I sighed. Are there really no other words I can come up with? I wrote a letter for her every single day for four years now and the only thing I can write on it was a typical ‘how are you these days? Anything special?’. I’m seriously getting sick of myself for not being able to write a good letter for her. I mean, I’ve known her since childhood, and I’m her official best-est friend, and if I know any better, she likes the type of guys that writes letters that are so romantic, it would sound like a poem. Well, I’m definitely not one of those.

Okay, hey, where are my manners? Hello, my name is Oh Sehun, people call me Sehun. I’m a Korean guy, but I live in Manhattan, USA since four years ago to pursue my studies. If you ask me if it’s hard to leave my love ones behind, then the answer if a yes, it is hard to leave my family and friends behind. I missed them day after day and it’s starting to drive me crazy. But you know what, the one I missed the most wasn’t my parents or my siblings, no. if there’s one person I’m dying to see again, it’s Kee Minkyu, my best friend since childhood. Okay, yes, you’ve guessed it: I have something more for Minkyu. I don’t know, crush? Love? Whatever it is, it’s starting to get me crazier. I think anyone would agree with me that she was a wonderful girl; she was always cheerful, she was nice and polite, she was selfless, her pretty face just made me swoon, and plus, she cooks! A definition of a perfect wife.

But if there’s anything about her that’s freaking me out, it’s because she was a romanticist. Tell me anything that’s related to romantic myths: the red strings of fate or love at the first sight, she believed it all, and it’s creeping me out. Why? Because I’m kind of the exact opposite of those. I don’t believe myths, they’re ridiculous! but hey, I like her, no? and I would do anything to please her. Like what I’ve already done for four years, I’ve tried to write her a letter to show that I can be romantic too. And up until now, I’ve already written thousands of letters for her, but none of them seemed decent enough for me to send to her. Other than its typical contents and my horrible handwriting, the other reason why I didn’t want to send any of the letters was because I was afraid that she would see through the words and found out the real words I wanted to say to her: “I love you. Please be with me,”. But I can’t write that, can I? that would be suicide.

And right now, I’m starting to curse myself. Why didn’t I just call her? or send her an e-mail? Or even give her a video call? Why did I have to write poem-ish letters that turned out to be clearly trash-worthy when I know that I can’t even write a good one? how can I fall so hard for her that I denied my reality and science beliefs and turned myself into a romantic guy that believes in myths? I mean, I ignored the fact that I could’ve just used any modern gadgets to contact her, but all I did was writing horribly-written letters just to make her happy. And how did it end up again if you ask me? Well, since none of my letters are even worthy enough for a girl as wonderful as Minkyu to read, I never post it, and I ended up not having contacts with her, not once in these darned four years.

But hey, none of that matters now anyway, since I’m going back to Korea tomorrow, and I can finally meet my friends and family again. Well, her, specifically. After all, she was the one I missed most among all those I knew in South Korea. I missed her smile, I missed her voice, I missed her cheerful antics, I missed how she pouts at me, I missed hugging her, and I missed kissing her. that’s why I always wrote ‘XOXO, Oh Sehun’ at the end of every letter, because ‘X’ means kisses, and ‘O’ means hugs. But don’t get me wrong, I only kissed her on the hair or forehead, nothing more. Even though we did it mostly as friends or as a game, but a kiss is still a kiss, and all the hugs and kisses I gave to her held a meaning. It held my feelings for her. Maybe that’s why I missed doing it, because I know that she would never take it as anything serious, since she only saw me as her best friend and no more. Friend-zoned, if I can put it in that way. Even so, I would be more than glad if someday she would see me as something more.

‘An X is kiss for a soft kiss
An O is for a circled hug
Maybe you already know
Day by day, I secretly wrote you a letter
And that’s what I wrote at the end

Although I’ve never given it to you
How are you these days? Anything special?
Only those typical words pass through my head
Actually, my heart is deep, deeper than the sea
The words that I really want to say is be with me’

I threw myself to my bed after finishing another un-worthy letter for the day, and sighed. ‘is she mad at me?’ is the only thing in my head. To be honest, I wouldn’t know what the hell I am doing in life if se ever gets mad at me or worse, leave me. No, I just can’t imagine losing such a wonderful girl that shared the colors from her crayons of life with me. Well, it’s not gonna be her fault anyway if she ever did. After all, I’m the one who cut off our contacts just to practice writing poem-ish letters.

