekwoon stirs. "Sir, were you the one to call 911?"

Taekwoon then becomes aware of what happened. His entire body screams in pain from where he is on the ground. He knows that just beside him is his old Fiat, smashed, with Hongbin inside. The rain is still steadily falling, and he pries his eyes open enough to see the woman in paramedic uniform hovering over him, her soft and rain-blurred face distressed. Weakly, Taekwoon nods.

"What's your name?" She asks, crouching down.

"Jung Taekwoon," Taekwoon croaks. God, his head is killing him.

"Alright then, Taekwoon. We're gonna get you and your friend to the hospital, okay?" Taekwoon nods again before everything fades out. 


Taekwoon tosses fitfully, having trouble finding sleep. He hasn't relive this in his dreams for so long. He throws his covers off, kicking his legs out and heaving a sigh. His eyes are squeezed tightly shut so as to hopefully fend off the bad memories, the memories of seeing Hongbin broken beyond repair. Taekwoon presses clenched hands to his eyelids. "Go away," he mutters. It should be better now. He knows now after the day's events that Hongbin doesn't hate him, that Hongbin waited.  He rolls over and buries his face in his pillow.


"Hongbin!" Taekwoon sobs, lunging for Hongbin's gurney as they enter the Emergency Room, pushing open the great swinging doors. The lights in the hospital are bright, and the pastel walls swim in Taekwoon's vision. Hongbin's face is still, eerily still, and the blood on his temple looks sticky and congealed. Fear courses through Taekwoon's body like an electric current, and his heart falters in a strange pattern. A nurse snags Taekwoon by the elbow and Taekwoon hisses, not realizing that part of his body was hurting.

"Mr. Jung," the nurse says calmly. "Why don't you come sit down?"

Taekwoon turns anxious and confused eyes on the small woman. "I need to be with Hongbin, it's my fault he's hurt." His voice is quiet but stressed.

"Mr. Jung, the ER doctor needs to take a look at you, you're quite injured." Her tone grows tenser.

"Let go of me," Taekwoon mumbles, pulling his arm away from the nurse and looking after Hongbin's gurney. "Where are they taking him? I need to go with them," Taekwoon panics. The nurse takes Taekwoon by the arm again, and forcefully leads him to a small room. "No," Taekwoon protests as she pushes him down onto the sheetless emergency room bed.

"Wait here," she says sternly, holding up a finger. "I'm going to go get the ER doctor. After Mr. Hongbin receives the urgent care he needs, we can arrange for you to see him. But until then," Taekwoon opens his mouth to protest. "Wait."

The nurse breezes out of the room, letting the door shut softly behind her. A wave of pain then washes over Taekwoon, and he clutches his head, a sharp, searing pain piercing through the back of his skull. He hunches over, screwing his eyes shut. There's a strange ringing in his ears, and he barely notices when the door swings open again and the doctor steps in, a blur of white lab coat. The doctor pulls up a small rolling stool and sits in front of Taekwoon, but Taekwoon barely stirs. "Hello Taekwoon," the doctor's voice is distant yet warmly familiar-sounding. Taekwoon tries desperately to focus on it, but the throbbing in his head won't let up. "Can you tell me what happened?" The doctor asks.

Taekwoon a shuddering breath in. "We were in a car accident." He says quietly, pulling his hands from his head. They come away slightly bloody, and Taekwoon winces.

"Who was driving?" The doctor asks as he pulls on latex gloves.

"Hongbin," Taekwoon rasps.

"Which side of the car was hit?" Taekwoon thinks the doctor is asking an awful lot of questions, but Taekwoon doesn't have the stamina to talk back.

"The driver's side," Taekwoon grits his teeth as the doctor places gentle fingers on Taekwoon's head, inspecting the tiny split in his scalp. The doctor hums a response, prodding delicately at the area.

"Taekwoon, can you lie down on your stomach?" The doctor takes his hands away from Taekwoon's head and allows for him to lay down on the hospital bed. Taekwoon pillows his head on his arms, and the doctor fetches a piece of gauze to press firmly to the back of Taekwoon's head. "Did you hit your head on the window?"

"Yes," Taekwoon whispers.

"Luckily the cut's not serious, but you've probably got a concussion, so take it easy for the next couple days. Give your doctor a call if you're having difficulty concentrating, feel dizzy or lightheaded, have any anxiety or experience changes in your sleep pattern, alright? And wear your seatbelt from now on." The doctor's voice continues to sound muffled and distant, like someone stuffed cotton in Taekwoon's ears. His vision swims even though his eyes are closed, and he allows himself to waver in consciousness until the gauze is lifted, his bleeding stopped, and the doctor helps him to sit. He pries his eyes open and vaguely understands as the doctor tells him he needs to quickly shine a pen light in his eyes. The light is bright and brief, and Taekwoon blinks sluggishly afterward. A nurse opens the door to poke her head inside and exchange a few words with the doctor before disappearing, and it takes Taekwoon a few moments to process it. The doctor smiles softly at Taekwoon, and his vision clears slightly. "I was told to relay to you that Mr. Lee Hongbin is currently receiving emergency surgery and will be out of the operation room within an hour or so." He places a comforting hand on Taekwoon's knee.

Taekwoon furrows his brow. "Can I go see him?" Panic creeps into his voice and he can feel his anxiety rising as the car accident flashes through his mind again. "I need to go see him," he insists, climbing down from the hospital bed. He can tell his feet have touched the ground but he can't seem to feel his legs—regardless, he bolts for the door before the doctor can force him to sit again. Everything tilts around him as he throws open the door and sprints down the hall, following what he can see of the signs directing him towards the emergency operation room.

