Part Three

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*I*Don’t*Wanna*Cry*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Yunho tries very hard to be the caring guardian that the four have been missing for so long. He works from home now, taking on only easy cases and leaving the rest to his capable team of lawyers, so that he can spend more time with his new family. He buys them a bunch of movies and they watch them together, all five of them huddled on the sofa in the living room. They eat popcorn and Yunho purposely drops some on the floor, if only to reinforce the idea that accidents happen and it really doesn’t matter if something spills. By the third day they don’t try to smother their laughter at the funny parts, and Yoochun and Junsu both yell at the TV when a character does something stupid. It’s a far cry from the four wide-eyed teenagers who barely watched the movie a few weeks ago.

They aren’t afraid to talk to him either, and they begin to open up about their pasts. Yoochun was adopted last (six months ago), he likes to write songs and he has a younger brother who lives in America with their grandparents. Apparently when their parents passed away, Yoochun knew that his grandparents were too old to support both him and his brother, so he stayed behind. Junsu tells Yunho that he has a twin brother whom he hasn’t seen in four years; they were separated at the orphanage, and he doesn’t know if he was adopted or not. Changmin has two younger half-sisters, who live with their mother. She apparently tried to adopt him too, but the court said that she didn’t earn enough to support three children and it would be better if Changmin went to another home. Jaejoong was given up by his mother when he was very young, and he doesn’t know if he has biological siblings, however his first foster parents had eight daughters. They wanted to adopt him, but he was adopted by Yunho's father before they had a chance. He apparently missed them terribly, though Jaejoong himself didn’t tell Yunho about it, Changmin did. Yunho feels his heart break each time he thinks about the families that these boys so clearly miss and hires a private investigator to track them all down.

A week after the hospital incident Yunho is woken up at 4:13 in the morning by Junsu screaming for him. He runs to his room and Junsu throws himself into his arms, sobbing that “they were going to take him away” and “please don’t make us leave.” Jaejoong runs in too, but Yunho tells him that he can handle this and Jaejoong doesn’t need to worry about taking care of the other three anymore. It takes a minute but eventually Jaejoong does go back to bed, and Yunho spends a half an hour convincing Junsu that nobody is going to take him away. Once Junsu has stopped crying/apologizing for waking him up, Yunho offers to stay with him until he falls asleep again. Junsu starts crying again (much his surprise) and tells Yunho that nobody has ever offered to do anything so nice for him before. As he watches Junsu drift back to sleep, Yunho can’t help but feel like he’s on the right track to healing these boys from their traumatic pasts.

There are two flaws in his plan though- the first being the obvious; kindness and love can’t heal all wounds. He can do and say all the right things, but that will only go so far. The four need professional help- which Yunho can’t give them. He feels that he has held off for long enough, and it is time to find the four a therapist.

The other flaw comes in the form of Jaejoong. It seems that no matter how hard he tries he cannot crack the shell that covers Jaejoong’s heart. If anything, Yunho becomes more and more convinced that Jaejoong hates his guts and would cheerfully stab his eyes out with a carrot stick if he ever got the chance.

His theory is solidified when he takes the foursome shopping for clothing and bedroom furniture. He realized that night when he was trying to get Junsu to sleep that the boy’s bedrooms had originally been guest rooms and lacked any personal feel, and he doesn’t want them to feel like guests, he wants them to feel like they belong in the house. Plus he had planned to take them shopping anyway, and now seems like a pretty good time to do it. They protest and say that they don’t want him to spend the money on them, but they change their minds when he says that if that’s the case he’ll just get them all Hello Kitty furniture sets.

They go to a shopping mall on a Sunday morning, when it’s not as crowded. Yoochun, Junsu and Changmin run around the store, touching everything and changing their minds about what they want every five minutes. They try out all the mattresses in the store and play catch with throw pillows…generally acting like children. Yunho finds it adorable and eggs them on (much to the disappointment of the employees), but Jaejoong stands still- arms folded and glaring at the floor.