I dug my hands behind my head as I heaved another sigh. It has been my daily routine to reminiscence my memories abut Minkyu every night before going to bed, just so I won’t forget her. which I learned to be useless as I couldn’t forget about her anyway. Even after four years of having absolutely zero contact with her, I can still recall just how ‘all-about’ her always made my heart go for a stupid ‘thump’ ‘thump’ sound. I can still recall how she always tugged on me, and I can still recall how she can always talk comfortably with me and tell me what she couldn’t tell anyone else. Also, I can still recall how her smile looks different when it was addressed to me. I mean, I know that she had no idea about my crush on her, but somehow… just somehow, the way she smiled at me made me think “does she like me too?”. Okay, I know it’s stupid, but I couldn’t shake the thoughts off my head. Sometimes I just want to bang my head to the table, screaming “wake up from your freaking impossible dream, Oh Sehun!!!”.

Yeah, I know just too well that me and Minkyu are just way too impossible. Even so, my beliefs are often shaken… by her. remember how I told you how her smile looks different when it was addressed to me? Well, sometimes those particular smiles made me think on confessing to her. and oh, hey, I’m thinking about it right now.

Hey, really, should I? should I man-up and confess to her when I get back to Korea tomorrow? Should I just stop giving her hints that I liked her and just show her I love her through my actions? Should I tell her my real feelings? Yah, ANSWER ME!!!

‘When you’re with me, you seem so comfortable
You keep playing jokes on me
Every time you smile your white smile
Is your heart a yes or no?
Give me a sign, X or O
It’s no fun to wait

Should I take courage and tell you?
My ugly handwriting, this embarrassing letter
These four words are not enough
Like a man, I’ll show you through my actions’

it’s 7.45 in the evening. I’m already at the airport and my flight would be in another fifteen minutes. I’ve decided last night that I would confess to Minkyu. Yes or no as the answer, I try not to care. But still, I can feel my heart beat so fast right now. oh, come on, heart, stop already! I don’t want to embarrass myself in front of Minkyu later!

“passengers of Korean Air flight SK0445, please board the aircraft through gate 4 and 5,”

there you go, the speaker has spoke. I gulped, trying to ignore the speeding beat of my heart and just get my bag with me and got in line with the other passengers.

“calm down Sehunnie, calm down. This is all going to work. It’s all going to work,” I mumbled as I tried to calm myself down.

I threw myself onto my seat. Oh, it’s comfy, alright. I sighed. Wow, I can’t believe that I’m finally going back to Korea after four years! I wonder if anything has changed there while I’m gone. Meh, I might not notice it anyways, thanks to the continuous updates I always get from the internet. HA!

“good evening to all passengers on board. This is flight attendance Yoojin Choi speaking, and I welcome you all on board Korean Air flight SK0445 to South Korea. We will be flying 20,000 feet above sea level, and estimated time of flight is 14 hours and 29 minutes. To all passengers on board, please buckle your seatbelts because the plane is about to take off. Thank you,”

as soon as that flight attendance’s voice fade away, I can hear the sound of seatbelts clicking. I looked around me and saw that all the other passengers were all busy buckling their seatbelts. A flight attendance came to me and asked me to buckle mine. And so I followed as ordered. I don’ want to die on this plane before I meet Minkyu, would I? haha…

‘I want you, XO, I only have you
I only have you, I only have you
For you XO, accept me
Accept me, accept me

You’re dazzling, you’re in front of me
The moon shines in your half-closed and lovable eyes
I want to tell you that this is the beginning like whoa, let’s go
Baby every night’

all through the ride I didn’t know how many times I said “faster,” to the poor taxi driver. I’m sorry ahjusshi, but this is a love emergency!

And oh, I have never felt more relieved in my life as I got to my house. Well, Minkyu lived next door and it wouldn’t hurt if I go to her place first, right? Minkyu lived in this pretty little red house with a flower shop at the front, owned by her parents, where she often helped her older sister to work in.

Even though the sign already said ‘closed’, but I can still see that the lights were still on, so I know that somebody’s still there. I paid for the taxi and said my ‘thank you’s, and then I pulled my luggage with me as I slowly approached the flower shop. Closer and closer I went, and when I was close enough, I dumped my luggage to lean against the shop’s wall as I took a peek inside. It wasn’t very bright, but I can see clearly that the person still inside the shop was none other than Kee Minkyu.