He looks into every operation room he passes by until he finds Hongbin's—desperately, Taekwoon throws himself against the doors, but he feels hands grabbing at his elbows and pulling him away. Tears stream hotly down his face, feeling almost as though they're burning tracks into his cheeks. "Hongbin, I'm so sorry," Taekwoon whimpers as he's made to sit down on a nearby bench. "I love you," his voice is raw, and echoes lonelily in his own ears. Comforting hands pat his quaking shoulders and soon he drifts out of consciousness, stinging eyes sliding shut and heavy head lolling. 


Taekwoon thrashes about again, stirring from what shallow sleep he was able to fall into. A thin sheen of sweat glistens on his forehead, and he exhales heavily. He reminds himself all that is over. All the anxiety and stress, all the medical repercussions and all the… complications. Taekwoon swings his legs over the side of his gigantic bed and slides to the floor, his toes digging into the shag rug at his bedside. He stumbles to his bathroom for a drink and to splash some water on his face.

He stands at his sink with water dripping off his nose and chin, his limbs feeling heavy and burdensome. Looking up through his dark bangs, he stares at his sickly white reflection in the dark bathroom mirror, his mind a buzz with so many different things. The recollections of the accident, the loneliness he felt afterward, meeting Wonshik, the feel of Wonshik's breath on his neck and the way Wonshik so readily loved. Taekwoon rubs a hand over his face before leaving those thoughts on the bathroom counter and crawling back into bed, throwing the covers half-heartedly over his body. His heavy eyes press shut.


Taekwoon sits outside what he was told is Hongbin's hospital room—the sign reads "Mr. Lee Hongbin", but he's too nervous to take it for fact. He splays his long, white fingers on the knees of his jeans and stares at them blankly. It's only been a few days after the accident, but it feels like years and it doesn't help that Taekwoon's head has been a fuzzy mess. The door to Hongbin's room swings open and a sharp-faced nurse steps out. Taekwoon jumps to his feet and looks at her expectantly, his mouth open to speak.

"Oh, hello," she says, somewhat surprised.

"I'm here to see Hongbin," Taekwoon blurts simply.

The nurse nods. "And you are…?" There's an incredulous edge to her voice that gnaws at Taekwoon's temper ever so slightly.

"Jung Taekwoon," Taekwoon introduces himself. "I was with Hongbin in… in the crash." He ducks his head and toes at the ground with his canvas sneakers.

"Ah," her tone is clipped. "Mr. Lee is sleeping right now, but you're welcome to visit, so long as you don't disturb his rest."

Taekwoon clenches his hands into fists at his sides. "Of course." He nods earnestly and the nurse strides away. Taekwoon turns nervously to Hongbin's door, pulling it open with pale and cold hands.

Hongbin looks so peaceful, lying there in the plush hospital bed. His eyelids are tinted pale blue and his usually so smiley and dimpled cheeks are soft and relaxed. Taekwoon pulls a chair to the far side of the bed and lowers himself into it, his dark eyes trained solely on Hongbin's face. He doesn't belong here, Taekwoon thinks, taking in all the tubes and wires connected to Hongbin and all the blipping machines surrounding the bed. Taekwoon wonders how Hongbin can get any sleep in a place like this, what with all the harsh lights and jarring sounds. Hesitantly, Taekwoon reaches for Hongbin's hand at his side, being careful of the clip on his index finger and the ID bracelet on his wrist. Hongbin's hand is smooth and dry—Taekwoon traces feather-soft patterns into his palm with a finger. "You don't deserve this," Taekwoon murmurs. "I'm a horrible person for bringing this on you." It's quiet for a while save for the beeping equipment before Taekwoon speaks again. "But is it true?" Taekwoon can feel his eyes begin to burn. "That you think we should break up."

Of course, there's no response from Hongbin. Taekwoon lowers his head, pressing his forehead against the edge of Hongbin's bed. He heaves a heavy sigh, fighting back tears and hunching his shoulders—he doesn't notice when the door opens.

"You," A rumbling voice says. Taekwoon lifts his head. "You're the one who caused this." Taekwoon's eyes widen in panic as Hongbin's grandfather points a gnarled finger at him.

"Grandfather—" Taekwoon begins, rising from his chair. He can feel his legs begin to shake.

"My grandson is a paraplegic because of you." The tone in his voice is angry and hot enough to burn a hole straight through Taekwoon's chest. "This is all your fault," he hisses, loping forward and grabbing Taekwoon by the shirtfront. Hongbin's grandfather had always been a rough man, and it had always been hard for Taekwoon to get comfortable with him, and this… Taekwoon should have expected this. The tears in Taekwoon's eyes immediately spill over.

"I'm so sorry," Taekwoon sobs. "It was an accident. An accident."

Hongbin's grandfather gives Taekwoon a violent shake. "How dare you ruin Hongbin like this, you ."

The words rip through Taekwoon's chest, and suddenly it seems like there isn't anything left for him to hold onto. "I'm sorry," he chokes. "I didn't know, I—it was an accident. Really."

"You can't take it back," Hongbin's grandfather spits, releasing Taekwoon's shirt.

"Grandfather," Taekwoon begs.

The next thing happens all too quickly. Hongbin's grandfather swings a hand and it makes smarting contact with Taekwoon's cheek. Taekwoon claps a hand over the spot—he doesn't bother to lift his head afterward. "Don't call me grandfather." Taekwoon bites back a sob. "Because Hongbin doesn't want to see you again."

In a heartbeat, Taekwoon is running. He shoves past Hongbin's grandfather and bursts out the door, pushing past what might've been Hongbin's grandmother and dashing for the exit. His cheek burns and grandfather's words echo menacingly through Taekwoon's head. Hongbin never wants to see him again. . You can't take it back. Taekwoon drops to his knees outside the hospital's entrance and sobs hard enough to crush his own heart into even tinier pieces.