“Don’t you want to join them?” Yunho asks. Jaejoong shakes his head.

“It looks like fun though, doesn’t it?” he prods. Jaejoong turns his back to Yunho.

“You go join them if you think it’s so much fun, then,” he spits. Yunho pauses and tries to figure out if Jaejoong is mad or just embarrassed to be seen with them, as they are acting rather childish.

“Well, um…” Yunho tries again, “Then have you decided what you want? Or did you need more time?”

Jaejoong huffs impatiently. “What does it matter what I want? Nobody gives a damn.”

“I do,” Yunho says sadly. Jaejoong covers his ears.

“God, you’re annoying! You think you can just solve every problem in the world, don’t you?” He keeps his voice low, and none of the other three seem to notice that anything’s wrong. “Just leave me alone,” Jaejoong tells him. “I don’t need you in my life.”

Yunho finds himself at a loss for words. He doesn’t walk away though; he stares at the back of Jaejoong’s head and wonders what he’s done to make the boy hate him so much. Eventually the trio wander over and inform him that they each picked out a few things. Changmin slides his hand into Jaejoong’s and says that he found something for him too. Jaejoong’s attitude takes a 180; he smiles brightly at Changmin and thanks the younger for looking out for him. On the way out, Changmin holds both Jaejoong and Yunho’s hands, and while the smile stays on Jaejoong’s face, he never looks in Yunho’s direction.

Yunho knows a very good family therapist- Doctor Lee Minji- through the law firm, and he has called on her in the past for help with cases involving abused children. She agrees to help the boys, and the first thing she does is ask Yunho what he thinks of them. He works backwards, starting from Changmin because he needs the time to think about what to say about Jaejoong. When he finally gets to the boy though, all he can think to say is, “Jaejoong hates me.”

Minji asks him to explain of course, and he tells her about the glares, the shouting and the mall incident. She listens carefully, and surprises him by asking if perhaps Jaejoong is jealous of him. He’s taken aback by the statement, and she elaborates.

“It would seem that Jaejoong has been the primary caretaker of these three for some time and a constant source of comfort for them. They clearly loved and relied on him a lot, and then you come along and all of a sudden it isn’t Jaejoong that they’re calling for, or seeing as the one who loves them, but you- a man who he doesn’t know at all and who maybe he who wonders is trust worthy.”

Yunho gapes at her and she presses on. “Think about it, Jaejoong is the mother figure in this picture. Yoochun, Junsu and Changmin are his babies. He worries about them, he wants to keep them safe. Maybe he feels like he can’t do that anymore and it bothers him. It’s also possible that he feels like he’s been replaced.”

“I wasn’t trying to replace him,” Yunho says defensively, and Minji raises her hand.

“I know that, but how do you expect him to know that? Maybe he doesn’t know what his place in the family is anymore, maybe he feels like he isn’t needed. That sounds more likely to me than him hating you.”

Yunho slumps down in his seat. “It sounds to me like he’d hate me either way,” he moans.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*I*Don’t*Wanna*Cry*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Yunho waits until two nights before the first appointment with Minji to tell them that they will be going to therapy, and he tells them during dinner. The announcement is met with mixed reactions- Changmin seems okay with it, Junsu and Yoochun exchange worried glances and Jaejoong drops his fork and gapes at Yunho in shock.

“You don’t have to tell her your whole life story all at once,” he says quickly. “You’ll be going to see her individually twice a week for an hour, and once a week you’ll have a group meeting.”

Jaejoong swallows thickly. “Do we have to tell her everything, though?” He asks nervously. Yunho shrugs. “I really don’t know what you’re going to talk about…I’d imagine that she’d be able to figure out a lot on her own though.”

Jaejoong nods weakly. “And um…is she going to tell you what we say?”

Yunho shakes his head- this is a question he can answer. “She’s not allowed to say anything to me, the only ones who can talk about what is said in that room is yourselves. In the beginning I won’t be there for the group sessions, but she might ask me to come in after a few weeks, especially if you all want me there.”