I gulped as I braved myself to open the door and step into the flower shop. A small bell rang as I pushed the door open. Minkyu noticed my presence, but she didn’t know who I was yet

“I’m sorry customer, but were clo-…” her sentence was cut off after she saw just who exactly was by the door.

“Minkyu-yah… I’m home,” I greeted her. she stood still, wide eyed at the sight of me, her best friend that left her for his studies and had lose contact with her ever since.

“it’s me, Sehun,” I said as I tried to make her remember who I was. For goodness sake what is she?!

I took some steps closer to her. she didn’t move, her eyes examined my figure from head to toe. At the time she looked like she had seen a ghost. Which I’m not. But as I got close enough, I finally realized that a drop of tear was slowly forming in her eyes. She’s… crying?

“Minkyu-yah…” I said her name as I slowly reached my hand to hers.

“Se-Sehunnie?” she croaked out. A drop of tear finally rolled down her fair cheek. That had just melted my heart.

I nodded. At the time my hand was already touching hers. But to my surprise, she yanked it away.

“M-Minkyu?” she looked up at me, her face is now full of anger.

“HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME??!!” she screamed. I took my hand away. “what?”

“HOW COULD YOU JUST GO OFF AND LEAVE ME, THEN CUT OFF OUR CONTACT??!!” she was really mad.

“Minkyu-yah, I-I didn-…”

”DON’T YOU ’MINKYU-YAH’ ME, YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD!!!” she screamed again as she punched on my chest. I know she’s mad, and that I deserved it, so I just let her be. But I still can’t deny that my heart ached at what she just called me.

“how can you do that, Sehun, how? When you’re gone for so long, I… I…” with that, she broke into cries. I couldn’t take it anymore. This girl… this girl I love, is now crying because of me, because of my thoughtless act.

I pulled her hand as she continued to sob. I pulled her towards me and hugged her tight, reassuring her that I was once again there for her. she needs me now, but I don’t know what to do, so I just let her cry her heart out in my embrace.

‘When I fall asleep as I think of you (in my dreams)
I open my arms and into my warm (embrace)
I XOXO you, hold you in my arms XOXO
As much as I was nervous and earnest
My lips almost touch yours
I XOXO you, every day in my dreams XOXO

Give me XOXO L.O.V.E
You’re my XOXO L.O.V.E’

it’s almost midnight. we are now at the park where we used to play together when we were little. This park was me and Minkyu’s favorite place in the world. Before my departure to the USA, we often sit together here, side by side, chatting happily and comfortably. She would usually close her eyes to enjoy the wind’s breeze, and I would see that as a perfect chance to admire her perfectly sculpted features.

It’s been a long time since we last came here together. Maybe she did, but not me. But now, here we are again, sitting side by side again under the stars. All of these were highly similar to our routine back then before I left her. the only thing different about now is that she refused to close her eyes and enjoyed the breeze. When I asked her why, she only answered with

“I’m afraid you’ll leave me again if I close my eyes for a second,”

is there anybody who doesn’t find that cute? Even when I’ve assured her that I’ll be by her side for good, she didn’t believe me. And as a result, right now she’s sitting by my side, eyes half opened (it was obvious she was enduring her sleepiness). But it didn’t really make any major changes to her pretty face. I mean, I’ve always known that this girl was pretty, but I think she looked the absolute prettiest when she’s sitting under the night sky like this. Sometimes I even think that the moon liked her so much to always point its light to her, making her look like a goddess.

“I’m sorry,” I said out of the blue. She turned her head to my direction

“for what?”

“I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry for leaving you, and I’m sorry for cutting of contacts with you. I shouldn’t have, but I have my reasons,” I lowered my head. I didn’t dare to look to any direction other than the ground. I figured that she would be mad at me again, and I’m ready t receive another punch or maybe even a slap. But it never did come. The only thing I felt was a pair of silky smooth hands reaching to mine. No need to tell me, I know that it was Minkyu’s. I looked up only to meet her calm eyes and a soft smile on her lips.

“no need to be sorry. I understand,” she said. Oh goodness, how can there ever be a girl like this in this rotten world?

I pushed my lips together as she let go of my hand and started trying to stay awake again.

“don’t you want to know why?” I asked.

“hmm?”

“don’t you want to know why I never call you or send you and e-mail or anything like that?” she went confused. I bet she was thinking about the same thing I did; about why she didn’t question me.

