Love should be the person you’d rather blow up the world than live without.

When you’re in-love, all you can think of is the person that captured not only your eyes and heart, but your whole being. You are ready to screw up, go totally crazy, be messed and mislead just for him or her. There are also some who will accept reality that there is just no chance for you and the person you’re in-love with to be together, simply because you are afraid to lose him or her, for what you both have is a relationship that is more important than love.

It truly is hard to reject someone that you know will make your world go round perfectly, that you have somebody who will do everything just for you not to get hurt. To know that you have broken a heart and left it to bleed is a terrible reality, but then again, I’d rather keep him as a best friend or a brother than risk being his lover because in this way, we can be sure that there’ll be no end to the beautiful friendship we have.

Days, weeks and a month passed by, up until now Seunghyun and I haven’t talked about our issues yet. I can say that we’re not the same as before which is expected, but is so horrible for as much as I want to reach out to him and tell him that I don’t want us to change, I can’t, for I’ll be a hypocrite if I’m going to say that I’ve already buried and forgotten completely that night he confessed.

To be honest, I really don’t know if we’ll still be able to save our friendship after this, especially when we can’t find time and the guts to face each other.

As of the moment, he’s so busy roaming around the world, doing what he does best, while I’m preparing and literally all over the place just for my third restaurant to be possible. If only we can see each other, sit for a while and talk even just for a half hour or so, that’ll be good just to clear things out.

Actually, I’m not sure if I can voice my mind and heart to him personally, all because I know so well that no matter what I say, no matter how I assure him that I’ll never go away and I’ll always be his best friend, I’m still going to hurt him in many ways.

“You know what….you need a break…really badly” Karla, my girl best friend told me.

It seems like God really timed this to happen and sent me one of my closest buddies that I’m not expecting to come at all. Karla is my college roommate and partner in crime. She’s also a Chef with Japanese food specialties in New York. She’s here in Seoul for a week vacation and I’m really thankful because she came when I’m in serious need of someone to listen and keep me company.

In all fairness to Jiyong, he checks on me from time to time when he was still here but as usual, now that he’s far away and busy, it seems like he has forgotten about me again which is not a big deal anymore for I’m used to it anyway.

“I don’t want to rest….time is gold and if I’m going to sit around and do nothing….I’m not going to meet my deadlines….and if that happens…my third restaurant is good to be forgotten already” I said, making her sigh.

Time is seriously important to me nowadays because there are still a lot to fix and arrange for my new restaurant to get going. Expanding an empire is not easy at all and if I’m going to waste even a second of my time, I’ll get everything screwed. Truth is, I don’t have any deadlines but I put some on myself just for me to move as fast as I can and be motivated as well. This plan has been sitting on the bench for quite some time now and it’s just right for me to do something about it already.

“Seriously…” she put the spatula that she’s holding on the counter then walked to me “Look at you! You’re like a walking zombie….much worse than the ones I see in the series Walking Dead….you lost weight and is SUPER stressed” she touched my chin and moved my head from left to right “I can see wrinkles beside your eyes already….GOSH!”

I chuckled for she’s exaggerating once again “I don’t mind losing weight….actually…I think….this whole love thing is doing something good to me….I have a strong feeling that I’ll go back to being a size two in no time and what do we know? I might go flat zero”

She rolled her eyes then hissed “Rae Song….don’t be too delusional…we both know that no matter what we do and how long we starve ourselves…having a size zero model body that borders anorexic look is impossible…and…” she sat on the chair in front of me then raised her eyebrows “Your love problem is bringing you all the crap and this world has”

It made me sigh heavily “What am I going to do? I’m already in this situation and don’t know how to run away from it” I said in frustration.

She gave out a smile then spanked the table with both hands “Ha! Let’s call this a day and pamper ourselves!”

And because Karla won’t stop bugging me for a “bond night”, I agreed to take time off from work with a promise to myself that I will try my hardest to enjoy even just for a few hours.

Feeling lazy and not in the mood to go clubbing, I just suggested that we call a salon for a home service and we’ll just transform my living room into our personal spa.

“Look!” Karla shouted while pointing at the television.

My eyes are covered with Cucumber while savoring my foot massage. I jerked up in surprise “What?!”

“It’s TOP!” she answered, still in a pitch higher than usual “And Jiyong!”

I scoffed “Oh yeah?” then looked at the television screen then put the cucumbers on my eyes again after a few seconds.

She chuckled “They look HOT!”

I sighed heavily and gave a lame nod.

“Holy smokes! Jiyong is really one bloody fine meat!” she exclaimed.

Hearing this don’t shock or affect me anymore for I have heard and seen girls going gaga over Jiyong and Seunghyun ever since I can remember and if before I still find it amazing, now it’s like a part of them already that grew on me.

“I cannot believe that you turned down such handsome man” she said, making my nerves pent up.

Karla should really shut about the matter because we’re not the only people in the room, there are five of us and three of them don’t even know that I’m close with two of the most popular celebrities in the country, what more if they find out that one of them confessed their love to me and I just dumped him.

“Shut it” I mouthed at her and she looked at me weirdly.

Stupid me. I forgot, this crazy woman doesn’t know Korean and we’re conversing in English.

“Mr. Deep voice looks so perfect…he can be lined with Hollywood’s heartthrobs…I swear! He can stand beside R. Patts and get noticed first before him…his face is one heck of an art…just imagine having a child with him as its father…his genes are so perfectly mixed that even I…” she looked at me then pointed at herself “Will go insane just to get one of his precious crawling inside to my egg”

This woman is really one of the craziest and her use of words can be sometimes “vulgar”, but she’s the kindest and loveliest so it’s all good.

“OK…fine…I admit…Mr. DV is a guy who is seemingly perfect in every way…and is not only just a face but also a person with one of the best personalities who has manners and respect for everybody…and I’ve got nothing to say but pure compliment about him…but…you really can’t tell your heart to just fall for this person especially when not even once have you seen him as a lover” I told her, earning a heavy sigh.

She looked at the TV screen once again then stared at me for I don’t know how long “How about Eight….how’s your relationship with him?”

“Eight” is our codename for Jiyong. Back when we’re still in college, we give our crushes codenames that perfectly defines them and because Jiyong loves the number eight, I just chose to give him the number as his codename, while Seunghyun’s is quite obvious for he’s Mr. Deep Voice and out of all my friends, he’s the only one who has a voice like that.

How will I say this? Honestly, I really appreciate the care and the thoughtfulness that Jiyong has after what happened between me and Seunghyun. Unexpectedly, he drops by my house or wherever restaurant I am just to check if I’m doing alright or to keep me company even just for an hour or two. I don’t know what gotten into him but I have a feeling that he’s just being like that because he can relate to me for he’s the only person who knows about wha