Changmin struggled with finding ways to do anything with Mihyun. Everything they did had to be in secrecy and he was getting tired of it.

Their 300 days date had been spent in less than ideal conditions. Mihyun had suggested eating a cake at a bakery, but seconds after they bought it, fans were piling outside the window. Once they escaped, the next best option was a counter at a convenience store. The photos of them at the bakery spread quickly and it wasn’t long before they started speculating about Mihyun’s identity. His company managed to calm the wild rumors by saying that she was just a staff member.

Tonight, they were on a “driving date” which involved driving under the night lights of Seoul. Changmin’s grip on the wheel was anything but relaxed and he knew Mihyun could sense his unease.

Finally, when he couldn’t take it anymore, he pulled over and turned off the engine. They were in front of an empty park and it annoyed him even more that the park lights were off; it was that late in the night.

She waited for him to speak and he did so without meeting her eyes.

“I hate this,” he began, bracing for the worst and yet knowing that she would not explode on him. He closed his eyes and continued, “It’s so hard for us to meet and when we do, something always goes wrong. The other night when all I wanted was to take you on a drive along the river…it was just a drive!” He gripped the steering wheel, wanting to wrench it in frustration but the hard plastic held.

He knew what she was going to say before she even said it. “I’m sorry about the other night…”

“Don’t be sorry!” he nearly shouted. “It’s not your fault, those goddamn monsters just won’t leave me alone and now they’re going to hunt you down too.”

She took a shaky breath and said, “I’m sorry this isn’t working out…and for tonight, I just wanted to see you before your schedule became hectic again.”

He risked looking at her and found the tired, pale face smiling genuinely back at him.

“I don’t want you to get hurt. You shouldn’t have to endure this. This…this is not the right time for me, even though I want it to be. I can’t let you go through this for me…” the words came out and even the growing pained expression on her face couldn’t stuff them back down. How could he be this cruel? Why can’t he appreciate the sacrifices I’ve made for him? Those kinds of questions must be making their way toward her lips.

Instead, “If I told you that I never minded would you believe me?” she didn’t let him answer though. “This relationship is bad timing for both of us huh? I’m sorry, Changmin…”

“Please don’t be…” Her now formal and carefully crafted words stabbed at him, telling him just how deep the damage was. “I’m the one who’s sorry. I just don’t want you to get hurt and I don’t want you to endure any of it…”

“It’s getting late. Maybe you can drop me off at the next bus stop?” And that was the end of it; there was no way he could take those words back.

“Let me take you home.”

“It’s in the opposite direction as yours,” and when he was about to protest further, she added, “It’ll be a paparazzi fest if they catch us.” Not wanting to press the issue, he silently obliged, driving her to the closest bus stop to her house as she would allow and sending her off. He immediately drove off when they had said their good-byes but the realization that it may have been the last time that he dropped her off hit him full force in the chest. He hadn’t even hugged her as they normally did.

Speeding and weaving through the lanes, he did a complete circle around the block and barely caught sight of her stepping onto the green and yellow bus. He sped up so that the right passenger side windows were within his view. And there she was, eyes closed and leaning against the window. She stayed this way until the bus dropped her off a block from her condo complex.

He drove along the opposite side of the curb. If she was trying not to cry, she was doing a terrible job. Tears rolled down her cheek and she was either too tired or didn’t care to brush them off. He gripped his wheel as he watched her drag a weary arm across her face. Finally, he parked the car and just as he had gathered the resolve to walk over there, she spotted him. He froze with his fingers around the door handle. Now what?

She crossed the street and he had no choice but to step out to meet her. They were already dry on her face but her eyes were still wet and pink.

“I’m going to be fine. This is natural,” she pointed to her eyes, all the while mustering a smile.

“I just wanted to make sure you got home safely…” he said.

“Thanks,” she made to leave but he had opened his arms. She stepped back. “I’m sorry. I can’t. Good night.” She nearly ran across the street and disappeared behind the gate. He slipped back into his car and leaned back on the seat, frustrated that he understood why. She wasn’t allowing him to linger on something he had made such a harsh decision on. She was doing this for him.

“Changmin, I thought you were out with your friend,” Yunho’s voice barely made it through the loud chatter in the background. Changmin sighed silently and quickly told him to not bother and enjoy his time out with his friends.

By the time Yunho returned that night, Changmin was sleeping with his head on his arms on the dining table. When Yunho attempted to drag him to his room, he woke and managed to slur out, “I didn’t want to do this…I did it for her own good. How can…how can she cry when I did this because I like her so much?”

Yunho was tucking a blanket around him, but he paused when he realized what Changmin meant. “You broke up with Mihyun?”

“I didn’t want her to get hurt! But she was…devastated, hyung…you should have seen her…”

“Because she loves you more…” Yunho said in a scolding voice. “Haven’t you ever thought about that possibility? You didn’t even consider her feelings. You basically told her you couldn’t handle it anymore.”

“What are you talking about?! I told her I was doing it because I didn’t want her to suffer.” Changmin wasn’t as drunk as Yunho had expected, but he was drunk nevertheless.

“If you didn’t, you would’ve done something to protect her. What you did was not protecting her. It was to hurt her.” Yunho walked out, leaving Changmin to wallow in his drunkenness. Why did he have to be right all the time?