“I-…” she tore her eyes off me “I… don’t know…” I smiled. I cupped her face with my hands and made her face me

“because I like you, babo,” I can see her eyes widen. Hah, looks like she’s not sleepy anymore. But it didn’t last long as a few seconds later she knitted her brows together in confusion

“what does that have to do with not contacting me?” she said. Okay, I put the words wrongly.

“it was because I like you, that I’ve been practicing to write a love letter for you all these four years,” her eyes widen again “it was because I like you that I tried to be the kind of romantic guy you’d like, and it was because of you I didn’t want to send any of the letters because I didn’t feel like any of them were good enough to send to a wonderful girl like you,”

honestly, my heart was beating very fast, but I don’t have any time to care about that right now.

“but you know what? None of that matters now, right? I figured that I don’t need you to like me as an opposite , I just need you to not hate me. I’ll take the friend zone anytime if that’s the only way I can be by your side,”

her expressions calmed down, and it started to creep me. Was she agreeing to the ‘friend zone’ thing?

Suddenly, she chuckled. Wow man, that’s terrifying. What’s up with her now?

“M-Minkyu?” I called. Oh goodness, what if she got possessed?

Luckily, she looked up at me with those tender eyes after she heard her name. thank God she’s not possessed.

“I’m sorry… I just…” then she chuckled again “I just laughed at the fact that I’m not the only stupid one here,” then it’s my turn to get confused.

“what?”

“I’ve been hinting you since the first year of highschool! I like you too, Oh Sehun, I really do. I like you not because you’re a romantic guy, but because of who you are, okay?” my jaw dropped. She likes me too? Oh damn damn damn, pinch me, PINCH ME!!!

“so don’t ever try to be romantic again, it doesn’t suit you, AND it will only be an inside torture for you. I don’t want my boyfriend to be uncomfortable,” awww… she cared about me! She-… wait, WHAT??!!

“ ‘boyfriend’? are we dating now?” I questioned. She chuckled again, and then she smiled. That smile that always succeeded to make me believe that she liked me. That smile that always made me confused about her answer: yes or no. but now, it’s all crystal clear. She had said ‘yes’, and nothing can ruin my happiness now, not even if the death angel is here to take my life.

And in less than a minute, I did something I had wanted to do since… ever!

I leaned closer to her and gave her a peck in the lips. She was startled, but then she held my head so I won’t pull away. I only intended to peck her lips at first, but if my girlfriend want to do something more to remember in this historical night, I couldn’t and wouldn’t resist now, would I?

I encircled my arms around her waist and pulled her closer, while she put her hands around my neck. We pulled each other close as we respond to each other’s soft gesture. Our lips molded together in harmony, and so did our hearts. And at that time, I’ve finally achieved my prayers for four years: is to kiss and hug her, like now.

epilogue: (author’s POV :D)

“hey, Sehun,”

“hmm?”

“I’m curious, what is it that you wrote in your letters that are so horrible that you didn’t even dare to send them to me?” she asked. Sehun smiled at her.

“you really want to know?” Minkyu nodded her head vigorously, and then clapped her hand in joy like a little girl as Sehun pulled a letter out from his pocket.

“I’ve brought this one with me just in case you ask me what the letters looks like. And now you did,” Minkyu nodded again “I’m sorry, but this was the best one I could find among my writings,”

Sehun took her hand and put the letter in her hold. Minkyu’s eyes sparkled as she read the letter, but her eyebrows twitched as she got to the end of the letter.

“ ‘XOXO, Oh Sehun’? what does that mean?”  Sehun smiled sheepishly at the question

“ that.. uhm… ‘XOXO’ means ‘hugs and kisses’… I know it’s a bit cheesy, but-..”

“OH MY GOSH THAT IS SO SWEET!!!!” she squealed, a reaction Sehun had not seen coming. In daily basis, she would laugh or , but apparently not today.

Sehun raised his shoulders.

“whatever you say…”

Minkyu grinned widely at him. Outside of his knowledge, a mischievous glint appeared in her eyes.

“Sehun-ah…”

“what?”

“I’m curious…”

“about what?” he suddenly got interested

“about what your friends will say if the found out that you wrote this kind of letter to a girl!”

and with that, she ran away, far far away from his sight.

“w-WAIT, KEE MINKYU!!!!!!”