The meal finishes in silence after that, though Yunho watches Jaejoong the whole time and the boy doesn’t take another bite of his food.

Several hours later and after the kids have all gone to sleep, Yunho is just about to go to bed himself- he has his pajamas on and everything- when he hears a soft knock on his door. Confused as to who it could be (usually the boys just scream for him when they want him) he opens the door and is surprised to find Jaejoong standing in the hallway.

“Did you knock?” Yunho asks, and then mentally kicks himself. “Sorry, stupid question, how can I help you?”

Jaejoong stares at the floor and scuffs his bare foot against the carpet. He mumbles intelligibly and Yunho strains to understand him.

“I’m sorry,” he says again, “I didn’t catch that.”

Jaejoong huffs in exasperation and for some reason seems to be blushing. “Forget it,” he says, and turns away.

Yunho stumbles after him. “Hold it,” he says, grabbing Jaejoong’s wrist. “I know you wanted to talk about something and it seems to be important. So talk,” he says sternly. Jaejoong shakes his head but doesn’t try to run away.

“I’m not leaving you alone until you tell me,” Yunho promises recklessly. He wonders if he’s pushing his luck, but it’s the first time that Jaejoong has ever sought him out and damn it all if Yunho is going to let him get away now.

“I was sleepwalking,” Jaejoong says. “I have no idea why I’m here.”

Yunho snorts. “You are a horrible liar, young man,” he says, doing an impression of a nagging mother from the movie they watched the night before. “Do you know what I say to liars?”

The corners of Jaejoong’s lips twitch upwards. “A liar says what?” He asks, and damn it Yunho can hear the smile in his voice.

“Are you smiling?!” He gasps in the same tone, grabbing Jaejoong’s shoulders and spinning him around. Jaejoong ducks his head down and Yunho bends down to get a better look at him. Jaejoong raises a hand to his mouth, but not before Yunho sees the small grin on his face.

“Oh my god, you are!” Yunho yells, shaking Jaejoong slightly. “Oh no you don’t, don’t smile! You hear me? You aren’t allowed to be enjoying this.”

Jaejoong actually laughs at that, trying to smother it with his hand. Yunho gasps again and taps his nose sharply. “Yah! Why are you laughing now?! No, I said don’t smile!”

Jaejoong laughs openly, doubling over and holding his stomach. Yunho allows himself a victorious smirk before he lets go of Jaejoong’s shoulders and pokes him in the side. Jaejoong lets out a small scream of laughter before glaring playfully at Yunho, who laughs evilly.

“Ticklish, are you?” He says, holding out his hands. Jaejoong shakes his head, smile still on his face. Yunho dives forward and Jaejoong tries to dodge him, but to no avail.

“Lied again, I see,” Yunho says seriously as Jaejoong squirms away from him, gasping for breath. “Well, now you’ve gone and earned yourself a trip to the kitchen, boy- where I am going to have to force-feed you ice cream.”

“Ice cream?” Jaejoong asks, tilting his head to the side. Yunho gasps and pinches his cheeks.

“Aigo, so cute!” He teases. Jaejoong bats his hands away and whines in protest, but it turns into a shriek of surprise as Yunho casually throws Jaejoong over his shoulder.

“Yah! Put me down!” Jaejoong orders, hitting Yunho’s back. It’s gentle though, and Yunho knows he doesn’t mean it.

“Not a chance,” he says as he walks towards the stairs. “You’re getting ice cream and you’re going to like it, you hear me?”

Jaejoong sighs again and doesn’t say anything, which Yunho again takes as a sign of victory. He shifts Jaejoong to a better position, wondering silently at how light he is; clearly the boy needs more food. Once they get to the kitchen he sits Jaejoong down on the counter top and holds out his hand in a “stay” gesture.

“What’s your favorite flavor?” He asks, heading over to the refrigerator.

“Caviar,” Jaejoong says, and Yunho can hear the sarcasm dripping from the words. “Or pickle, whichever one is fine.”

