I Wish I Could Say All that I Ever Wanted to Say to You
Coffee Writinga/n: freewriting, no actual purpose; I only wanted to share these thoughts
I wish I could say all that I ever wanted to say to you.
I would rip my skin open for the letters bumbling underneath
to communicate the part transparent,
part blurred prose threatening to escape my teeth.
My breath is weak - dear help me -
there are individual crawling out of my veins
"Multiply in glee," they shout while organizing a prison break.
I wish I could shout in tandem but,
I still have one key they haven't found.
They will need to take me before this key
because girls painted puerile just don't have last breaths.
They should be pale in face and natural in beauty. They nod their heads and fold their chests,
hoping proper behavior leads to time away from social interaction.
Time spent away from potentially unfiliflling expectations
Thump Thump
No! -don't show what is on the inside.
The smile is chipping, blood overflowing.
But no fight is without the leader.
Just push deeper and she will die.
Go on, there is only so much you can do now:
they have already taken all the guards.
Centimeters deeper and you won't have to play warden anyone.
Go on,
unleash the ugly beast; carve prose so deep no paint can hide the scars.
They are hungry and tired but their thirst for freedom is fresh.
They demand to be heard. To be valid. To be make a difference.
Ah, but, they are emotions.
Exhausing.
Choatic.
Ugly.
They make real the anxiety within my existence.
As judgment pierces the air with rings of invalidation
that line up and down the veins until everything is silhouetted in
Mercury spray painted silver.
This is no prison break. They aren't freedom fighters.
They are magistrates. And this is a goddamn sacrifice.
Whichever gets out first is stamped,
acknowledged, and silenced,
living a bittersweet life: watching ilk condemn their own deaths.
I wish I could say all that I ever wanted to say to you.
But, I don't really want to say anything:
having my blood is more important than having you.
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