The place wasn’t as bad as Hyukjae thought. Even the sheep were surprisingly tame and he actually had fun feeding and ‘conversing’ with them. It was already late in the evening by the time they were walking back to the cottage, and Donghae apparently had decided to stay for the night. He didn’t mind anyway, he'd always hated to stay at home.

“Here,” Donghae extended his hand towards Hyukjae, when he saw him hesitating to climb up the rocky hill.

“No thanks,” Hyukjae refused, but Donghae still took his hand and pulled him up, leaving him in surprise. “What the hell?”

“You’re too slow.”

Hyukjae snorted. Donghae'd always managed to annoy him with every word he said. But for some odd reason, he couldn’t stay mad at him for long, and he hated himself for it. He shouldn’t be like this. He used to be different, he had no freaking idea why he was behaving like this with Donghae.

“It’s going to be really cold at night, so you better wear something warm,” Donghae said, glancing over at the younger behind him.

“I know. I’m not a kid.”

“You’re only seventeen. That is still considered a kid.”

“So does being 24 make you a dependable adult?”

“Depends on how you see me.” 

“I see you as a plain and boring man who doesn’t know what life means.”

“So, you think I’m plain and boring?” There was a tinge of amusement in Donghae’s voice, despite his emotionless face.

“Very.”

“So you’ve been observing me. Is that what you wanted to say?”

“No, that’s not it, you idiot,” Hyukjae fastened his pace once they arrived at the cottage, trying not to let the latter see his red cheeks.

He shouldn’t have said anything. Now he wasn’t even sure how to look at Donghae in the eye. He threw a short glance at the latter, and quickly looked away when he realized the latter was staring at him. He nearly tripped over his own feet as he was hurrying to get inside, because he had a feeling that Donghae was actually laughing at him in his mind. Glancing at the latter for one last time, he quickly went into his room and slammed the door shut.

“What am I even doing,” Hyukjae let out a sigh as he plopped down on the bed, his sleepy eyes staring blankly at the white-painted wall.

Now that he was alone, he realized just how much he hated the silence, even though he was used to it. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, he was actually longing for a company after Jungsu left. He was getting tired of being left alone.

“They're always leaving me…” Hyukjae mumbled to himself. He closed his eyes and lied down on the bed, almost drifting off to sleep when suddenly his phone rang. Groaning, he took his phone out of his pocket and answered the call, without looking at the caller ID.

“Hello,” he said.

“Hyuk?” Hyukjae’s eyes shot open upon hearing the voice. He recognized it too well.

It was Junsu, one of his close friends in his small clique. But Junsu was supposed to be in Japan, which meant he wasn’t calling for no good reason.

“I thought you were in Japan,” Hyukjae said. “Is everything fine?”

“Hyuk-ah, I’m in Seoul now.”

“When did you get back?”

“Just now. I’m still at the airport.”

“So, you’re back for good?”

“Not really…”

Hyukjae could hear the latter sighing, and it didn’t give him a good feeling. Junsu was rarely like this. Something must’ve happened.

“Hyukjae, I received a phone call earlier.”

“And?”

“It’s…it’s about Yunho.”

“What about him?” Hyukjae’s heart began to beat faster, his grip tightened around his phone.

“He’s…dead.”

Hyukjae was dumbstruck at first, and he would be laughing his off if it wasn’t because of Junsu’s trembling voice. “Wait, you’re joking right?”

“Hyukjae…”

“If you think you’re going to fool me with this kind of joke, you’re totally wrong.”

“Hyukjae, listen-“

“There’s no way he’s dead,” Hyukjae tried to sound firm, but his voice was clearly shaking, “I just met him a few weeks ago and he was fine. We had a fight, but he-“

“Hyukjae!” Junsu raised his voice, cutting him off. “Yunho-hyung is dead. He was killed.”

Hyukjae’s eyes widened. “You’re kidding me.”

“He was shot to death.”

Shot to death.

Hyukjae’s breath hitched.

“Hyukjae, are you alright?”

“Y-yeah. I, uh... I’ll…I’ll call you back,” Hyukjae said, and quickly ended the call. He wanted to believe that he was alright and things would be fine, but then he felt it, the familiar feeling of his stomach gurgling and rising up.

“Oh God,” Hyukjae quickly stood up, but it was a wrong move.

He stumbled backward as he felt his head spinning, knocking off the vase on the table behind him. He was too distracted to realize he had been cut by the broken vase, until he started to feel the sharp pain in his left hand, as if he was being stabbed by sharp needles.

Frowning, he took a look at his hand, only now realizing that he was bleeding. Small drops of sweat began to form on his forehead as he stumbled into the bathroom, trying to wash the blood away. He grabbed a towel in panic and wiped his hand, but the blood kept flowing out.

“Stop, stop stop stop,” he muttered, his breathing was getting heavier as he kept washing his hand. “Stop, damn it!”

But no matter how many times he tried, the blood still wouldn’t stop. He looked into the mirror, and fear was the only thing he could see on his pale face. He clamped his hand over his mouth as blurry images came flashing through his mind, replaying again and again.

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