“Gotcha. Chocolate chip it is then,” Yunho says, remembering that Jaejoong had ordered the flavor the one time he’d taken them out for ice cream. He scoops some out for Jaejoong and some for himself and then pulls a chair over in front of where Jaejoong is perched, facing the seat backwards and sitting so that he can rest his arms on the back. Jaejoong accepts the bowl of ice cream grudgingly, muttering that he’ll have to brush his teeth again.

Yunho finishes first and shoves his bowl into the sink before giving Jaejoong a serious look.

“What’s on your mind?” He asks, all kidding aside now. Jaejoong stares into his bowl and kicks his feet against the cabinet doors under the counter.

“I said it was nothing,” he says quietly. Yunho gets up and goes to stand next to Jaejoong. He tucks Jaejoong’s hair behind his ear so he can get a better look at the boy’s face.

“I still don’t buy that,” Yunho tells him. There’s silence for a moment.

“I don’t want to go to therapy,” Jaejoong finally admits.

Yunho nods- he guessed that much, he just didn’t think that Jaejoong would ever admit to it. “Why?”

Jaejoong swallows the last of the ice cream and stirs his spoon around the empty bowl. Yunho waits, but Jaejoong offers nothing else. Finally Yunho sighs and takes the bowl from Jaejoong, turning away and putting it into the sink.

“I’m not your enemy, you know,” Yunho says, keeping his back turned. “I want to help you… and it would be easier if I knew why you hated me.”

Then he claps a hand over his mouth, because he can’t believe he just said that. He’s about to take it back when Jaejoong finally speaks up.

“It’s easier to hate you,” he says. It’s so quiet that Yunho almost misses it, and even then he’s pretty sure he misheard.

“Easier?” He repeats, turning around. “What does that mean?”

“It means I don’t want to go to therapy,” Jaejoong snaps, the anger creeping back into his voice, except this time it is colored with something else, but Yunho can’t tell what and Jaejoong is still looking at the floor so Yunho can’t get a look at his face.

“I’m sorry you feel that way,” Yunho says honestly. “But I’m afraid you don’t have a choice. You need professional help, and there’s no shame in admitting it.”

“What if I refuse?” Jaejoong challenges.

“You can’t,” Yunho tells him frankly. “You’re a minor and as I adopted you, you are legally under my authority until you turn eighteen. That means what I say goes, and I say you’re going to therapy. I’m sorry if you don’t like it,” he says with finality. Jaejoong says nothing and Yunho figures that that is the end of the argument, and he turns back to the sink and starts to wash the dishes. He hears Jaejoong slip off the counter and figures that the boy is going back up to his room. It therefore comes as a surprise to Yunho when Jaejoong wraps his arms around his waist and presses his face into his back, right between his shoulder blades. Yunho jumps in shock and his hands go to Jaejoong’s wrists, but before he can react he realizes that Jaejoong is crying.

“Please,” he begs, choking on the word. “Please, please don’t make me go.”

Yunho freezes. Literally, he doesn’t think he could move even if the house suddenly burst into flames. Jaejoong tightens his grip and Yunho wonders dimly if his liver is going to be permanently damaged by the time these kids are done with him.

“Please, Yunho,” he says again, and this time Yunho recognizes the desperation in his voice. Jaejoong lets out a shuddering sob and it snaps Yunho out of his daze; he turns around and holds Jaejoong in his arms, tucking his head under his chin and rubbing his back soothingly.

“I promise I’ll do anything you ask,” Jaejoong tells him, and Yunho can barely understand him through the sobs. “I’ll talk to you about it, about whatever. I won’t yell or walk away, I swear! Just don’t make me talk to them.”

Yunho swallows nervously- he wasn’t prepared for this. He knows Jaejoong needs help but he’s such a pansy when it comes to tears.

“Why don’t you want to go?” Yunho asks, trying to buy himself some time. Jaejoong cries harder and shakes his head. Yunho pushes Jaejoong away from him and tries to make him look into his eyes, but Jaejoong hides his face in his hands.

