Real love takes time.

Being dumped is the most embarrassing and frustrating moment in a guy’s life. Not only did we ask ourselves what we’ve done wrong, what lacks in us and if our effort is not enough, but our biggest question is, Am I not lovable and capable enough for her to love?

People say that when a door closes, a window will surely open which can also be applied in love. Some say that once you fail in love, somebody will come into your life and change the game for you, but what will you do if the person who turned you down is also the person who came to change the game for you? Isn’t it too ironic or it’s just how things are destined to be?

After confessing my love to Rae, I promised not only to myself but to Jiyong as well that I will not stop loving her. Instead, I’ll just give myself some space to think things over and move on. I don’t know, but I still have a drop of hope that one day, she’ll look my way and will give me a chance to make her feel how much I love her. Time can only tell when. It can happen later, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow or years from now. It doesn’t matter, what’s important is, you know in yourself that you didn’t give up and you waited.

It’s been a month since I lay low in our friendship and basically shut myself off from her. This isn’t actually my plan for what I only wanted is some time to cool things down but for some reason I’m not sure of, I distanced myself from calling her every day to not even sending a single message to her. I must say, it’s tough, but I think I was really hurt that I did what I don’t intend to do.

Oh well, I’m sure Rae is doing good, especially when Jiyong is giving so much time to keep her company. I don’t know what’s gotten into that kid, but after I told him to check on her that rainy night, he started caring for her more than before to the point that he even skipped a recording just to accompany her somewhere. It’s pretty shocking and at the same time weird and I felt a wave of jealousy too.

To be honest, I really can’t get Jiyong or Rae. Those two are just so hard to read that even though we’ve been friends for a long time now, there are still times wherein I have to squeeze my brain just to figure out what they’re up to.

Jiyong is not the kind of person who changes in a snap, but with Rae he seemed to change from being warm to cold and vice versa in the fastest pace. One day he’s so warm and loving and friendly to her, the next he’ll ignore her to the point that you will not even think they know each other. I sometimes get angry at him because there are instances wherein Rae feels like a ghost to him.

And comes Rae, she’s a very vocal person. She always tell me how much she hates Jiyong for “ing” on her and will even say “I don’t want to be friends with him anymore because he doesn’t treat me one anyway”, but what? At the end of the day, she’ll still stick with him, a call of help from him will make her wriggle in excitement no matter how much he “ed” around her.

Seriously, their relationship is totally ed up that I’m sure even they, don’t know what happened, how did it became like that and how to handle it.

“Hyung” Jiyong sat beside me while I’m smoking.

He did the same and we stayed silent for a while.

In all fairness to him, he’s really understanding of my feelings. Out of all the members, he’s the only one who knows what happened for no matter how much I want to tell it to the rest, I can’t bring myself to do so for I feel like it’s a big embarrassment to be dumped by someone.

“Have you talked to her already?” he asked.

I shook my head “Not yet” then sighed.

He looked at me intently “Hyung…I know that I’ve repeated this to you for so many times already…but…you really have to do something about this as soon as possible because Rae might think that this total shut off is permanent and as much as I don’t want to think of it….she might shut you off too and I don’t want that to happen”

He’s making sense. I shouldn’t prolong this anymore because Rae might do the same and if that ever happens, saving our friendship will be much harder.

“You know so well that I’m dying to talk to her already….but…I don’t know how” I told him, earning a heavy sigh.

“To be honest…I also don’t know how to deal with this kind of situation because I’ve never been in one…but…if I’m going to put myself in your shoes…I might not do anything for now coz Hyung…you now me…I may look brave but I don’t have the balls to talk to someone who dumped me because in my mind…she might think that I’m squeezing myself into her when she already turned me down…”

“But of course…Rae is different from other girls…I’m so sure that she will think of that and will still take you in her life even after what happened…thing is….you really have to talk to her already because she might get the wrong signal and even if she doesn’t want to do what you’re doing to her now…she might result to doing it for she might think that this is how you want things to be” he said, making me think deeply.

Because of this, I gathered myself up and tried calling her, but always hang up on the third ring. Maybe I’m really not ready to talk to her yet.

Days passed and I’m still looking for some guts to call and talk to her. We’re back in Seoul already after holding a concert to three different countries.

This is it! I’m back and I think one of these days, I’ll have the strength to go to Rae and talk to her for things to be cleared already.

“Hyung!” Jiyong called out when I’m about to leave the YG building already.

I turned to look at him and waited till he reaches me.

“Do you want to go out tonight?” he asked, making me laugh.

“Aigoo…why do you sound like a girl who is asking her crush to go out with her?” I asked, cracking him up in laughter.

“Tabi Oppa…let’s go to the club tonight…please come…please” he acts like a girl who is trying hard to be so cute that you want to slap the out of her because it’s slightly annoying already.

“Yah! You may look and sound like a girl sometimes…but…your cute act is truly annoying” I told him and he laughed so hard.

After fooling around, he finally told me about his plan tonight. According to him, he wants to unwind for we’re working our asses out for weeks now and he misses drinking and having fun with friends already. And because I’m in need of some fun as well, I agreed with him. All I wish is for me to be able to pull myself out of misery for a while and just have the time of my life.

With my mood in party mode, I head to the club and told myself that I should not think of Rae tonight, that I’ll have fun for a while and just deal with her later. But still, a part of me wants her to be here.

“OH!” I gasped in shock.

Can somebody assure me that this isn’t a dream? As far as I know