"Hongbin," Taekwoon whispers.

Standing on Hongbin's front porch, Taekwoon is gripped with a paralyzing anxiety. It's been so long. Taekwoon squeezes his eyes shut for a moment, thinking about Wonshik at the end of the walkway to Hongbin's cottage. Half of him wants to run back to Wonshik where he knows he's safe and loved; but the other half wants Hongbin back so badly. Hongbin lets go of the doorknob, shock still in his wheelchair. His hands are shaking as he brings them to rest in his lap, and his face contorts into a horrified grimace. Taekwoon's stomach freefalls to the center of the earth. He knew it—Hongbin hates him. Taekwoon's legs itch to run away. "I'm sorry," he mumbles. "I shouldn't have come here."

Hongbin's expression wavers. "What do you mean?" he blurts.

Taekwoon shrugs. "I don't know. I'm sorry. I just—I missed you, is all. And I regret everything and I hate myself so, so much. I—" Taekwoon trails off when Hongbin breaks into a dazzlingly breathtaking smile. Taekwoon can't stop the tears that spring to his eyes and spill down his cheeks, dripping into the collar of his jacket.

"I waited for you," Hongbin says, his shoulders slumped. "I wondered if you would ever come."

"I love you," Taekwoon chokes, dropping to his knees and reaching for Hongbin's hands. It feels just like old times as Taekwoon takes Hongbin's quaking hands and presses them together between his palms to still the shaking. Taekwoon looks down at Hongbin's small hands in his own, and he hears a light gasp from Hongbin. "Don't cry," he murmurs, hunching over to hide his own tears.

"Taekwoon," Hongbin rasps. "I don't blame you for this." It doesn't take anything more than a minute nod from Hongbin at his wheelchair for Taekwoon to know what he's talking about. "It was really all my fault. I asked to drive, and it was my fault for driving through that intersection without looking." Taekwoon's shoulders shake, and he presses his forehead to his and Hongbin's hands. "And honestly," Hongbin continues. "I was stupid for not seeing just how much you always loved me." Taekwoon can hear Hongbin's tears through his strained voice. "I thought that just because you expressed love differently, you didn't love me at all, and I've never been so wrong in my life. I was selfish for wanting more than what you gave me."

Taekwoon lifts his head from Hongbin's lap and raises his hands to wipe away Hongbin's tears with his thumbs, holding Hongbin's face oh-so gently. Hongbin's face twists into the most heart-wrenching expression, and Taekwoon continues to wipe away the tears rolling down Hongbin's cheeks. Hesitantly, Hongbin reaches out with shivering fingers and runs his fingertips through the hair at Taekwoon's temples, a wave of something akin to homesickness crashing over him. Why did they wait? Taekwoon berates himself for being a coward, and Hongbin chastises himself for always thinking that Taekwoon didn't love him as much as he loved Taekwoon. Taekwoon's hair is so soft, Hongbin notes. Softer than it's ever felt before. "I forgive you," Hongbin chokes out. "Even though it was all my fault."

"Don't say that," Taekwoon says, trailing his fingers down Hongbin's face and neck to readjust the collar of his button-up shirt.

Hongbin tucks some of Taekwoon's hair behind his ears. "Are you going to kiss me or what?"

Taekwoon smiles even though it hurts, and pulls him a little closer by the collar, pressing their lips sweetly together. Momentarily, Taekwoon flashes on Wonshik standing just a few meters away and he wants to push away from Hongbin, but he reminds himself that it was Wonshik's idea to come here—he should have expected something like this to happen. Slowly, Taekwoon closes his eyes. Oh, how he missed the taste of Hongbin's breath. Sugary and familiar and innocent. When their lips part, Taekwoon gives a sad smile.

"I should go," he murmurs.

Hongbin nods, trying to understand. "Come back after Christmas," he says, resting his hands on Taekwoon's shoulders. "Also, who's that?" Hongbin asks, looking over Taekwoon's head at Wonshik, who has his back turned to the house.

Some sharp pang of something like regret sails through Taekwoon and he grimaces. "Oh," he sighs. "That's Wonshik. He made me come here."

"Is he a friend?"

"Something like that,"

Hongbin's eyes crinkle at the corners in a contented squint, and a lump of guilt forms in Taekwoon's throat. "Have a good holiday, Taekwoon. I'll see you soon."

"Yeah," Taekwoon mumbles as he stands up and swallows hard. He looks down at Hongbin's splotchy and tear-streaked face and feels his heart ache. With a weak wave, Taekwoon watches Hongbin reach for the wheels of his chair and back up, softly shutting the door. Taekwoon stands on the step for a few moments, blinking his burning eyes, and through the front door, he overhears Hongbin's grandmother's warm voice.

"Who was that at the door?" she asks quietly.

"That was Taekwoon, Gran." Hongbin answers, his voice growing distant.

"Why didn't you invite him in?" A short silence—Taekwoon assumes Hongbin is too far away for his voice to reach the door. "Hongbin, are you crying?" Hongbin's grandmother's suddenly concerned voice fades as well, and Taekwoon heaves a sigh.