“What don’t you want anyone to know?” He demands, not even sure of where it comes from, but he apparently hits the nail on the head.

“They’ll take me away,” Jaejoong whimpers.

“No, they won’t,” Yunho says. “They can’t do that.”

Jaejoong finally looks up, and he looks simultaneously angrier and sadder than Yunho has ever seen him. “They can if I tell them that I’m in love with you,” he screams, and then he falls to the floor, clutching his arms around himself and crying hysterically.

Yunho feels like he’s been socked in the gut, but can’t stop to dwell on what Jaejoong has just said because Jaejoong is going to make himself sick from crying if he carries on. Yunho kneels down next to him and tells him not to worry, that it’s okay and everything’s going to be alright. It half works- he’s not crying nearly as hard anymore – it’s nowhere near as bad as Changmin was, anyway. But no matter how hard Yunho tries, nothing he says can make Jaejoong stop altogether. So he gives up, pulls Jaejoong into his lap and let him cry. It takes nearly an hour and by the end of it Yunho is exhausted and near tears himself, but Jaejoong eventually goes quiet. Yunho lets out a heavy sigh and rocks Jaejoong back and forth slowly, hoping he’ll fall asleep, and he finally allows himself to analyze the situation he’s found himself in.

Jaejoong is in love with him. Well, it certainly explains a lot…including why it would be easier for Jaejoong to act like he hates Yunho’s guts. Yunho dimly remembers someone once telling him that hate is the most passionate of all emotions, and now he understands why.

Now, what is he supposed to do about it?

He considers ignoring it. Pretend the conversation never happened and carry on with life as usual. But he dismisses it instantly- Jaejoong lives in his house, there’s no way he can avoid the issue. The next most obvious thing is to tell Jaejoong that he’s being silly and mistaking love for something else, or to let him know that Yunho is not interested in pursuing a relationship with him whatsoever.

As soon as he thinks that, Jaejoong twists his fingers into Yunho’s shirt and lifts his head, looking up at Yunho with the face of a kicked puppy.

“Are you mad?” He asks shakily. Dear god, there are still tears on his eyelashes.

Yunho opens his mouth and shuts it again, feeling more and more helpless. Jaejoong looks away and Yunho wonders if Jaejoong has run out of tears, because he seems to want to cry again but can’t.

“I’m sorry,” he says pitifully. “I really tried not to. I swear I did! I didn’t w-want you to get in t-trouble because of me,” he takes a few harsh breaths and tries to get control of himself (he fails). “But I didn’t know how to stop and you just kept trying to make me like you, and I didn’t want to hurt you anymore. I didn’t want to pretend that I hated you,” he rubs the tears away, but more fall. “I’m so sorry,” he says again.

Yunho takes a deep breath and forces himself to calm down- he can deal with the specifics later, the important thing now is that Jaejoong realize he’s done nothing wrong.

“Alright, I want you to listen to me,” He says sternly. Jaejoong nods and Yunho grabs his shoulders, giving him a gentle shake. “Breathe,” He says teasingly. “Try to relax. First of all, you don’t have to keep apologizing- nobody is going to get in trouble for this.”

“But you’re my guardian,” Jaejoong says dejectedly, as if Yunho needed to be reminded of the fact. “It’s illegal.”

Yunho flounders for something to say and comes up blank. He shuts his eyes and bangs his head against the wall behind him. He’s tired and confused, and he’s not doing a very good job of explaining things to Jaejoong.

“You know what, we’ll talk about this is the morning, okay?” He says, resigning to the fact that he fails at everything.

Jaejoong sniffles and nods slowly, wiping his hands across his face. Yunho hauls them both to their feet and after a moment’s hesitation, he warps his arm around Jaejoong’s shoulder and hugs him to his side. They walk back to Jaejoong’s room in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. They get to the door to Jaejoong’s room and Yunho still has his arm around Jaejoong’s shoulders, but he’s not sure if he should let go or walk Jaejoong inside. The decision is made for him when Jaejoong grabs his hand and squeezes it tightly, and Yunho thinks that there really is no harm in tucking him in- they’ve gotten this far after all.

