“Hey Am, are you going with us?” my bestfriend asked me as the classes for today finally ended. My group of friends decided to go and hangout after class since it’s Friday, but I have to decline.

“Nah… I have to study because the finals are coming. You guys better start studying too. It’s not good to cram during the exams.”

“You’re no fun, Am. Just study after your part-time job or tomorrow. You have to loosen up a bit and enjoy life, you know?” He urged me. “Tch! Come on… is she more important to you now than us? She doesn’t even know you.” He said before blowing his bangs up.

“Key, you know that it’s not the reason right? Well, not exactly.”

“See? You know, if you’ve already made your move to… What’s her name again?”

“Soojung…” I mumbled, as I dipped my head and hid my flushed face. Dang, how can I blush so easily just by saying her name?

“What did you say lover ‘boy’?” Key teased as he put his ear closer to my face. As if he didn’t hear. As if he doesn’t know THE Krystal Jung Soojung, who was adored by a lot of guys and girls, including me.

But… It’s just a crush you know? My first ever crush.

I then looked around and just my luck, she suddenly passed by the door of our classroom, and Key being the bestfriend that he is, suddenly yelled, “What?! You like Jung Soojung?!”

And it called her attention in an instant.

Oh.

My.

God.

I immediately ran towards the wall and hid myself before mouthing to Key, who’s now looking innocent and pretending like he’s not the one who shouted, “What in the heck are you doing?”

I was in a panic mode and my heart has been beating so fast knowing that Soojung is standing just opposite this wooden floor, until I heard her friend say, “Let’s go Soojung. Don’t mind those guys,” and heard their footsteps leaving.

I heaved a deep sigh of relief before running towards Key and smacked his head really hard.

“Yah! What was that for?” He whined.

“What WAS that for?” I asked him back.

“I’m just helping you out there, Am.”

“Aish… Well FYI, you’re not helping. I almost died out there.”

“Why are you so afraid of? You’ve always been like her shadow, stalking her everyday.”

“I am not stalking her. It just so happen that she’s living in the same block as me and that I’m worried with her going to and from the school alone.”

“Talk to the hand, Amber. You have so many reasons when it comes to your cowardice. Be a ‘man’ and at least introduce yourself. Don’t be such a creep.” He said before picking up his bag and motioned to leave.

“I’m still mad at you, you know?” I muttered under my breath but enough for him to hear.

“I’m also mad at you, Amber. If you’re not going to make a move, just forget your little crush about Ms. Popular and play the ‘friend’ role not just for me, but for the whole group as well. You’re so busy being ‘Mr.’ Bodyguard of the Princess. We miss our friend too.” He told me as he looked into my eyes deeply and seriously before turning around and left me dumbfounded.

He’s right. I’ve been too busy with this little crush of mine, but I don’t do anything with it. After classes, I secretly walk Soojung home, carefully hiding or sometimes walking a few feet behind her just not to freak her out. I’m just worried about her… yeah… I care for her. She’s been my crush since the first day of high school and I couldn’t have been any happier when I discovered that she’s just living in the same block as me.

Summer after my first year in high school, I decided to get a part time job, and I was beyond happy when I saw her and her sister walk into the restaurant, where I’m working at. That was also where I discovered that she loves beef, and that restaurant’s beef was one of her favorites. Having a chance that I’ll be able to see her there aside from school, I continued my part time job in that place.

I remembered what Key told earlier and it made me chortle a bit. ‘Mr.’ Bodyguard of the Princess he said.

Looking at the girl walking a few feet away from me, I asked myself, will I really be contented to be walking just behind her like this, always hiding not just my body but also my feelings?

And if I decide to step up, will she ever take time to look at me or talk to me? Will she ever notice me?

---------------------------------

I kept on thinking on how to approach this song. Should I take it literally as a shadow falling in love with the owner of the shadow? Or should I take it as a someone, who's like a shadow/stalker? I went with the second one since the idea of the album is first love. Well this story isn't exactly first love, but more of a crush or like (because they say, if a crush lasts for more than two months, it's no longer crush LOL).

And if you have a crush on someone, isn't it a fact that you would do anything just to be next or at least near your crush? You'd watch him or her from afar and gets all giddy inside whenever your crush smiles even if it's not towards you. And then you'll be like a ninja or a reporter since you somehow finds a way on where he/she is, what he/she is doing, etc, which scares and weirds out most of your friends. And that my friends, is how a psycho stalker is born. As long as admiring that person doesn't get in between your life in general, then there'll be no problem.

Amber here is starting to be like a shadow in a sense that she's starting to be the "person, who likes Krystal Jung" and is slowly losing her own personality as Amber Liu.

I think this is also my message to some fans out there who'll be able to somehow read this. It's fine to admire people. Actually in a sense, the words "idolize" and "idol" is not that acceptable to me because of some religious roots. I just don't like the word because it makes others (devout religious) that we're like worshipping the kpop idols. But let the kpop idols inspire you through their hardwork. They're people too and it's crazy if you live for them. As Shim Changmin said to a fan, "Don't live for us." They are humans too, and it just so happened that they have entertaining talents.

And then I read in a social site where there's a conversation of some fans hating on someone for being close to their bias and then someone said, "The things that love do..." That my friend, is not love, but possessiveness. Darn, that person is scary to be a boy/girlfriend. *shivers*

I love the girls especially Krystal, I admit that. Sure I drool over her and I really admire her beauty, but at the end of the day, I never stopped worrying for her like a little sister. That's how I love her, and Sulli, and Amber, and Luna... Well Vic is older than me ;P

Alright, if you want to talk to me more about some random things and life, you can PM me anytime. ;P I like having conversations with people and just exchange ideas. Who knows, I might also help you with your homeworks. LOL Enough of this babbles.

P.S. Exam week is done so I'm back to my daily routine, and I'm afraid that I might be busy again. I'll try my best to make time for this and TOP SPEED.

And please do pray that I'll pass Ophthalmology. (TT___TT)