Hongbin missed him.

He stumbles down the walkway as though he were in a dream—he can't believe it. All these months he spent convinced that Hongbin hated his guts, only to discover that Hongbin had been waiting for him. Taekwoon is violently ripped from his dream-state when he nearly runs into Wonshik's back.

Wonshik turns around when he hears Taekwoon, but immediately averts his eyes and turns back around to hide his red face. "Wonshik…?" Taekwoon whispers.

Wonshik furiously swipes away his tears and sniffles. "How did it go?" he asks, keeping his back turned.

"Hongbin isn't angry," Taekwoon says, his voice barely audible. He inhales deeply through his nose. "Wonshik."

"Yeah?" Wonshik's voice is muffled by his chest.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Bull."

Wonshik turns on his heel and his eyes connect with Taekwoon's, those dark pools boring straight through him. "So I'm not fine," Wonshik huffs after a moment, flicking his eyes away. "But you don't look so fine, either."

Taekwoon bates his breath and continues to stare at Wonshik, hoping to get more of an answer out of him. He sighs after not getting anything, and reaches for Wonshik's hand. "Let's just go."

Wonshik yanks his hand away before Taekwoon can intertwine their fingers. It feels like Wonshik is pulling away his entire heart after laying it out for Taekwoon to feast on, and it hurts so badly. He wanted Taekwoon more than anything, and he nearly cries out in pain. Then, in a shrunken voice: "I shouldn't. You belong to Hongbin again, now." He forces himself to smile.

"Wonshik…" Taekwoon breathes.

"This is what we came for," Wonshik says in a voice just a tad too loud, trying to mask the shakiness. "Love is also loyalty, so I think it's time for us to…" Tears well up in Wonshik's eyes again. He didn't think it would be this hard. "I think it's time for us to move on."

"Wonshik," Taekwoon repeats, shaking his head ever so slightly. "You said it would all be fine."

"It is all fine," Wonshik says, burying fists in his jacket pockets.

Taekwoon frowns. "Not for you, it isn't."

"It's okay," Wonshik assures Taekwoon, staring at the sidewalk under his feet. "I knew this was coming."

Taekwoon bites his lip and glares at Wonshik's feet with violent eyes. "This is too confusing," he mutters.

Wonshik exhales a shuddering sigh. "We can still be friends."

"That's not the same,"

Taekwoon's point hits Wonshik right in the chest. Wonshik nods. "You're right." He clenches and unclenches his fists repeatedly. "But it's not like I can share you with Hongbin without getting jealous."

Taekwoon whips his head up, red mouth open to speak. Wonshik smiles sadly, his drooping eyes creasing at the corners. It nearly pulls Taekwoon's heart from his chest, seeing Wonshik smile so sorrowfully. He closes his mouth and swallows dryly. "Fine," he whispers. "Fine. I understand."

Taekwoon watches Wonshik scuff dejectedly at the ground with the toe of his shoe, and after a split-second thoughtless decision, grabs Wonshik's wrist and pulls his left hand from his pocket, forcing Wonshik to hold his hand. He looks fiercely into Wonshik's eyes.

"Just hold my hand. Just this last time," Taekwoon spits before Wonshik can protest.

Angry butterflies batter against the inside of Wonshik's stomach—he doesn't want to hold Taekwoon's hand. Not anymore. Not after making amends with Hongbin. "Don't," Wonshik croaks, his eyes burning with saltwater. "You'll make things worse. I just want to let you go," Wonshik tries desperately to pull his hand from Taekwoon's vice grip, but Taekwoon is much stronger than Wonshik ever thought. He throws a glance at Taekwoon, but he can't tell if Taekwoon's expression is sad or angry. "Taekwoon, let go," Wonshik gasps.

"Please," Taekwoon rasps, ignoring Wonshik's protest. "Just let me hold your hand." Taekwoon's grip tightens.
 
"Ow, Taekwoon, you're hurting me," Wonshik hisses, feeling as though his bones are going to crush in Taekwoon's hand. He wasn't expecting this at all—Wonshik had thought that once Taekwoon got Hongbin back, he'd be okay again, that he'd be content. He didn't expect that Taekwoon would be so greedy. The tears in Wonshik's eyes spill over. "Taekwoon,"

"Don't leave," Taekwoon nearly moans, and Wonshik's chest constricts in a way he wishes it wouldn't.

"I won't," Wonshik says. "But we can't be like this anymore, you have Hongbin. You love him more than me, I can see it in your eyes." Wonshik twists his fingers in Taekwoon's grip. "Taekwoon, please let go, you're hurting my hand."

Suddenly Taekwoon snaps to and realizes what he's doing—he flashes violently on being in the car with Hongbin and instantly drops Wonshik's hand, stumbling backwards a step. "I'm so sorry," he chokes. "I didn't mean—"

"It's fine," Wonshik says, rubbing his hand and wiping away tears.

"I'm so confused."

"Then let's end it now."

Taekwoon's face contorts into an ugly pained expression, but he nods regardless.