Yunho thought Jaejoong had been in his room for almost an hour before he knocked on Yunho’s door, but the bed is still made from that morning. Yunho wonders if Jaejoong had in fact spent all that time in the hallway, trying to convince himself to knock on the door and confess how he felt. He turns his eyes skyward and silently asks god how many times this kid is going to break his heart, because tonight alone he’s managed it about six times.

Yunho pulls down the covers and Jaejoong flops onto the bed, his hair falling across his face and pillow. Yunho brushes it back and tries not to notice the depression etched onto Jaejoong’s face- he recalls the smile that had flashed across his mouth a little while ago and wonders when he’ll get to see it again.

“Try to get some sleep, okay?” Yunho tells him and goes to turn off the light.

“Leave it on,” Jaejoong whispers. “I hate the dark.”

Yunho drops his hand. “Sorry,” he whispers back- though he’s not sure why he’s whispering. “Goodnight.” He takes five steps towards the door before he hears Jaejoong call his name. Yunho turns around and takes a half step back to the bed. Jaejoong blushes and avoids Yunho’s eyes.

“I-um, I don’t…can you stay with me please?” He finally blurts. Yunho’s heart sinks, because at this point he feels like if he stays he’ll only be feeding into a fantasy that can’t happen. Yet he did do the same for Junsu last week, and he really can’t say no to Jaejoong- not now.

There’s a desk and chair on the other side of the room, and Yunho pulls the chair over to the side of the bed and tries to make himself relax. Jaejoong lays down again and shuffles closer to the edge of the mattress- closer to Yunho.

Before he can stop himself Yunho reaches out to smooth Jaejoong’s hair back again, even though it really doesn’t need it. He’s about to take his hand away when Jaejoong shuts his eyes and leans his head into Yunho’s hand. Yunho blames it on his own exhaustion and the fact that he’d do anything at this point if it meant that Jaejoong would just go to sleep, but he keeps his hand where it is. He combs his fingers through Jaejoong’s hair, sometimes letting his nails just brush against the skin on the back of his neck. With each passing minute the tension eases out of Jaejoong’s body and his breathing slows. Finally his jaw goes slack and his body goes completely limp as he drifts to sleep.

Yunho pulls his hand away but doesn’t leave. He stares at Jaejoong’s sleeping face for a good twenty minutes, marveling at how peaceful he looks and wishing to god that he could see that look more often. He’s just beginning to ask himself what it would be like to have a relationship with the boy in front of him when he suddenly realizes that if he doesn’t get some sleep now, he’ll be totally useless come morning.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*I*Don’t*Wanna*Cry*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Despite his best efforts Yunho doesn’t get more than a solid two hours of sleep that night. He’s got too much on his mind and finally he can’t take it anymore; at six AM he figure’s it’s not too early to call Jessica.

She answers on the third ring. “Yunho I know I said that you can call me anytime, but isn’t 6 a little early for a Saturday morning?”

“Not when your adopted son told you that he’s in love with you the night before,” Yunho says dryly. He hears Jessica bolt upright.

“Wait, what?! Which one?” She demands.

“Jaejoong. Jaejoong told me that he’s in love with me and then burst into tears.” Yunho tells her, rubbing a hand across his face.

“Why?” She asks, sounding more awake by the minute.

“Why does he love me?” Yunho asks.

“No, why did he start crying?” She clarifies.

Yunho rolls his eyes. “Maybe because he’s upset?!”

“He’s upset about loving you?” Jessica asks, her confusion evident.

Yunho nods. “Bingo.”

Jessica sighs and he hears her get out of bed. “I need coffee if I’m gonna listen to this.”

“What do I do?!” Yunho cries.

“Well what did you do? And why did he tell you now, anyway?” Jessica asks with a yawn.

“Because I’m sending him to therapy, and he was afraid that if the doctor found out she’d take him away from me.” Yunho says slowly.

“Why would she do that?” Jessica mumbles; Yunho can hear her putting the coffee maker together.

“You’re kidding, right?” He asks, wondering if maybe it is too early to be having a conversation of this magnitude.

“Isn’t he sixteen? Turning seventeen in like, four months? He’s over the age of consent, you know.” Jessica says seriously.

Yunho’s jaw drops and he’s left speechless for a minute.  “I’m his father!” He finally blurts.

“Not by blood, you aren’t. And even that’s only until he turns eighteen- after that he’s free.” Jessica says slowly, as though she’s explaining this to a five year old.

Yunho hits himself on the head. “You’re supposed to be telling me not to encourage him- you’re supposed to help me be responsible!” He yelps.

“Yunho, why would I do that? I think it’s fantastic that he’s in love with you. It can be hard for abuse victims to fall in love- they find it hard to make that connection to people or they think they aren’t worthy of their partners. I think Jaejoong falling in love with you is the best thing for him right now.” Jessica tells him. Yunho curses himself, he forgot she was raised on Disney fairytales.

“Well that’s all well and good but…I’m his legal guardian!” Yunho says again.

“You are gonna keep playing that card aren’t you?” Jessica deadpans.

“Yes!!!” Yunho says stubbornly.

Jessica sighs and for a few moments there is silence. “Well, to the best of my knowledge…even that wouldn’t make it , and really the only way it could get shady is if you sleep with him. Are you sleeping with him?” She asks shrewdly.

Yunho shudders. “Oh god, no!”

“So then, what’s the big deal?” Jessica asks exasperatedly. “Let the therapist deal with this, you’ve got enough to worry about.”

Yunho is not satisfied with this answer. “I’m 23,” he moans.

“Seven years isn’t that bad,” Jessica says gently. “My parents were 13 years apart.”

“They were 21 and 34 when they got married- that’s a lot different from 16 and 23.” Yunho points out.

“Who said anything about marriage?” Jessica asks shrewdly. “It seems to me like any relationship you have with Jaejoong is going to be slow and hesitant. You probably would even kiss him for another year.”

Yunho sighs and runs his fingers tiredly through his hair. “It’s a moot point because I don’t-”

I don’t love him that way. It’s what he wants to say, but the words won’t come out.

“Are you sure about that?” Jessica asks slyly.

“He’s only sixteen,” Yunho says desperately, but now he thinks he’s talking more to himself than Jessica.

“Does he act sixteen?”

“Sometimes I think he’s much older,” Yunho admits. “But sometimes- like when he’s curled up on my floor and sobbing his heart out, I feel like I’m dealing with a traumatized six year old.”

“Well, how do you feel about Changmin?”

Yunho flashes back to the hospital- to Changmin screaming for Jaejoong and begging to go home. He never wants to hear Changmin cry like that again. He wants Changmin to be the sarcastic and snarky teenager that he should be- to watch cartoons and ignore his homework and someday fall in love with someone who will see him for the confidant man that he can be, not the scared child he is now. “I care about him- I want him to have a better life than the one he’s had. I want to watch him succeed and live a full life.”

“What about Jaejoong?”

An image of Jaejoong sobbing in his arms flashes before his eyes, followed by the smile that he got to see for a few minutes. It was so beautiful- even more so because he’d never seen it before. He wants to see it more often, he wants to hear Jaejoong laugh like he means it and is truly happy. Yunho remembers how Jaejoong threw himself in front of Junsu, prepared to take a beating for his friend- his brother. Finally he remembers looking into Jaejoong’s face the previous night. He was so serene and relaxed…he looked like an angel.

‘I wouldn’t mind getting to see him like that more often. Like every day for the rest of my life,’ he thinks to himself.

He wouldn’t mind getting to hold Jaejoong in his arms and make him feel safe and loved. He wouldn’t mind being able to look into Jaejoong’s eyes and seeing someone who was strong not because he knew he could stand on his own, but because he knew he had someone who loved him dearly.

“I want him to feel loved,” he finds himself saying. “I want him to be able to look at himself in the mirror and not be ashamed of the person looking back, to be able to say what he wants when he wants, and not be worried about being hit for it. I really want him to be happy.”

They lapse into thoughtful silence.

“It sounds to me,” Jessica says gently, “Like maybe you hold Jaejoong a little closer than the others.”

“Maybe I do,” Yunho admitted.

“Look Yunho,” she says heavily. “You’re a really good guy, and I would love for you to find someone to settle down with. It sounds like Jaejoong might be that person. You really care about him and you don’t seem to think of his as a child at all. I think that once that protective shell cracked open, you found someone you could fall in love with. ”

Yunho can’t find anything to say to that, because it’s true.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*I*Don’t*Wanna*Cry*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Yunho doesn’t pull Jaejoong from therapy, and when the day arrives he spends four hours driving back and forth from the office. They go in reverse age order, so after Yunho drops Changmin off he turns right back around and picks up Junsu. By the time he gets back, Changmin is out and he drives him home and picks up Yoochun, and so on. Changmin, Junsu and Yoochun all leave the office in tears, but assure Yunho that they’re not crying because they’re upset.

“I just felt so good to talk about it,” they all say. “And she said the most amazing things…she gives such good advice.”

The drive with Jaejoong is very awkward, although Yunho tries to not let it get that way. He makes small talk, but all Jaejoong does is nod and sit with his knees pulled up to his chest and bite his nails. Yunho walks him inside and to the door, where Minji is just emerging with Yoochun, who sniffles and wipes his eyes with a much used tissue. Yoochun sees the way Jaejoong hesitates and gives him a watery smile.

“It’s okay,” he hiccups, giving Jaejoong a brief hug. “It isn’t scary at all.”

Still, Jaejoong throws one last look of panic over his shoulder before the door closes.

Yoochun talks animatedly about his session- Minji helped him to realize that his guilt over leaving his brother was normal, but also helped him let go of it. She also taught him how to relax at night so that it would be easier to fall asleep. Yunho is sad to leave him off at the house, because it means he has nothing to distract him from his thoughts of Jaejoong.

He can’t avoid it forever, but he’s half hoping that Jaejoong gets over his crush- that id the irrational side of him. The rational side knows that it isn’t just a crush, it’s far more serious, and he doesn’t want it to go away.

Like the other three, Jaejoong comes out of the office in tears, but he’s also smiling. He actually hugs Minji before he leaves, which surprises Yunho for the sheer fact that Jaejoong doesn’t take to strangers very easily.

The ride back is much less awkward, although Jaejoong refuses to talk about what happened during his session- which Yunho assures him is fine.

“Although next time,” Yunho says seriously, “I’m just going to have you all bring schoolwork along and stay the four hours- this driving back and forth is ridiculous.”

Jaejoong laughs, holding his hand up to his mouth. Without thinking, Yunho reaches across and grabs Jaejoong’s wrist, lowering his arm.

“You shouldn’t hide your smile,” he says gently before returning his hands to the steering wheel.

When they get back to the house, Jaejoong holds him back from the door.

“I didn’t tell you because I wanted to pressure you into making a move,” Jaejoong says softly, wrapping his fingers around Yunho’s wrist. “I told you because I want you to know that I’m not going to let you go without a fight.”

Yunho raises an eyebrow and Jaejoong sighs. “I just mean that I’m not going to give up on you. I’m going to recover- physically and mentally- and become the kind of person who can have a long-lasting relationship with someone I love.”

Then Jaejoong hugs him- wrapping his arms around Yunho’s chest and leaning his head into his shoulder. When Jaejoong speaks again his voice is muffled, but Yunho understands him all the same, and his heart skips a beat.

“I’ll wait for you,” Jaejoong promises. “For as long as it takes.”

Yunho leans down and kisses the top of Jaejoong’s head. “I’ll wait for you too,” he echoes.